Over the Edge and Through the Wall
folder
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
5
Views:
1,057
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
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Category:
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
5
Views:
1,057
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Anger and Angst
Over the Edge and Through the Walls
Chapter Five: Anger and Angst- The Plane Ride from Hell
Getting his things together was a methodical and blissfully uneventful process. He already had several “mission packs” prepared and ready to go because he often had to leave on short notice, or very soon after returning from the previous mission. He couldn’t take most of what he needed with him anyway, he had to fly on a major airline. He was going to have to gather most of his supplies once he landed.
So that’s what he spent most of his remaining time doing, searching online maps of the area to find a place to get the various equipment he was going to need. It was such a bother, and exactly the reason why he usually didn’t fly, except in Hidden Village’s private planes, but this mission was a rush job and all of the private jets were already in use. He was working outside his normal routine, but it seemed that it was exactly what he needed, because he hadn’t thought about Ibiki once in the last hour or so. Instead, he had searched and planned, his mind falling into “assassin mode” and all thoughts of his inner turmoil was pushed away.
Once all of his supplies were packed, and his plan was in place, it was time to get dressed. He chose a suit, Armani, and combed his hair down from its usual spiked style into something that looked appropriate in the corporate world. Add in a laptop case, and no one in the DC airport would look twice at him, just the way he wanted it. Heading back from California, tight jeans, a button down shit and striped tie, converse shoes, and a belt with an artistic buckle would give him that “I’m an aspiring rock-star” look everyone out there either had or wanted.
He headed out of his apartment using the back entrance. He made a habit of making sure no one in his building ever saw him in his various disguises. He only went out the front door in Cargo pants and t-shirts, his preferred style of dress when he was off. He was quite positive that if any of the other residents ever saw him in his always changing array of costumes, that it would cause quite a surge in unwanted attention and scrutiny.
So he went down the stairs instead of taking the elevator, the ones that exited directly into the parking garage and hoped the hour was odd enough that none of the other residents that recognized his face and occasionally tried to chat with him were in the garage. He approached his black corvette and did his customary visual check that everything was how he left it with a bit more care than normal. It was always smart to be aware of your surroundings, but with Orochimaru in town he needed to be especially alert.
Deciding that things were ok, he got in and started the engine. The way the machinery purred as it sprang to life, never failed to put a smile on Sasuke’s face. One of the few joys in his life untainted by anything that happened to him in his past or present. And even now in the midst of an emotional breakdown, simply putting the car in gear and feeling the way it responded to his control was enough to make him forget everything for just a little while longer.
***
Sasuke flopped in the tiny seat with abandon. Getting on the god forsaken plane without cracking a few heads together had taken every once of restraint he had in him. Every fiber of his being cried out for violence and hysteria. Too much. The airport had been way too fucking much when he was still feeling so raw. In one goddamned day he’d found a candidate to fill the glaring vacancy in his life, been rejected by said candidate, lost control and killed someone outside of work, and found out that the man he feared more than anything could be trying to hunt him down. Things weren’t looking good for Sasuke Uchiha at the moment.
He tugged at the stupid tie he’d worn and then turned to glare at the woman next to him who’d smiled sympathetically at him when he’d sighed in irritation. Why did people always assume that a pitiful, humor and empathy laced smile was going to be the highlight of his fucking life and erase everything that was going wrong in his day? He would bet good money on the odds that the very same woman would have a fucking cow if she knew everything that was going on Sasuke’s life right now.
He admirably refrained from smirking in satisfaction when she snorted with indignation. The perverse pleasure it gave him in pissing her off was totally worth the annoyance she had caused him in the first place. He pulled his i-pod out of his carry on and put the ear-buds in, more to drown out the sound of everything going on around him than because he actually wanted to listen to the music.
Heavy metal roared to life inside his brain. Ahh…yes, Otep. He fucking loved this band. He listened to most of the first song with the half formed though ‘God this bitch can wail,’ floating around in his mind, before skipping forward to “Ghost Flowers,” his favorite song. He slightly nodded his head to the beat for a while before one line reached out and grabbed him by the throat.
