You Can Never Go Home Again

A/N: Well, happy day! Since ff.net now allows mature content again, I present you with more then just a smut insert, but an actual chapter!

This chapter is for S-P/Spirallin, who knows the secrets of the chapter already…I give you…smut!

WARNING: All the entries not in Italics ARE yaoi smut…for those few of you who are really really bothered by it.

You Can Never Go Home Again
Chapter Four: So Denied, So I Lied


The touch in the dark made him shiver, light fingers trailing over his neck. Sasuke didn’t bother with the light and Naruto didn’t need it; his demon-strengthened eyes easily tracing Sasuke’s tall, this frame. They moved together, mouths crushing hard against each other. Naruto felt the door at his back as Sasuke pressed firmly against him.

“Naruto…” Sasuke’s voice was scratchy, as if he was a little scared.

“Yeah.” Naruto’s hands slipped over Sasuke’s chest and down his sides to his hips, which seemed to encourage him. Sasuke pushed him harder against the door, tongue swiping at Naruto’s bottom lip. Naruto gave him control of a kiss that left them both a little dizzy and gasping for air.

There were soft words Naruto didn’t catch, then Sasuke backed off, as far as Naruto’s hands let him. “Naruto…”

“Yeah.”

“Touch me.” It was soft and embarrassing and Naruto felt his pants tighten at the words and blush he could see in the darkness. He kept one hand on Sasuke’s hip and lifted the other, touching Sasuke’s cheek, then let his fingers slip towards his ear, lifting his thumb to rub it over Sasuke’s lower lip. He leaned forward, kissing him lightly, tongue teasing, eliciting a moan from the dark haired boy. He let his fingers trace into the dark hair, taking a grip on it and dragging Sasuke’s head back, clamping his mouth on Sasuke’s pulse. He felt the other shiver and, encouraged, slipped his other hand from Sasuke’s hip down to his ass. Sasuke tensed, but soon moaned softly as Naruto’s mouth moved, tongue tracing the contours of his neck.

“Oh God.”

He could smell Sasuke’s desire and growled, nipping, letting his teeth leave a mark. The hand on Sasuke’s ass slid up, never lifting, and found its way underneath. The feel of warm skin drew a purr from him and a soft gasp from the other. Fingers brushed a nipple and the reaction sent a bolt of pleasure to his groin.

“Naruto…” a moan.

“Let’s take this off.” He was already pulling the shirt up and Sasuke slowly lifted his arms to allow the cloth to be taken away.

That was when the truth hit Naruto. He could smell it, and didn’t know why he hadn’t noticed before. Sasuke was marked. He stilled for a moment. The scent was old and faded but positively there and he cursed the fox for a moment, wishing he could have just ignored it.

It reminded him.

“Naruto?”

He let his fingers move over pale expanses of skin, finding a nipple and pulling and rubbing at it, distracting the boy against him. He growled again, but Sasuke took it as a passionate noise, rotating his hips against him, grinding him into the door. He shouldn’t have been touching him.

But where was the one who’d taken what should have been Naruto’s? His fingers dug into Sasuke’s hips and held him tight against him, stilling him for a moment as he tried to think.

But there was nothing.

Sasuke was here. He was here. But there was nothing in them. They were just filling space in a long-dead world. Just trying to find something that could calm the pain.

And that was fine. It was what he should have expected. They weren’t the same any more. It was just another form of mutilation.

!!!!!!!

They waited for him in silence, huddled in a circle, shaking as they watched Mizuo clean and stitch Konohamaru’s wound. It was deep, and even with the temporary stitches and the bit of chakra healing they could spare, it would still be a while before it healed…hopefully enough to be useful.

Long after the echoes of the explosion, they sat, watching shadows move with the sun, listening for anything. But there was nothing.

“He must be dead.” The Lord spoke in an almost calm voice, “We should move on.”

“No. We’ll wait. Konohamaru needs the rest.”

There was no protest, only a slight shifting of weight and a small noise from the one in pain.

The forest itself retained the silence.

!!!!!!!

It crossed his mind that he should stop. His tan fingers betrayed him, though. His whole being betrayed. In a swift move, he had the human-shadow against the door in his place. He growled again, though he was sure that was from Kyuubi who was fighting and encouraging his every move.

Foxes remained with a partner for a season , helped protect the mate for a while, then went off until next season, when they found a new mate. Kyuubi tried to rationalize that surely Sasuke was unclaimed now. The scent was old. And yet…he was reluctant.

