Undercurrents

A/N: Jordash00 - you've no idea how much I appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
And many thanks to all who read! Hope you continue to enjoy!

***

Everyone began moving en masse, and Neji used the press of people to pause and then lightly touch Shika’s shoulder, as though directing him. Still Shika avoided his gaze, but he amiably walked to the raised platform. Neji couldn’t resist one more touch to Shika’s arm as he pointed out their seats.

Enough, he admonished himself. Keep groping him in public and he’ll probably flee the scene. Hands off!

“Ah, ha!” cried a familiar voice. Naruto stomped onto the platform and yanked his and Sasuke’s chairs away from the table. He waited until Sasuke gracefully seated himself before plopping unceremoniously down next to Neji.

“You made it, eh, Shikamaru?” Naruto grinned, his expression nearly feral.

Shika looked at Naruto with equal parts distaste and amusement. “Parents pitched a fit,” he said. “So yeah, I’m here.”

“Nice rose,” Sasuke said, startling all three other men. Naruto grinned, Neji’s face went blank, and Sasuke’s eyes danced with secret knowledge.

“Uh, thanks?” Shika said. “Where’s yours?”

“Oh, at home,” Sasuke said with a toss of his head. Naruto laughed.

Neji made a noise somewhere between a hiss and disgusted grunt. “Honestly, you two.”

“Sorry, Neji,” Naruto said. “I can’t gag him in public.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Sasuke said, challenging.

“I just bet you would,” Naruto replied, his focus shifting to his lover.

Neji coughed, and Shika looked unimpressed. Neji bodily blocked Shika’s view of the two other men by turning sideways in his chair.

“Just ignore them, Shika. Sasuke’s just being his usual troublesome self.”

“Yeah,” Shika said, but he eyed Neji with intelligence sharp enough to cut water.

“Troublesome.”

Conversation stalled as the appetizer was served, and Neji happily let Naruto babble about London as the other guests at the table made idle conversation. The table wasn’t full, the two seats next to Shikamaru remained empty, but Naruto managed to keep the rest of the group entertained through the main course and dessert. Neji amused himself by watching the Nara eat, eyes on the man’s mouth as he thoughtfully chewed his food.

Mind out of the gutter, Neji, he reprimanded himself.

If Shika noticed Neji’s attention, he didn’t show it. He ate his food, commented occasionally in the conversation, and kept his eyes off Neji.

Eventually the plates were cleared, coffee and tea were served, and the alcohol flowed freely. Then the same round man cleared his throat into the microphone at the podium, and the fundraising speeches began. The room darkened – another benefit of electric candlelight as opposed to the real thing: dimmer switches. Shika shifted his chair a little so that he could view the stage better, and the position shoved his entire lower half beneath the table.

A wicked idea caused the corners of Neji’s mouth to turn up. As the room darkened further for a video presentation of baby seals and the like, Neji turned his chair, too, and brought himself flush with the table and closer to Shika. He relaxed back into the chair and put his hands in his lap. While his leg didn’t touch Shika’s, (although if Neji sneezed it would), Shika’s leg and lap were easily within hidden reach.

And the urge to touch was upon Neji again like a drug frenzy. Neji was a very sensation-oriented kind of guy. He loved fine fabrics, smooth metal, and warm skin. And he rarely ever allowed himself the pleasure of the last item on that list. It was his most forbidden fetish, he supposed: touch. Growing up in a house that was approximately as warm as a glacier, it really wasn’t a surprise.

Keeping his face absolutely blank, Neji calmly reached one finger out and lightly brushed Shikamaru’s leg. The wool nap of Shika’s suit was soft under Neji’s skin and he suppressed a shiver. On the second pass of his finger, Shika stiffened and turned his head to glare at Neji. His expression clearly said, “What are we, in elementary school?”

Neji raised his eyebrows as if asking Shika what, exactly, was the problem. But despite his blasé attitude, he silently worried he’d overstepped his boundaries.

Shika stared at him for a moment and then snorted softly. Neji heard him mutter, “Trouble,” in a barely audible whisper. Then Shika shifted in his chair and crossed his arms.

But instead of shifting away from Neji, Shikamaru also crossed his legs so that his right ankle rested on his left knee. And in the process, he moved minutely closer to Neji so that their legs touched.

Neji’s heart beat a little harder in his chest, and he barely contained the grin that tried to split his lips. Instead, he turned his face toward the video presentation and podium and looked vaguely interested.

