I Shall Not Want

A/N: Here is part six, in which Gaara finally comes into the picture. I love me some Gaara. I know this story is not real fast-paced and it's building a lot more slowly than most fanfiction, but it's got to go this way. There are horrid things in store. Now I just have to remember all the reasons why it had to go this way between the beginning and the end. *attaches jumper cables to brain*

PLEASE REVIEW. Do my little shriveled black heart some good.

Chevre cheese and apricot fondant for the betas, bronzetigress, stinky_horowitz and venusian_eye.


Part 6


“Are we almost out yet?” Naruto's voice is almost tremulous with anxiety.

Iruka grins broadly, squirming forward a little more. “You're not claustrophobic, are you, Naruto?” he teases.

“No way,” the blond snaps, with none of his usual conviction. “At least, I didn't think I was until fifteen minutes ago.”

They've been following the sub-desert cave system for the past seven hours. Progress has been much slower than Kakashi anticipated, due to a couple of unexpected cave-ins, one of which couldn't be cleared and had to be detoured around. If it wasn't for Kakashi's exceptional sense of smell, which detected the subterranean lake that marked their halfway point through the tunnels, they might have gotten lost. Their map is very sketchy on any tunnels aside from the ones they're meant to follow.

After braving a steep, slippery hundred-foot drop next to a very picturesque waterfall, squeezing through a series of tight stone formations that forced them to maneuver their bodies like corkscrews to emerge on the other side, and swimming through the bone-chilling waters of the lake—which required them to fully submerge several times as they passed through a series of natural chambers—Iruka is exhilarated. He's always loved hardcore spelunking, and has almost never been required to do it on a mission. Hell, he would do this in his spare time, if he ever had any. It's very encouraging, to be having this much fun so early on, even if he knows it can't last.

He doesn't think the others are having as good a time as he is. Kakashi is laser-focused, leaving no room for enjoyment, though Iruka thinks if they ever took a caving vacation together his partner might find this sort of thing fun. Sai could be having the time of his life, for all Iruka can tell, but he suspects the ex-Root is simply focused, like Kakashi. Naruto is definitely not enjoying himself; he doesn't like the chill dark, or the alien cathedral-strangeness of the caverns.

For the last twenty minutes or so they have been squirming on their bellies through a long tunnel. They're single-file with Kakashi in the lead, followed by Sai and Iruka, with Naruto bringing up the rear. The space around them is so tight they have to push their packs ahead of them, scrabbling through the powdery, crumbled limestone with toes, knees and elbows. Iruka's back scrapes the ceiling above almost continuously, and his arms knock against the walls beside him as he moves. All his chakra-powered headlamp shows him is his pack ahead of him, and grey stone all around. If they run across a cave-in—or, heavens forbid, enemy ninja—in this part of the system, they're really going to have difficulty. There's not even enough room for them to flip onto their backs, much less turn all the way around to go in the opposite direction.

Iruka's grin widens.

Over the sound of scraping packs and shifting bodies, he can hear the Jinchuuriki's breathing quickening, and his smile dims a bit. “Naruto, you alright?” he calls.

“Y-yeah, I'm okay,” Naruto calls back shakily. “I just don't like this. You remember when you were teaching us about cave systems, and you said that eventually all caves collapse? I was just thinking about those cave-ins we ran into earlier. Maybe that means this cave system is about to collapse in on itself, and all it'll take is one—mpht! Ow,you bastard!”

Iruka had paused, bending his leg just enough in the confined space that he could snap it behind him, kicking Naruto's bag back at him. The blond must have been really distraught, not to stop it with his hands before it hit his face. “Dumbass,” Iruka growls, squirming forward again. “Don't think about pointless things. This cave system's been here for thousands of years, and it'll be here thousands more. Unless you're planning on detonating explosives, your presence here isn't going to change that.”

“I think you knocked a tooth loose, damn it,” Naruto grouses.

“I would not mind detonating some explosives right now,” Sai interjects. “It would liven things up a bit.”

“You don't like caving, Sai?” Iruka asks, grunting as he shoves his pack through a particularly tight space, hoping he can get his shoulders through without having a collapsible skeleton. Being the broadest of the four of them, he's probably the only one who will have trouble.

“I find being in a cave too similar to being in a sensory deprivation tank, even with a source of light. The interesting formations one sometimes comes across are not enough to offset the feeling.” There is a pause. “What about you, Iruka-san? Do you enjoy spelunking?”

