Questionable Loyalty

A/N Well, that was fast. XD I have to say, this part of the plot is one of my favourites.



Satterb, thank you for the review, your words always give me such a boost when I write the new chapters!



CHAPTER 45





Kakashi walked up to the desk, then went around it and carefully sat in Pein’s lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He could feel how stiff the muscles under the cloak were, tightened with tension, his posture maintaining his rigid position even with the Jounin in his lap. Pein’s arms, though, went immediately to his waist and hips, wrapping themselves around Kakashi in an openly possessive gesture.



“Love, who was this man?” Kakashi asked tentatively.



“I told you. A member if Akatsuki.” Pein answered, but didn’t meet his eyes.



“Then why are you afraid of him?”



Perhaps asking this in such a blunt way wasn’t such a bright idea, because Pein’s expression darkened and his eyes flashed.



“I am not afraid of anyone! Why would be afraid of one of my own employees, Kakashi? I can flatten this entire area with but a thought if I wanted to!” he said sharply.



Kakashi flinched at the anger in Pein’s tone. Now he definitely knew something was wrong. Pein never lost his composure in such a way – or any way, for that matter.



“I wasn’t implying…” he tried to say but Pein was pushing him off his lap.



“I am tired, Kakashi. And I still have work to do. Some of us actually have to work, rather than spend the night with a pair of men who aren’t their lover.”



Kakashi almost fell to the ground when Pein pushed him but his reflexes allowed him to quickly regain his footing. Pein’s words stung. He could feel his knees going weak with apprehension.



“I thought you were okay with that…”



Pein was scribbling furiously on one of the documents and responded without looking up.



“I said I didn’t mind. I didn’t expect that you’d take to it so quickly or willingly.”



Punches in the stomach felt better than this did.



“I’m sorry.” He said softly.



“Whatever. I need to work now. Please find something useful to do around the base to fill your time.”



That was a clear dismissal and Kakashi bowed, then quietly left the office. The pleasant buzz from the sating experiences of last night and this morning disappeared to be replaced with shame and guilt and hurt. He had been a complete slut, wanton and needy and he had acted on instinct to satisfy his long-repressed urges and now Pein was angry with him. The man had tried to accommodate his needs, but Kakashi had taken advantage of his kindness and had probably ruined everything. ‘Fool.’ He thought. ‘This happens every time. You find something beautiful, something precious, and you do everything in your power to ruin it until you lose it.’



He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he almost ran over Itachi when he turned a corner and walked right into him. Their honed reflexes made them both jump away at the last moment to avoid collision and an embarrassing fall to the ground.



“Kakashi-san, watch where you are going!” Itachi chided him mildly as he picked up the scroll he dropped when he jumped. He stared at Kakashi for a moment then asked quietly:



“What’s wrong?”



“Nothing’s wrong. Why should something be wrong?”



“Because unlike Pein-sama, without your mask you’re not very good at hiding your emotions.” Itachi pointed out gently. “And right now, you seem upset.”



Kakashi stared at him for a moment, knowing that he was probably right. He had never been able to hide how he felt, no matter how much he tried – and in his line of work that was deadly. That had been one of the reasons why he had put the mask on – not the most important one, but certainly one of them. Itachi was still looking at him imploringly, patiently waiting for his answer.



“Pein-sama is angry.” Kakashi blurted out.



“Angry? At you?”



Kakashi nodded.



“He thinks I am a whore.” He blurted out again. Part of him cringed at admitting this to anyone and in a very public corridor, but he couldn’t be bothered right now.



“He said that?” Itachi asked incredulously.



“Not in these terms, but it was what he meant.” Kakashi whispered. “When I went upstairs there was a man there, talking to Pein, and it made him tense and irritable and after that he lashed out at me, for spending last night with the two of you.” The words were coming faster and faster. This relationship with Pein had pulled down all his walls, all his defenses and he couldn’t deal with the fallout, he was falling apart right in the middle of the corridor and in front of Uchiha Itachi no less. “I disappointed him and now he’s angry, and disgusted and...”

“Kakashi, Kakashi, wait, slow down a little.” Itachi said sharply, hoping that the authoritative tone would make the man stand to attention. It did the trick and Kakashi shut up and looked at Itachi.



“Let’s go back to my place and we’ll talk there, okay?” he said in a softer tone.



Kakashi slowly nodded and then obediently followed him back into the apartment. Once they were there, Itachi sat him down on the hideous sofa and followed him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.



“Now, tell me what happened. You said that there was a man there, when you went there. What man?”



“A man with a swirly orange mask. He introduced himself as Tobi.”



All colour drained from Itachi’s face at that name.