Make up your damn mind. Naruto silently snarled at the beast before pushing the fabric from around Sasuke’s waist. Sasuke made a noise of discomfort as the fabric was pulled roughly against his throbbing member.

Naruto silenced the noise with a hiss and pressed a knee between Sasuke’s thighs, pushing his hip into Sasuke. He felt Sasuke suck in a breath, felt fingers digging into his arm. He felt the innocence that flowed out of them both, withering and dying as his mouth claimed Sasuke’s neck once more, nipping and sucking at his pulse to leave a dark, possessive mark.

Sasuke was exposed, the salty scent flared in his senses and drove him on, as he wrapped his fingers around the hard shaft and pulled gently. Sasuke writhed and gasped and asked for things he really didn’t understand. So Naruto gave it to him, tightening his hold while his other hand found Sasuke’s ass and pulled him forward, farther onto his knee and away from the door. Sasuke’s head fell back with a low noise, exposing pale, vulnerable skin.

The demon flared again. (No. No…go to sleep…mine) And he dug his teeth into the pale skin again to prove his point, causing Sasuke to cry out in pain.

The tang of blood hit his tongue as he swiped at the new injury slowly, letting his hand move along Sasuke’s cock. Sasuke tensed and relaxed, hips jerking, fingers clawing slightly.

“Nar…” He was silenced by Naruto’s mouth.

No words. There were no more words. This wasn’t the way they were supposed to be, embracing with their minds in other places. Hollow words would only further taint the darkness. He moved his mouth to Sasuke’s ear and heard him moan as he took the lobe between his teeth.

Sounds were primal and soft. Words were sharp and clung to the skin like needles.

They cut through the heart like claws.

!!!!!!!

There was too much noise in the market. It grated on his nerves whenever he was stuck with this patrol route. It drove him up the wall when he was trapped doing it with Neji. And the Hyuuga knew it.

At least the two of them were being civil that day. He gave himself about another hour until he tore into him. But of course, he’d rip him apart gracefully and delicately. He was an Uchiha after all…had to keep up some appearances.

Besides, with Naruto gone, the town was boring as hell. Everyone could benefit from Hyuuga’s murder. He smirked to himself at the thought.

“Something entertaining you?”

“Just imagining skinning you alive.” His trademark smirk flashed, “And skewering you, maybe freeze some meat and give it to Naruto when he gets back.”

Neji snorted and looked away, casting a casual glance around. Just because they were having rather unfriendly, polite conversation didn’t mean they could slack off. “He’d be truly devastated, when Hinata told him what you’ve done.”

Damn that girl.

Oh well, he could get rid of her too. He frowned. No. That wouldn’t work. Naruto may have been stupid, but he’d know.

The Hyuuga and Uchiha clans had always been rivals, the two oldest bloodlines in the village, they had to carry themselves with a bit more pride than others, which meant Sasuke was always vying with Neji, even if he was only a Branch Family. He wondered what the boy would look like hanging from a tree by his hair and smirked again, then caught himself and shook his head.

Maybe it was a good thing Naruto was gone for now. He feared he was picking up this habit of facial expressions from him.

“Sasuke-kuuuun!” Sakura’s voice trilled through the air and he winced instinctually, before glaring at the Hyuuga who conveniently stepped aside as a thin arm wrapped around his right forearm.

“Hn.”

“Good morning, Neji!”

“Sakura-san.” He acknowledged, but her attention was on Sasuke again.

“Soooo, Sasuke, tomorrow night, are you excited?”

“Do bricks fly?”

Sakura was silent for a moment, eyes falling a little.

Neji smirked and replied, “If they’re thrown hard enough.”

Oh…if only he could wring that pale neck…

“Are you coming too, Neji-kun?”

Neji shook his head, “I do not attend Uchiha functions.”
Thank god.

“Oh.” Her sunny smile lit her face again, “Well, anyway. Seven o’clock, Sasuke-kun!” She leaned up and snuck in a brief brush of lips against his cheek before he could react, and darted away. Sasuke glared after her and resisted the urge to wipe furiously at the warm spot she’d left behind.

Beside him, Neji suppressed a knowing grin and continued patrol.

Sasuke made a sharp noise under his breath and sorely wished, once again, that Naruto was here so he could beat the shit out of him instead.

!!!!!!!

Sasuke felt himself being lifted and he automatically dropped his arms around Naruto’s neck and wrapped his legs around Naruto’s hips, but Naruto didn’t keep him against the door, and a part of him wished he had. He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Naruto’s muscular shoulder. In a few seconds, the mattress pressed against his back, blankets pushed away roughly.