Iruka can't answer for several seconds, as he fights to get his shoulders and chest through the tight squeeze, exhaling as much as possible to decrease his volume. He feels Naruto's bag hit his feet. Digging his feet into the ground as firmly as he can, he kicks hard and finally manages to shove himself through. He takes a deep breath. He's never been so glad he's not an Akimichi, or that humans weren't designed with an exoskeleton. “Heh, I live for this sort of thing,” he pants.

No one speaks for a few seconds, then Kakashi's voice drifts back to him. “What, seriously?”

“Hell, yeah,” Iruka calls.

“Since when? Why haven't you ever mentioned this before?”

“It's never come up. What, three years and you think you know all there is to know about me?”

“I was pretty sure I knew what you lived for, at least.” Kakashi sounds awfully cross. Iruka can't help but be amused that this bit of information has knocked his partner off his game a little.

“Hey, you never answered me, Kakashi,” Naruto says. “Are we almost out of this damn tunnel?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. If I remember correctly, which I do, it opens up about ten meters in front of me. After that, it'll only take us about twenty minutes to get to the exit point under Suna, if there are no more obstructions.”

Naruto mutters something that sounds like “thank fuck”. Iruka would be happy to stay in these caves for hours yet, but he has to admit he's getting a little tired of inching along like a caterpillar. He'd really like to stretch out his arms, as well.

They get through the rest of the tunnel with no more conversation, and the going after that is relatively easy. They have a steep climb up to the exit point, but steps and handholds have been cut into the stone, so they don't even bother to expend chakra.

Iruka senses strong chakra signatures as they emerge into a large, dimly lit cavern, though he doesn't see anyone, so he isn't surprised when they are suddenly surrounded. They stand still, hands raised palm-out, and allow themselves to be inspected.

Just as the chakra-probing starts to feel invasive, a low, authoritative voice calls out, “Stand down.” The nin back off, and an aisle opens up in the small sea of dingy sand-colored uniforms. Striding toward them, a startling slash of red in the dun of the cave, is Sabaku no Gaara.

“Gaara!” Naruto cries, stepping forward.

Kakashi bows, Iruka and Sai following suit. “You didn't have to meet us down here, Kazekage-sama.”

“Nonsense,” Gaara says, and reaches out to clasp Naruto's offered hand, pulling the Jinchuuriki into a brief one-armed hug. He doesn't get any cave mud on his maroon robes, even though they are all covered in it from head to foot. Iruka wonders if there's a jutsu on Gaara's clothes. “You've come all this way to assist me; it's the least I can do.”

The Kazekage shakes hands with Kakashi, Sai, and Iruka, as Naruto starts regaling him with the horrors of their trip through the caves. Gaara listens patiently as he leads them out of the chamber, the ninja falling in behind them. They walk up a flight of stone steps and into a long hallway. Several ninja guards meet them there, and precede the Kazekage through the small outbuilding and into the street that leads to the Tower.

Iruka pulls the lamp off his head as they emerge, tucking it into his hip pouch. The light is a lot brighter outside, and it takes him a few seconds to clear the bright spots from his vision so he can look around. The streets are fairly deserted, except for the occasional patrol. Iruka can see spots of activity on the cliffs above, where the fighting is, and he can sense a strong barrier in place above and around them. The city doesn't look damaged; Iruka admires their defenses. It must be difficult to make a city like this defensible, surrounded by the high ground. Sunagakure's biggest defense is concealment; once they lose that, Iruka would think they'd lose any advantage. They're basically a city in a pit; if they weren't ninja, assaulting Suna would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Obviously they've learned a few tricks, since it's been months and Iwa hasn't breached the city's borders yet. Hopefully it's not just a matter of time.

Iruka's gaze eventually falls on the Kazekage, as the redhead turns to speak to Naruto, a small smile on his face. Iruka couldn't see him so well when they were underground, and Gaara's beauty almost takes his breath away. He's only seen the Kazekage from a distance before this, and briefly during the chuunin exam Konoha hosted years ago. He had not expected the disturbed child would grow up to be so physically lovely.

He can't help but notice the way Gaara's strange greenish eyes light up when he looks at Naruto, like jellyfish hovering beneath the surface of the ocean at night. He hopes that's just the light of friendship. If Gaara has stronger feelings for Naruto, Iruka is afraid he's going to end up terribly hurt. As Naruto himself put it, “I'm okay with guys doing it, as long as I'm not involved. I could never screw a guy, no matter how pretty he is.”

Iruka is pretty sure Naruto was thinking of either Sasuke or Haku when he said that. Both, perhaps.

“See something you like?” Sai whispers in his ear.

Iruka realizes he's still ogling the Kazekage, and he shifts his focus to the ninja guards ahead of them. “He's eye-catching,” he whispers back, shrugging a little.

