Clean Through

Naruto blinks in the darkness, not daring to move, heart pounding in his chest. “I didn’t mean—”

Her fingers are rubbing small circles across his back as she says, “I know. I know.”

He had to admit, it did feel a little bit like he was betraying his best friend even if Sasuke claimed to have broken those ties long ago. He almost couldn’t believe it, what had happened in the just past day and her words now. After all this time, Sakura finally felt something for him, even if she hadn't specified exactly what. But she had been clear about the fact that she couldn’t let go of Sasuke. He understood, because he couldn’t let go of him either.

He wilts a little in her embrace. “Sakura-chan, I’m tired.”

She pulls away, looking a little rejected. “Do you want me to go?”

He hates to see her look that way because of him, but he doesn't have the energy to try to reassure her. And hasn't he been straightforward about his feelings this whole time? He grabs her wrist, pulling her up as he rises. “No. Just come to bed with me. We’ll think about it in the morning.”

“Naruto.”

“Yeah?”

She watches the smooth line of his backside as he leads her down the hallway. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He shuts the door and crawling into bed, says, “I know.”


He isn't surprised when the next morning he awakes to an empty bed, and for a moment he has the fleeting sensation that it was all a dream—a twisted dream, but not quite a nightmare. He's trying to decide if he should pretend like nothing ever happened at all or just give Sakura some space for a few days instead when he hears the soft clatter of plates in the kitchen. And suddenly everything feels surreal. This isn't something he's experienced before—waking to someone else in his apartment. He slips out of the bed, already reaching for the nearest crumple of pants before he realizes that he's already wearing a pair. That's right, he had left them on last night to make Sakura more comfortable. He scrunches up his face, frowning as he reaches down to readjust the crotch so that it's no longer twisted and stuck to the side of his thigh before shooting down the hallway. He's always been hot natured so that even in the autumn weather sharing his cramped bed with another was somewhat like sleeping in a sauna—not that he's complaining though.

“Good morning, Saaakura-chan!” He suppresses the urge to “heehee” aloud at the scent of bacon as he plops down at the small table, hard enough to rattle the glasses.

Sakura glances at him over her shoulder from the stove, eyes flickering over the nakedness of his chest before answering, “Geeze, Naruto. It wouldn't kill you to keep some food stocked here.” She frowns slightly as she adds, “And your milk was old. I had to go to the market.”

He can't help but grin as he replies, “Did you get some more?”

She turns her attention back to the sizzling breakfast as she says, “Nope. I like orange juice better.”

He turns his nose up at the idea, pouting at her back even though she can't see it. Really he doesn't care, after all he's glad she's just here, but secretly he suspects she enjoys his childish antics so he doesn't try to suppress them around her.

It's not until she's sitting across from him, scraping her food around on her plate that he begins to feel awkward again. In between mouthfuls of scrambled eggs he tries to thank her, but, “No one's ever made me breakfast before,” slips out instead.

She just looks at him, and he wilts some because her eyes look a little sad and he has a feeling he knows what she's about to say.

“Don't worry; I won't get used to it,” he adds quickly with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood but it sounds a little pathetic even to his own ears.

“Naruto, I can't do this. I just can't.” The chair scrapes the linoleum floor as she slides back from the table, ready to bolt at any moment.

“Sakura-chan, wait.” He nearly overturns his orange juice when he reaches for her arm. “You don't. You don't have to do anything.”

We can pretend like it never happened. He doesn't want to say it. So instead he offers, “I'll let you call the shots. Whatever you want, however much or. . . little you want. . .” He looks away and lets out a sigh, but doesn't release his hold on her arm. He's surprised that he can't finish the sentence, can't actually beg her because God he wants to, but somehow he can feel the stubbornness set in. A friend with benefits, it's not what he ever imagined he'd boil down to. His jaw clenches at the thought, and glancing back to her, he snaps, “It's not like I asked you for a commitment.”

When she averts her eyes he adds with a bitter laugh, “I gave up on that fantasy long ago.”

It's not true, not really, but he hopes that it hurts her a little.

