A Thousand Words

Summary: When neither Sasuke nor Naruto can find the words to say what’s really important, they find a picture might say enough to get them started.

Disclaimer: I don’t own either Sasuke or Naruto :( But I do own Itachi!.... ok maybe not. But he could own me, if he wanted..... :P

Warnings: yaoi (M/M), language, angstyness, mild references to drug use and sexual assault, occasional Crack!Itachi

Oh yeah, and reviews make mouths happy! Review responses at the end ^_^

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Naruto rolled over, wincing slightly. Rolling over onto his back, he tried to ignore the pain in his arm by staring at the ceiling.

After a few minutes of this, he blinked to clear the sleep from his eyes, and raised a hand to his lips. They felt tender, almost swollen. He wondered if Sasuke’s felt the same. He wondered why he felt – why he didn’t feel the way he thought he should feel. He had expected that if something like this ever happened he would feel happy, ecstatic, and ready to bounce off the walls. Wanting to go and see Sasuke as soon as possible. Instead, he felt – he wasn’t sure how he felt.

It wasn’t that it hadn’t felt good, or that he hadn’t enjoyed it or that had ended badly, or anything. It had been, actually, absolutely mind-blowingly amazing.

The first kiss had taken him by surprise. Sasuke had been acting weird all afternoon, enough so that the blonde didn’t know what to make of it. He swallowed as he remembered the way his best friend’s eyes had looked at him in the bike shop, so amazingly intense, like all of the raven’s attention had been focused solely on him. He’d never seen Sasuke act that way before. He’d imagined what the raven would act like, but the fantasy in no way stacked up to the reality. He wondered if that was how a mouse felt, right before he was swept up by a bird of prey. And then there’d been that shirt! The shirt that looked so amazing that he found himself, just for a minute, being jealous of the shirt. And the way Sasuke’s voice had sent shivers up his spine – very freaky.

Things had calmed down after that, though. The bike ride felt normal. Dinner felt normal. Afterwards – he wasn’t sure what had possessed him to ask those questions. Maybe just the vague possibility that – or maybe the really intense desire to know if – well, to find out some of the secrets that were hidden away behind those dark eyes. He still wondered.

The moment when Sasuke leaned over him would be permanently etched in his mind. The feeling of their hands intertwining. The look in Sasuke’s eyes – like hope and longing and confidence and victory all wrapped up in one long dark look. The taste of his breath. That first kiss – it just felt like he was being laid open and bare, like his will had just gone and he was drowning in this rush of feelings. Kissing Sakura had never been like that. With her, things had been messy and awkward. They’d done the whole French kissing thing, but his heart had never really been in it. This kiss, he felt like his heart was everywhere in it.

He’d never really appreciated what it was like to just kiss with your lips, to feel the faint teasing sensation of something so soft it was almost not there. He brushed his fingers over his lips again. They were still sensitive. He had no clue where Sasuke had learned to kiss – he was fairly certain he would’ve known if the raven had been getting it on with someone, they shared everything – well, he’d thought they did.

And then there was being able to actually run his fingers through the raven’s hair. It was different. He loved the way it felt right at the base of the neck. It was so soft, and slightly prickly, and the way Sasuke had responded – and the feeling, when Sasuke made him open his mouth and had just invaded, like he wanted to taste everything. Not that Naruto hadn’t felt the same way. He didn’t know how he’d expected Sasuke to taste, and he wasn’t quite sure how to describe it – a little bit of stir fry, a little bit of cinnamon from a mint or something, a little bit that was just clean – but there was also this taste, smell, something, that made him want to keep tasting, greedily, until he could figure it out.

When they’d had to break for breath, Sasuke had still stayed so close. His hand had slid over Naruto’s cheek, down his neck, to his side, fingers pressing down like they were counting his ribs. When the blonde had opened his eyes and looked up, it was almost like looking into the face of a stranger. He thought knew all of Sasuke’s expressions, but he didn’t know that one. And the feeling, of the raven’s chest pressed down on his – they hadn’t been that close in a long time. This feeling was definitely different from when they used to wrestle together while fighting. They hadn’t done that since – well, now that he thought about it, it made more since why they’d stopped wrestling a couple of years ago. He’d just figured it was the bastard’s standoffish moodiness.

He remembered how Sasuke had pulled back, just a bit, with those mesmerizing eyes watching all the time. How the hand at his side had pulled him up, just a bit, towards the raven. How when they came together for the next kiss, instead of invading his mouth, Sasuke had teased him into taking a taste himself – and then had captured his tongue, sucking on it, fingers rocking him closer in the same rhythm, so that he couldn’t help but imagine what that mouth might possibly feel like in other places. He’d just about lost it right then, especially when the hand crept down his side, until the raven’s middle finger was caressing the bare skin between Naruto's shirt and the top of his pants and two other fingers were hooked into a belt-loop, tugging. That hadn’t helped at all.

