Excoriate

The same warnings from Chapter 1 apply, and this chapter is rated Hard R.


~*~*~

Chapter 3


"I don't think we should make a habit of this."

"I don't either," Sasuke lied, toeing into his sandals and not meeting Kakashi's eyes. "I won't."

But he knew he would. If Kakashi didn't outright tell him no, he would.

He stayed away the following night, though; if he pushed Kakashi too hard, he feared the man might stop letting him get his way, as Sasuke knew he had so far - even if he wasn't sure exactly how far Kakashi was indulging him. Practice was awkward, if only because Sasuke couldn't bring himself to hold eye contact with his sensei. He didn't know how much Kakashi knew, how much he was awake for, and the unreadable glances the man gave him did nothing to ease his mind.

Sasuke's bed was uncomfortable. Cold, hard. He twisted in his blankets and stared up at the ceiling, rhythmically digging his fingernails into his palms. Sleep was sometimes impossible to come by, and it seemed that it would be as such tonight.

Exasperated, he exhaled heavily and rolled onto this side. He watched the cloud-shadows flicker against the opposite wall. He should be out like a light, he thought angrily; all told, he had only gotten perhaps three hours of sleep the night before. His joints ached and his head hurt, and horrible memories clamored for attention in the dark corners of his mind.

No, no, no...he jerked himself onto his other side and stared out the window, at the moon, and the way the wind pushed the clouds across its face. A few leaves drifted by, and he ground his teeth together. It was so loud outside tonight. He could probably make it onto Kakashi's bed again before the man woke up.

He squeezed his eyes closed and rolled onto his back. He couldn't. Too soon. He laced his fingers together over his bare chest to still their restless movement, and he felt his heart beating rapidly through his ribcage. He drew a breath. If he couldn't go to Kakashi's, maybe something else would work, to take his mind off things. Maybe he could...

He slid his hands down to his stomach, and tried to imagine rougher skin under his hands, and the texture of scars. A deeper breath. He traced the sharp point of his hipbone down to the edge of his underwear, and then across the smooth concavity of his lower belly, to the other hip. He flattened his hands again, tightened his abdominal muscles to make them harder, then pressed a fingertip just to the right of his navel. Here it was, where that brutal scar on Kakashi's stomach started, and it went down...

His breath hitched, and he felt a hot flush of shame, at what he was imagining. Along with a realization...he wasn't like the other boys, the ones that chased after girls already, the ones that tried to date and kiss and talk to girls, and who would probably kill to have so many fawning over them, as Sasuke did. But he had always known he wasn't like them, in some way, and this was just one more thing.

So I like boys... he thought, and for a few uncomfortable seconds he imagined what his father would have to say about that, had he been alive to find out. He didn't want to dwell on this - so he forced himself to imagine again, the thick scar that twisted down Kakashi's stomach. His mind switched gears easily, and it made his pulse race, made a fine sheen of sweat spring up on his forehead when he traced the invisible line down into his underwear, and imagined it was Kakashi's skin he was touching. And Kakashi's pubic hair, it would be much, much coarser and thicker, and his penis, when Sasuke wrapped his hand around it, would be bigger, longer, but just as achingly hard.

No, not boys. Men.

Sasuke deliberately dropped his voice into a lower register when he moaned.

Kakashi.

And oh, yes, this would work.

~*~*~

Despite his borderline obsession with Kakashi's body, Sasuke's common sense won out. For several days he was able to keep himself away from Kakashi's apartment, though the impulse still came every night, when he stretched out in his bed. But he calmed himself, and fed his obsession even further, with his imagination-fueled sessions of self-love, and it was enough to let him sleep, at least.

But after a week of nights in a row, it began to lose some of its excitement. What had at first felt forbidden, unthinkable, quickly became commonplace for Sasuke. The past few nights, he hadn't thought twice before sliding his hand below the waist of his underwear and bringing himself off to thoughts of Kakashi's body beneath his hands. And sleep began eluding him once more, until it was so late that it was almost pointless. He wondered how much longer he'd be able to stay away before his feet led him, again, to Kakashi's window. He didn't like this feeling, of wanting something, and not being able to have it...because he sensed that it was too soon to go back, after Kakashi had warned him away. Going back too soon would make him look desperate, or stupid. Or worse, Kakashi would send him away.

