Over the Edge and Through the Wall

Over the Edge and Through the Wall
Chapter Three: Rejection-the mother of All Head Fucks

Exiting the alley was a task preformed on auto-pilot. Sasuke’d carefully stepped over the still sluggishly bleeding body and moved forward at Ibiki’s insistence without thinking. His brain was still having trouble getting kick-started. He felt like if he could just get a minute to catch his breath then he would be ok, but he couldn’t seem to get his racing mind to slow down enough to keep up with normal involuntary functions. Things were getting hazy, the alley disappeared and the world shifted to swirling clouds of black and white and Sasuke’s thoughts lost the edge of reality and adopted the flair of the half-crazed.

He could feel the sweat breaking out on his forehead, he could hear his racing heart, but the only thing that seemed to be processed and penetrate the haze of his panic was that he really hadn’t gotten away after all. All these years he had been patting himself on the back, congratulating himself for outsmarting the great Orochimaru. The man who’d spent five years torturing Sasuke. But it had all been a lie. He wasn’t really better than Orochimaru; he’d only managed to give himself a head start.

The inevitable confrontation was coming, and it would happen soon. But Sasuke couldn’t manage to get a hold on his wildly flaring panic long enough to prepare himself for it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he needed to calm down; he just didn’t know if he possessed the skills within himself to get the job done. But it seemed that he didn’t need to be concerned with that in the long run.

As Ibiki led the shell-shocked young man toward the mouth of the alley, he knew that he couldn’t have the teen walking through the streets of such a rough neighborhood looking like a frightened rabbit. So he leaned over and hissed, “Get it together,” in the boy’s ear. Sasuke stiffened at the command, but then it seemed as if the tension in him melted away. Ibiki watched as the brunette literally took a deep breath and then calmed himself.

Ibiki’s words penetrated Sasuke’s consciousness quickly. As soon as they sunk in, the teen found his body had already begun to obey the order. His panic faded and his agile mind locked it away to be explored later, while he pulled his customary control back around him like a blanket. As they stepped out into the street once more, the familiar smirk that either infuriated people or made them piss their pants had found a home on his lips once again. Sasuke marveled at Ibiki’s ability to calm him with a single sentence. His body, it seemed, was already hard wired to obey commands issued by the man without question.

The walk to the car was conducted in silence. Sasuke didn’t pay attention to his surroundings, but his thoughts were no longer racing on the circular track his brain had erected to house his feelings about Orochimaru. His attention was focused squarely on the man walking beside him. For the first time Sasuke noticed how large he was. In the office, he’d noticed how well built he’d been, but while sitting across the room, the man’s sheer size hadn’t had the chance to impress him. But now, walking side by side, Sasuke was made fully aware of how Ibiki dwarfed him.

Which only made his hard on return with a vengeance. Mental imagery of Ibiki towering over him doing various cruel and wicked things to a bound and helpless Sasuke assaulted the brunette. He’d always been a sucker for tall men. In the past it was because even though he knew he could physically overpower all of his partners, if they were tall, then it at least lent an air of credibility to the fantasy that Sasuke was a frightened helpless virgin. But this man probably could actually overpower Sasuke and force him to do anything he desired. The reality of that hit Sasuke full force and he almost staggered with the intensity of his desire to test Ibiki’s strength.

He ignored the urge to throw himself at Ibiki. This wasn’t the time or place, but Sasuke could guarantee that he would find an appropriate time and place for him to do so in the very near future. He wasn’t looking forward to the coming car ride that he would have to endure. The ride up here had been comfortable, discussing parameters and details for Sasuke’s upcoming mission. But now there was little for them to discuss, or at least little that Sasuke was comfortable openly discussing, and the two of them would only sit there in silence while the sexual tension between them grew thick enough to cut with a machete.

Sasuke climbed into the car with a whole lot of grace and calm he did not feel when they reached the black sedan. He wasn’t about to let the man open his door again, because then he couldn’t have guaranteed that he wouldn’t jump on him and beg him to do dirty, painful things to him. As predicted, Ibiki climbed in without a word, and Sasuke felt his breathing pick up slightly at the man’s nearness in such a confined space.

After a block or two of silently sitting and suffering from extreme sexual frustration, the teen figured that Ibiki wasn’t going to break the silence. He knew he was going to be responsible for getting things moving, if something was ever going to be said during this ride, and his mind immediately latched onto a topic that had been subtly tickling the back of his mind anyway.