Naruto left the space between his legs for a moment, and Sasuke gave a soft whimper before his pants were removed and he heard them tossed away. Eyes opening slowly, and in the darkness black eyes met blue ones for a moment, before he blushed and looked away. Naruto didn’t seem affected by it, and simply regained his place, running warm fingers over Sasuke’s skin, pulling another soft noise, which turned louder when Naruto’s mouth touched Sasuke’s hip, tongue flicking teasingly over the sensitive location.

His fingers threaded into Naruto’s hair, and pushed gently, trying to aim the blonde where he wanted him most. He felt Naruto give a dark, rumbling chuckle and didn’t have to look to know he was being watched. He felt his face flush again; the intensity of the stare seemed to see through him. He squirmed a little, embarrassment and a bit of humiliation tearing through him as he let out a low noise. But it must have been what Uzumaki was waiting for because Sasuke suddenly lost any chance of coherent thought as the wet warm cavern of Naruto’s mouth surrounded him. He tensed, fingers pulling at Naruto’s hair as he gasped and his shoulders arched off the bed.

Naruto moved his mouth slowly down the member, eyes peering harsh through the darkness, very pleased at the results his actions were creating. He thrust his tongue along the slit, that seemed to trigger Sasuke’s ability to inhale and moan, then had to lock his fingers on Sasuke’s hip to keep him from thrusting too hard, too fast, and too deep.

After a moment, he retreated, a line of saliva and precum dripping from his lip to the member. He licked his lips and sat up, knowing that Sasuke would have some kind of lubricant…it kind of stung to have that knowledge. And hurt a bit more when he found an almost empty tube in the bedside stand’s top drawer.

Sasuke watched him with heavily-lidded eyes, looking a little lost in himself. Naruto gave in to the urge to lean down and kiss him.

Forget about it all…just tonight. That had been Sasuke’s words to him. And he had given in so easily.

When he pulled back from the kiss, hanging over him still, and watching him, he saw someone he didn’t know reflected in the other’s eyes. And for a moment he wasn’t in the dark bedroom anymore, for a second he wasn’t human anymore. But then he closed his eyes.

Neither could forget. And that made the emptiness in his movements overwhelming.

!!!!!!!

His house was, irritatingly, starting to fill with people already when he got home. For a moment, he couldn’t remember why there would possibly so many people standing on the lawn of the, but then he saw the pink-haired ball of energy on the front porch and remembered. Birthday, right. He looked around, silently hoping Naruto would be back. He HAD promised after all.

But there was no blonde.

“SASUKEEEEE-KUUUUN!” was his only warning before he found himself stumbling back, his arms filled with Sakura. He frowned and looked down at her as she grinned back at him, “Happy birthday, Sasuke-kun! Come on, the party’s ready to start.”

“There are too many people.” She took firm hold of his wrist and began dragging him up the lawn, people calling out well-wishes to him that he promptly greeted with a glare.

“What are you talking about? Everyone wanted to be here to celebrate.”

“I’d rather be with Neji.” He muttered under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Sakura grinned and pushed open the door to the house. How the hell had she gotten a key, anyway? She pushed him towards the stairs, “Go, go go go. Change into something more suitable. And hurry, everyone wants to see you.”

Sasuke fought the urge to roll his eyes and climbed the stairs lethargically. He ignored the noise Sakura made behind him and when he reached the upper landing, headed for his bedroom, glaring at the few people who dared to come upstairs, “Party stays downstairs.” He growled and they scattered, and he breathed a sigh of relief that at least so far they hadn’t invaded his room.

He slammed the door, smirking to himself and hoping that at least someone downstairs would have heard and been affected in some way. For a moment, he stood in the dim room, eyes on the shades that held out the late afternoon light, before he moved and pulled off the guards on his arms, dropping them to a pile on the ground beside his dresser, then pulling his shirt up over his head, pale skin glittering a little with a light sheen of sweat on the upper part of his chest.

He paused, arms still in the sleeves of his shirt and looked at the single framed photo in the room. Team 7 when they were younger, he and Naruto looking away from each other, Naruto obviously pouting, Sasuke himself pretending not to give a damn. Was it easier back then? He sighed softly and turned away, tossing the shirt at the wall carelessly and pulled open his closet door. He pulled down a black shirt and a pair of pants, setting them on the bed, then closing the door again.