And he didn't like this feeling of dependence; he had always made it on his own before. So what if sleep came easier, when he was in Kakashi's bed? But in the dark, at four in the morning, with the wind blowing outside his window and sweat plastering his hair to his face, the simple fact that he did sleep easier at Kakashi's was hard to ignore.

It made him irritable. Twitchy. Distracted.

And Naruto wasn't helping. Dead-last had been more and more irritating lately - all hint of the comeraderie they had built up during the mission to Wave was long gone, and now Naruto was back to challenging Sasuke. It was futile, and god, so annoying, and he made it worse by going on and on about how, one day, he would surpass Sasuke.

That would never happen. But that didn't stop Naruto from saying it, though, and just the fact that Naruto thought he could ever be as good as Sasuke was more of an insult than Sasuke could tolerate, some days.

So, Sasuke split off from the group as soon as possible, and took himself home to train, or to prepare supper, or, once or twice, to perch on the limb outside Kakashi's apartment and watch the man make his own dinner. Sasuke left before Kakashi ate, of course - he refused to win the game that way. But he did find that he liked the way Kakashi looked in his clothes, the loose navy uniform, without the bulky vest obscuring the long lines of his body.

He was on the way to Kakashi's apartment to do just that, when he encountered the intruders. Having peeled away from the group, he headed in the direction of his home - and then he doubled back, towards Kakashi's place. A scuffle, familiar chakra flaring in distress, caught his attention, and so he carefully approached, using all the skill at stealth he had learned by sneaking up on Kakashi's bed. He found his perch in the tree above the scene easily enough, and he watched, rolling his eyes at how ineffectual Naruto was at fending off these strange bullies.

When it looked like Naruto was preparing to have his ass handed to him (not that Sasuke would mind, but he had begun to see the use of a little bit of drama, a little bit of showmanship, at times like these) Sasuke made his move. A well-aimed rock struck the offending shinobi, some bulky, hood-wearing boy, at the point of his elbow, and that got their attention.

Just as Sasuke was preparing to hop down and mete out a little payback, he felt it - a sharp prickle of alien chakra, and close. Far too close, and it took Sasuke a second to contain the shock on his face when he turned to look at the new arrival. This was...this was a boy, probably his own age, who possessed Kakashi's skill at stealth, and who radiated such an aggressive intent, even as he apologized, that it made Sasuke dig his nails into his palms.

He should be at that level already. He should be past that level.

Sasuke had never appreciated Sakura's familiarity with hidden-village protocol more, as she finally had the mind to challenge the newcomers, allowing Sasuke a moment to get over his chagrin.

And so Sasuke learned of the upcoming Chuunin Exams. He cursed Kakashi...surely their team should have been alerted about this, by now. Surely the other teams, those with better teachers, or at least more methodical ones, had been instructed on the whens and hows of the Chuunin Exams.

Angry, he hopped down from his branch and addressed the red-headed leader. "What's your name?" he asked, not bothering to be polite. He actually wouldn't mind a fight, right now, and with someone who could challenge him more than the milksops he was used to.

"Gaara of the Desert," came the answer, and then something that was almost as good as a fight: "I'm also interested in your name."

Haughty pride at the outright acknowledgment welled up in Sasuke before he could check it, but he didn't bother even trying. "Uchiha Sasuke," he answered, letting it sound in his voice. Further rewarding was the fact that Naruto was so thoroughly ignored, and it soothed the burn of their team being made to look stupid, in front of outsiders.

