Questionable Loyalty

A/N: I would like to point out that I DO NOT share Kakashi's view on female warriors. His view is formed by tragic loss and by a more conservative upbringing which his father gave him while he was alive. As we all know, there's no mother figure present in Kakashi's life during the Gaiden, so I assumed that she was a Kunoichi who was killed in action, something which his father just couldn't accept and taught his son that women had no place on the battlefield.



CHAPTER 37







Iruka spent a few hours more with his former student, asking him about how mission had gone, telling him all the new things he had missed in his absence and sharing some details about how he and Kakashi had grown so close in such a short time. In the end, Naruto looked at him with a small, soft smile on his face:



“You seem happy now, Iruka-sensei. I am really, really glad for you.” And he reached and hugged him warmly. Iruka answered the hug.



“Thank you. You cannot possibly imagine how much your approval means to me, Naruto.”



Naruto pulled away and grinned back at him in his usual rougish, devil-may-care way.



“I just want you to be happy. If that jerk makes you happy, who am I to judge?”



“Naruto!” Iruka chided good-naturedly “You shouldn’t call your superiors names.”



The blonde shrugged dismissively:



“Jiraiya-sama is one of the highest ranking Ninja in this village and I call him Pervo Hermit.” He pointed out.



Iruka pinched the base of his nose, trying to ward off a headache. Sometimes, when he was with Naruto, he felt like he should just stick a clothespin on that place for the duration of their meeting. That didn’t mean that he didn’t enjoy every second spent with the exuberant blonde – when he was with him, he felt like he had a family again. And now, with Kakashi, that family was about to have a new member.



‘Wooow. Easy there, Umino.’ He told himself at that thought. ‘You and “the jerk” have been together only for several weeks and you’re already thinking about settling down with him?! Be reasonable!’ and he gave himself a mental slap. Still, it was a nice, and hopefully, harmless fantasy.



Apparently sensing his internal monologue, Naruto was giving him a curious look but was saying nothing. Iruka focused back on him.



“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”



“I was asking if Sakura-chan knew.”



“I’d assume so. But I rarely see her, she’s always training. I am quite sure that Konoha’s active rumour-mill has already filled her in on the new information.”



“She’s said nothing?”



Iruka shrugged uncomfortably.



“Her and Kakashi aren’t awfully close, and she and I are only colleagues, and not to mention we rarely see each other.”



Naruto’s expression turned somber.



“I see.” He smiled again. “I’ll speak to her when we see each other next.”



And with that, they bid each other goodbye and Naruto left for his home.



Iruka returned to his apartment to find Kakashi lying on the bed, his nose buried in a book, which, surprisingly, wasn’t porn. Or at least it was a more tasteful porn that he usually read.



“The Tale of Genji?” Iruka said when he saw the cover. “Kakashi, I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”



The Jounin but the book down and smiled at him.



“It’s a secret. Don’t tell anyone.” Then he grew serious again. “How did it go?”



Iruka sat down on the edge of the bed.



“Well… alright, I think. He was a little angry, a little frightened.”



“Oh? Frightened that he’d have to share you with me?”



Iruka frowned, and wondered how to soften the blow.



“No, he was frightened about me.”



Kakashi turned fully to him then and stared, confusion written on his handsome face.



“About you?”



Iruka nodded.



“Yes. He… I don’t know how to put this…” Iruka trailed off, but Kakashi only waited patiently to find the right words. “He’s still bitter. About the way you seemed to forget about him during the Chuunin exam. And Sakura too. He’s afraid that… that you might do something similar with me.”



The confusion disappeared from Kakashi’s expression and it was replaced by some raw, painful emotion that Iruka couldn’t identify. Guilt? Pain? Bitterness?



‘Naruto’ Kakashi thought ‘Sometimes I hate how correct your gut feeling is.’



