Questionable Loyalty

CHAPTER 46





Pein led him back to his quarters on the upper floor and stopped before the origami display. Kakashi waited patiently as he made a series of seals until the whole set glowed and moved aside, uncovering a dark staircase that led further up on the tower. Without a word, his lover began to climb and Kakashi followed. The climbing went on for a while and by the Jounin’s estimates, they had reached the very top when they finally stopped before an ornate double-door, covered with engraved protective seals. Whoever was inside didn’t want to be discovered or bothered. Not with this kind of protection.



“Nagato, what is this place?” Kakashi asked quietly as he watched the red-head working with the complex lock.



“This” his lover said softly “is my domain.”



Pein paused before the door and reached for the complex lock, but his hand trembled and he curled it into a fist in an attempt to control his reaction. Kakashi reached and covered his hand in his.



“Love, whatever it is, you can show me. I want you to show me. Don’t be afraid, or ashamed – I won’t judge you, I promise.” He lifted Pein’s chin and kissed him gently, feeling the other man slowly relax in his arms. When they broke the kiss his lover didn’t withdraw immediately – his head rested on Kakashi’s shoulder and he rubbed his cheek against the smooth fabric of his shirt. Kakashi reached and buried his hands in the vibrant red hair, feeling it slide like silk between his fingers. “It’s okay.” He repeated. Pein nodded and withdrew, then returned to the lock.



The double doors opened soundlessly and the two of them walked into a spacious, barely lit hall. It was almost empty, save for the silhouette at the end of it, its large shape too strange for Kakashi to discern initially what it was. He narrowed his eye and slowly took several steps forward, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. Pein didn’t follow, he stayed quietly by the door, his hands hidden in the sleeves of his robe, his eyes trained firmly on the ground as if he couldn’t make himself watch the unfolding scene.



Finally, Kakashi came close enough to be able to see the shape clearly and then he realized that it was a man, trapped in a strange metal contraption. His form was terribly emaciated, all fat and muscle tissue long gone, leaving only skin clinging to fragile, brittle bones. In the faint light Kakashi could see that the deathly pale flesh was covered in round, vicious-looking scars and marks, some new and barely healed, others old and only semi-visible. Numerous metal rods stuck out from the man’s back, brutally impaled into his body. The sight reminded Kakashi of one of those dolls that he had seen on a mission to some obscure ocean island – ritual dolls that the shamans used to invoke curses and suffering on their victims. The sight was grotesque and Kakashi swallowed the bile that rose in his throat – had Pein done this to this man? He had known that his lover could be merciless, but such prolonged and cruel torture seemed out of character for someone who preferred efficiency to playing with his victims. The victim’s face was still obscured in shadow and his own limp, dark-red hair and the Jounin took one more step forward until he was standing at the foot of the strange contraption staring up at the shadowy face.



Finally the man lifted his head and a pale beam of light illuminated his pale features. A cry escaped Kakashi’s lips when he saw that face, because he recognized the young man from Nagato’s photograph – but where that person had been a happy, healthy individual, the ruin of a man before him was nothing but a shadow of his former self. It was a face that had been handsome once, even beautiful, but now it carried the burden of years of suffering – sunken cheeks, thin and cracked lips, dark circles around his eyes. Eyes. He had the same eyes as Nagato. Why?



Kakashi turned to his lover:



“What is this? I thought you said that your lover is dead, Nagato! Is this another of your lies!” he asked furiously.



“No.” the figure in the machine answered, his voice hoarse with disuse. “That was no lie.”



Kakashi’s feet went numb when he heard that voice. As hoarse as it was, it was still familiar – Pein’s voice, his lover’s voice, it came out of the throat of the trapped man.



“What...?” he turned around to look at the man again.



“There are only two people in this room, Kakashi.” The main said. “Three bodies, but two people.”



“I don’t…” Kakashi’s voice stuttered to a stop. Oh, but he did understand. The same voice, Pakkun’s words about the way Pein smelled to him, the face of the man in the machine – older than Pein’s face, around his Sensei’s age, while Pein was as youthful as he had been on the photograph, the strange tingling he had felt every time he touched his lover’s piercings and the strange metal rods that protruded from his skin – metal that was the same as that of the rods that were inserted into the other red-head.



