The Over-Under

"The results you achieve will be in direct proportion to the effort you apply."
Denis Waitley

Key:
thoughts
"Words spoken in the past"
-:- Time pass / scene change


Chapter 3 - Downstairs


"I still don't like this," Naruto said sullenly.

Neji only smiled in response, keeping his attention on the road.

"The only reason I agreed to this is because I need a job. As soon as possible."

The Hyuuga rolled his eyes. Naruto huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

After a few minutes of riding in silence Naruto asked, "How long is this whole process even going to take?"

"Until you pick it up," his friend replied simply.

"And what if I can't pick it up?" the blond asked. "What if I just can't be a convincing woman?"

Pale violet eyes swivelled toward the passenger seat. "Trust me Naruto," Neji said. "You can do it. It's not nearly as hard as you think." Again, Naruto huffed.

A short while later the two men stood together in the living room of Neji's home. Naruto was stripped down to his boxers and annoyed. Neji was circling him like a hawk.

"I've never noticed it before because I've always thought of you as a male, but Kakashi-san's unbiased eye sure did pick up the truth."

"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked in an impatient tone. "You think I look like a girl now, too?"

"No, you don't look like a girl," Neji corrected. "You merely have a feminine body structure."

Naruto blinked. "Explain the difference, please."

Neji sighed. "Well, lets start at the top," he began, tapping Naruto's chin. "Your jaw is more rounded than square, a normally feminine physical quality. Your shoulders are narrow rather than wide, another feminine characteristic. Your Adam's Apple we can't really do anything about, but you're lucky yours is relatively small. Chances are nobody will notice it unless they are actually looking for it. Unfortunately you have a masculine torso, but we can fix that by creating and accentuating a smaller waistline with strategically placed belts and high-waisted skirts."

Naruto cocked an eyebrow. Even after all the years they'd been friends, it still surprised him when Neji's more feminine side came out.

The brunette gently grabbed his friend's hand and traced a finger over it, front and back. "However, we are extremely fortunate that you have feminine hands. Man hands would be hard to disguise."

"The jawline and the shoulders I can kind of understand, but you lost me at feminine hands," Naruto deadpanned.

Neji shrugged. "Long, slender fingers, rounded fingernails... You've really never noticed the difference between men's hands and women's hands?"

"Probably because I have women's hands," the blond replied sarcastically.

Neji smirked, but continued on. "You also have longer legs than the average man. Speaking of legs, you'll have to shave them, and your armpits. Your arms themselves too, if at all possible."

"Women don't shave their arms!" Naruto said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Some of them do," Neji corrected. "And even the ones that don't shave them have much shorter arm hair than men. Better to shave the hair off than have someone asking why it's long and curly." He showed off his own clean-shaven arms, which Naruto had never particularly taken notice of before then. Naruto rubbed his palms up and down his forearms, protecting his body hair.

"Well, aside from shave myself like a professional swimmer, what else am I going to have to do?" the blond asked.

"You'll need to learn how to walk in heels. They'll make your legs look a lot more feminine. We're going to have to take you clothes shopping and find you either hair extensions or a wig to wear until your hair gets long enough to pass for womanly. And when you do start wearing your own hair down, you'll have to get it chemically straightened so that it flows normally rather than poking out at all angles."

Naruto furrowed his brow and stuck out his lower lip in a pout, bringing one of his hands away from the opposite forearm and up through his hair. He didn't get more than an inch in. Okay, maybe that would be a good idea, he silently relented, bringing his hand back down. "Wait a minute," he realized suddenly. "Who's going to be paying for these new clothes and shoes and wigs? I certainly can't."

"Well I will, of course," Neji replied, as if it were the most obvious thing it the world. Naruto opened his mouth to object, but before he could get a word out he was interrupted. "Look, you just said yourself that you can't afford it. But I can, and I can guarantee you that if Kakashi saw no reason not to hire you other than your femininity, Anko will love you! I won't be wasting my money, Naruto. I promise you that you will get this job. And if it really bothers you to let me pay for this stuff, then you can pay me back when you get hired."

Naruto smiled. Neji really was the best friend he had.

-:-

It took about a month for Neji to deem Naruto an acceptable excuse for a woman. Naruto had put in his two weeks' notice and worked as much as he could in that time. Neji, without informing Naruto, had paid Jiraiya all of the money Naruto owed him. When Naruto found out and got upset with him, Neji merely said: "If you really want to pay me back, I'll add it to your tab," and then the Hyuuga would hear no more on the matter. Naruto had gotten a wig made of real hair that matched his hair shade almost exactly, and Neji had taught him how to pin it on himself and position and style it so that it looked as realistic as possible. He had been given breif lessons on how to make his speech sound more feminine without sounding faked or forced, and extensive lessons on how to properly walk in stilettos. The closet in Naruto's bedroom was now filled to the brim with dresses, skirts, blouses, and jeans just nice enough to be dressed up with heels, with a small back section reserved for Naruto's male clothing. Not long into his "training", as Naruto called it, Naruto asked Neji what his female name should be.

"It can be whatever you want it to be," Neji replied. "But I suggest using a variation of your own first name so that you're more likely to remember to respond to it."

"Hmm," Naruto hummed as he thought. After a few moments he asked, "How does Naruko sound?"

