Questionable Loyalty

A/N:Aaah, the chapter I've been waiting for since the very beginning of this fic. *sigh* Finally. I hope you like it. :D





CHAPTER 47









In the evening Kakashi went up to Pein’s office and knocked quietly, half-expecting for there to be no answer at best, or at worst to be thrown out like a mangy dog. Which was probably what he deserved. Surprisingly, the red-head’s smooth voice said:



“Come in.”



He opened the door minutely and quietly walked in, then closed it behind himself and remained where he was, awkwardly shuffling from foot to foot and waiting for the Akatsuki Leader to look up from the documents he had been pouring over. Finally, when he realized that his stubborn visitor wasn’t going to give up and leave, Pein looked up.



“How can I help you, Kakashi-san?”



So they were back on formal ground again.



“I came to apologise.” Kakashi said softly and took a step forward, then another, and another, until he was standing before the man’s desk.



“You have nothing to apologize for.” Pein said and looked down at the documents again. “You made your opinion abundantly clear and I understand why that was.”



“Pein…”



“All I want to know now if you’re still willing to do what you promised to do – go back to Konoha and assist us.”



“Of course…!”



“Because this is a letter from our agent in Iwa” he said and handed Kakashi the sheet of paper. “They have finally agreed to allow you to go there and play hostage for Konoha to save you. It has to happen soon, in the next several weeks.”



Kakashi reeled. He didn’t want to go. Not now. Suddenly, staying with Pein seemed like so much more important.



“This is not why I came here to talk to you!”



“And this is the only thing I want to talk to you about!” the other man answered just as heatedly. He looked up then and met Kakashi’s eyes. The Jounin saw the raw hurt in that expressive gaze and felt ashamed of himself. What he had done and said was unforgivable and yet he had to try to make up for it.



Throwing all caution to the wind he walked behind the desk and slid down on his knees, wrapping his arms around Pein’s legs, mimicking the man’s pose earlier, when he had come to his room to apologize.



“I am so sorry I hurt you. That I said the things I said when I had promised not to judge you. I did it out of surprise and shock and I didn’t really think them. Please.” He lay his head on Pein’s knees. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”



He felt warmth, as if the Pein’s hand was hovering above his head before he felt fingers gently tread through his hair.



“I am not angry at you.” The man said gently. “Only at myself.”



Kakashi looked up in surprise.



“After you reacted the way you did… I realized that I had failed, again. I have lived with the fear that you would find out and hate me for what I am for so long now, Kakashi, that when it finally happened, I shut down. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t bear to be alone again.”



Kakashi looked up, then reached and pulled the man to the floor, to kneel next to him, hugged him and kissed him gently.



“You’re not alone. You will never be alone. You have me, okay?”



The red-head slowly nodded.



“Yes.”



“Good. Now, bring me upstairs again. I need to talk to you face to face.”



“Kakashi, we ARE face to face. This body…”



“is a perfectly functional proxy, I know. But I need to talk to the real you. Please.”



His hand slid from his shoulders to Pein’s chest, feeling the heart beating underneath his fingers. Perfect in any way, indeed. Pein nodded hesitantly and got up to his feet.



The hall was the same as Kakashi remembered it – spacious and barely lit, the machine and Nagato situated in the shadows as he walked up to them without any hesitation and climbed onto the device, wanting for them to be on the same eye-level. Nagato seemed wary as he watched him climb.



“What are you doing?” he asked.



“I need to talk to you, love, and I need to be looking at your face while I am doing it. Your face, not anyone else’s.”



“There’s nothing interesting about my face to look at, Kakashi.”



“The fact that it’s yours is interesting enough. I want to know the real you.”



Finally, he was on it, sitting on the smooth surface and looking at the man from up close, just now realizing how small Nagato was. ‘He must’ve been very malnourished as a child.’ Kakashi thought bitterly.



“The other is not a fake me, Kakashi.” Nagato said, his voice as hoarse as he remembered it. “The shell is different, but it’s still me.”



“Shell… is that how you call him? Your friend?” Kakashi asked sadly and looked back at the other red-head, now once again standing serenely by the door, his strange eyes empty of any live or emotion.



