Questionable Loyalty

A/N: Damn, it took forever to get this chapter out - I have been editing and re-editing it for quite a while now, never completely satisfied with the way it came out in the end. I hope you like it.



CHAPTER 31





When Kakashi went to Pein’s office that evening he found the place empty. It made him pause uncertainly by the door, debating whether to wait there, return to his room or go search for the man. His natural curiosity made him choose the last option so he stepped inside the spacious room, looking around with interest. Finally, he noticed that one of the floor-length window panels was wide open and the evening breeze was softly blowing inside.



Outside of all the windows there was a continuous ledge that encircled the entire floor of the building. Without hesitation, Kakashi stepped out and decided to go to the left. He walked until the windows finished and there was only a steel wall behind him. A few steps later, a corner, and he finally found Pein, sitting on the ledge, his feet hanging in the abyss. He was looking down at the city. The setting sun was right behind him and its fiery light seeped through the man’s bright hair, making his whole figure glow. Kakashi couldn’t help but stop and admire the sight for a moment, his fears and misgivings momentarily forgotten.



“What are you doing here?” he asked softly.



Pein slowly turned his head to look at him:



“Taking a breath of fresh air.” He explained and blinked, as if he just noticed Kakashi. “I didn’t realize it was already time for our lesson.”



Kakashi shrugged.



“The lesson can wait a little.” He walked up to him and sat down, dangling his own legs over the ledge. “The view is even nicer from here.”



“Yes.” Pein agreed.



“Do you ever go down to the village? That is, when you’re not chasing wayward prisoners.” Kakashi asked with a small smile.



“No. Why should I?”



“Uh… to take a breath of fresh air?” he moved a little closer “Up here is very nice, but aren’t you interested what your people’s day to day life is?”



“Should I be interested?” was the clipped response.



Kakashi resisted the urge to roll his eye. This man was insufferable.



“Yes, you probably should. I think. They are people, not just worshippers. ”



He got back up on his feet.



“Come on. Let’s go.” And he offered his hand.



Pein looked up, but didn’t move.



“Go where?”



“Down, for a practical lesson.”



“I hardly have enough knowledge for practical lessons.” Pein answered and looked down again.



Kakashi didn’t pull his hand back.



“Since I am the teacher, it’s my call to decide when the time is for practical lessons.” He told him and then added “Come on. I’ll help.”



Pein gave him another look which then slid to the outstretched hand. Slowly, he reached up and took it, allowing Kakashi to pull him back to his feet. For a moment, they continued to hold hands, each marveling at the warmth seeping from the other until Kakashi remembered where he was and pulled away.



“We’ll take the elevators. No need for the villagers to see us run down the outer wall of this divine tower of yours. Who knows how we’d freak them out.” He paused, turned and looked Pein from head to toe. “Do the villagers associate you with this uniform?”



“No, not exactly. They’ve seen other Akatsuki members.”



Kakashi nodded.



“Still, maybe it’d be for the best to lose the cloak.” He advised.



Surprisingly enough, Pein nodded.



It turned out that under the ever-present cloak Pein wore a simple tunic and pants, and a spiky necklace that looked quite uncomfortable to Kakashi. Not completely devoid of manners, he decided not to say anything about it.



Once they got out of the tower, he took Pein’s elbow and tugged him to one of the few parks he had discovered during his random roaming around the city, knowing that there was a nice little restaurant there. Lately he had been teaching the other the glyphs for the different kinds of foods and ingredients and he decided that trying to read the menu would be a good exercise.



The red-head followed him quietly, seemingly deep in thought, barely noticing the world around him.



“You really don’t go out much, don’t you?” Kakashi asked and the man looked up then, his expression a little surprised and then becoming guarded once-again.



“I am a very busy man, Kakashi.” He noted. He appeared to be about to say more but something caught his attention and he stopped, turning around and looking… Kakashi followed his gaze and he realized that between the trees he could see the remains of a small hut, its wooden walls and thatched roof rotten by age and the incessant rains. Pein appeared to be mesmerized by it.



“You know this place?”



Pein nodded, his strange eyes darkening sadly before he looked away.



“I’ve been here before.” He said but didn’t elaborate. Kakashi didn’t press him.



Finally, they arrived at the restaurant and entered it, ignoring the strange, curious looks waiters gave them. They were directed to a table at the back of the large room and quietly kneeled next to it. The waiter handed them the menus and retreated. Pein opened his and took a look inside, frowning at the sight of many unfamiliar glyphs, his fingers tightening on the covers. Suddenly, he felt a presence next to him and noticed that Kakashi had moved closer in order to look over his shoulder.



“I said I’d help, didn’t?” he said gently and scooted even closer. “Now, which one of these do you know?



He hesitantly pointed to several of the symbols:



“Egg… meat… rice.”



“Very good.” Kakashi said and then pointed to other glyphs. “This is a bird. And this means pig. And this is a cow.”



“So… rice with chicken, pork and beef meat?” he paused, stared at the text again and continued. “And with eggs?”



Kakashi nodded.



“See? It’s not so hard.”



He pointed to a different symbol and asked:



“Now, what is that…”



Admittedly, it took them quite a while to order the food, because Pein deciphered the menu slowly, line by line, with Kakashi’s help. In the end, they called the miffed-looking waitress and ordered food.



“Your people” Kakashi began “possess an almost preternatural patience, I have discovered.”