“He’s here?”



Kakashi nodded and looked at Itachi suspiciously.



“What is going on, Itachi? You look like you’ve seen a ghost and whoever that man is, Pein is afraid of him. That much was obvious. Who is this man that has you all so spooked?”



Itachi bit his lip and shook his head.



“I cannot… I cannot tell you.”



“You cannot or you do not want?” Kakashi asked sharply.



“All you need to know is that you need to stay as far away from him as you can, do you understand me?”



“No, no, Itachi, I don’t. If this man is some kind of a threat, I need to know about it, if he’s a threat to Pein, I have to be aware of it! I am not some helpless damsel in distress, dammit!”



Itachi reached and gently caressed his face.



“I know you’re not. But this man is too powerful for you, and he’s unpredictable. Dealing with him is very difficult and it does leave Pein-sama drained and cranky. Whatever he said to you, about last night, I am sure he didn’t mean it, Kakashi. He almost never lashes out at other people when he’s angry, or upset, but it happens even to him, sometimes. Whatever these villagers here believe, he’s still only human.”



Kakashi fumed. Now that he thought about it, Pein’s reaction seemed more of a way to avoid Kakashi’s questions about the newcomer. If it was true, he had every reason to be angry.



“What happened last night, or all the nights before that, between us… Pein-sama was a part of it. It happened with his approval. Neither me or Kisame would’ve even thought about touching you if we weren’t sure that not only he wouldn’t mind, but he would enjoy it. We know him well enough to be aware of his moods.”



Kakashi nodded. Itachi was right, of course. Pein’s words had been incredibly hurtful, but they covered a much deeper problem – his lover was hiding something from him. He had known about it all along, his suspicions growing with every passing day but he couldn’t figure out the nature of this secret. Whatever it was, he was going to get to the bottom of it. He turned to Itachi.



“Thank you, Itachi, for your words. I won’t forget that.”



The younger man gave him a sweet smile and leaned to kiss him gently.



“How could I not try to help you when you wore that sad, kicked puppy-dog look on your face.



“I do not look like a puppy, Itachi.” Kakashi said seriously, but the corners of his mouth turned up with amusement. “Least of all like a kicked one.”



“Well, not anymore.” Itachi agreed. “Now you look more like an angry alpha-male wolf.” His expression turned worried “You’re going to confront Pein-sama about all of this, aren’t you?”



“I don’t like being lied to, Itachi, least of all by people who claim to love me.”



Itachi looked down at his hands – he knew all about lying to loved ones.



“Sometimes it’s not as easy as it seems, Kakashi.” He warned him sadly. “The one who lies may suffer more than the one who is lied to.”



“I will have that in mind when I talk to Pein.” He muttered.



Of course, he didn’t go to talk to Pein that same night. Or the next day. Or the next, for that matter. He would be damned if he swallowed his pride and went to him first, as if he was the one who had done something wrong. So he stopped going to him altogether and stayed in his place, waiting to see when the stubborn bastard would come and apologize. By the fifth day of sleeping alone he was already fuming with rage, and both Kisame and Itachi, when they met him, began to tiptoe around him, apprehensive of his mercurial moods.



Pein finally appeared on the sixth evening after that morning. Kakashi was semi-asleep in his bed when he heard the front door click and then felt Pein’s familiar presence. The sliding door of the bedroom opened with a slight hiss and his lover stepped in and walked up to Kakashi’s bed. Although the Jounin had been taught to never sleep with his back to the door – a lesson he had followed almost fanatically throughout his life – this time he had deliberately lied down like that, not wishing to be face to face with the man, should he deign to appear.



Pein quietly dropped to his knees by the bed and reached to touch Kakashi’s shoulder.



“Kakashi.” He whispered.



After a long silence, Kakashi answered:



“What?”



“Kakashi, I’m sorry. Please come back.” The red-head elaborated. His tone was almost pleading.



Kakashi refused to turn around.



“What are you sorry for, precisely? For treating me like a slut after you were the one who practically pushed me in their arms to satisfy some sort of kink of yours, for lying to me when I asked you about this Tobi person, or for waiting for six days to come and apologize? Pick one, Pein. Or pick all of them, I couldn’t care less.”



The hand on Kakashi’s shoulder trembled.



“What I said was wrong… I was angry and I lashed out at you and you didn’t deserve it.” He admitted. “Do you really think that I am…I am some sort of deviant?”



Kakashi sighed and rubbed his eyes.



“Of course not. I enjoyed this as much as you did. All that happened had both our consent, or so I thought.” He reached and covered Pein’s hand on his shoulder with his own. “Don’t EVER treat me like that again, do you understand? If you do, I will leave and no matter how much you beg and grovel, I am not coming back.”