“My friend is dead, Kakashi. Died by my hand, when the former leader of this village and one of the Konoha commanders caught us into an ambush.”



Kakashi blinked, a little confused.



“You were ambushed but you were the one to…”



“They had caught Konan, our friend, and threatened to kill her unless I killed Yahiko.” Nagato looked down, shame twisting his features. “But I couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself take his life. How could I choose between the two most important people in my life? So he made that choice for me. He impaled himself on the blade which I held.” His eyes closed at the memory. “Died in my arms, breathed his last breath in my mouth. My Yahiko.”



It was obvious that the man was trying very hard to keep his tears in, biting his already dry and cracked lips, his pain and grief as raw as they had been the day his lover died. Kakashi reached and gently wrapped his arms around the frail shoulders.



“What are you doing?!” the man asked suddenly, flinching in his arms, apparently unused to human touch, but Kakashi didn’t let go.



“Shhh.” He whispered. “It’s okay. It’s okay to cry.”



Nagato’s skin was paper-thin, stretched over the brittle bones and cold, very cold, but Kakashi ignored it and only hugged him tighter, feeling the metal rods protruding from his back catch onto his fingers.



“I have cried all my tears long ago, Kakashi.” Nagato stated. “And Yahiko disapproved of me crying as it was.”



“You never trained formally as a ninja, were you?” Kakashi asked suddenly, his head relaxed onto a bony shoulder.



“No, why?”



“The first thing a child that enters this life is taught is that crying is forbidden. Emotion is forbidden. Here I thought that you wanted to change world so that children are no longer taught to be mindless, soulless machines for murder. It is okay to cry.”



He thought about his father, about Obito and Rin, about Minato… He had never really properly mourned them, had he? He had never truly cried for them, his training had robbed him of that.



“I need you to cry for the both of us.” He whispered. “I know about the guilt of surviving, but I cannot cry anymore. Help me.”



Nagato buried his face in his shoulder and soon Kakashi felt his shirt there grow wet – there was no sobbing, no shaking, only soundless tears that soaked into his clothes. He reached and began to pet the lank red hair soothingly.



He wasn’t sure for how long they stayed like that, for how long he held his lover as he cried on his shoulder, but it didn’t really matter – it felt cleansing and soothing and Kakashi didn’t want it to end.



Finally Nagato slowly lifted his head and looked at Kakashi. His face was too gaunt to turn puffy, but the Jounin could see his damp cheeks and the redness around his eyes.



“Thank you.” Nagato said.



Kakashi smiled, then leaned and planted a soft kiss on the cracked, salty lips, feeling them tremble in shocked.



“Kakashi?”



“You’re my lover. Aren’t I entitled to kissing you?”



“I don’t understand why you’d want to kiss me when I look the way I do…”



Kakashi rolled his eyes.



“Because I didn’t fall in love with you based on your looks, silly.”



“The Leader of Akatsuki is not silly.” Nagato said with exaggerated self-importance. Kakashi chuckled and rubbed his nose against his.



“Silly indeed. Both of us.” Kakashi stated. And then it dawned him – that no matter the face he wore, Nagato was Nagato. The sense of humour was the same, the reactions were the same, even his voice was the same. The shell was unimportant. He kissed him again, harder this time and the lips under his opened obediently. Eventually though, Nagato pulled back.



“Kakashi, Kakashi, stop. Please.”



“Did I hurt you?” Kakashi asked worriedly.



“No, of course not. But…” Nagato took a deep breath “This body cannot…. I don’t think that it can function like this anymore. It’s too weak, too…” he looked away. “Too maimed.”



Kakashi swallowed. He reached and caressed the gaunt face gently.



“It’s okay. I’ll just stay here and hold you then. Is that okay?”



Nagato nodded. Without another word Kakashi sat down on top of the contraption and shifted until he found a comfortable spot, then wrapped his arms around the man’s middle and relaxed, slowly drifting off to sleep.



In the morning, or what his internal clock said it was morning, he slowly opened his eye and groaned quietly at the stiffness of his body. His back hurt, his shoulders hurt, his legs felt leaden and the crick in his neck was more than unpleasant. Still, it was the best sleep he had ever had. He looked up and saw that Nagato was looking down at him.