The encounter was over as quickly as it began, and Sasuke made his way home, too excited to have the patience to lurk outside of Kakashi's. In his courtyard, he trained furiously, hoping against hope that he would be allowed to participate in these exams. He was ready, he knew it - he was well above the level of most of the chuunin he had seen in action. He'd talk to Kakashi about it tomorrow, he decided, and it would be out of earshot of the other two, so that they wouldn't feel that they had to participate, as well. They just weren't ready.

He paused with his forehead against his training dummy, panting. He'd have to ask Kakashi tomorrow...so that would mean he'd have to stay away for one more night. At least. His blood was rushing hot in his veins, pumping, tingling in his face and fingers and cock, and...he was glad he'd have to wait. The way he felt right now, agitated with the possibility of advancement, of leaving his slow teammates behind and being allowed to take on missions that would actually let him improve...and the thought of leaving Kakashi behind along with Naruto and Sakura...he'd likely ruin the whole thing.

~*~*~

The following morning, Sasuke was hollow-eyed from lack of sleep after his strenuous exercises in the courtyard - and then in his humid bedroom - hadn't worn him out enough to take him deeper than a hazy doze. He tried his best to tune out his noisy team-mates as he waited for Kakashi, more impatient than usual. When Kakashi finally met them at the bridge, audaciously late, his excuse was quickly followed by a surprising announcement.

"I've nominated you guys for the Chuunin Exams," the jounin said, all casual and calm, as if it weren't big news. Sasuke's surprise at the other two being nominated along with himself was quickly eclipsed by the hot twist of jealousy in his gut, when Naruto leapt onto Kakashi with declarations of love, his arms latched around the man's neck, his face pressed right up against Kakashi's neck. Close enough to kiss him.

Sasuke's hands tightened into fists, and his brow drew down. He very nearly bared his teeth in a hiss, before he remembered where he was.

Kakashi caught this motion, the tension, the fierce scowl that tightened Sasuke's face for a bare second before he got himself under control.

"Hey, get off me," he said, chuckling, as he awkwardly eased Naruto's arms from around his neck. He didn't look Sasuke in the eye as he passed out the forms and instructions...with Sasuke's absence for the past several nights, he had dared to hope that whatever fascination he had held for the boy had worked itself out, but seeing that look on Sasuke's face told him he was dead wrong. He sighed inwardly as he poofed away. He was certain he'd be getting a visit tonight.

~*~*~

As the hours passed, Kakashi almost thought he was mistaken. He had been drifting in and out of sleep for most of the night, until the quietest hours of the morning.

Three hours before he would normally wake, he heard the light tap of a careful landing outside his window. And then the disengagement of the latch - less skillful than usual.

Sasuke's steps had been precise and quiet from the very beginning, and were increasingly stealthy, as of late... but this time, the boy lacked what edge he had gained over these past weeks. The soft scrape of a shoe hinted at exhaustion, and Kakashi reconsidered his earlier impulse, which was to send Sasuke away.

Kakashi lay still until he heard the whisper-drag of Sasuke's hand over the sheet, and then he cracked his eye open. Sasuke just stared back at him, his eyes huge and black in his pale face. Even in this thin lighting, the barest illumination from the streetlight a block down, Kakashi could make out the deep shadows that ringed the boy's eyes.

So he didn't wait for Sasuke to ask. He slid over to make room, and closed his eyes as Sasuke climbed into bed beside him. He couldn't turn Sasuke away, tonight - not the night before the Chuunins. Not when he looked like that.

"Goodnight, Sasuke-kun," he said.

"Good night."

But Kakashi didn't sleep, not yet. He lay awake, his body relaxed but his mind alert, and he felt Sasuke's furtive movements. Less patient this time - within ten minutes, Sasuke's hand crept across Kakashi's body, his soft palm flat on Kakashi's belly, just above the waistband of his pants. Just like the last time Sasuke had been here, Kakashi felt Sasuke's erection pressing into his hip. Completely, unmistakably intentional.

And just like the last time, Kakashi felt a cold prickle of dread slide down his spine to pool in the pit of his stomach, directly under Sasuke's small hand.