Under the table, Neji slid his hand over Shika’s narrow thigh and squeezed. Pleasure beat through Neji’s veins as he allowed himself to familiarize himself with the contours of Shika’s upper leg. He softly ran his fingertips over Shika’s thigh, smoothed over his kneecap, and then slowly skimmed them back up to the juncture of leg and body. Neji really didn’t have a final goal in mind; he just wanted to touch the man. Yesterday he’d told Shika that he cared about him as far more than a friend, and then Shika had shown up here, red rose at the ready. It told Neji that Shika was at least nominally comfortable with the idea of seeing or dating Neji. So touching wasn’t outside the realm of what was allowed.

Right, Neji thought. And so much for all that talking I wanted to do…but it feels so illicitly good to be able to touch him like this. And Shika did move closer, after all.

Besides, Neji thrilled at the hidden display of affection and was so hard for Shika that he could barely keep himself from ravishing the man on the stage in front of any who cared to watch. Hell, they could all watch. Neji’d probably enjoy it.

Neji absently fingered a fold in the fabric of Shika’s pants, and he turned his head to see how Shika was taking the attention. Feeling Neji’s gaze on him, Shika swallowed. Beneath his light caress, Neji felt the muscles work in Shika’s leg. They tensed and relaxed rhythmically for a few seconds. Experimentally, Neji pressed into the muscle with more force, massaging circles with his fingers. Shika’s lips parted.

Smiling and not caring who saw, Neji continued the impromptu massage, moving slowly down and then back up Shika’s leg. Then he leaned forward and rested one arm on the table so that his hand could better slide to the tender back of Shika’s thigh. With a tiny sigh, Neji stopped massaging and pinched the skin – a slight pressure, nothing more. Shika’s breathing hitched and stopped.

Surprise coursed through Neji – Shika seemed to be responding rather well to this simple thing. He petted the back of Shika’s leg for a moment until Shika resumed breathing. Then Neji pinched the skin – harder and higher on Shika’s leg. This time, Shika jerked, and he was forced to cover it by shifting in his chair. But the shift allowed Neji’s hand to go higher, and he rolled the flesh of Shika’s inner thigh between thumb and forefinger. Shika’s head dropped forward, and Neji couldn’t see his face. But he felt Shika’s leg tremble. Neji applied light pressure to the skin, released it, and then casually brushed the back of his hand over Shika’s balls.

For a few seconds, Shika didn’t move at all, nor did he breathe. Neji seized the opportunity and caressed Shika again, this time slowly dragging the backs of each finger over the tender, cloth-covered flesh.

Then Shika jerked away from Neji’s hand, but Neji covered that by carefully moving his arm to his own lap. Shika hastily drank a bit of water, his hair obscuring his face. Neji watched, expression impassive but mind spinning. Was he upset? Was he aroused? The second thought was hopeful, the first more probable.

Shika stood, his head still bowed, and he said something low, apologetic, and completely unintelligible to the rest of the table. Then he turned, walked quickly over to the stairs and down them, to the far wall, and, presumably, out of the hall. Neji followed his exit only as far as the stairs off the platform, not wanting to appear too interested. Inside, he panicked and his brain yelled at him to follow – immediately.

Making a show of sitting up and frowning in concern, Neji leaned over to speak to Naruto, Sasuke, and the diplomat sitting beside Sasuke whose name escaped Neji at the moment.

“I believe my friend is ill,” Neji whispered. “Please excuse me, and give my apologies to the rest of the table.”

Naruto frowned, as though also concerned, then grabbed Neji’s arm. He leaned in to speak directly in Neji’s ear.

“Need a rubber?” he asked.

Neji managed to keep his face in a frown. Thankfully, exasperation and concern looked much the same. He shook his head, freed himself of Naruto’s grip, and then followed Shika’s path to the exit.

Back in the lobby, Neji glanced around quickly to see if he could spot Shikamaru. He needed to find Shika and apologize. Or possibly continue what they started. Neji didn’t know which would happen or was appropriate, and he had to find Shika to figure that out. He felt a little ill when he didn’t see the other man, but then his brain began to analyze.

If I were aroused, unfocused, nervous, and possibly angry, where would I go?

Neji spied a roped-off darkened hallway. It led to another wing of The Palace set aside for meetings but currently not prepared for guests. Neji swiftly walked over, jumped the velvet rope, and started down the hallway.

Ten paces later and Neji was in complete darkness. He paused to let his eyes adjust and listened. For long seconds, he didn’t hear a thing. Then, faintly, he heard a door click. Neji’s feet were moving before he thought twice. Darkness, darkness, and more darkness. Where the hell could Shika have gone?