“So go ahead, I know you’ve been holding back for my sake, but you can bust my ass for killing that guy now.” Ibiki looked over at Sasuke after he had finished speaking, and wondered where the teen was going with this. He more than likely wanted Ibiki’s approval for killing someone he was not assigned to and didn’t know how to go about getting it. So the scarred man simply smiled enigmatically and said, “It’s fine, there’s no way anyone will place us there when they find the body.”

Sasuke bit down on the growl that was threatening to escape his throat. He was expecting anger, or a lecture on control and poise, he’d seen the emotions playing across Ibiki’s handsome face after he’d pulled the trigger. After the rush of killing the man had worn off, Ibiki’s displeasure had become forefront in his mind. He didn’t want this man to be dissatisfied with him in any way. He knew that the feelings were there, and he was still contemplating how to provoke the man into revealing how he truly felt about it when Ibiki spoke again.

“Just give it a rest will you? I’m really not mad, and even if I was what difference would it make? It’s over and done with. Just let it go Sasuke.” Ibiki had thought that it would have been the right thing to say, but Sasuke’s mumbled “Fuck you too then,” made him rethink his assessment. But it didn’t matter; at least the younger man seemed to be back to his usual self, for which Ibiki was eternally grateful for.

Sasuke stared out the window for a while. His failed attempt at conversation had not only pissed him off, but had calmed his raging erection. The changing scenery outside allowed him to calm himself more fully and the way the seedier, dirty parts of the city began to give way to the more upscale neighborhoods was a good metaphor for the way his mind let go and moved past the seedier, dirty parts of his life. He felt a sense of release and cleansing, feelings he hadn’t experienced in quite some time.

He could have lost himself in staring out the window for the remainder of the ride if he hadn’t noticed the direction they were going after making a few turns. They weren’t heading toward Ibiki’s office, back in the industrial district; they were heading to the residential side of town. “Where are we going?” Sasuke asked. “I’m taking you home. I didn’t want you driving after everything that had happened today.”

Ibiki’s words hit Sasuke like a punch to the gut. On the one hand he was touched that the man cared enough for him to take him home and make sure that everything was fine. But a larger, louder part of his brain was shouting in panic that this man could read him well enough to know that he’d needed the small consideration. That meant that Ibiki was already too close. True, he was considering ways to get Ibiki to take him to bed, and for Sasuke that meant something totally different than the romantic connotations it held for most others. He wanted Ibiki to possess his body and he wanted to give the older man his submission, a truly intimate gift, but he wasn’t prepared for these other rushes of emotion the man inspired.

He hadn’t been prepared for the man to be so kind, for him to know so much about Sasuke already, for him to be providing Sasuke with things he needed without even asking. The implications of that stunned Sasuke and scared him breathless. Being with this man would be like playing with fire, it held the potential to burn him badly. He knew now, that his emotions would get so wrapped up around the sex that the two would become indistinguishable, that he would read things into Ibiki’s actions that wouldn’t be there, and then he’d be hurt. He knew now that he would fall in love with this man, and while his mind was screaming at him to get the fuck out of there before things got even more complicated, he just wasn’t strong enough to resist Ibiki’s pull.

Things began to solidify for Sasuke then; he knew that when Ibiki brought him home, he would offer the man sex, in whatever capacity he wanted. He hoped that Ibiki would understand his need to be dominated and that those needs would be mirrored by his own need to dominate, but even if the sex was vanilla, it would at least be a start. But he had to convince Ibiki that there was something between them. He had to make the man understand why Sasuke’s desire had built up to almost become desperation; he had to make him see what he did to Sasuke.

The remainder of the ride passed in silence yet again while Sasuke quietly schemed a way to make Ibiki come up to his door. But all of the planning was unnecessary, because after parking, the older man simply got out and walked around to open Sasuke’s door. Sasuke’s shock was great enough that he didn’t even register the fact that Ibiki had continued with the damn door opening. Once he’d closed the door behind the teen, Ibiki again remained silent as he started walking toward the apartment building’s entrance.

Once again Sasuke was oblivious to his surroundings as he followed Ibiki to the elevator that would take him to his penthouse apartment. His only concern was for the man beside him and how to seduce him. During the elevator ride, there were a few other residents occupying the space that got off on various floors, but that didn’t stop Sasuke from getting another erection at Ibiki’s nearness and the thought of what they could be doing together in just a few short minutes. Sasuke willed the elevator to move faster once the last occupant besides himself and Ibiki stepped off.