Sasuke shifted, a movement that seemed natural, and that rubbed his penis against Kakashi's hip. But it was anything but natural, Kakashi knew; it was deliberate, carefully planned.

Or maybe it is natural, he thought. After all, I had a crush on my own sensei, when I was only a little older.

More than a crush, came the thought unasked, and he shuffled it away.

Perhaps it was natural for Sasuke to feel some confusing sexual urges toward his sensei, but Kakashi wasn't so positive on how natural, not to mention right, it was for a grown man to allow his twelve-year-old student to share his bed, in this way - this way that wasn't entirely innocent. Propriety usually wasn't a thing Kakashi concerned himself with, but...this was different.

A twitch of Sasuke's hand on his stomach made his abdominal muscles flutter, and he listened closely. Sasuke was breathing slowly, deeply. It wasn't the carefully measured respiration of earlier. He was actually asleep. Kakashi finally allowed himself to relax. Before he fell asleep, he considered moving Sasuke's hand away... but he didn't want to risk waking him, and having to play sentinel again, against Sasuke's furtive attempts to do...whatever it was he was trying to do.

So, just like before, he left it.

~*~*~

Sasuke's eyes shot open, and only instinct kept him from sucking in a hard breath. He bit down on his tongue and inhaled slowly, urging his body to calm itself. Kakashi was solid and still and warm beside him - Sasuke couldn't believe he had had a nightmare here, away from the privacy and safety of his own home.

Luckily, Kakashi hadn't stirred, and Sasuke realized he had barely moved when he awoke. He was still curled against Kakashi's side, his arm slung across the man's stomach, his leg folded over one of Kakashi's pajama-clad thighs. Sasuke blinked. He hardly remembered falling asleep. He must have been exhausted; he couldn't even remember how tired he had been. Only that finally, desperate from lack of sleep and aggravated by constant thoughts of Naruto with his arms tight around his sensei's neck, he had pulled on his clothing and nearly flown to this apartment.

Birdsong outside the window intruded on his thoughts, and he guessed at the time: almost sunrise. So he had gotten a few hours of sleep, at least.

He relaxed, letting his hand slide against Kakashi's stomach, and he was gripped by another mental playback of Naruto leaping into Kakashi's arms. His pulse-rate ratcheted up a notch, and he swallowed against the sour taste that flooded his mouth. What right did Naruto have?

And why didn't Kakashi stop him?

Frowning slightly, still groggy from sleep, Sasuke slipped a hand under the hem of Kakashi's t-shirt, not even bothering to obscure the movement. He regretted it immediately, and stilled against Kakashi, listening to his own heartbeat until it slowed. But just as it did, Kakashi took a deep breath, making his stomach move in such a way that the edge of a long scar just brushed against Sasuke's fingertip. That set Sasuke's pulse racing again. He slid his fingers across the hard muscle of Kakashi's belly, until they came to rest over that long, thick scar. Squeezing his eyes closed, he ran his fingertips down, until they came to rest against the edge of Kakashi's pajama pants, and then back up, until the scar tapered to a point just below Kakashi's floating ribs. His penis swelled rapidly against Kakashi's leg.

He was aware of the liberties he was taking, but he was nearly delirious with exhaustion, and overwhelmed by how different Kakashi's body felt, compared to his own. His nocturnal play-fantasies were miles from the reality of actually feeling Kakashi's body, hot-skinned and hard-muscled and scarred, and so much bigger than his. And smelling his scent, and hearing him breathe, all unaffacted by Sasuke's fingers tracing the lines on his body. That man, that killer, in this body, and sleeping like a baby at Sasuke's side.

Something clicked in Sasuke's head then, and he knew what significance these scars held, and why he was so fascinated with them. What they symbolized.

Weakness.

Sasuke bit his lower lip and thrust gently against Kakashi's hip, just enough movement to feel the wetness accumulating at his slit and slicking up the inside of his underwear. His cock felt like it was beating like his heart, like if he looked at it, he would be able to see it pulsing. He flattened his hand against Kakashi's hard stomach, felt the rough scar tissue against his sensitive palm, and another, smoother one against the pad of his thumb, and he almost moaned.