“Cut me open with precision. Then you finger the incision.” The lyrics were so close to thoughts he’d had earlier about Ibiki that it sent a surge of images of the older man into his brain. All of a sudden, everything he’d worked so hard to push down inside of him sprang back up and clawed at his attention. He knew he should reach up and turn off the song, put on something else that was a bit more uplifting, but he couldn’t. He must be a true masochist at heart.
More of the lyrics penetrated his thoughts and he was shocked at how they seemed to fit what was going on his brain. “She’s picking ghost flowers from her soul.” And he was. God he was. He kept picking and poking at the wounds and memories that brought him the most pain. He was sick of fighting it. He’d had fucking enough of always fighting everything, fighting to stay in control and keep himself calm. He let go then, he put the song on repeat since it seemed to perfectly frame his state of mind right now and just let the tidal wave of emotion crash over him. Memories and lyrics and emotions intermingled until it was all one big fucking mess inside him, and Sasuke embraced it with open arms.
***
Laughter filled the inside of the sedan and it made Sasuke warm. Never mind that it sounded rusty and uncertain, as if Ibiki wasn’t used to laughing and he was surprised by his own response, Sasuke was simply glowing at the sound. Something he’d said had made the scarred man laugh. He’d pleased Ibiki, pleased him to the point that he’d had an unexpected reaction, the laughter that still rang in Sasuke’s ears was proof that it could happen.
***
“You will know me by the scars I bear.”
Sasuke looked up at Ibiki from his knees. This was exactly how he’d wanted Ibiki, large and imposing, standing over him controlling him. The hand in his hair was harsh and unforgiving, not letting him move at all without Ibiki’s consent. It was perfect, it was like Sasuke had scripted this reaction to his arrogance at thinking he was allowed to touch Ibiki’s cock. That is until Ibiki tossed him away.
His surprise at this change of events caused him to sprawl out on the floor without catching himself. But he was nothing if not determined, he got to his feet preparing to try yet again when Ibiki started speaking. The words cut deeper than any physical wound he’d ever received. Not enough time to break him? Didn’t Ibiki know he was already broken? He was broken and he didn’t know how to fix himself, that’s what he needed Ibiki for. The crazed laughter that wanted to bubble up and spill out of his throat should have been hard to keep inside, but it wasn’t. Sasuke could feel himself shutting down already, his body just didn’t want to do anything, even if it was only giving voice to the hysteria clambering around in his head.
***
Sasuke scowled at the sound of Kakashi’s laughter. What the fuck was that idiot laughing for? It wasn’t like it was funny. He stood there trying to maintain his calm, but doing so with chicken noodle soup dripping down his face was damn near impossible. As he sat there stunned into inactivity, he felt a noodle fall from his face and plop into the puddle in his lap. The pink-haired girl who’d thrown the soup in his face was now being escorted away from the fuming brunette by a sheepishly apologizing blonde in a garishly orange jacket.
Kakashi was still laughing even when Sasuke stood up and stormed over to the restroom. He supposed he was a little rude in rejecting the girl’s offer for a date, but he was rude to people all the time and it didn’t end with him wearing edible items. What the hell was that bitch’s problem? When he looked up at himself in the mirror, he did have to admit that he looked pretty fucking stupid. The small bark of laughter caught him by surprise, but he didn’t regret letting it out. He was pissed still, sure, but on the whole it was nice to have an amusing memory to file away with all the shitty ones in his lifetime. Maybe the sound of his and Kakashi’s laughter would drown out Itachi and Orochimaru’s.
***
The giggling turned into outright laughing as soon as the two of them were far enough away to not be heard. The look on their cook’s face when he’d found the dead frog in the soup had totally been worth all of the trouble he and Itachi would get into later for pulling the prank. Sasuke looked over at Itachi laughing and thought that it was good to see him this way. Too often lately he’d been scowling and looking irritated.
“I like watching you laugh.” Three-year-old Sasuke whispered up to his older brother. “I like seeing you smile too, Sasuke.” Itachi had whispered back. There was a pause then as if Itachi were trying to find words his young brain would comprehend, and then he continued. “I want to be the one making you smile Sasuke, one day, one day I will be,” and innocent Sasuke had laughed, delighted at the idea instead of being terrified as he should have been.