“That he is. Though he seems to only have eyes for one person,” Sai responds, and Iruka notices that Gaara has—perhaps subconsciously—inched closer to Naruto, who remains oblivious to his friend's interest. His arms gesticulate wildly as he expounds upon some detail of his adventures, and he accidentally smacks Gaara on the shoulder. Naruto blithely grasps Gaara's offended appendage and apologizes before continuing his story, and Gaara's smile turns up enough to actually reveal some of his teeth.

“I'm a bit worried about that, to be honest,” Iruka admits. “I know Naruto says Gaara-sama's not the temperamental psychotic child he used to be, but I don't know if that means he'd handle rejection well.”

“You are worried for Naruto?” Sai sounds more than a little skeptical.

Iruka snorts. “Of course not. I just don't know the Kazekage as well as I'd like. I'm hoping to be able to confer with him in the short time we're here.”

“I do not think the Kazekage would allow any personal conflict to interfere with our alliance,” Sai muses. “His past record indicates that he is a very pragmatic decision-maker, and objective in his policies. Even if he is rejected by Naruto, I do not think it will adversely affect Gaara-sama's relationship with Konoha.”

“The Kazekage is not a spoiled child who puts himself before his people,” Kakashi whispers from behind them. “I know from personal experience. There is nothing going on between him and Naruto that requires any of our attention. Perhaps you should spend less time gossiping and more time observing your surroundings.”

Iruka's mildly surprised; Kakashi sounds a little peeved. He wonders what's on his partner's mind. He raises an eyebrow at Sai, who shrugs minutely. They continue on in silence.

Gaara shows them into the ground floor of the Tower, before taking apologetic leave of them to speak to one of his advisors. The Konohans are then greeted by several attendants, who take their baggage and lead them to their rooms in an adjoining building, showing them the baths along the way.

Sai and Naruto each have their own room, while Kakashi and Iruka have a suite with adjoining bedrooms. It's far more space than they need, but there is hardly an abundance of visitors vying for quarters, so Iruka decides it doesn't bear bringing up.

He starts getting undressed for the bath, eager to get rid of the cave mud that's caked all over his body, drying and leaving a crumbling trail wherever he goes. Naked, he shakes out a neatly folded dark green yukata that was laid out on the bed. After debating a moment, he decides he'll just put it on after his bath—he doesn't want to get it muddy—and grabs one of the large towels that lies next to it. He wraps it around his waist, hoping that he won't be stretching the bounds of propriety by wandering the hallway wearing only a towel. It's just until he's clean again, anyway.

He turns to Kakashi, who hasn't said a word since he chastised Iruka and Sai on the way to the Tower. Kakashi is facing away from Iruka, wearing nothing but his mask and boxer briefs, looking out of the window.

Before Iruka can open his mouth, Kakashi says, “So you like redheads, huh?”

Iruka gapes. “Is that why you're in a snit?”

“I'm not in a snit,” Kakashi protests.

“Sure,” Iruka sighs. It's not worth arguing about. “Gaara-sama is very beautiful. You can appreciate that as well as I can, I'm sure.”

“No one was appreciating that as well as you were, Iruka.”

Iruka's brow creases. Something about this bickering feels...off. “Kakashi...” A thought strikes him. “Aren't you supposed to be in 'the zone', or something? Why are you picking this ridiculous argument?”

Kakashi turns to look at him, his open eye narrowed thoughtfully. He walks over to the bed and sits down on it, looking suddenly exhausted. Mud powders the duvet beneath him. Iruka sits down next to him, waiting.

“To be honest, I seem to be resisting it,” Kakashi eventually admits. “Going into the zone. I don't mean to, it's just...hm.” He pulls his mask off over his head, giving Iruka a puzzled smile. Dried mud flakes in the corners of his mouth.“I still...I want...” He sighs, frustrated. “I hate this fucking situation. I don't want the ANBU part of our mission to start. I know you'll say I have to suck it up and do my job, and I will, but I really fucking hate this.”

Iruka takes Kakashi's face in his hands and kisses him hard. He can taste the cave in Kakashi's mouth, all grit and clay. He wraps his muddy arms around Kakashi's chest, pulling him close, sucking on his dirty lips, chasing slick crumbles around Kakashi's mouth with his tongue. Kakashi is gasping and pulling at Iruka's towel by the time he draws away, he notes with satisfaction.

He stills Kakashi's hands at his waist, holding them in his own. “I know this is hard on you,” he murmurs. “But I trust you. I know you'll be whatever and whoever you need to be, when you need to.”