Kakashi was human. Imperfect, flawed, weak. Kakashi made mistakes.

Kakashi made mistakes.

Sasuke rolled his hips forward, drunk on arousal but still careful, still silent. He clenched his teeth at the skid of his now-wet underwear against the delicate, sensitive skin of his glans, and he thrust again, and felt his toes curl up.

Maybe Kakashi would make other mistakes. Maybe Kakashi would be weak enough to let Sasuke...to let Sasuke...

Sasuke slid his hand down, until he came to the edge of Kakashi's pants again, and the roughness of coarse pubic hair tickled the edge of his palm. He let out a little puff of breath, the barest gasp, at the tightening, coiling heat between his hips. It throbbed and pulsed, made him lightheaded, made his face burn.

Sasuke pressed even closer, imagining what he usually imagined - sliding his hand under the waistband, through the coarse thicket of pubic hair, to wrap it around Kakashi's big, hard cock. He imagined Kakashi allowing this, right now, ohhhh, god...

Kakashi's stomach muscles tensed under his hand, and no, oh no...

Sasuke clamped his teeth down on his tongue, and silently begged Kakashi not to be awake, not to stop him, not now, because there was no stopping his body's reaction.

~*~*~

Indecision wasn't a familiar feeling to Kakashi, and he froze in it for a few seconds as Sasuke ground against him with increasing desperation. This was more than inappropriate, and yet... he had willingly allowed Sasuke to get this far. Hadn't stopped him, hadn't even let him know Kakashi was aware of it. Would it be right to speak up now?

This situation, as furtive and silent as it was, was as volatile as any Kakashi had been in. Handled the wrong way, it would do nothing but alienate his most unstable student, would push away a boy who had learned he could come to Kakashi when he couldn't sleep, or when he was lonely... surely Sasuke would react badly to the embarrassment of being caught at this, especially knowing that Kakashi had been awake the whole time. Embarrassment was a woefully inadequate word for what Sasuke would surely feel, and Kakashi knew all too well that the Uchiha usually reacted to that sort of thing with anger. There was no way he'd stay to talk this over - and Kakashi didn't know what he could say about it, anyway. But if Kakashi spoke up without disapproval, would that not make this consensual? Would that not be encouragement, for this behavior? Would Sasuke not see that as an invitation to do this again?

Kakashi tensed in discomfort before he relaxed again, fearing that he'd do just what he was afraid of doing - alert Sasuke that he was completely awake and aware. And had been ever since Sasuke started petting his stomach.

And yet, the same thing that had quieted his protests when Sasuke slipped in the window, it halted his tongue now.

Tomorrow was the day of the Chuunin Exams, one of the toughest - and most important - days of Sasuke's life as a Konoha shinobi. Kakashi couldn't potentially ruin that for him; surely, once Sasuke...finished, he'd go right back to sleep, which he needed desperately.

And before Kakashi could even come to a decision, before Kakashi could fully flesh out the justification for letting his twelve-year-old pupil dry-hump his leg, Sasuke's fingers stiffened on his skin, and the boy drew in a shaky breath.

"Uh," Sasuke whispered, the quietest scrap of sound, but so loud to Kakashi's ears, as he'd never, ever imagined he'd hear anything like it: Uchiha Sasuke, moaning in pleasure, however quietly. But Kakashi's wonderment was short-lived - he was quickly treated to the reality of why Sasuke was moaning, in the first place. Sasuke shook against him, minute trembles, his breath coming out in shallow, rapid pants against Kakashi's shoulder. It was over quickly, but before it was, Kakashi felt warmth against his hip...and wetness, against the exposed skin at his waist, and soaking through the thin cotton of his pajamas.

So quick, he thought, amazed at how easy that was, almost amused even in the midst of his discomfort at the youthfulness of it...just a little bit of rubbing was enough to get Sasuke off. And a little touching of Kakashi's scars, which Kakashi didn't get at all.