***
“You will know me by the hate I swear.”
He’d known what was happening downstairs when he’d heard the first scream. He’d known Itachi was slaughtering his parents and all of their servants without having to look. He didn’t doubt Itachi’s ability to do the task, or that his brother would be merciless. He didn’t want to go down there. He didn’t want to watch them die. He knew there was nothing he could do, no way to save them. Itachi had made his mind up already, they’d been dead since last night when he’d confessed his plan to Sasuke, only none of them had known it.
So Sasuke sat curled into a ball in the corner, and put his hands over his ears as he cried. No sound penetrated that feeble barrier then, and Sasuke couldn’t tell how much time passed while he sat in silence. All he knew was that the only thing that penetrated the quiet in his head after that was the sound of Itachi’s manic laughter.
***
“She’s picking Ghost Flowers from her soul.”
Sasuke was shaking, shaking like a leaf. It was stupid really to be so upset over such a small thing, but he couldn’t help it. He was panicking, and he couldn’t stop the flood of adrenaline to his brain, gearing him up in a “fight or flight” response. Kakashi’s laughter rattled around in his brain, and his paranoia increased with the intensity of the sound in his mind. The laughter he’d heard wasn’t the laughter he was used to from Kakashi, the warm rich sound Sasuke had secretly become addicted to in his months training under the other man. No this laughter was cold, emotionless and downright evil.
It was such a stupid thing to be so affected by the noise. But Kakashi was the one adult in his life that he had ever respected and trusted, and to hear him sound so much like everyone else who had put him through so much misery was quite jarring. Of course Kakashi had a good reason, he was a different person when he was on a mission, they all were, but that didn’t matter to Sasuke’s confused and reeling brain. All that mattered was that he’d seen a side of Kakashi that he felt he shouldn’t have, and it was making him feel nauseous. He needed to get the sound out of his head, but it seemed to be stuck there.
***
Orochimaru’s laugh had a distinct quality to it. How his eerily lyrical voice could manage to sound so beautiful yet so purely demonic at the same time was one of the greatest mysteries of Sasuke’s young life. There were things that Orochimaru’s laugh was capable of doing, inspiring fear, inciting panic, creating tension. But the one thing that Orochimaru’s laugh was capable of doing above all else was keeping Sasuke from getting a full night’s sleep.
***
“She’s clipping the wings of fallen angels.”
Sasuke lay on the floor pretending to be unconscious. He knew how to pattern his breathing and still his movements to simulate loss of consciousness due to a concussion. He’d had lots of practice at perfecting this particular trick. He felt blood pooling under his torso somewhere, but he wasn’t quite sure which one of the many injuries he’d sustained was causing the blood loss. It really didn’t matter though, they all hurt like a bitch, but none were fatal.
He couldn’t be sure by looking at them, his vision had gone blank hours ago, he’d been sightless and bound in Orochimaru’s mercy. He’d also lost too much feeling in most parts of his body to do an inventory of his wounds to know how serious they were. But he still wasn’t concerned; he knew he wasn’t going to die. Orochimaru had far too much control to ever let him get near death. He didn’t want to kill Sasuke, just keep him hovering in a constant state of agony.
Sasuke thought he’d been doing a damn good job of pretending to be out until Orochimaru laughed and whispered, “Silly Sasuke, I know all your secrets,” and the pain began anew with more laughter echoing off the walls.
***
The plane landed and Sasuke ripped the ear-buds out of his ears in anger. Throughout the entire plane ride he’d tortured himself, he’d pushed all of his own buttons and now he was mad. Beyond mad, he was more pissed off than he’d ever been in his entire life. He exited the plane and everyone cleared a wide path for him. He was radiating hate and danger, and no one wanted to be caught in the cross-hairs. He was done with this. He was done laying back and playing the victim. Ibiki, Kakashi, Itachi and Orochimaru all thought they could toy with him, push him. Well it was time for Sasuke to push back.
Sasuke walked out of the airport into the beautiful California sunshine and smiled, it was time to have a little fun, and fuck anyone who tried to stand in his way.
