Battle of the sexes

It's been so long since I've updated this fic, so ima have to do a recap.

ON WITH THE FIC!!

“Speech”
‘Thoughts’
“Speech/Thoughts or Whisper”
*noise/action *
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The handsome quartet arrived at the incredibly packed Chouji's on time for their reservations and were escorted to their private area to dine out on the extended, covered balcony.

"Hey we're going to go to the bathroom, kay?" Suigetsu said, turning on his heel with a sly grin on his face and heading in the direction of the restrooms. Kiba did a double take at the grin he spotted on Suigetsu's face.

"Uhh....I'm gonna go and uhh-go to the bathroom too. Excuse me." Kiba said, feeling inclined to be formal with the luxuriant setting.

Naruto looked confused at Kiba's skittish attitude and took a seat next to the raven, then looked out into the open night sky.

"This is so romantic." Naruto said dreamily, pretending that it was just he and Sasuke here alone…….wait! It was!

"Yeah, it is." Sasuke said, taking Naruto's hand in his, on top of the olive green linen covered dining table and looking into Naruto's cornered crystalline eyes. Sasuke leaned closer to claim Naruto's lusciously shining lips in a heated kiss before a familiar voice could be heard and he frowned, yanking his hand from Naruto's and pulling back completely, straightening his posture in his chair with tensed muscles.

"Hello Sasuke." Sakura greeted, and then turned to Naruto. "Naruto? Was it?" She asked and Naruto nodded, still a little riled up by the closeness that he and Sasuke just previously shared. Naruto studied the body before him. Sakura was a very nice looking girl. But that wasn't the body he was staring at. It was a male body.

"Sasuke."

Sasuke frowned and glared.

"Fugaku."


Sasuke stole a glaring glance at the smug pinkette, standing next to his father. "What brings you here?" Sasuke asked with poorly hidden animosity. Naruto picked up his glass of water, absently, to keep his hands busy from nervousness. Just that heated condescending aura that radiated from the eldest was hot and suffocating enough to parch the palate. Ten times worse than any 1000 degree glare Sasuke could muster up.

Fugaku smirked at his son's obvious discomfort. "What, I can't come and have a nice evening meal with my son and his fiancé?"

At that, Naruto's gulp of water that was traveling smoothly down his esophagus, decided to change its direction, shoot back up and spew a thick foggy spray of water before him. Fugaku turned his smirk in Naruto's direction.

"She's not my fiancé and you know that. Sasuke clarified, reaching a hand over and patting the scowling Naruto's back, while he helped wipe his mouth with the provided white cloth on the table.

Fugaku furrowed his brows annoyed with the overly familiar intimate gestures Sasuke was showering this Naruto with. "Oh but Sasuke, you know that that's what your beloved mother wanted most before she passed. Wouldn't you want to make her proud?" Fugaku took a seat at the large rectangular table, across from the male duo, still with that deathly Uchiha evil smirk.

'That was low.' Naruto thought in his mind. "How could you do something like that?'

"Also before mother passed, she wanted me to be happy." Sasuke flicked his gaze distastefully to Sakura and then back at his father. The tension was so thick Naruto was tempted to take another swallow of water, but was too afraid it'd change its course again. So he just sat there uncomfortable in the middle of this family affair, with his hands in his lap. Luckily Shikamaru came out to draw some of the tension away from them.

"Konbanwa lady and gentlemen, would you be interested in an appetizer this evening?" He asked professionally. Fancy notepad and pen ready to take orders.

There was an eerie silence before Fugaku spoke up. "Sure." Fugaku answered, after no one took the initiative to speak up. "I'll have the creamy Shrimp Pate, with a bottle Romanée Conti (1) for starters."

Shikamaru nodded and jotted down the order, then nodded towards Sakura for her order.

"Oh, I'll have the spinach dip." She said.

Shikamaru looked at Sasuke.

"Eel onigiri." Sasuke muttered and Naruto looked over at Sasuke, when it was his turn to order and Sasuke nodded at him. "Don't worry, I'll pay for it." Sasuke said.

Sakura stared enviously at Naruto as his mooching side kicked in. Sasuke never offered to pay for anything she wanted.....well she never waited for the say so or okay long enough to find out. But he probably wouldn't anyway.