“I assured him that wasn’t the case.” Iruka said hurriedly, wanting to soothe his lover. “I told him that you aren’t nearly as bad as he believes you are.” He reached and put his hand on Kakashi’s, wrapping his fingers around it when he realized it was terribly cold. “That he can trust you.” Then he crawled closer to his lover and peered at his face, but Kakashi’s one visible eye had closed and his expression had become shuttered and unreadable. It was like he was wearing a mask all over again, even if the piece of cloth wasn’t covering his face.



“Kakashi… I know we haven’t talked anything about a long-term relationship. I don’t know if you’ve even thought about it. I want you to know that I won’t pressure you into anything. But… if you want to, I won’t mind. And if you don’t… well, that’s nobody’s business but our own.”



This was it. He could still cut his losses and leave now, and no one would be hurt. His stomach clenched painfully at the thought of the way he was playing with this man. It seemed that every time he was reminded of his own duplicity, the guilt became stronger and stronger. But then he remembered about Pein, how much his lover trusted him to help in his quest for peace. He remembered the recent burial of several Genin – one of the many he had been present to. So many that he had long forgotten the first he had ever seen.



They all counted on him – the dead, and the living, and he couldn’t let them down. ‘I understand now, Itachi’ He thought. ‘I thought I understood before, but now I truly understand you. If only I was there with you now, to try and comfort you, the way I want someone to comfort me.”



He looked up to Iruka and smiled, his visible eye curving in a sweet half-moon.



“I don’t think I have ever felt this secure with anyone for a very long time, Iruka. I don’t think I’d ever want to let go of that.” He said, and this time the lie, or at least the partial truth, came out much easier.



Iruka brightened immediately, the apprehension disappearing from his tanned face. He hugged him and then kissed him, a drawn-out, sweet kiss, meant to convey love rather than passion.



“Good.” He said. “Because I don’t think I’d want to let go of you either.” The Chuunin whispered to him and gave him another kiss, then let go and turned to the nightstand, shuffling through its drawer, clearly searching for something.



“Now, where did I put them…?”



Kakashi watched him curiously but patiently as Iruka rummaged loudly until he finally produced a small velvet pouch and waved it triumphantly above his head.



“Aha! Found them!”



He turned around and presented the pouch to Kakashi, who gingerly took it and pulled the drawstrings, then turned it over his hand. A pair of small silver loops fell out of the pouch, their polished surface gleaming in the soft afternoon light.



“Iruka-sensei?” he asked, a little confused.



Iruka was grinning.



“Remember what I said about buying you new loops for your nipples?” he tone turned husky and he reached to rub and pinch one through Kakashi’s thin cotton shirt. “I bought those, but I decided to give them to you if you decided you wanted to stay with me. Otherwise it’d have seemed possessive.”



Kakashi stared down at the jewelry in the palm of his hand and swallowed. The younger man was being possessive indeed. He didn’t want to put those on. He had taken off the ones Pein had personally put on him, as a sign of his own claim over him. Putting these on would feel like a betrayal. But then again, what was one more betrayal?



“Thank you.” It came out small and choked out, barely recognizable as his own voice. Apparently Iruka misinterpreted his reaction for excitement because his grin became wider and he pulled at the hem of his shirt.



“Here, let me put them on you.” He said impatiently and Kakashi sluggishly moved to cooperate, lifting his hands above his hands and allowing Iruka to take the garment off him. The younger man held his left nipple between his fingers and inserted the first loop – the hole was semi-healed so he had to press a little, a small bead of blood escaping when the silver wire pierced his flesh. Kakashi trembled for a moment, then settled down and allowed his lover to repeat the action with his other nipple, then whimpered softly when Iruka took the abused bugs in his mouth and gently soothed the soreness with his tongue.



“There.” He whispered as he pulled away. “Better now?”



Kakashi nodded mutely.



“You have no idea how gorgeous you look this way.” Iruka told him and slid the palms of his hands up his calves, to his knees and then on the inside of his thighs, gently caressing and kneading the hard muscle he felt under Kakashi’s pants. The Jounin’s hand, however, grasped his wrist firmly.