"Too close to your real name," Neji advised. "Anyone who saw you with me when you applied Upstairs might get suspicious. Or worse, you might get confused and 'correct' someone."

"Good point," Naruto murmered, sulking. He had liked that name. He bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to think of another female name similar to his own, but not too similar. "How about Narumi?"

Neji turned the name over in his mind, considering it. "Narumi sounds cute," he replied. "Perfect for you," he continued, winking.

Naruto smirked before asking, "And what about my last name? Should I just use Uzumaki?"

"Probably not," Neji replied. "It would be too easy for someone to find the real you that way... What was your father's last name again?"

Naruto winced at the question. "Namikaze," he replied quietly.

"Narumi Namikaze," Neji said brightly. "Sounds like a great name to me!" Naruto merely shrugged. Although he liked the name, the turn in conversation prevented him from being enthusiastic about it.

Now, three weeks later, the two friends sat once more in the front seat of Neji's car outside the Over-Under a few hours before the club opened up for the night. Naruto wore a solid royal blue short-sleeved dress that went down to his knees, a thick black belt positioned just above his navel, giving him a faux-hourglass figure, and black close-toed wedges (because he had a much easier time walking in high wedges than high stilettos, and Neji feared Naruto might make a fool of himself if he got too nervous).

"Are you sure I look okay?" Naruto asked as they got out of the car and headed toward the club. Neji was pleased by how feminine his friend now sounded without even having to try very hard.

"Of course you do, Naru-chan," Neji replied, smiling lightly. "You're going to get this job, I just know it." Naruto smiled back and took a deep breath, then they started toward the club.

As soon as they walked in Naruto again found himself immediately impressed by the vastness of the building, and the sheer number of hostesses darting back and forth, here and there around the club. Neji led the way, this time to a woman with dark brown hair who didn't look a day over twenty five.

"Hey there, Jina!" the woman greeted them with a bright smile. "Aren't you off today?" Unlike the Upstairs manager, Kakashi, this woman seemed to take no notice of Naruto.

"Yeah, I am Anko-san," Neji replied. "I just wanted to bring my friend by and see if I could get her an interview. This is Narumi Namikaze." Neji motioned toward Naruto, and he smiled his most feminine and charming smile. "Narumi, this is Anko Mitarashi, the Downstairs manager."

"Pleased to meet you," Naruto said brightly, bowing slighty.

"Yeah, we'll see about that," Anko said with the same bright smile, but a slightly menacing tone to her voice. Naruto tried not to let his image of happiness waver as he followed the slightly older woman to an office that was almost identical to Kakashi's Upstairs office.

The interview was very similar. Anko started off by giving Naruto the same instructions that Kakashi had; that she wanted his honest opinions and not planned and rehearsed answers that he thought she wanted to hear; that she wanted to see his true personality shining through as clearly as possible. Naruto gave the same answers that he had given Kakashi upstairs, leaving out some of his more 'masculine' interests. Anko nodded from time to time, but didn't laugh with him and wasn't as outwardly pleased as Kakashi had been during their interview. Naruto got nervous toward the end of the session, worrying that maybe this Anko woman had somehow been able to see through him. At the end of the interview Anko stood, and began to circle Naruto in his chair. He withstood the urge to shrink under her gaze, instead sitting up even straighter.

"Well, Narumi," Anko began in a monotone voice. "You certainly have the charm and charisma needed to work in a place like this. You're cute too, albeit a little flat-chested." Naruto furrowed his brow in resentment, before it occurred to him that he was in fact still male, and wasn't supposed to have breasts. "Oh well, we can't have too many hostesses with big tits. People will start to call us Hooters." Anko laughed and winked, nudging Naruto in the side with her elbow. Naruto laughed too, until what Anko said actually hit him.

"Does that mean I got the job?" he asked, trying not to sound too excited.

Anko smirked. "You sure did, kid. And you've got perfect timing, too. We're going to be premiering all of our new hosts and hostesses at the annual Over-Under Ball this weekend. Until then, I'm going to have Jina out there train you so that you'll be ready to work at and after the ball. Come in with her whenever she works for the rest of the week, and I'll get you your own schedule next week, after you're introduced."

Naruto couldn't help but grin as widely as possible as he stood from his seat and shook Anko's hand. Things were finally starting to look up for him.

-:-

A/N: Shortest chapter so far, and filler nonetheless :/ I'm really sorry guys. So much has been going on in my life lately. I've moved twice in the four months since I last updated this story. I've gotten a promotion, which cuts my free time significantly. Both of the users whose reviews I replied to here have reviewed this chapter so I'm removing those, but I will keep this part: Remember guys, share your concerns with me! Ask your questions! I more than likely won't answer your question in an Author's Note, but I guarantee that if I don't answer it here it will be answered in the future of the story. Or even better, you could be like Jen and point things out to me that I didn't think of, and you can unwittingly be improving my thought process and the story itself :D

I'll end this by saying that I HAVE A DEVIANTART NOW :D Name's spiralmonster and the link is in my profile. I suggest you subscribe because from now on that'll be the only place that I'll be posting info on what's going on in my life and why I might be taking a long time to update. I love you guys. (: Please review, and keep coming back.