'Well in that case.' "I'll have the Blooming Onion, with a…-do you guys have Sex on the Beach?" Naruto questioned, knowing full well he was a year too young to drink.

Shikamaru smirked. "Well, I tried once, but the sand was just too troublesome. I don't know about these guys though." Naruto and Sakura chuckled, as the mood started to lighten. "But if you're talking about the alcohol, yes we do. Will that be all?" He asked. They all nodded and he walked away.

"Oh! Shoot!" Naruto remembered. "Kibbles and Soy Sauce!"

Fugaku and Sakura looked puzzled.

"Who or what is Kibbles and…Soy….Sauce?" Fugaku asked unpalatably.

"Oh!" Naruto realized the pet names at such an elegant dinner weren't appropriate at the table. "Kiba and Suigetsu, they're my friends." He clarified. "I don't know what's taking them so long to get back from the bathroom."


Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god." Kiba chanted.

Suigetsu looked down at Kiba agitated.

"Will-you-keep it down!" Suigetsu whispered sternly, but his strict face was minimized when he let out a deep moan. Kiba had him pinned up against the bathroom stall, with his costly looking slacks pooled at his ankles, which were in front of Kiba's face as he gripped Suigetsu's hips with fervor. Suigetsu clutched Kiba's broad shoulders, holding himself up with his well developed biceps as he gnawed on one of the piercing in the bottom of his lip that he had changed from silver to clear, prejudging the formality of their current location. Kiba's slacks were also pooled at his feet as he stood there supporting Suigetsu's body up off the ground.

"I'm s-sorry. It's…..It's just been so long since my cock has been in you. Ohhmigod." Kiba breathed out, forcing his cock into his panting lover.

"Oh, Kiba, please." Suigetsu begged for nothing in particular.

"I wanna givit' to you, just let me-" Kiba let go of Suigetsu's hips and smashed his body tightly against Suigetsu's keeping him elevated with just his body, as he slid in and out of his tensed boyfriend. "Ohhh godd yesss." Kiba breathed, liking the freedom of his hands to roam all over the love of his life before him. He leaned his head closer and raped Suigetsu's neck with his wildly frisking tongue and insanely sharp looking teeth, that traveled up his pulse and to Suigetsu's sensitive ears wrapping his tongue around Suigetsu's gauged ears.

Suigetsu rolled his neck back and to the side, using a bone-crushing grip on Kiba's shoulders to help lift himself off of Kiba's thick pulsing cock, just to loosen some of those tensed muscles to let himself back down repeatedly.

"Ohhh yeahhh righ-right there." Suigetsu moaned.


Sakura looked disgusted. "There are more of them?" She asked snobbishly.

Naruto glared at her and asked venomously. "What do you mean, more of them?"

Sakura stuck her nose up higher in the air with her falsely sweet voice. "Oh, nothing."

Naruto frowned harder, then grinned slightly. "Sasuke, could I have a word." Naruto politely asked, standing from his chair and sloppily folding his handkerchief, lightly slamming it onto the table.

Sasuke nodded and followed Naruto, in the direction of which seemed like the restroom.

They stepped inside and Naruto glared at him.

"Okay Sasuke, what the fuck?!" Naruto looked exasperated, planting one of his palms against the wall, while propping the other on his hip, staring at Sasuke for an explanation.

"Look, Naruto, I didn't know my father would be here. When Sakura said she was going to bring someone, I thought it was going to be Ino or Sai." Sasuke explained. "I had no idea." Sasuke said, remembering how he felt when he saw his father stepping closer to the table he was frozen at.

"I'm not even trippin' about your dad, it's that bitch 'fiancé' of yours." Naruto took his hand off the wall to flail his arms animatedly. "And what the hell was that all about?!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke stepped forward to take Naruto's wildly flapping hands into his own. Thank god for some privacy! He looked at Naruto with the softest, most emotional looking expression Naruto had ever seen on the Uchiha for as long as he's known him. "Don't worry Naruto. After dinner it'll be just you and me." Sasuke said confidently and leaned forward to brush his lips against Naruto's, pausing and giving him a chance to pull away. When he didn't, Sasuke leaned forward and kissed Naruto, nudging his head up for a better angle to taste the blond, with his warm exploring tongue.