“Please. Not now.” He said softly. He might have allowed another man to put a mark on him, but he wasn’t going to allow him to claim him right after that. He couldn’t do that, mission or no mission.



Iruka paused, and despite his disappointment withdrew his hands.



“You’re right. This is not just about sex.” And he crawled up on the bed, lying back onto the soft pillows and pulling Kakashi in his arms.



After a while, Kakashi spoke:



“I need to talk to Naruto. To clear things up between us.”



Iruka, who had been nodding off, quickly woke up and looked down at him.



“It’d be for the best, I believe. You were his Sensei. It’s not good if the two of you have such a tense relationship.”



Kakashi nodded.



“Iruka, I didn’t unload him to Jiraiya-sama because I didn’t care about him. It was Jiraiya himself who came to me and asked to train the boy.”



That was quite a surprise for Iruka.



“Really? But… why would he do that?”



Kakashi bit his lip and quieted down for a moment, before asking softly:



“Can you keep a secret? For Naruto’s sake?”



“Of course! With my life!”



“Naruto is Minato’s son.”



Now that made the Chuunin goggle.



“Minato? As in, Namikaze Minato, the Fourth Hokage himself?! Are you serious?!”



Kakashi nodded mutely.



“Well… that explains a lot. No one has told Naruto. Why?”



“He is not ready for that revelation. Or the burden that comes with it. Iruka, you need to keep this a secret, especially from Naruto himself.”



Iruka didn’t seem too pleased about it, but finally agreed.



“Very well.” He sighed. “So among other things, Jiraiya-sama decided to train the son of his late apprentice. That is so… sweet.” He paused and snickered “I can’t believe I am using this word regarding that man.”



Kakashi chuckled as well.



“And Sakura?” Iruka asked.



Kakashi looked embarrassed and closed his eye for a moment before answering:



“I have no excuse for her. At the time she seemed so weak, so talentless and immature that I was hoping she’d just give up and leave this career altogether.”



Iruka frowned disapprovingly.



“Was it because she was a girl?”



“In her case… partially, yes.” He admitted. That was one of the few truths he said this evening, and despite its nature, he felt relieved to share it. “I know a plenty of powerful Kunoichi, Iruka, but every time one of them dies, it just hurts worse than when a Shinobi does. They shouldn’t be out there, fighting, and getting maimed and killed in our wars.”



“Who was she?” Iruka asked suddenly.



“Huh?”



“The Kunoichi who died?” Iruka clarified.



“Oh…” Kakashi’s arms tightened around his lover. “Rin. She was the last of my old team. Minato’s team. She was all I had left of them, after Minato sacrificed himself. She was like a sister to me, and I let her die. I didn’t want Sasuke or Naruto feel this way about Sakura one day, when she got herself killed.”



“Well, seemed like she proved you wrong, as far as talent is concerned, if not maturity.” Iruka pointed out, but there was no malice in his words.



“Yes. She’s become an excellent Kunoichi. And an excellent medic nin, from what I’ve seen.”



Iruka nodded.



“She helps Tsunade-sama with Naruto, doesn’t she?” Kakashi asked after a while.



Iruka nodded again.



“Yes. You know about this?”



“Iruka, I am still one of the highest-ranking Shinobi in this Village, even if I don’t have access to his medical files.”



“I didn’t realize you were interested…”



Kakashi gave him a look.



“Of course I am! I told you, he’s Minato’s son. He’s my responsibility.” He allowed his tone to grow more and more frustrated. “And yet no one tells me anything!”



“Kakashi, baby, calm down. I too have access to those files, you know?”



“You do?” he pretended to sound surprised.



Iruka nodded.



“Yes. I am one of Tsunade’s personal assistants, and practically being Naruto’s guardian, she’s given me security clearance.”



Seeing the concerned, eager expression on his lover’s face, he caressed his cheek soothingly and said:



“I can’t tell you details, but I CAN tell you that Naruto is fine, for now. Don’t worry.”



Despite the guilt he felt, Kakashi allowed himself a small moment of triumph. Iruka had taken the bait, hook, line and sinker.