They reached his door, and he pulled out his key quickly. After opening the door, he simply stepped aside in invitation. Ibiki apparently understood Sasuke’s need to communicate without words and accepted the invitation, brushing against the brunette in the process. Sasuke closed the door and considered the man across from him with a critical eye. He wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed now that he’d gotten the man inside.

Ibiki was simply staring at him, politely waiting for some sort of clue as to why he’d been invited in. Surely the man couldn’t be that dense, he had to know that Sasuke wanted him. Why did he insist on making it more difficult for the teen? Sasuke removed his jacket and put it on the hook by the door, knowing that doing so would reveal his erection. As he turned back to face Ibiki, the man’s eyes zeroed in on his crotch and Sasuke watched his eyes narrow a bit in lust.

Honesty was probably going to be the best form of attack here. He figured the stoic man would appreciate it. So he started by stating the obvious, “I want you.” Ibiki’s mouth tightened to a thin line, and then he started to respond, “Sasuke…” he began in a warning tone. Ahh yes, the obligatory resistance. Sasuke had known it was coming. He walked forward then, stopping only inches from Ibiki and placed his hands on the hard chest in front of him. He tilted his head back flirtatiously and whispered, “Don’t argue with me on this, you know as well as I do that things would be good between us.”

Ibiki remained motionless, making no move to draw Sasuke closer or to push him away, and Sasuke counted that as a partial victory before the man responded. “Things? What things between us Sasuke?” Sasuke fisted his hands in the fabric of Ibiki’s shirt then and purred, “Sex… sex would be good between us Ibiki.” Ibiki’s face twisted into a cruel smirk then and he answered, “What if I’m not interested in things that are only good?”

Sasuke pressed close then, making their bodies meet flush down his entire length. The new position allowed Sasuke to notice that Ibiki wasn’t as unaffected by him as he wanted to pretend. The evidence of his interest was pressed firmly against Sasuke’s abs. “Then I’ll just have to make sure that the sex is fantastic then.” Sasuke purred. Lust flared in Ibiki’s eyes then, but his voice was cool and detached when he answered, “This can’t happen between us, for a lot of reasons, the least of which being that you have no idea what you’re even asking for.” Sasuke knew he was losing Ibiki then, and he decided something more serious was needed when he felt the man tensing up to pull away.

“Please.” The word hung in the air, and Ibiki shuddered with the force of its impact. He couldn’t form a response, the only thing his mind could do was repeat the sound over and over again as he looked down at the needy, vulnerable expression on Sasuke’s face. He’d been half-hard before, but now he could hammer nails with his erection, and the effort it was taking not to throw the boy to the floor and fuck him was making him shake and breathe heavily. He needed space between them. He needed to be able to take a deep breath. He needed for the brunette to not be so goddamned sexy.

Sasuke was biting his lower lip now, along with rubbing his erection against Ibiki’s thigh. Little bursts of pleasure accompanied the action, but they were being ignored; Sasuke was panicking. Ibiki was going to say no, Sasuke could feel it. He couldn’t let the larger man say no. He had to think of a way to convince him that this was what they both needed. He could see the way his vulnerability and submissiveness excited the man. He was now convinced that Ibiki needed Sasuke as much as Sasuke needed him.

“Anything. Anything you want from me you can have.” Sasuke whispered in a low, husky voice. Ibiki’s erection throbbed at the tone until the words actually sunk in. How many had said that to him before? They didn’t mean it, before he’d barely even gotten started they’d begged him to stop and for it to be over. And not sexy, playful begging either; it had been real, fearful begging. The words themselves as well as memories of those other past failures gave Ibiki the strength to pull away from the tempting brunette.

“Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.” Ibiki snarled at Sasuke. As soon as he was released Sasuke fell to his knees, crawling forward, he placed his hands on Ibiki’s thighs and leaned forward to rub his face against his crotch. Ibiki’s hand shot out and pulled Sasuke away from him by the hair. Sasuke’s pupils dilated as if he’d been drugged with the sensation of pain, and the moan he let out was real and unfiltered. God yes, this was what he needed, they weren’t even naked yet and Ibiki had him forgetting to censor his responses.