"Mmmnnnh."

Naruto and Sasuke pulled away from each other.

"Damn, I knew I was sexy, but-" Sasuke was interrupted mid-sentence, by another throaty moan.

"Mnnn-ohhh."

Naruto cocked his head to the side. "Suigetsu?" He called.

"Whaaaattt?" The voice moaned/whined out.

"You fucking whores! Do you ever quit?! We were waiting for you two idiots!"

"Ho-hold up just lemmi' finish this up." Kiba breathed.

"Oh-oh-ohh-oh! Kiiibaaa!!!" Suigetsu screamed.

Sasuke side-glanced at Naruto's slightly reddened face, wondering if it was out of anger, or because there was a possibility he was getting aroused. Sasuke stepped closer and pushed Naruto up against the wall, pinning him and leaning his warm mouth by his sensitive ear.

"Naruto." Sasuke said in a low raspy voice.

Naruto's plump pink lips parted with a thick shaky breath at the purely erotic voice purring in his ear and shifted under the weight Sasuke was lightly pressuring against him.

"Sasuke, please...your father is outside and I can just feel his repulsion for me already. And I can tell he doesn't know about your homosexuality.What if he came in here?" Naruto asked in a low tone.

At that, Sasuke kept Naruto trapped, but looked down, not having anything to say to Naruto's premonition. In the background they could absently hear Suigetsu and Kiba exciting the stall furthest to the wall.

"Whooo!" Kiba bellowed. "You guys should be hatin' he's probably got thee best ass in the fucking galaxy." Kiba grinned and Suigetsu sent a disapproving scowl at him.

Naruto turned his head away from Sasuke's and gently pushed him away before the two forever sexually active males rounded the restroom corner.

Sasuke was getting a little tired of having to hide, even if it was only two times from Naruto’s best friends, it was annoying! Those little soft pushes away every time his friend’s appeared was troubling. They were gay too! So what was there to hide?!

"You guys should have waited until after dinner. Because of you two, Sasuke's father has been waiting!" Naruto yelled in a tone that told the others that nothing suspicious was going on. Sasuke kept his eyes lowered, then turned on his heel, pulling on the brass bathroom handle-bar, opening the door and exiting it. Kiba watched Sasuke's back disappear from sight, then looked at Naruto, whose eyes were also downcast, then gave Suigetsu a 'something's-going-on-here-and-we-don't-know-what-it-is' look.

"What? Sasuke's father is out there?" Suigetsu asked and Naruto nodded, not lifting his eyes from the floor.

"And so is his fiancé." Naruto added and the two gasped, simultaneously stepping forward and embracing their fair haired friend.

"He's getting married?!" Kiba asked, ready to go out there and tear Sasuke's rich pansy ass to shreds.

"No.."

The boys stepped back and looked at Naruto oddly.

"Then what?" Suigetsu asked.

"She's just a bitch that knows....that likes to mess with me."

"That one that was in the shop?" Suigetsu asked and Naruto nodded, hearing Kiba growl, ready to go out there and tear that pink haired cheating bitch to shreds.

"C'mon, let's go and get this over with." Naruto said detached, opening the door, walking down the short dimly lit hallway. Naruto walked out far enough to hear the last of Sasuke's and Fugaku's conversation.

"Well if that’s the case, then who is that Naruto to you?"

Sasuke looked up at Naruto making his way to the table and looked down.

"Nothing."

Naruto felt like a thick wooden bat was swung at his stomach full force. But he shouldn't have....isn't this what he had asked for? So that Sasuke's dad wouldn't hate him? Well then why did it hurt hearing something like that come form Sasuke's mouth. Naruto was so thunder stricken, that he could no longer sit in the company of a liar....or was he lying? He didn't even know what to think! He couldn't breath. This was so stupid....he didn't even know Sasuke that well to feel this way, but he had to get away from here.

As soon as he sat back down at the table along with Suigetsu and Kiba, he gave a faltering smile and looked down at his plate. He didn't know where to look. He lost to the two enemies across from him. Whether he knew or not hat he’d been miles behind the enemy’s lines-

He lost.