He wondered where Naruto was, if he was on his way home. He wondered if maybe Naruto would stop by…if he would even remember that it was his birthday. He found himself staring at that picture again. When he gets home, I’ll ask him for a better one. He suddenly decided. He wanted an image he could look head-on…that smile that wasn’t a mask…

He was pulling off his pants when there was a loud noise in the hallway. He cursed and shot a glare at the door, “Stupid people.” And silently cursed Sakura for the party once again.

Acute whispering, and suddenly, as Sasuke was lifting his right leg to pull fresh pants on, had the waistline over his ankle, that his door opened.

That was the first time he saw Tsugi. That was the first time he felt his entire life shift to a whole new angle since he’d met Naruto.

It left him shaken. He decided he didn’t like the feeling.

!!!!!!!

“Enough…do it.”

Words, too hard against the softness of the skin. He withdrew his fingers, looking up at Sasuke, before using the rest of the lubricant on himself, then tossed away the empty container. He didn’t give a word of warning, wasted no time in pushing deep into Sasuke. The tight warmth made him catch his breath.

Sasuke let out a sharp, high noise, arching up, long, slender fingers digging into his skin. He froze with his back curved off the mattress, gasping. It was the move beautiful vision Naruto had ever seen. He leaned forward, slipping a hand over the small of Sasuke’s back, and let his mouth capture a nipple. Sasuke moaned, and shifted, as if trying to fix an uncomfortable position.

Naruto grinned as Sasuke must have pushed his prostate against the intruding member. Sasuke tried to scream, but his breath was too far gone. Naruto liked it that way. Liked how Sasuke’s cheeks and skin had more color, especially the places that were red and purple after his lips had been there. He started moving, slow, long thrusts, resisting the primal urge to growl, very satisfied by Sasuke’s reaction.

“More…do it, Naruto…”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed a little, meeting half-open orbs of darkness. He’s still coherent enough to remember my name…Either I’m wrong or…or… He stilled, eyes going wide for a second.

“Naruto.”

The voice sounded like poison. He shifted, pushing his hands into the mattress, and lifted his hips a bit more, then let himself move faster, his cock throbbing as it disappeared into Sasuke. He moved harder, felt the bed move beneath them. Sasuke’s eyes closed and he issued a deep moan, then a sharper cry. Naruto issued a feral grin.

There. He slammed into that spot again. Sasuke’s hands flew to the mattress beside his head, grabbing at it as he almost screamed.

The beauty. He could see it, could feel it all. Every movement he made, every movement that was a result. Even the way the sheets moved between Sasuke’s fingers. Naruto could see it all. He was there. But if he closed his eyes…he was somewhere else.

This isn’t where we were supposed to be.

I was wrong.

This is nothing.

This is everything.

We aren’t supposed to be here.

Because the past cannot die. Because the future is indefinite. Because the future and the past are the same, and we all come back to who we were.

I can see the things we’ll never be.

He pretended, though. Let himself go through the actions, because his body couldn’t refuse. He was in love, and that was natural. He was screwing the one he was in love with. Screwing…fucking…

Naruto DID close his eyes, let the illusion stand for a moment, before he opened his eyes, bending over Sasuke farther, and moved even faster. Sasuke’s cries were the only thing he heard, because the rest was just darkness, because even his cries sounded pained and lonely.

He murmured, knowing Sasuke would never remember his words, “I love you.” Poisoned words. There was no response, as he knew there wouldn’t be. Maybe the other heard the words and imagined someone else’s lips spilling them.

It was nothing though. Love was an illusion. Endorphins and other chemicals in the blood. In the morning, he wouldn’t be in love…that’s what he tried to convince himself of, anyway. It doesn’t matter what happened that night. Because we are just forgetting…

And, a few moments later, he convinced himself it meant nothing when the name Sasuke cried when he came was not his own.

!!!!!!!

“It’s been a day…we should move.”

“But…”

“We can’t waste anymore time. Naruto-niichan will expect us to be able to finish this without him.”

Silence for a few moments.

“Yes.”

!!!!!!!

He sat on the edge of the bed, feet cold on the hardwood floor. Behind him, Sasuke was curled in on himself. He could feel his eyes on him.

He felt sick. He wanted to rise and leave. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

“Naruto…”

He hated Sasuke’s voice, in that moment. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his stomach. He let the silence stretch.

“Naruto…let me ask you…”

He squeezed his eyes shut, bowing his head. No questions. It will just further break the rule of forgetting.

He felt the bed shift and Sasuke sat up slowly.

“Did you ever think of me?”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ch. 4 Fin.

alsjfihgnsff…I never knew it could be so hard to write smut…OMG…*cough*…anywho…

DUN DUN DUUUUUUN