I Don't Think You Understand

Thirty-one chapters. I am insane. I think I like it. Finals are upon me, and despite my wish to keep writing this story, it's going to draw to a close soon. I don't know how soon, but I suppose that's part of the fun. You're all wonderful, and once again, a happy December to you all!

I do not own Naruto, but his hair products rock my socks.


***||***

Exercise has the strange effect of invigoration. After a hearty effort to strengthen one’s body, instead of feeling tired, one often feels as if he or she can go for longer doing the same amount. Euphoria can be attributed to this phenomenon, since after such an ordeal, the body rewards the mind for pushing it by releasing things into the bloodstream that made one feel really, really good.

If I feel this good after sex with someone else, I’m never exercising again.

Kakashi looked at Konoha through new eyes after he left Iruka’s apartment that morning. Everything seemed brighter and more cheerful than before. Colors glowed in his sight; reds burned, greens and blues flowed, and whites made him blush in memory.

It was as if he had gained a whole new understanding of the world through that one act. He realized that a lot of what had made him such an effective shinobi had been ignorance of intimacy. This being physical with another person is tougher than I thought.

The nuances in everyday life were incredible. Birds flying in patterns together, insects buzzing lazily around flowers, and young genin strutting proudly in front of other young genin took on a whole new meaning to him.

Companionship is one thing; one doesn’t need to have sex with someone to be friends. There were plenty of shinobi he knew who, despite rumors that protested the contrary, were in fact “just” friends, and the “furthest they had gone” with each other in those cases was a hug and chaste kiss to the cheek.

Despite his knowledge of this, he kept seeing things in the light he had recently learned about. A friendly nod from a man to a woman suddenly turned in a proposition, handholding became a lurid thing, and people wearing less than the absolute essentials made him blush even more as he realized that less clothing was worn for more than absolute freedom of movement.

Not everything has to be about sex, surely. To his confused brain, though, that’s exactly what it felt like. It was as if all the behaviors he had witnessed in the past could be seen, with this new knowledge, as potentially sexual things. It can’t be possible to think about sex every second of the day, though...

Was it? I do know that I think about Iruka a lot...now it’s even harder to avoid thinking about him...

Kakashi wasn’t sure of some things at that moment in time, but he was reasonably sure that he did not think of Iruka every second of the day.

...just every other second or so.

***||***

Iruka’s students were smarter than they appeared at first glance. Sure, they sat there because their parents made them, but they all wanted to be shinobi, so they decided that they could tolerate the indignity of bedtime, eating their vegetables, and having to get up early after defying their parents on the “early bedtime” they failed to enforce. If pressured to admit it, each student would admit that they cared for their teacher and liked the fact that he was patient and kind with them. They didn’t even mind that he was occasionally terse with him since he was so nice and interesting the rest of the time.

They figured they knew their teacher fairly well; through long familiarity, any one of them could have told when Iruka was happy, sad, or about to lose his temper (they had had to learn those signs fairly quickly).

So, when Iruka sailed in through the door, right on time for once instead of being early, with a giant smile on his face and joy radiating out from his eyes, they all squirmed as one in their seats, and had one collective thought:

What the heck happened to him?!

Until they figured out what was making their beloved Iruka-sensei so damned chipper, they decided as a collective unit (it was far easier for children to decide things this way than separately) that it would be best to avoid annoying him.

Though, after a little while, they had to admit that a chipper Iruka-sensei, compared to an angry Iruka-sensei, was really creepy.

***||***

After entering the classroom, Iruka sneezed once in a tremendous manner. Wow, someone’s thinking about me really hard... He hoped it was Kakashi. The smile returned to his face after it relaxed out of the post-sneeze squint. Time to teach the students.

The day seemingly flew by for him, his lessons come out of him with practiced ease, his chalk scraping gently across the board, the kunai and shuriken slowing down for him to dodge them with more than his usual ease, his voice coming out in a pleasant hum to the background noise of happiness that he felt within him. Even his students seemed to sense his pleasure with the world in general and behaved themselves beautifully, even filing out in an orderly manner instead of making the mad dash to the door as they usually did.

His smile took a slightly lewd tone. I think I need to get laid more often.

There was no denying that the feelings he was having had come from his boyfriend and his touches the night before. All the things they had done together had been sweet and unhurried, a far cry from the rush he had experienced with most of his previous lovers.

He was looking at me with such...delight...as he touched me. It was almost like he thought I was going to disappear if he touched me wrong...

His smile dimmed a bit. He shouldn’t have to feel like that. He needs more confidence in himself, though I’m sure he’ll learn it well when he gets more practice. The grin picked right back up again. And how I love helping him practice...

Gathering up his things, he made his leisurely way to the mission office to get some filing done. He wouldn’t see Kakashi until later that evening, and so he needed something to fill in the time until then.

Just as he had gotten settled in at the desk, Sakura came bursting in with a slightly wild look on her face. “Iruka-sensei!” She cried.

“You don’t have to call--” Iruka started, but was cut off.
“Why didn't you tell me?!” The pink-haired kunoichi near-shrieked.

Her tone of voice penetrated the bubble of bliss he had built around himself. “Tell you what?” He asked. “Is there something wrong?”

“What did you do to him?!” Sakura asked, making a visible effort to control her hysteria.
“Who are you talking about, Sakura-kun?” Iruka replied, bewildered.

“Kakashi-sensei!” She said, as if Iruka should have picked up her thoughts. “Why didn't you tell me you were dating him?”

“Huh?!” Iruka didn’t think that anyone had found out; how had this happened?

“I saw him leave your apartment this morning,” she said, making Iruka realize he had spoken aloud.

“Uh, Sakura-kun...” Iruka had to tell her--

“I’m so happy for you!” She said, grabbing his hands with a huge smile on her face. “I won’t tell anyone except Naruto and Sasuke, don’t you worry, but this is so great! Good for you!” She then kissed him on the cheek and bounced out, seemingly unaware of the blush she had just put on her former teacher’s face.

He sat there for a few moments, repeating one thought to himself over and over. Thank the gods that when the door to the mission room is shut, it’s soundproof, or someone would have heard.

Thankfully for him, people started coming in with papers and reports to turn in, and with a grateful sigh, he fell to working. Anything to forget how the damn blush wouldn’t leave his face.

***||***

One of the things I hated during puberty was my sudden association of gestures I saw every day with sex. If someone patted someone on the back, I thought they were involved. Two people holding hands, same. If they were hugging, I would think "holy crap, someone turn a fire hose on them; they're about two seconds away from doing it!" I know that sounds awfully extreme, but I wasn't a child who got touched often enough (except by my parents) to know what was casual and what wasn't. I didn't get hugged by a boy until the 8th grade. Some touches, despite my better intentions, still feel sexual to me.

Still, Kakashi probably is seeing a few things that aren't there. That's life. As Freud said (though I disagree with a lot of his theories), "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

...I think that was Freud, anyway....