Pein actually gave him a small, sad smile and answered:



“All that they have been through has taught them patience.”



Still sitting so close to each other that their bodies touched from shoulder to hip, soaking up each other’s warmth, they made no move to put some distance between then.



“So, tell me, Pein-sama.” Kakashi said. “What was that shack in the woods?”



Pein looked down at the table and was quiet for quite a while before finally responding:



“This park wasn’t actually a part of Amegakure once. The city grew ever since I took control.”



“Oh?”



“This area used to be a forest in the outskirts of the old village. And that shack… we lived with our Sensei in it.”



Kakashi was aware that Pein had had a Sensei at some point in his life – apparently he was more than skilled as a Ninja, which automatically meant that someone taught him how to fight and how to analyze a combat situation and devise suitable strategy and tactic. However, this was the first time when the red-head actually mentioned that person.



“Your Sensei?”



Pein slowly nodded.



“Yes. Mine and my friends’ Sensei.”



There it was, another mention of those mysterious friends. Finally, Kakashi couldn’t contain his curiosity and asked:



“Would you tell me about them? Your friends?”



Pein was looking at him thoughtfully, obviously debating internally whether to answer or not. Eventually, his expression mellowed and he said:



“They were the only family had left, after I lost my parents.” He began carefully. “I met them… I met them while I was…” he seemed lost for words for a moment, then composed himself and continued “I was checking the pockets of the dead. For any left-over food.”



Kakashi blinked, trying to imagine the man who ruled a whole country robbing dead to avoid starvation. It was a shocking mental image and he resisted the urge to wince.



“They were doing the same thing.” Pein continued, this time the words coming out easier. “We almost fought each other over the bodies when some of the older, larger kids showed up. They tried to force us to give them whatever we had found… and we banded together against them.” Pein quieted down after that, looking down at his hands in his lap. “We remained together for a very long time.”



Without thinking, Kakashi reached and put an arm around the red-head’s shoulders, pulling him closer, offering comfort. It took him a few moments to realize what he was doing and get shocked about it – physical contact was something he had always avoided at all costs – but once again, it felt natural when he did that with this man. Pein stiffened at the touch and looked up to meet Kakashi’s gaze, his eyes widening in surprise at the gesture. The Jounin immediately began to pull away, but the other suddenly lifted his hand and covered Kakashi’s with it, forcing him to leave it where it was.



“Thank you.” He said.



The Jounin blinked.



“What for?”



“For all that you are doing. None of it is actually part of your… job profile for the organization.”



Kakashi snorted in an attempt to withhold a snicker at the idea of Akatsuki having a job profile. The corners of Pein’s mouth turned up too before he continued:



“I’ll admit that for a long time no one has been so…” he searched for the word “…familiar with me. Not ever since she died.”



She? There had been a “she”? Kakashi could feel a jolt of disappointment at the thought that he had never had any chance with this man by default.



“Konan was my best friend. My only friend. My family.” Pein elaborated, noticing the expression on Kakashi’s face which the Jounin couldn’t hide. The hand over Kakashi’s tightened. “But we weren’t intimate, if that is what you’re thinking now. Our relationship wasn’t like that at all. She was like a sister to me.”



“I wasn’t thinking anything.” Kakashi said quietly.



“Yes, you were.” Pein insisted gently, and before Kakashi could protest, he suddenly leaned in and kissed him, soft, pierced lips covering his tenderly.



Kakashi had only ever received a few kisses in his life, most of which had only been attempts for kisses, actually. He had never allowed it, it wasn’t part of mission fucking, and it was way too intimate for him. Kisses required taking his mask off, all of them, not just the physical one. They required an emotional attachment which he had never allowed himself to develop up until this very moment.



So the shock of being kissed like that left him frozen in place for a moment, the attraction to this man warring with all of his instincts and habits. The lips over his were gentle and insistent at the same time, but surprisingly enough, the red-head made no attempt to deepen their kiss, keeping it slow and almost chaste. It felt good. It felt more than good, actually – warm and slow and comforting. It stoked the fire inside of him that had always simmered, that instinctive need to connect to someone, a need he had disregarded for so long.



Pein’s arms encircled him and almost pulled him into his lap and Kakashi began to relax, too caught in the moment to be able to think and analyze the situation. He opened his lips and clumsily met the other’s tongue with his own, sighing when they touched and wetly slid over each other.



“Here’s your order sir…oh!” the waitress said as she appeared carrying a tray of food.



Kakashi jumped and quickly parted from the red-head, not noticing the frown on his face, flushing profusely. The real world came crashing back around them and the Jounin realized what he had been doing, suddenly feeling like a complete idiot. What had he been thinking? He had never allowed anyone this close, especially someone who was supposed to be his superior – it was unprofessional, and put the both of them in danger. Angry with himself, he slid towards the other end of the table.



The rest of the dinner was a tense, quiet affair and all attempts Pein made to involve him in a conversation were met with monosyllabic answers. In the end, the red-head gave up, ate his own food and didn’t say a word anymore. Outside, a sudden storm broke out and soaked the streets of Amegakure.



While they walked back to the tower they were just as silent, Kakashi purposefully walking almost an arm’s distance away from the other man, ignoring the torrential rain that poured over him and making an effort not to look at the red-head.



Finally, when Kakashi exited the elevator on his floor, he bid Pein a sharp, brisk goodnight and didn’t look at him, receiving no answer.