Neji sighed in exasperation and then saw a patch of light off to his right. It wasn’t an actual light – just a lightened patch of pitch black. Neji moved cautiously toward it, and was rewarded when his hand met a wooden door. The door had a glass pane in it, and through that pane, Neji saw a window and patch of carpet illuminated by the full moon.

As quietly as possible, hand trembling slightly in anticipation, Neji opened the door and shut it just as quietly behind him. The light from the moon was brighter on this side of the door, and Neji saw he was in a lounge of sorts. Winged back chairs and a low couch clustered in one corner, and a massive billiards table took up most of the space in the center of the room. The window was very tall and framed by – thankfully – drawn heavy drapes. There was a nook of darkness to Neji’s right, and he could just make out shelves full of books.

Neji squinted and listened. Then he heard it – breathing.

“Shikamaru?” Neji said, his voice just above a whisper.

For a moment, there was only the sound of breathing. Then Neji heard fabric rustle.

“You weren’t supposed to follow,” Shika said in his typical bored tone.

“I missed that memo,” Neji replied in the same tone. “I thought it prudent to come find you.”

“Well, congratulations.”

Neji frowned and his mind tripped over itself trying to figure out Shika’s tone and actions. Did Neji go too far at the table? Was Shika regretting coming here tonight?

“I can go?” Neji made it a question, though it made him equal parts angry and miserable to ask.

For a moment, Shika didn’t say a thing, and Neji’s heart pounded in his ears.

Then, quietly, from somewhere in the room: “No.”

Relief washed over Neji. Okay, so he wasn’t angry enough to just call everything off.

Neji took a step into the room and his foot encountered a thick rug. “What’s wrong?”

Shika drew a shuddering breath that Neji heard across the room. “I think I underestimated the impact that you and what you’ve said have had on me.”

Neji stopped trying to search and see and merely stood still. That sort of admission from Shika was rare; the Nara enjoyed being right and was irritatingly good at it.

“I understand,” Neji said reasonably. “I know I dropped a lot into your lap yesterday.”

“More than I think you know,” Shika said. “But it’s not entirely a bad thing.”

And that meant that it wasn’t all good, either. Dammit. What did he miss? What was the issue, here? Neji worked to keep his face neutral. Just because he still couldn’t see Shika didn’t mean Neji was invisible to the other man.

“It’s not?” Neji asked.

A rustle; movement again. Neji’s eyes shifted rapidly around. Still nothing; one entire side of the room was completely dark and Neji couldn’t get a feel for how much space was there. Shika’s voice was reasonably close, but…

“Of course not,” Shika replied, a little more confident. “I mean…my god, look at you, Neji. You’re…you. And we’ve known each other for years. Just because I somehow overlooked how you feel doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Anyone would be lucky to be pursued by you. I knew what I was doing when I wore a rose here tonight; I wanted to…continue our conversation.”

Well, thank God. That was verbal confirmation of what Neji took the rose to mean, and it was fantastic to hear. But Neji worried about Shika’s admission that it bothered him that Neji’s feelings went unobserved. That was the sort of thing Shikamaru hated: missing something he later deemed obvious.

Neji crossed to the billiards table and rested a hand on the wooden edge, listening and looking while appearing to do neither.

“But it…” Shika let out an irritated little sigh. “You and this situation are reminding me of some things that I thought were in the past.” He paused. “But apparently I was wrong about that, too.” Bitter.

It wouldn’t do to let Shika get too angry with himself. He sulked for weeks when that happened. Neji thought fast.

“Shika, things of an emotional nature can leave behind land mines.”

“No,” Shika said firmly and Neji somehow managed not to wince.

“I mean, you’re right – they can – but that’s not the case with me. I just didn’t want to…completely cope, I suppose. Too much trouble, and I honestly didn’t think I’d need to. I thought I was being careful, and then you waltz in with a goddamned stag-shaped bomb…” He made a frustrated noise in the darkness and Neji ached all over.

Neji would not panic. No matter how self-deprecating and frustrated Shika sounded. He could fix this – he knew it. He HAD to fix this…even if he had no idea what the hell he was fixing or why.

“Let me help,” Neji said. “Talk to me.” Yes, this is just a great venue for a deep chat: a dark, strange room where I can’t see you or gauge your expression. Perfect.

Neji stifled a sigh. No matter…he’d do anything for Shika.