After a while she says, “I need to go home” because she can't bring herself to whisper Just who are you?

She looks to his hand where it grips her forearm, and reluctantly he slips his hand away, rises to show her to the door. He already knows where he'll be after this, working off his frustration.

“Naruto,” she says, pausing in the open doorway, awkwardly. “Will you really? Give me anything I want?”

He shrugs, frowning. “I already have, haven't I?”

“And you'll let me decide?” She's biting on her bottom lip, worrying it between her teeth as she looks off to the side. There's nothing to see there, and she lets her eyes trail up to his face. “When and how I want it?”

He just looks at her, but it's answer enough.

“Then. . . will you kiss me goodbye?”

He looks down to where her fingertips tentatively brush across the inside of his wrist and slide down across his palm. He tries not to grin as he locks his fingers with hers, but he can't help it, and she smiles prettily back at him. Her eyes linger over his bare chest which only makes him grin wider, but he decides not to tease her this time. Instead he leans in to smile against her lips. At the very least he knows she wants his body.

When she pulls away she breathes with a slight blush, “I'll give the report to Tsunade-shishou so you don't have to worry about it.”

Which is Sakura's way of asking him to keep what happened that night between them. And then she's gone, disappeared into the maze of streets that make up their home village, without so much as a goodbye.


It's been three days, and Naruto is starting to regret that little offer he made. Normally he'd be stopping by the hospital every night to walk Sakura home so she wouldn't pull another all-nighter, but now because of his rashness he'd be infringing on her promised freedom.

He grits his teeth when Kiba's claws graze his arm in a too shallow evade.

But Kiba doesn't use the opportunity to advance. “What the fuck's the matter with you, Uzumaki? Fight me serious or don't fight me at all.”

Kiba turns his head abruptly and spits at the ground, narrowly missing Akamaru with his projectile saliva. He's scowling and probably fighting the urge to place his hands on his hips by the way he keeps twitching his fingers. Or maybe he's just going to throw a heated punch. Nothing really surprises Naruto when it comes to Kiba's anger.

“Come off it,” Naruto barks back, but it lacks spirit.

“Ain't no room for thinking about a woman on the battlefield. Trust me—I know,” he says, jabbing at his chest with a clawed thumb.

Naruto shoots him an incredulous look and plops down on the ground, pouting as he digs through his pack for some gauze and instead pulls out his lunch. “Yeah? What would you know about love?”

Kiba glares at him in return, looking more than a little insulted, but for the life of him Naruto doesn't get it. Furious, he refuses to speak on the subject anymore and Naruto is left to eat his lunch in silence. But Naruto's hated silence for as long as he can remember so he's quick to try to work a grin out of the boy with his usual antics.

“Fuck you, Naruto,” he laughs and agrees to hang out later in the week if a mission doesn't come up. If—always if—because it's understood among them, the Rookie Nine and even Team Gai—all of them—because their way of the ninja demands duty before friendship and love. Naruto's never been very good at that particular sacrifice, but he understands the importance and lets others make their own choices.

He'll be true to his own way of the ninja no matter what, but breaking a few plans won't risk ruining that.

“See ya,” he offers when Kiba rises, dusting himself off and shooting Naruto a toothy grin before turning to walk away. He lifts his arm and waves once without looking back, already headed off to meet with his team. It's the one thing he refuses to be late to, no matter what, even after all these years. Or maybe especially after all these years. Sometimes Naruto thinks he can't understand a guy like him.

Now Naruto doesn't know what to do. He could go pester Tsunade for a mission to pass the time and earn some money, but he might run into Sakura in her office which would be more than welcome to him, but would it push her away? Has he already pushed her away? He doesn't think he can stand to lose another close friend. Damn that Sasuke for leaving him behind. If Sasuke was here. . . if Sasuke was here he wouldn't be in this mess. He'd know exactly where he stood in Sakura's eyes. Everything is Sasuke's fault.

With the familiar thought running through his mind, Naruto lies back on the grass and closes his eyes. Maybe he'll go play ninja with Konohamaru and friends, but the sun is warm and touches everything and he drifts off to sleep for a while.