Kakashi nods grimly, pulling his hands away after giving Iruka's a gentle squeeze.

Iruka stands up and tightens his towel. “Now, come on. We really need a bath.”

“In a little while,” Kakashi says, flopping onto his back. “I'll catch up.” He narrows a mocking eye at Iruka. “If Gaara decides to join you, you'd better not get too frisky with him.”

“Too frisky? It's not like I'm going off to the baths to toss the Kazekage's salad, Kakashi,” Iruka says, grinning. “No matter how pretty he is. I do actually need to clean up, and so do you, you know.”

He's puzzled for a moment when Kakashi stands up and bows to the doorway behind Iruka, and then closes his eyes for a long moment when he realizes why. And here he'd been, worrying about Naruto possibly causing a diplomatic incident. He turns and smiles at the expressionless Kazekage. “Kazekage-sama,” he says, bowing deeply and hoping that Gaara will just ignore what he said. He's in supposedly private quarters, after all.

“Please, call me Gaara,” drones the deep monotone. “I apologize for showing up unannounced; your suite door was open. I should have knocked. I have grown accustomed to being barged in upon. It has bred bad manners in me, I'm afraid.”

“You're always welcome, Gaara-sama,” Iruka says politely.

The Kazekage crosses his arms over his chest, face unreadable. It's remarkable how different Gaara looks, how shadowed and veiled, when Naruto is not around. “Iruka-san. About what you were saying before, when I came in.”

Iruka's stomach twists. He bows deeply. “Gaara-sama, I truly, deeply—”

He feels a hand on his shoulder, tugging him up, almost surprising him. He didn't sense Gaara moving at all. He raises his head, standing cautiously, and is relieved to see amusement dancing in those fathomless sea-green eyes, a slight half-smile on the Kazekage's lips. “I am going to assume you were speaking of helping out in the kitchens. Which I will not allow. You are my guests, and will be afforded every hospitality I have to offer. Which is not much at the moment, I am afraid, times being what they are. I have only come to make certain you have all you require.”

“There is no need for you to attend to us yourself, Gaara-sama,” Kakashi says. “I'm sure you have more important things to do.”

“I wish that I did,” Gaara answers. “Since the last attempt on my life a few days ago, which was nearly successful, my siblings and advisors have become determined to cloister me away from all that is happening. They cannot, of course—the Kazekage is responsible for Suna, and does as he pleases—but I do not wish to cause them any more anxiety. They have enough to deal with, and at the moment, there is not much I can do. We are in a stalemate with the Iwa army, and all efforts to detain or eliminate the guerrillas have been fruitless. I have fought on the front lines and will again, but it is like throwing sand into the wind, until something changes. I am hopeful that we will figure something out soon.”

“Will you please tell us about the recent assassination attempt, Gaara-sama?” Kakashi asks.

Gaara's face is as neutral as a good ninja's should be, but a slight tension in his frame divulges uncertainty. “We should probably discuss this at a more appropriate time,” he says, his eyes raking lightly over their mostly undressed forms.

Kakashi waves away his concern. “If it's no trouble, I'd like to hear it now, unless you want to wait until Naruto is present. After all, he is the one who will be staying with you. I just don't think we'll be coordinating our timetables with him from this point on, and I'd like a clearer picture of the situation here.”

Gaara cocks his head in concession. “It won't be necessary to wait; I will tell you, although I don't know how much clearer it will make things. It was three days ago, in the middle of the night. My guards and I were coming off the front; I'd been helping to strengthen the barrier around the city—I'm sure you've noticed it.” Iruka nods and Kakashi grunts an acknowledgement. “We were ambushed by a large Iwa battalion right in the middle of the sealing, so I'd been fighting for a few hours. I was chakra-drained, sweaty, filthy and starving. So when a citizen came into the street and offered us food and the use of her house to bathe and rest, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Even though it wasn't a secure location,” Kakashi says. It doesn't sound like a reprimand, but it seems to imply that Gaara did something Kakashi wouldn't have done.

Gaara nods. “Even so. I have known this particular citizen for several years, my guards were all with me and I was on alert. We checked the food and the house very thoroughly, and it was all clean. There was no indication of any suspicious activity.”

Kakashi leans forward a little. “And yet?”

“And yet,” Gaara agrees. “We ate, and I availed myself of the bath, surrounded by the guards. Somehow, we were all put to sleep, the citizen included. We still have not been able to determine how, but there was no evidence of gas or any kind of poison, so it was almost certainly jutsu. However, sleep jutsu do not normally affect me unless I perform them myself—something left over from my days with Shukaku. My guards also protect themselves from such jutsu. So I do not know how the assassin was able to put us all to sleep so easily.”