There was a long silence punctuated only by soft breathing and the faint ticking of a clock.

“What do you want, Neji?” Shika finally asked. His voice was low and soft, and Neji didn’t think Shika meant only here and now in this room. Beating back anxiety, Neji stepped away from the table, eyes still searching. At least that question had a simple answer.

“You,” Neji said, honestly. “Just you. Will you come out of the dark?”

Again, silence and this time Neji couldn’t hear any sound at all. He bit back a frustrated noise of his own, and then stopped moving to turn in a slow half-circle. The room was full of darkened patches and heavy furniture. When he moved again, his leg bumped into a low side table, and he grimaced.

Ignoring Neji’s question, Shika spoke: “If you did your so-called research, then…” he paused, as though trying to catch his breath or build up courage. “Then you know it’s been a while since I was with anyone.” His voice was rough and rushed.

“Actually,” Neji replied. “I didn’t know that.”

Shika snorted and Neji felt triumph surge as he managed to locate the direction from which the noise came. There – he was over there near that corner.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Shikamaru. I never have, and I never will.” Neji’s tone was a little harsh. He could appreciate that Shika felt overwhelmed, but trying to have this conversation here was a little insane. Plus, Shika’d nearly called him a liar with that derisive snort.

“You won’t?” Shika said after a moment, and his voice sounded small and child-like. Neji immediately recalculated his frustration. Something was absolutely up – something much larger than a mere bad break-up…what started out as some simple physical flirting had apparently triggered emotional fallout for Shika. Neji’s mind raced ahead pulling together information and details.

“No, Shika, never,” Neji said tenderly. It was the absolute truth.

Again, there was silence, and Neji grit his teeth with the tension. He needed to see Shika – to touch him. This damned distance was intolerable.

“Okay,” Shika said softly. Neji saw a shadow shift, and he took a step toward it.

“How long has it been since you were with someone?” Neji asked, both to keep Shika talking and because he was curious.

“Over a year,” Shika replied, his voice closer. The moving shadow got clearer, and as Neji’s eyes finally adjusted to the dimness, he could now make out Shika’s form. The other man leaned against the wall with his head down and his hands behind his back. The pose seemed unnatural for Shika…like he was exhausted with the weight of memory.

“Why so long?” Neji asked. He had a hard time imagining a world where Shika couldn’t get a date. And he wanted to keep him talking.

Silence again. Neji paused. He saw the pattern: Shika spoke when Neji stopped searching. Since Neji knew where Shika was, he took the opportunity to turn a different way – seemingly to search elsewhere. It worked.

“You know about Kiba,” Shika said. “Do you know…anything else…about me?” Shika’s voice was still soft and hesitant. Neji’s mouth formed a thin line as he quickly analyzed what to say. Neji would be damned if he said anything that made Shika more anxious.

“I know you’re one of my oldest friends,” Neji said, comforting. “I know I care for you, and I know that it makes me happy that you came here tonight wearing the rose.”

“So you don’t know, then,” Shika whispered. It wasn’t a question – more like a relieved statement.

“What don’t you want me to know, Shika?” Neji asked the non-Shika darkness. “There’s absolutely nothing you could tell me that would change my opinion of you.”

“Don’t make me tell you.” A rushed, harsh whisper. “Please…not now.” Shika breathed heavily in the darkness, like speaking took everything out of him.

The pleading in the words was so naked and so unlike his friend that it made Neji turn back to the Shika-shadow. The phrasing and emphasis bothered Neji; he couldn’t make Shika do anything if Shika didn’t want to. Shika had to know that; had to know that Neji would never…

…unless…

No, that didn’t make sense. Kakashi said Shika and Kiba dated but didn’t…play. But the tone of voice…like Shika was nearly laid bare. Neji frowned hard enough to hurt.

Neji took several steps forward, but then paused, considering. He put his arms behind his back, hands grasping alternate elbows. It was both an effort to keep him from grabbing Shika in an unwanted embrace and to show the apparently skittish man that he meant no harm.

“Okay, Shika,” Neji softly agreed. “You don’t have to tell me right now.” For a painful second, the blazing need to know – to understand – what had Shika so distressed overrode everything else: the desire to touch and comfort, to continue their activities from the table, to hold. And then Neji swallowed and shoved everything aside. Shika would tell him some other time – some more appropriate time. And right now Neji needed to do what was best for Shika. The man sounded like he might break.

“Instead of that, then, can you tell me why you wore the rose?” Neji asked in what he hoped was his most calming and soothing tone. Focus on something positive; get his mind away from bad memories.