“I am Nagato, Kakashi.” The man said. “And that over there…”



“Is an undead puppet?” Kakashi finished for him with a hollow voice. “Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? Your friend, the one who actually died.”



Revulsion twisted in his belly.



“And I thought that what Orochimaru does with his soul-transfering jutsu was disgusting.” He hissed. “Did you kill this man yourself, so you could use his abilities?”



Nagato’s jaw worked as he tried to say something but the words died in his throat with a whimper.



“And to think that I had sex with that thing!” Kakashi yelled “that I touched it and loved it, all the while it was nothing but a puppet through which you played with me!”



“Kakashi…love…”



“Don’t call me that! Don’t you dare call me that!”



He turned around and headed for the door. Pein reached and tried to stop him but Kakashi jumped away.



“Don’t touch me!”



The red-head pulled his hand back as if burned.



“Please…” he whimpered. “I can explain…”



“It is all quite obvious, don’t you think?” Kakashi growled and left the hall, running down the stairs and through Pein’s quarters, then all the way down to his place. Pein didn’t follow.



Pein didn’t follow on the next day either, or the next. In fact, for the next several weeks, Kakashi saw neither hair nor hide from him. His initial anger faded and was replaced by guilt for having reacted the way he did, especially when he remembered the look on Pein’s face when he flinched away from his touch – defeat. Heartbroken, desperate, agonizing defeat. It was almost as if he had expected Kakashi’s reaction when he had brought him up there – which was logical, really, because anyone would react this way when presented with that sight.



Of course, the problem was the inherent shallowness of his reaction. He hadn’t fallen in love with this man because of his looks. Okay, admittedly, he enjoyed the sex, very much so. And the puppet body was beautiful – he would be the last person who would deny that fact. He loved touching it, kissing it, making love with it. Sex was something he had barely engaged in while he had lived in Konoha – his fears and insecurities had prevented him from looking for a lover – but since he had come to Ame he had shed those – he had become a better person than he used to be. More confident, less prone to second-guess himself, he felt loved and was allowed to love in return. And Pein had made all of this possible.



Perhaps the reason for his anger had been the surprise – after all, he had already been disappointed by his lover, several times at that, and this had been the small rock that had tipped the car.



‘It wasn’t fair, what you did.’ His consciousness said ‘He has always been so attentive to you, he gave you all the love and attention that were denied to you for so long, and you treated him like that.’



‘He lied to me.’ Kakashi thought stubbornly. ‘And that body…’



‘Felt perfectly fine under your hands.’



‘It doesn’t change the fact that it is not even remotely natural.’



‘So-called unnatural things are the norm in your line of work, not the exception. Besides, if you were him, would you show your lover right away what you really are?’



“No.” said Kakashi out loud. “I wouldn’t.”



On top of everything else, he had comforted him, he had promised not to judge, and that was exactly the opposite of what he had done – he had judged, with actions and cruel words, and he had hurt the one who had shown him such kindness. He had really, really screwed up.



Question was, after that was said and done, would Pein accept an apology? Would an apology be even remotely enough to make up for the pain he had caused? Probably not. If Pein, no, Nagato, had even a small shred of dignity, and Kakashi knew that he had that in abundance, he’d throw him out the moment he stepped a foot in his office. It’d be the right thing to do, and Kakashi wouldn’t blame him for it.



Itachi found him, still pondering on that and trying to gather courage to face the music while he was sitting on the roof of one of the taller skyscrapers, soaked to the bone by the incessant rain.



He felt the Uchiha’s presence shortly before he heard his footsteps – the younger man approached him quietly from behind, then carefully lowered himself to sit next to Kakashi, their legs hanging above the abyss as they were perched on the edge of the railing.



“I have been looking for you all morning.” Itachi said evenly.



“I didn’t want to be found.” Kakashi muttered. A lightning flashed above them and shortly after that the thunder following it ripped through the air. Itachi cringed.



“It’s a miracle no lightning has toasted you yet. How about we go inside?”



“I feel perfectly fine where I am.” Kakashi answered.



“You’re being childish now.” Itachi chided. “I am a sick man and you’re making me stand in the rain, soaked and shivering.”



Finally Kakashi looked at him, at his reddened from the cold face and hair that stuck to his forehead and cheeks with water. He was blinking rapidly, trying to clear his eyes of the raindrops.