“You say this assassin was almost successful?” Iruka asks.

“Yes. They waited to strike until I was submerged in the water with my gourd across the room; I nearly drowned. I assume they had a more direct method of death in store for me, which might have succeeded had Temari not been looking for me. She tracked me down to the house before the assassin was able to bring their plan to fruition, and was able to save me, but was unable to wake anyone up. She was able to glimpse the assassin, but was not able to apprehend them because of her unfortunate need to attend to me.” Gaara shakes his head a little, eyes dropping to the floor. “Even after transporting us to the hospital, the medics were not able to induce wakefulness in any of us. It was many hours before we regained consciousness. Very perplexing.”

“Is it possible that the citizen you mentioned was helping the assassin?” Kakashi asks. “It seems odd that she would approach you in the middle of the night coming back from the front.”

“Unlikely,” Gaara says flatly. “Many citizens watch for me and for others who go to the front, and a city at war is a wakeful city, Kakashi-san, as I'm sure you know. Our interrogators cannot detect any connection between the citizen and the assassin. It seems she only provided a window of opportunity that the assassin would have taken advantage of no matter when or where it occurred. The assassin had been keeping tabs on me. I don't know how, just like I don't know how I was put to sleep. I wish I had a more satisfying analysis of the situation.”

“With so many unknowns, it's no wonder your people are worried about you,” Iruka says sympathetically. “Though it must be hard to be sheltered during a war.”

“I feel quite...impotent,” Gaara admits. “I want to do whatever I can to defend Sunagakure, but at the same time...” The redhead frowns. “The Sandaime was killed by Sasori. The Yondaime was killed by Orochimaru, and I was already killed once by Akatsuki. I would not have Suna leaderless again so soon. It would be demoralizing for the troops, and I...my siblings would...not take it well,” Gaara finishes, eyes growing distant. “They care deeply for me. It is difficult to believe, but I can't deny the evidence of my experience.”

Iruka fidgets with his towel a little, not sure what he should say to that. He supposes he should be glad he's getting his wish to know Gaara a little better, but he really wishes he had some pants on.

Kakashi seems a bit more at ease, standing up and walking over to Gaara, clasping his shoulder. Neither he nor Gaara seem put off or discomfited by the lack of clothing. It makes Iruka wonder if bare skin outside of a bath house is more acceptable in Suna than it is in Konoha.

“Suna will not lose you, if Konoha has anything to say about it,” Kakashi says.

Gaara lips incline a fraction. “I'm happy that you are all here. I should let you clean up; mucking through those caves is dirty business. There will be a briefing in the auxiliary complex in two hours. Will that be enough time for you to refresh yourselves?”

“Plenty of time,” Iruka says, and Kakashi nods.

“Good. An attendant will be within hailing distance of you at all times, should you require anything.” The Kazekage makes a face Iruka can't quite read. “There is also a small guard assigned to all of you. It is not that we believe you need protecting, or that we need protection from you; it is just standard procedure in times of war that we have a guard on any foreign shinobi. Our manpower has not yet become so depleted that the council feels it can disregard this precaution.”

“It's fine, Gaara-sama,” Kakashi says, and the slightest tension leaves the corners of the Kazekage's eyes. Gaara was obviously worried that they would be offended. There is an unwritten rule among hidden villages that one does not put a guard on visiting allies, as a matter of courtesy, but in a situation like this Iruka doesn't think it applies.

“I'll take my leave, then,” Gaara says, and Iruka and Kakashi bow as the Kazekage gives a small nod and walks back through the suite. Iruka sees his personal guard encircle him as he reaches the door.

“He's certainly been schooled in decorum since his Shukaku days,” Iruka muses as one of the guards shuts the suite door.

“You don't know the half of it,” Kakashi says. “He used to only talk about killing, before Naruto got a hold of him.”

Iruka smiles broadly. “Naruto has such a profound effect on sociopaths.”

“So do you. I mean, look at me. I used to be a real ninja, and now I'm as fluffy as a baby bunny.”

“A self-centered bunny that eats kittens, maybe,” Iruka replies, snorting. He tries to dart out of the way as Kakashi grabs a towel and snaps it at him, but he doesn't dodge fast enough and gets a light welt on his side.

Kakashi slings the towel over his shoulder, smiling. “Kitten is a viable source of protein, in a pinch. Come on, let's go get wet, baby.”

Iruka shakes his head at the innuendo, and follows his partner out of the suite.

***