A/N: major kudos to the_boyfriend for correctly identifying the band I referanced in Taking the Spoils. Yay for you!
Chapter Five: Anger and Angst- The Plane Ride from Hell
Getting his things together was a methodical and blissfully uneventful process. He already had several “mission packs” prepared and ready to go because he often had to leave on short notice, or very soon after returning from the previous mission. He couldn’t take most of what he needed with him anyway, he had to fly on a major airline. He was going to have to gather most of his supplies once he landed.
So that’s what he spent most of his remaining time doing, searching online maps of the area to find a place to get the various equipment he was going to need. It was such a bother, and exactly the reason why he usually didn’t fly, except in Hidden Village’s private planes, but this mission was a rush job and all of the private jets were already in use. He was working outside his normal routine, but it seemed that it was exactly what he needed, because he hadn’t thought about Ibiki once in the last hour or so. Instead, he had searched and planned, his mind falling into “assassin mode” and all thoughts of his inner turmoil was pushed away.
Once all of his supplies were packed, and his plan was in place, it was time to get dressed. He chose a suit, Armani, and combed his hair down from its usual spiked style into something that looked appropriate in the corporate world. Add in a laptop case, and no one in the DC airport would look twice at him, just the way he wanted it. Heading back from California, tight jeans, a button down shit and striped tie, converse shoes, and a belt with an artistic buckle would give him that “I’m an aspiring rock-star” look everyone out there either had or wanted.
He headed out of his apartment using the back entrance. He made a habit of making sure no one in his building ever saw him in his various disguises. He only went out the front door in Cargo pants and t-shirts, his preferred style of dress when he was off. He was quite positive that if any of the other residents ever saw him in his always changing array of costumes, that it would cause quite a surge in unwanted attention and scrutiny.
So he went down the stairs instead of taking the elevator, the ones that exited directly into the parking garage and hoped the hour was odd enough that none of the other residents that recognized his face and occasionally tried to chat with him were in the garage. He approached his black corvette and did his customary visual check that everything was how he left it with a bit more care than normal. It was always smart to be aware of your surroundings, but with Orochimaru in town he needed to be especially alert.
Deciding that things were ok, he got in and started the engine. The way the machinery purred as it sprang to life, never failed to put a smile on Sasuke’s face. One of the few joys in his life untainted by anything that happened to him in his past or present. And even now in the midst of an emotional breakdown, simply putting the car in gear and feeling the way it responded to his control was enough to make him forget everything for just a little while longer.
***
Sasuke flopped in the tiny seat with abandon. Getting on the god forsaken plane without cracking a few heads together had taken every once of restraint he had in him. Every fiber of his being cried out for violence and hysteria. Too much. The airport had been way too fucking much when he was still feeling so raw. In one goddamned day he’d found a candidate to fill the glaring vacancy in his life, been rejected by said candidate, lost control and killed someone outside of work, and found out that the man he feared more than anything could be trying to hunt him down. Things weren’t looking good for Sasuke Uchiha at the moment.
He tugged at the stupid tie he’d worn and then turned to glare at the woman next to him who’d smiled sympathetically at him when he’d sighed in irritation. Why did people always assume that a pitiful, humor and empathy laced smile was going to be the highlight of his fucking life and erase everything that was going wrong in his day? He would bet good money on the odds that the very same woman would have a fucking cow if she knew everything that was going on Sasuke’s life right now.
He admirably refrained from smirking in satisfaction when she snorted with indignation. The perverse pleasure it gave him in pissing her off was totally worth the annoyance she had caused him in the first place. He pulled his i-pod out of his carry on and put the ear-buds in, more to drown out the sound of everything going on around him than because he actually wanted to listen to the music.
Heavy metal roared to life inside his brain. Ahh…yes, Otep. He fucking loved this band. He listened to most of the first song with the half formed though ‘God this bitch can wail,’ floating around in his mind, before skipping forward to “Ghost Flowers,” his favorite song. He slightly nodded his head to the beat for a while before one line reached out and grabbed him by the throat.