Naruto awakens with a painful punch to his injured forearm. That kind of violence could only come from one person which means feigning continued sleep will only result in worse injury.

“Owww, Sakura-chan.”

He tries to sit up, but she pushes him back down.

“You idiot, what were you thinking? If you don't treat even small injuries they'll scar.”

She's digging for some antibiotics, and he just watches her. It's already dusk. “You know I don't scar.”

His words are quiet, accusing despite himself. She slows her movements but isn't willing to look back to him.

“I looked everywhere for you,” she says. “I finally ran into Kiba outside Ichiraku. Are you. . . avoiding me?”

“What? I'm not—”

“Don't lie to me, Naruto!” She's looking at him now and he sits up at the seriousness of her accusation. “Why haven't—why haven't you been there to pick me up at night? Are you—do you—”

She upset, more with herself than anything but somehow it always comes out on him. She's upset because it's true—he hasn't been avoiding her, he just simply hasn't come around. His sudden absence was jarring, and then she realized it—just how little she really puts into their friendship. When does she ever alter her plans in order to visit him? I'm busy; I've got important things to do. She's been repeating the lines all day but hasn't been able to make them ring true.

“Sakura-chan, I don't understand.” He's whining, but he doesn't know what to do when she's mad at him. “You told me that it was a bother to you for me to pester you all the time.”

On her part, she looks a little red in the cheeks. “That never stopped you before, idiot!”

He pulls her into a hug without warning, holds her to his chest and breathes in the familiar scent of her hair. Already he's angry at himself for breaking his word and infringing on her, but he needs to feel her against him. “Things are different now.” He hesitates for a moment and then adds more softly, “I missed you,” because it's true.

She's tense in his arms, causing him to loosen his hold in case she wants to pull away. But he doesn't know what he'll do if she reacts adversely to his affection. It's all so complicated now.

“I don't want things to change,” she says, and he hopes it isn't her way of rejecting him.

“Okay,” he says, and she does pull away then. “I'll walk you home tonight.”

She smiles then, really smiles at him, and he can't help but think that he loves her. “Thank you. I have to get back now. If Tsunade-shishou finds out I took more than 30 minutes for dinner she'll string me up by my toes.”

He laughs but it doesn't reach his eyes. It's nice though somehow that she took a risk for him, no matter how small. “Bye, Sakura-chan.”

He's got just enough time to head home and grab a shower, stop by Ichiraku for dinner, and maybe hunt down Kiba to find out what exactly was said to Sakura earlier so he takes off as well.


When he picks her up just outside the ICU, he tries to act casual and she seems a little disappointed. He offers her a wide smile anyway and with his hands resting behind his head, asks if she's ready.

They're halfway to her home when she finally works up the courage to say, “I'll come visit you more.”

He glances at her out of the corner of his eye but continues his shuffling gait as if her words mean nothing to him. “I know you're busy, Sakura-chan. I'm not asking you to.”

She's surprised, but what had she expected? Had she thought he'd jump for joy? Be grateful for her mere attention? She's starting to feel more than a little ridiculous about the whole thing when his fingertips brush across her palm.

She can't help but smile as she slips her fingers between his and looking to him says, “You aren't very good at this letting-me-make-the-moves thing.”

“Hmm.” His lips quirk at the corners of his mouth, but he continues looking ahead as he walks. “I've never been very patient.” Which means I'm trying.

They stop in front of the steps to her porch, and she turns to face him with her back to the house. She slips her hand from his.

“Thanks,” she breathes, leaning into him. I don't tell you enough. “For walking me home.”

And as she upturns her chin, he moves closer, moves toward her lips, ready. But the lights to the front porch flicker to life and the front door opens and she pauses, cheeks flushing at the thought of being caught.

He pulls back as she slips a safe distance away, already turning to receive her father's words, “Sakura, hun, come in. It's late.”

“I am.” She doesn't look back.

Her father nods once to Naruto with the sort of knowing look that only fathers of daughters can give, and Naruto nods back before shuffling awkwardly away.