“Okay, we’ll go in.” he agreed.



They walked back to Itachi’s and Kisame’s place and when they entered, the Mist nin, who had been reclining on the sofa reading a book, took one long, critical look of them and the puddle that was slowly forming around their feet, rolled his eyes, muttered something about Konoha drama queens and pointed to the bathroom.



Itachi shrugged and did as he was told. Once inside, he ran the hot water in the large bathtub and shed his soaked clothes on the floor, then signaled to Kakashi do the same. Hesitantly, the Jounin obeyed and slid in the hot water after Itachi.



After a few minutes, the Uchiha pulled him close and made him recline against his chest, wrapped his arms around him and lay his cheek on his wet hair.



“Pein-sama has locked himself in his office.” He said. “He has been there for the past several weeks. He refuses to talk to anyone if it’s not about something urgent.”

Kakashi stayed silent while Itachi spoke, examining the decorative blue swirls of the tiles covering the walls of the bathroom. Kirigakure style. Kisame probably wanted to have something here that reminded him of his home.



“What happened?” Itachi asked.



After several seconds, Kakashi said tiredly:



“I screwed up.”



“I figured that much on my own, Kakashi-san. I am not a complete idiot.”



His small hand cupped some warm water and poured it over Kakashi’s hair, then took the shampoo on the stand by the wall and began to rub it in with slow, soothing, circular motions of his fingers. Kakashi closed his eye and relaxed into the gentle touch.



“You know how he really looks like, don’t you?” Kakashi asked softly.



The massaging fingers stopped moving. After a few seconds, they began again.



“So that’s what happened. He brought you upstairs. And you didn’t take it very well, I assume?”



Kakashi nodded.



“I said terrible things.”



“When I first came here with…” he paused, realizing that he was about to divulge information that was supposed to be secret.



“With Tobi, I know. Pein told me that he’s an Uchiha too.”



“Pein shouldn’t have told you that.” Itachi said. “He doesn’t like his secret being exposed. Not even Kisame knows.”



“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.” Kakashi reassured him. “I take it he helped you? With the clan?”



Behind him Itachi stiffened and Kakashi could feel him nodding.



“I knew that there’s no way for a thirteen year old, no matter how talented, to do all that on his own.” Kakashi muttered.



“As I was saying” Itachi began again “When we came here and met Pein and that girl, Konan, the place was in ruins. I am not sure what part of the destruction was the result of the war, and what part was caused by the massacre he carried out. But when we came here, he was already in the state you saw him in, only he wasn’t in the machine yet. He was… his legs were gone. Her friend had removed them in an effort to save him from the necrosis that had set in after some sort of grave injury. And she had preserved the other body. Yahiko’s body.”



“Preserved?”



“Yes. Apparently she had some sort of rudimentary medical training – not enough to save Nagato’s legs though. They had put the body in a bed, up where the main office is, and he seemed to spend most of his time there. He was in a wheelchair, almost catatonic with grief. She attacked us immediately when we appeared – seemed like a woman possessed, so desperate to protect him. I could understand her – Nagato was all that she had left. I would do the same for Sasuke, if we were in such a situation.”



Kakashi listened as Itachi spoke and tried to imagine the scene – even after he had seen Nagato, the real Nagato, the thought of him being helpless or unwilling to fight back was strange.



“What happened?”



“Madara pinned her to the ground and went to talk to him. He told him he shared his dream, and that he had a plan. But for the plan to work, he needed Nagato and his summoning abilities. Not even an Uchiha can control all nine Bijuu at the same time, you know. But he can.”



For the next several minutes, the only sound in the bathroom was the splashing of water as Itachi washed the shampoo off Kakashi’s hair. When he was done, he continued:



“He made Nagato come out of his stupor. I don’t know how he managed it, but when he finally became fully aware of his surroundings, he was even more manic than Tobi to see this through. Tobi taught him the puppeteering technique, and Pein, because that’s how he began to call himself, he enhanced it, developed it, made it his own. His friend helped him. She always helped him, while she was still alive.”



“Did you ever find out how the other one died?” Kakashi asked softly.



“Not in detail, no.”



“But she did tell you something?”



“Kakashi…”



“Tell me.”



Itachi sighed.



“She told me that they killed him.”