“Cut me open with precision. Then you finger the incision.” The lyrics were so close to thoughts he’d had earlier about Ibiki that it sent a surge of images of the older man into his brain. All of a sudden, everything he’d worked so hard to push down inside of him sprang back up and clawed at his attention. He knew he should reach up and turn off the song, put on something else that was a bit more uplifting, but he couldn’t. He must be a true masochist at heart.
More of the lyrics penetrated his thoughts and he was shocked at how they seemed to fit what was going on his brain. “She’s picking ghost flowers from her soul.” And he was. God he was. He kept picking and poking at the wounds and memories that brought him the most pain. He was sick of fighting it. He’d had fucking enough of always fighting everything, fighting to stay in control and keep himself calm. He let go then, he put the song on repeat since it seemed to perfectly frame his state of mind right now and just let the tidal wave of emotion crash over him. Memories and lyrics and emotions intermingled until it was all one big fucking mess inside him, and Sasuke embraced it with open arms.
***
Laughter filled the inside of the sedan and it made Sasuke warm. Never mind that it sounded rusty and uncertain, as if Ibiki wasn’t used to laughing and he was surprised by his own response, Sasuke was simply glowing at the sound. Something he’d said had made the scarred man laugh. He’d pleased Ibiki, pleased him to the point that he’d had an unexpected reaction, the laughter that still rang in Sasuke’s ears was proof that it could happen.
***
“You will know me by the scars I bear.”
Sasuke looked up at Ibiki from his knees. This was exactly how he’d wanted Ibiki, large and imposing, standing over him controlling him. The hand in his hair was harsh and unforgiving, not letting him move at all without Ibiki’s consent. It was perfect, it was like Sasuke had scripted this reaction to his arrogance at thinking he was allowed to touch Ibiki’s cock. That is until Ibiki tossed him away.
His surprise at this change of events caused him to sprawl out on the floor without catching himself. But he was nothing if not determined, he got to his feet preparing to try yet again when Ibiki started speaking. The words cut deeper than any physical wound he’d ever received. Not enough time to break him? Didn’t Ibiki know he was already broken? He was broken and he didn’t know how to fix himself, that’s what he needed Ibiki for. The crazed laughter that wanted to bubble up and spill out of his throat should have been hard to keep inside, but it wasn’t. Sasuke could feel himself shutting down already, his body just didn’t want to do anything, even if it was only giving voice to the hysteria clambering around in his head.
***
Sasuke scowled at the sound of Kakashi’s laughter. What the fuck was that idiot laughing for? It wasn’t like it was funny. He stood there trying to maintain his calm, but doing so with chicken noodle soup dripping down his face was damn near impossible. As he sat there stunned into inactivity, he felt a noodle fall from his face and plop into the puddle in his lap. The pink-haired girl who’d thrown the soup in his face was now being escorted away from the fuming brunette by a sheepishly apologizing blonde in a garishly orange jacket.
Kakashi was still laughing even when Sasuke stood up and stormed over to the restroom. He supposed he was a little rude in rejecting the girl’s offer for a date, but he was rude to people all the time and it didn’t end with him wearing edible items. What the hell was that bitch’s problem? When he looked up at himself in the mirror, he did have to admit that he looked pretty fucking stupid. The small bark of laughter caught him by surprise, but he didn’t regret letting it out. He was pissed still, sure, but on the whole it was nice to have an amusing memory to file away with all the shitty ones in his lifetime. Maybe the sound of his and Kakashi’s laughter would drown out Itachi and Orochimaru’s.
***
The giggling turned into outright laughing as soon as the two of them were far enough away to not be heard. The look on their cook’s face when he’d found the dead frog in the soup had totally been worth all of the trouble he and Itachi would get into later for pulling the prank. Sasuke looked over at Itachi laughing and thought that it was good to see him this way. Too often lately he’d been scowling and looking irritated.
“I like watching you laugh.” Three-year-old Sasuke whispered up to his older brother. “I like seeing you smile too, Sasuke.” Itachi had whispered back. There was a pause then as if Itachi were trying to find words his young brain would comprehend, and then he continued. “I want to be the one making you smile Sasuke, one day, one day I will be,” and innocent Sasuke had laughed, delighted at the idea instead of being terrified as he should have been.
***
“You will know me by the hate I swear.”