“I liked your gift,” Shika said. Neji took a small step closer to the man against the wall.

“And I wanted to be here. I wanted to do…” He paused for a long moment. “Wanted to…I don’t know…make you happy. I don’t understand enough right now – why you waited until now to tell me, why me of all people. I know you said Lee inspired this but…”

Neji watched as Shika shifted and ran one hand over his face and through his hair. Then he put his arm back and slumped forward.

“I could do 100 things right now, and at least ninety percent of them would be smarter than having this conversation. This is neither the time nor the place to talk about the past. But all I want…” Shika bit his lip.

Neji’s heart soared and alarm bells sounded all at the same time. Land mines, indeed.

But he wants me here…and that’s really all that matters.

Neji took another step closer. Now one long stride would put him next to Shika, and Neji saw that while Shika’s head was turned slightly down and to one side, his eyes gazed in Neji’s direction.

“Do you want me to go, Shika?” Neji asked.

“No.”

Neji took a deep breath: he had to know, but it was damned hard to ask. “Did you mind what I did at the table?”

“No,” Shika said, voice barely audible.

Neji was both relieved and instantly aroused. It occurred to him that he might not survive the night at this rate. The tension and emotion in the room were palatable…suffocating. But Neji refused to let go of this puzzle, and Shika wanted him there.

“Do you want me to come closer?” Neji whispered, knowing the man could hear him.

“Promise me something first,” Shika said, his voice clear.

“What’s that?” Neji asked.

“Promise me that you won’t…that tonight…” Neji saw Shika shift and could almost hear his friend mentally berating himself for not being able to spit it out.

The pieces of the Shika Puzzle began to fly together. Kakashi’s information, the date with Kiba, years since last relationship, Shika’s tone of voice…

“I know some things, too.”

“No pain tonight, got it?” Shika’s voice cut through the room. The words were biting, edged in anger. More at himself, Neji thought, for having to say them. For needing to say them.

Realization hit Neji like a physical blow. Apparently, his research was both accurate and incomplete.

He was going to kill Kakashi. And possibly several other people.

Neji understood a few things in quick succession: what Shikamaru knew of Neji probably had to do with his partial ownership in a club called Break. That information probably came from Kiba. But what Shika knew was probably hearsay, speculation by association, or complete untruth.

Second, someone had hurt Shika in the past – apparently badly enough to make him gun-shy about dating at all. Maybe even about humanity in general.

Quick images of Kiba – his face full of need and domination – flashed through Neji’s mind. But that couldn’t be right. Kiba was intense, but he’d never hurt someone without their express and specific permission. Of that Neji was entirely sure. He was also sure that Kakashi would have known something and told Neji when he asked initially. Kakashi didn’t really hold much back when asked a direct question…okay, cancel Kakashi’s death warrant for the moment.

So it was someone else that hurt Shika – probably someone from more than a year ago, as that’s when Shika hooked up with Kiba. Furthermore, it had to be someone from out of town or at least outside of Neji’s information circle, because while he knew Shika and Kiba dated, he hadn’t known until that moment that Shika dabbled in the Scene, too.

Neji’s brain struggled for a few seconds in information overload.

“No pain ever if you don’t want that, Shika,” Neji said, his voice kind. He blew out a puff of air, stored away the anger at the unknown asshole who’d hurt Shika, and calmed his mind. Later, he told himself, he would have time to sort that out. For now he needed to act.

Neji briefly thought about calling everything off; he could walk over, hug Shika, and then tell him now wasn’t the time for the physically intimate side of things.

But then he quickly dismissed that idea. It was obviously hard for Shika to admit as much as he had, and Neji didn’t want to do anything that made him appear less than completely accepting and happy for the new knowledge. And Shika’d said he didn’t want Neji to leave. So, for now, he needed to show Shika that he wasn’t some monster with a penchant for using bullwhips on the unsuspecting.

Neji would let Shika drive and give him plenty of ways out.

Shika sighed and pushed away from the wall. He stepped into a brighter patch of moonlight and then leaned back again. But he didn’t say anything else, and he didn’t move to leave.

Mind made up, Neji chose his words carefully.

“May I come closer, Shikamaru?” Neji asked. Please say yes, oh please.

Shika looked up finally meeting Neji’s eyes. He looked a bit more like the Shika Neji knew and loved, but he also saw the defiance there.

I dare you, said the gaze.

Everything about tonight was turning out to be much more complicated than Neji originally planned.

~*~