Pein leaned and kissed his hand.



“I won’t. I promise. I’m sorry. And I am sorry that it took me so long to come to you… I was… I was afraid.”



Kakashi turned around to look at him in the darkness, then slowly pulled himself to a sitting position and faced his lover.



“Afraid, you? I thought you weren’t afraid of anything.” He pointed out.



Pein smiled bitterly.



“Only a person with nothing to lose is absolutely fearless, Kakashi. The thought of losing you, it was unbearable. I was afraid… I couldn’t face the possibility that if I came down here and asked for forgiveness you’d reject me.”



“What made you change your mind?”



Even in the darkness he could see the red-head flushing.



“Itachi came and told me I was an idiot. He kind of screeched it, actually.”



Itachi. Screeching. Kakashi tried to imagine that but it was a too disturbing mental image to deal with.



“That must’ve been interesting.” He muttered.



Pein smiled sheepishly.



“You have no idea.”



“Well, I forgave you.” Kakashi stated. “About two things out of three. Tell me about Tobi now.”



Pein’s smile froze on his face and he looked down at Kakashi’s knees. His hands tightened on his thighs.



“Kakashi, I can’t do that.”



“Yes, you can.” The Jounin stated firmly. “If you want this relationship to continue, I won’t allow you to keep such secrets from me. Itachi clammed up as well when I asked him about this guy and he’s been like a mule on ice about this ever since. You, however, WILL talk. Look at me, damn it!” he hissed. Almost reflexively, Pein did. Kakashi could see the apprehension written all over his face – the man had never seemed so vulnerable and frightened. He looked like an injured, hurting beast that was backed into a corner and looking for a way out. Only Kakashi didn’t intend to give him that. “Whatever this man is holding over your head to threaten you with, you will tell me. I told it to Itachi, I will tell you as well: I am not a helpless farm-girl, Pein. And nor am I dumb. He’s blackmailing you with something, isn’t he?”



The apprehension on Pein’s faced doubled.



“I can’t tell you!” he exclaimed. “Please don’t ask me.”



“You can’t, or you don’t want to? In Itachi’s case it seemed to be the first. In yours… I am not so sure.” Kakashi said and grabbed Pein’s shoulders. “Whatever it is, Pein, you can tell me. I won’t judge you.” His hand went to his face and caressed his cheek gently, watching as the man’s quicksilver eyes closed shut and he leaned into the touch. “I love you. Tell me. Tell me, Pein.”



Pein opened his eyes and looked at him. For a moment, he seemed frozen in indecision before he finally spoke.



“My name is not Pein. At least, it’s not the name I was born with. I am Nagato.”



Kakashi nodded and waited. He was pretty sure that a pseudonym didn’t even begin to cover Pein’s secret. His lover continued speaking:



“And this man… Tobi… He’s the real Leader of Akatsuki.”



Kakashi let go of Pein as if burned.



“What?!”



“He was the founder of this organization, in the form it is now. I lead them, I make the day to day decisions, but he’s the one who has the final word in all important matters.”



Kakashi nodded slowly and said:



“So you’re a figure-head. Do the rest know about this?” his voice was completely flat – he had slipped back in his professional tone, the one he used to interrogate prisoners with. Pein flinched at it, but kept talking.



“No. Only Itachi does. And now you.”



“Why would Itachi know?”



“Because he came here with him… With his ancestor. Tobi is an Uchiha, Kakashi. They found me… us, Konan and me, at our lowest point. We had lost everything. Everyone. We were shells of our former selves. He took us in, picked up the pieces. Madara took my dream, Yahiko’s dream, of peace, and gave it direction, and shape.”



“So he devised the plan about the Bijuu?” Kakashi asked slowly. Pein nodded.



A long, tense silence followed. Finally Pein spoke.



“Kakashi, say something.” He pleaded.



Kakashi slowly unclenched his fists and took a deep breath.



“Tell me, why are you afraid of him?”



“I just told you…”



“No, Pein. What you told me so far is his secret. I want you to tell me yours. Whatever it is that he knows about you that he’s threatening you with. And why?”



Pein was quiet. There was something raw and broken in those silver eyes and Kakashi almost relented at the sight of such misery but he swallowed his compassion and pressed again.



“You have two choices. Either you tell me now or you will walk out of that door and you won’t come back here. I will do my mission, but you and I will be finished. The choice is yours.”



He saw the defeat on that tormented face. Nagato’s shoulders sagged and he looked down.



“Okay. But I can’t tell you. I have to show you.”



“Very well, lead the way.” Kakashi said.