The brunette had forgotten himself momentarily, but he immediately snapped back to the task when he realized that Ibiki still hadn’t made any other movements. He still hadn’t convinced his scarred warrior. He licked his lips and then murmured, “I’m an Uchiha, I always keep my promises.” The fist in his hair pulled tighter, arching his neck at an even more unnatural angle, and Sasuke moaned again.

Those moans were threatening to break Ibiki. So the boy was a pain slut and fancied himself a submissive, it wouldn’t take Ibiki long at all to prove him wrong, but the knowledge certainly made the teen harder to resist, the pretty, slutty ones were always his undoing. Ibiki knew he needed to get the hell out of this apartment before he decided that it was a good idea to show Sasuke just how wrong he was about being a true submissive.

Ibiki could see the signs in the boy, he wasn’t ready for what he thought he wanted. Maybe someday he would make someone a beautiful, perfect submissive; but it wouldn’t be Ibiki, and it wouldn’t be today. Ibiki had no doubt that the boy could handle the pain and would submit to it beautifully, he was a Hidden Village assassin after all, but it was the mental submission that Sasuke would struggle with. His damn pride would keep getting in the way. Even now, when he was convinced that Ibiki was going to say no, he still fought for this not out of true need, but out of the desire not to fail at something.

Sasuke simply wasn’t strong enough to give Ibiki the things he needed. He’d been hurt too much, his mind was too fragile. Sure he was capable of shutting off his emotions, and he’d survived a lot more mentally crushing situations in his nineteen years than most people did in their lifetimes, but he’d only survived, he hadn’t healed. Sasuke was always on the verge of a breakdown, and his reaction to all of this mess with Orochimaru just proved it. His mind was always threatening to spin out of control and slip away from him, and it was only his stubborn pride and his determined control that held it together.

Being a submissive would mean that he’d have to give up that pride and let go of his control. Sasuke’s sense of self-preservation (which was unusually strong, even for an assassin) would definitely protest the action, and he’d either not be able to submit totally, or he would and he’d lose himself in subspace forever. And that was what scared Ibiki the most. He was pretty confident that he could get Sasuke to follow him to that dark place where his desires lurked, he just wasn’t sure either of them had what it would take for him to lead the teen back out. Which was a risk Ibiki couldn’t take.

Beside the fact that Kakashi would stuff and mount his balls for harming the boy he was as protective of as a son, he needed Sasuke. He needed him mentally healthy and fully functioning on all cylinders. The nineteen year old phenomenon had the highest mission success rate in Hidden Village if Ibiki didn’t include himself and Kakashi, and that meant he also made the most money and got sent on the most complicated assignments. A mental breakdown would be bad for business.

Which were the reasons Ibiki’s mind latched on to for pushing the boy away from him. As he watched Sasuke scramble to his feet, he stubbornly refused to acknowledge the part of himself that reminded Ibiki it was for his own self-preservation that he denied the boy as well. He couldn’t afford to admit how much Sasuke rattled his control and tempted him. He needed to stay focused on logic. Logic had always been Ibiki’s friend; he’d never fared well with emotion.

Sasuke scowled when Ibiki roughly shoved him away. Getting to his feet, he was preparing to launch into another precisely planned attack, sure to target the weaknesses in the man’s defenses his previous actions had uncovered. But before he could move or open his mouth, Ibiki was speaking. “We can’t do this Sasuke, and you know it. You think you can handle what I have to give you, but you’re not prepared for what it really means to be mine. Give this up. Get some sleep. You have to leave for California in six hours, that wouldn’t have been enough time to break you anyway.”

Ibiki knew it made him look like a coward, but he fled then. He rushed out of the door and away from the apartment, and he didn’t let himself stop until he’d reached his car. He’d needed to put space between himself and Sasuke, but now that he had it, he wasn’t so sure that it would be enough. He leaned against the door of the car and rested his head on the roof. The metal had been slightly warmed by the sun and the heat seeped into his skin and gave him a strange sense of comfort.

He didn’t know what to do now. He was fairly sure that the determined Uchiha would try to seduce him again, but it wouldn’t be a serious attempt. He hoped that what he’d said would strike a nerve with the teen; he hoped that he’d realize that Ibiki just wasn’t capable of giving him what he wanted. He wasn’t sure what had brought on the sure of lust on Sasuke’s part anyway, what had made the teen think that Ibiki was worth pursuing? Ibiki needed to regain his composure, and fast, because while he knew the reasons that it made no sense for he and Sasuke to pursue a relationship, even if it was only sexual, he wasn’t sure he could deny the boy’s next round of advances.