“Good morning.” Kakashi said quietly.



“Hi.” Nagato answered. He looked uncertain and wary, as if worried that their conversation last night was a dream and Kakashi would leave in a huff now. The Jounin gave him a lazy, warm smile.



“I had a dream.” He stated.



“Oh?”



Kakashi nodded.



“And it gave me an idea.”



“Idea?” the wariness turned into tentative confusion.



“You said that you can’t, in this form, didn’t you?”



Nagato frowned, then nodded uncomfortably.



Kakashi pointed to the other and said:



“Come here.” Then he turned to Nagato “How do I call him? Nagato? Pein?”



Nagato shrugged.



“Whatever you feel comfortable with. It’s still me.”



Kakashi nodded.



“Nagato, come here.”



The other red-head quietly walked up to them, wearing the same worried expression on his face. It truly was Nagato.



Kakashi slid from the machine to the floor and walked up to Nagato, then took his hand and lead him back to the contraption.



“Your original body is too weak and injured to make love, but it receives everything you feel in this one, doesn’t it?”



Nagato nodded slowly.



“I see everything that all sets of eyes see, as well.” He pointed out.



“That has to be a little confusing.”



“It was, at first.”



In truth, it had taken him years to get used to it, even if it felt natural to him now.



Kakashi nodded thoughtfully, then, without further ado, wrapped his hands around Nagato’s hips and lifted, easily carrying his weight as he carefully deposited him to sit on top of the machine, both of them right in the original’s view.



“Kakashi, what are you up to?” The pierced one asked while the other watched quietly the unfolding scene.



“Why, making love to you.”



“Here? Now?”



“Is there a problem with that?” Kakashi asked seriously.



Both sets of eyes were staring at him.



“If you can’t use your original body, I’ll just have to make love to this one.” Kakashi explained slowly, patiently. “And you’ll get to watch.” He turned to the original and gave him a wink, then leaned and kissed the seated man before him, feeling him stiffen in his arms and then slowly begin to relax.



“Kakashi…” Nagato whispered somewhere above his head.



Kakashi gave the full, pierced lip a sound suck before he turned to look at the other:



“It is very strange to hear your voice while I am kissing you.” He stated.



“I’m sorry, I’ll be quiet.” Nagato answered and looked down.



“I said strange, I didn’t say unpleasant.” And he kissed him again, his hands beginning to roam boldly over the robe-covered body, seeking the clasps and undoing them, then pushing the garment off his shoulders to reveal the shirt he wore beneath.



“You wearing far too many clothes.” Kakashi complained.



“I am compensating” Nagato’s voice came from above.



Kakashi chuckled and tugged the hem of the shirt up to reveal the strong, smooth chest. He licked his collarbone and felt the warm body in his arms arch against his touch, twin soft moans reaching his ears. Indeed, the original felt all that his puppets felt. Kakashi felt strangely pleased with that confirmation and didn’t waste anymore time to begin sliding downwards to the pierced nipples, wrapping his lips around the right one and tugging the piercing with his teeth before soothing the sting with his tongue, swirling it around the reddened nub. Nagato shuddered in his arms and moaned again, fingers coming to tangle in his hair and trying to guide his head as he pleasured his lover.



“What are you doing to me?” someone asked hoarsely but Kakashi could figure out which one and it didn’t matter, because the man in his arms was needy and responsive and the Jounin didn’t care about anything else but to satisfy him. Without a word, he moved to the other nipple, giving it the same attention, feeling it harden against his tongue, while his hands slid up and down Nagato’s back, feeling the muscles tense and relax as his lover shivered in his arms.



His mouth slid further down as he unbuttoned Nagato’s pants, tugging them along with his underwear and the red-head lifted his hips to allow Kakashi to take them off and leave him completely naked under his gaze. The younger man let out a pleased purr and bit gently the tender spot where his body met his leg, then, ignoring his arousal, proceeded to lick down his thigh. Nagato sighed and leaned back on top of the machine, lying down and lifting his legs up to allow his lover to get back to his feet.