But that feeling of amusement was quickly forgotten when Sasuke shifted, still grindly slowly, silently against Kakashi's hip, and Kakashi's pajama pants slid against his cock...and Kakashi realized he was getting hard. Shame washed through him, forming a hard lump in his throat, and he thought of dead animals, of kunai slashing through tendons, of gangrene and rot, and he tried to ignore the smell, the intense and sharp smell of Sasuke, of his sweat, his semen, his breath against the side of Kakashi's face.

Sasuke rolled away from Kakashi shortly after, while Kakashi still struggled to get his body under control. Kakashi gave him five minutes to fall asleep again, and then he rolled to face the wall, trying to justify what had just happened.

He was a man. He liked cock, he knew he did. He had a remarkably sensitive sense of smell. And Sasuke smelled good, and he had rubbed his erection against him. His hand had been soft, tender on Kakashi's skin.

But Sasuke was twelve years old. Sasuke was his student. And on top of that, there was the almost unbelievable fact that Sasuke trusted him.

Kakashi sighed and squeezed his eyes closed. Eventually, he slept.

~*~*~

Bright sunlight shone directly onto Sasuke's face, and blinded him when he opened his eyes. A sharp stab of anxiety made his heart leap in his throat. He was alone, and slightly sweaty, in Kakashi's bed. And it was...disoriented, his time sense was thrown, and he jerked his head around looking for a clock. There, on the deep windowsill at the head of Kakashi's bed.

It was past noon. He was late for practice. And on top of that, Kakashi had succeeded in rising and dressing, probably even showering, without Sasuke noticing any of it.

It stung.

Cursing, he kicked out of the bed, and he realized two things at once: one, his shorts were sticky...and two, he didn't have practice today.

He had the Chuunin Exams, today.

He stood stock-still, sifting through his fuzzy memories of last night, of rubbing up against Kakashi until he came in his pants.

And the sight he caught through lowered eyelashes, when he came down from that high: the heavy shape of Kakashi's erection, clearly visible through his thin cotton pajamas.

Sasuke swallowed, unsure of the implications of this. But there was one thing he was sure of. He had gotten away with it. Whether he had actually been allowed, or he had simply taken it from an unaware Kakashi...he had done what he wanted, last night.

He held on to that feeling, added it to his pride, and his confidence, and his absolute certainty that he'd be more than equal to whatever today might throw his way.

He exhaled.

His eyes were drawn back to the sill, to the pictures that cohabited the shelf along with the clock. He spared barely a glance for the picture of Team 7 - he had one of his own, at home. But the other one...

He climbed back onto the bed, feeling as if it would be a bad idea to actually touch the picture. He leaned close, and furrowed his brow as he examined the little knot of figures. It was odd, to see Kakashi so young, to see his now-broad shoulders narrow, and slumped. And Kakashi had the most amusing expression on his face, masked even then, but the jawline softer, rounder. Sasuke snorted. He had never seen Kakashi look so annoyed. And with both of his own eyes.

He skimmed over the smiling girl and the dark-haired boy, and stared hard at the blond man, Kakashi's sensei.

Sasuke had seen that face often enough that he knew immediately who it was. It was carved onto the mountain, and it hung in places of honor all over the village. But he had never seen the Yondaime smiling so wide, before. A shift occurred in his mind, one of a legend becoming real. Nimikaze Minato, the Fourth Hokage, had been just as human as he was.

Just like Hatake Kakashi, Konoha's infamous Copy-Ninja, was.

But he knew that already. Sasuke let out a huff and scooted off the bed again, and the annoyance he felt toward Kakashi for having slipped away so easily, and letting him oversleep, renewed itself, now that he wasn't distracted by an old picture. And as he slid his sandals on, it faded...he felt good this morning, well-rested. And sated.

Smug.

He let himself out the window, and took to the rooftops, aware of the sticky mess in his pants. He needed a shower.

Then he had an Exam to ace.


~*~*~
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