He straightened his spine then and climbed into the car. Only to be assaulted with the scent of Sasuke clinging to the interior. God in heaven, what had he ever done to incur such cruelty from the fates? He needed help, he couldn’t do this anymore. Even now, after he’d mentally run through all the ways in which Sasuke could dice his heart up into little pieces if he gave in, he still wanted to run back up to the teen’s apartment, chain him to the bed, and give him a proper send-off to California.

He picked up his cell phone and dialed. If anyone could cool his libido and remind him of why he had to be careful with the fragile boy, then Kakashi could. He knew his Second viewed the boy as his son, and he needed to report in on their meeting anyway. As soon as his oldest friend picked up and his smooth voice filtered through the line, Ibiki felt calm return. Kakashi tried to sound indifferent, but he couldn’t hide his concern from Ibiki, and that raw emotion withered his erection and allowed him to cling to enough stability to manage the drive home.

***

Sasuke barely avoided crumpling to the floor before Ibiki let himself out of the door, but just barely. As soon as the man was gone though, he let himself go boneless. The floor beneath him felt solid, and the breaking teen felt grateful for that. At least something in his life right now felt solid and stable. Ibiki had rejected him. The man of his dreams, the man he was already far too attached to for his own comfort, had turned him down. This was unfamiliar territory for Sasuke, no one had ever rejected him, and he couldn’t figure out why.

Ibiki had said that Sasuke wasn’t prepared to belong to him. What had he meant by that? Sasuke was fully prepared to let someone own him. He’d been desperately searching for someone to do just that. How could Ibiki think that he wasn’t ready for what was growing between them? How could he deny the attraction that had turned in to need in just a few short hours? Did he think Sasuke did this kind of thing every day? Didn’t he know how special to the teen he already was?

Christ this hurt. He hadn’t known that it would matter to him this much what Ibiki’s response was. That meant that Sasuke was already starting to fall. That he was already losing his footing and falling over the edge into something. He just didn’t know what. It could have been love, but it just as easily could have been madness. Obsession was a dangerous thing for someone as unstable as he was right now, and the brunette strongly suspected he was deep in the throes of the disease.

Everything was cracking and fracturing, and Sasuke couldn’t find it within himself to care. He couldn’t summon the will to pull himself back together. He couldn’t manage the effort it would take to get thoughts of Ibiki out of his head. He’d fallen so far that he didn’t even care about Orochimaru anymore. His former guardian could walk right through his unlocked door and either kill him or haul him off, whatever his preference, and Sasuke wouldn’t even have the heart to resist. Everything he’d managed to scrape together for himself since escaping Orochimaru’s clutches was gone anyway, what difference did anything make now anyway?

Sasuke wanted to get up and go to the bathroom. He wanted to take the hottest shower he could stand. He wanted the stinging pain in his skin to envelop him and burn away the hurt he was feeling. He wanted the water to run down his naked body and touch him in all the places he longed for Ibiki’s touch, cleansing the need for sensation from him. He wanted the strong scent of his high-priced shampoo to invade his senses and replace the scent of the scarred man that was clinging to Sasuke. He wanted to get up, but he didn’t have the strength, Sasuke laid there broken and alone, wishing he knew how to forget the feel of being in Ibiki’s arms.


A/N: Uhh…this came out a LOT more angsty than I intended. I tried everything I could think of to whip it into shape, but it just kept coming back to this dark, depressing place. But I kind of like it, it’s really intense. The only thing I’m worried about is that it makes Sasuke seem like some whiny bitch. Because he’s not, just everybody remember that he’s still totally capable of kicking some serious ass ok. Anyway… moving on, the next update will be one of my oneshots. I’ve decided it will be Zabuza. There was a tie with the votes and so I decided to break the tie with my own vote, and I voted for Zabuza because his story is a little less emotional and more action. I’m a little burnt out with these draining angsty chapters, and the subsequent update for this will be even more depressing. Yep kiddies, that’s right, this one will get a whole lot worse for our poor Sasuke before it gets better. I’m sorry, I just can’t resist messing with his pretty, slutty head! Well, catch you guys on the flip side.