He’d known what was happening downstairs when he’d heard the first scream. He’d known Itachi was slaughtering his parents and all of their servants without having to look. He didn’t doubt Itachi’s ability to do the task, or that his brother would be merciless. He didn’t want to go down there. He didn’t want to watch them die. He knew there was nothing he could do, no way to save them. Itachi had made his mind up already, they’d been dead since last night when he’d confessed his plan to Sasuke, only none of them had known it.
So Sasuke sat curled into a ball in the corner, and put his hands over his ears as he cried. No sound penetrated that feeble barrier then, and Sasuke couldn’t tell how much time passed while he sat in silence. All he knew was that the only thing that penetrated the quiet in his head after that was the sound of Itachi’s manic laughter.
***
“She’s picking Ghost Flowers from her soul.”
Sasuke was shaking, shaking like a leaf. It was stupid really to be so upset over such a small thing, but he couldn’t help it. He was panicking, and he couldn’t stop the flood of adrenaline to his brain, gearing him up in a “fight or flight” response. Kakashi’s laughter rattled around in his brain, and his paranoia increased with the intensity of the sound in his mind. The laughter he’d heard wasn’t the laughter he was used to from Kakashi, the warm rich sound Sasuke had secretly become addicted to in his months training under the other man. No this laughter was cold, emotionless and downright evil.
It was such a stupid thing to be so affected by the noise. But Kakashi was the one adult in his life that he had ever respected and trusted, and to hear him sound so much like everyone else who had put him through so much misery was quite jarring. Of course Kakashi had a good reason, he was a different person when he was on a mission, they all were, but that didn’t matter to Sasuke’s confused and reeling brain. All that mattered was that he’d seen a side of Kakashi that he felt he shouldn’t have, and it was making him feel nauseous. He needed to get the sound out of his head, but it seemed to be stuck there.
***
Orochimaru’s laugh had a distinct quality to it. How his eerily lyrical voice could manage to sound so beautiful yet so purely demonic at the same time was one of the greatest mysteries of Sasuke’s young life. There were things that Orochimaru’s laugh was capable of doing, inspiring fear, inciting panic, creating tension. But the one thing that Orochimaru’s laugh was capable of doing above all else was keeping Sasuke from getting a full night’s sleep.
***
“She’s clipping the wings of fallen angels.”
Sasuke lay on the floor pretending to be unconscious. He knew how to pattern his breathing and still his movements to simulate loss of consciousness due to a concussion. He’d had lots of practice at perfecting this particular trick. He felt blood pooling under his torso somewhere, but he wasn’t quite sure which one of the many injuries he’d sustained was causing the blood loss. It really didn’t matter though, they all hurt like a bitch, but none were fatal.
He couldn’t be sure by looking at them, his vision had gone blank hours ago, he’d been sightless and bound in Orochimaru’s mercy. He’d also lost too much feeling in most parts of his body to do an inventory of his wounds to know how serious they were. But he still wasn’t concerned; he knew he wasn’t going to die. Orochimaru had far too much control to ever let him get near death. He didn’t want to kill Sasuke, just keep him hovering in a constant state of agony.
Sasuke thought he’d been doing a damn good job of pretending to be out until Orochimaru laughed and whispered, “Silly Sasuke, I know all your secrets,” and the pain began anew with more laughter echoing off the walls.
***
The plane landed and Sasuke ripped the ear-buds out of his ears in anger. Throughout the entire plane ride he’d tortured himself, he’d pushed all of his own buttons and now he was mad. Beyond mad, he was more pissed off than he’d ever been in his entire life. He exited the plane and everyone cleared a wide path for him. He was radiating hate and danger, and no one wanted to be caught in the cross-hairs. He was done with this. He was done laying back and playing the victim. Ibiki, Kakashi, Itachi and Orochimaru all thought they could toy with him, push him. Well it was time for Sasuke to push back.
Sasuke walked out of the airport into the beautiful California sunshine and smiled, it was time to have a little fun, and fuck anyone who tried to stand in his way.
A/N: major kudos to the_boyfriend for correctly identifying the band I referanced in Taking the Spoils. Yay for you!