Kakashi looked down at the display – Nagato’s long, pale legs were spread invitingly, his full lips moist and reddened by the earlier attention, the vibrant hair wild and mussed around his head – he was the very image of submission, in a pose and with an expression Kakashi had worn countless times for him already. He looked up and met the original’s eyes and felt humbled by the trust he saw that – open and willing. Still looking up at Nagato, he ran his hand over the other’s chest, feeling the supple body arch into his touch, seeing with his peripheral vision that his lover had turned his head and was suckling his index finger as his form writhed underneath Kakashi’s hand.



“You can feel that, can’t you?” Kakashi asked gently. The other nodded, his eyes trained on the scene before him hungrily.



“Good.” Said Kakashi and his fingers slid further down, wrapping around the weeping length and beginning to jerk it off, Nagato’s own juices providing more than enough lubrication. The Jounin looked down at his lover again and his breath caught in his throat at the sight, his still clothed organ throbbing in the confines of his pants. With his free hand he reached and lowered his fly, then let his pants and underwear to drop on the ground, kicking it away, leaving on only his undone shirt. His slick hand played with the man’s balls a little, then rolled and tugged at the piercing on his perineum, eliciting the sweetest moans he had ever heard, then fingers found the small, delicate entrance and traced, feeling it twitch against his touch.



“I am going to take you now.” He stated quietly.



“Yes.” They both said. “Please.” The original added.



Kakashi smiled and inserted his index and middle finger in his lover, hearing him squeal in delight and lifting his knees up to his shoulders to give him better access. He knew that Nagato didn’t need much in preparation for this – he had done it often enough to know how to relax around Kisame, but Kakashi didn’t want to rush this. This wasn’t about pain, or claiming, or proving something – it was about sharing and satisfying and Kakashi was determined to make his lover feel good. He reached into his shirt’s pocket and took out a small tube of lubricant.



“You planned this.” Nagato observed from above, his voice too breathy and needy to sound accusatory.



“I hoped.” Kakashi responded and squirted a generous amount of the clear gel on his fingers, then inserted them back into the wanton entrance, soon adding a third, gently teasing the small button of pleasure he found inside. Both keened at the touch and Nagato’s hips rocked hungrily onto his hand.



“I am ready.” The man stated and tried to spread his legs further.



“No, not yet.” Kakashi insisted.



“Why? Do you plan to fist me?”



Fire shot up his spine and his own ass clenched and throbbed at the mental image – both Nagato and himself spread open like that – and he had to swallow several times through his dry mouth to be able to respond.



“No. Why? Have you done that before?”



Nagato was looking up at him with hooded eyes.



“A few times. Itachi convinced me. He loves it when Kisame does that for him.”



“Itachi seems to be able to convince a lot of people about a lot of things.” Kakashi observed hoarsely as he removed his fingers.



“Indeed, he is.” Nagato answered just as hoarsely.



“You’re sure you’re ready?” Kakashi asked, suddenly feeling apprehensive. “I don’t want to hurt you.”



“You won’t.” the one above him answered gently. “It’s okay.”



When he slid in, all three of them keened in pleasure. Nagato reached and wrapped both his arms and legs around him, body arching and writhing, urging him to move, to take him, to satisfy and claim him. Kakashi obeyed, he could never deny him anything, because that meant denying himself.



Their coupling was raw and passionate, their bodies twisting and rocking against each other, racing for their peak, Nagato moaning wetly both in his ear and above him as Kakashi slid into him over and over, their skin slick with sweat, cheeks reddened, hair stuck to their foreheads with moisture. When Nagato came Kakashi heard them both cry out in pleasure and looked up to stare at his lover’s thin face contorted into a grimace that of what appeared to be almost pain as the body in his arms shuddered and shivered. It was all it took for Kakashi to reach his peak as well, ecstasy washing over him in several waves as he finally slumped over his lover.



It took him several minutes to get his breathing somewhat under control and pull away from his lover, climb onto the machine as well and tug him closer to the original until both their heads rested on the plate around Nagato’s waist. A thin, bony hand gently began to pet Kakashi’s sweaty locks.



“Thank you.” Nagato said.



“What for?” Kakashi murmured sleepily.



“For not being disgusted. For accepting me as I am.”