They new, or if Naruto was mistaken -which he doubted- thought Sasuke didn’t care for him. He couldn't even lift his eyes, fearing that they would lock with the dark frigid abyss of eyes that were Sasuke or Fugaku or those teasing emerald green ones.

'I can't stay here.....not after that.' Naruto thought dejectedly, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, acting like someone was calling him. "Excuse me, I have to take this." He lied, not being able to come up with a better idea to escape at the moment without it looking obvious. "Yes?" He gasped dramatically for added effects and closed his phone immediately. "I have to go. Emergency!" He stood quickly, pulling the Lenin cloth from his lap and lightly slamming it onto the table. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, we’ll have to reschedule." He said, looking up at a puzzled Suigetsu and Kiba. They knew what was up, but they sat there like they were concerned for whoever was on the other line.

"Naruto are you going to be alright?" Kiba asked in mock worry.

"I think I can manage." He answered and Sasuke looked up at him, with wondering eyes, torn between leaving with Naruto, asking if he needed a ride, or not concerning himself altogether, for the sake of his father's doubt of their current relationship, or after Sasuke's words, lack there of. With that, Naruto turned on his heel and left from the other guest's vision.

Suigetsu and Kiba looked at each other, torn between leaving to go and console their friend.......or staying for a free expensive meal......Well Naruto was really their key to a free meal.....and the key just dipped out on them....so meal was out. Suigetsu stood and placed his napkin on the table.

"We're sorry, please excuse us, we don't think Naruto will be alright on his own downtown without any reliable, safe transportation, so since our relationship is more than nothing, we're going to go and make sure he's alright." Suigetsu flashed a look of disappointment to Sasuke, and then looked down at Kiba, who stood at the look. "Once again, we apologize. Please enjoy your meal and have a nice evening." Suigetsu grabbed Kiba's hand and they too disappeared from the last remaining people at the table.

"Eghh! Did you see that Fugaku?! They were holding hands!" Sakura instigated, staring straight at Sasuke.

"Yes Sakura, I saw that blatant display of homosexuality. I'm just glad Sasuke didn't turn out that way."

Sasuke glared at the two and stood. "Suddenly, I'm not too hungry." Sasuke said, leaving the table.

"But Sasuke," Fugaku stopped Sasuke and spoke up with a smirk. "I came all this way just to have dinner with you, and you're just going to leave? I bet you're probably going to go and find your little boyfriend aren't you?" Fugaku spat.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Maybe I am." And he left the restaurant in search for his wounded interest.

Fugaku grounded his teeth together and stood, slamming his fists on the table, earning disgusted, appalled stares from the ritzy customers from inside. "I've got to get rid of that blond headed kid.....and fast." Fugaku said, leaving Sakura at the table by herself.

"Annnnd we've got the drinks and appetizers-" Shikamaru looked around at the empty table. "Where did everyone go?"

"They left." Sakura answered.

Shikamaru smirked. "So they left you with the bill huh?"

Sakura looked shocked. "The bill? For appetizers?!"

All those appetizers aren’t your average T.G.I.F appetizers, they’re quiet expensive."

Sakura growled and snatched her hand purse up from her lap, opening it and fishing out her wallet, opening it forcefully, to find that her credit cards were missing and in their place was a white piece of paper taped to the area they would have been. She snatched the paper off and unfolded it quickly.

IOU..........Oh wait, no I don't
Sasuke

She growled and crumpled up the piece of paper, throwing it on the table, then looking up at Shikamaru.

She grinned.

"Shika, have I ever told you how handsome you were?" She said, inching closer to him.

"Yes, and not gonna work, you're going to have to come with me. You might want to take that expensive looking bracelet off, wouldn't want any dirty dishwater to get on it." Shikamaru chuckled at her horrified expression.


TBC

I don’t know why, but I’m extremely pleased with my works…..Sorry for the wait…I think imunna be like Rasengan22 & Animehead…..like 20 years between updates……only difference is…..the chapters won’t be novels in themselves and won’t nearly be as entertaining.

Thanks for wasting your life reading my low quality fic! Now waste more time & VOTE & REVIEWWW!

JA!