He’d heard a sound just then, or thought he did, and pulled back from the kiss. Sasuke didn’t really seem to care, just murmured something soothing, looking at him with that same single-minded intensity. Then he came back in for another kiss, trying to drive all coherent thought from the blond’s head. It wasn’t quite the same though. There was this edge of anxiety. It must have made him less responsive, because the raven had slowed down, letting his hand slide back up to rub along Naruto’s side, turning the kisses more gentle. He’d never expected gentleness from Sasuke.

But those soft kisses, with their slow rhythm, the teasing feeling of feather-light lips, enough so that he never knew where they were, so that he leaned up to seek them out, so that he let his body respond to the lightest touches from Sasuke’s fingertips – those kisses had been almost hypnotic. It was like Sasuke had some tune playing in his head, and he was telling it with his hands, and his lips, and his tongue. Naruto had no clue how long that tune had played. All time just seemed to stretch out, until all the firewood was burned up, and the only light in the room was a sliver of moonlight sneaking in past the blinds on the patio door.

After a while, they had just laid there, looking at each other. At some point, Naruto had glanced at the clock on the wall, and mentioned how Kakashi and Itachi would probably be home soon. He couldn’t explain the weird sense of agitation that thought gave him, so he’d covered it up by saying he was thirsty and going to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Sasuke had followed, watching him from the entryway into the kitchen, not saying a word. Naruto hadn’t wanted to look up to meet those eyes. They just awoke – too much. Too many sensations inside.

The raven had shadowed him up the stairs. Naruto hadn't looked to see him, but he just knew exactly where he was the whole time. When the blond had pushed his bedroom door open and said goodnight, the raven had been right there, behind him, hand reaching out and wrapping around his hip - just over the edge of his pants, same spot as before. And then one on the other side, pulling him back flush against the raven and he’d felt – just enough that he knew it was there – and Sasuke knew he knew, because the raven heard his breath hitch. The breath against the back of his neck had been full of promise. The words Sasuke had said – words he’d heard a thousand times before – had locked him in place.

“Goodnight, dobe.”

The only sign of the raven’s departure had been the faint feeling of fingertips sliding across his lower back. And the sound of a closing bedroom door. He’d finally been able to make it to bed, but it had been ages before he got to sleep.

And now, a part of him just wished he’d stayed asleep. He’d locked the door behind him last night, he wasn’t sure why – maybe because of the pictures on the camera yesterday, maybe because – he didn’t know. He thought he’d wanted this – hell, he did want this, it was Sasuke, he’d wanted Sasuke for months now, loved him for years, but – it was all so complicated. He hated complicated. The bastard made everything so damn complicated.

He sighed, turning on his back. Outside in the hall, he heard the familiar tread of the raven walking towards his room. The footsteps paused, and then continued on down the stairs. Naruto heard muted conversation. The front door closed and the car drove off. He remembered Sasuke saying something about going to breakfast with Itachi that morning, and sighed in relief. Then caught himself. It made no sense. Why would he want to avoid the bastard? Sasuke was the one who always ran away. Naruto grumbled and turned over, punching his pillow. He hissed in pain, having forgotten that the side he rolled over on was scraped up – and turned back over, looking up at the ceiling glumly. Last night had been amazing, but at the moment, a part of him just wished that it had never even happened.

. . .

Sasuke was in a very quiet mood. He wasn’t sure how to explain how he felt. It was almost like something had clicked into place inside. It was like the calm that Naruto had painted really existed, in some spot in his heart. He loved a blond, and the blond was amazing. He could still taste him in his mouth. He could still feel that skin against his fingertips, could remember the amazing softness of that golden hair. It was like those moments – minutes, hours, however long they’d been locked together – had sheared away all the whatifs that had been building up in his mind. He loved a blond, and he was pretty sure the blond loved him. It was Naruto, after all. He knew Naruto, better than he knew himself.

“Any preference on where you want to go?”

Sasuke looked over at his older brother. It had almost escaped his notice, but Itachi seemed quieter than normal this morning too.

“Not really, maybe someplace that doesn’t look too busy,” Sasuke said. He frowned down at his hands. He really had to tell Itachi.

“We could just grab something and go to a park, if you want.”

“No.” Had that answer been too quick? “I’d rather go in somewhere.”

“Hn.”

In the end, they found a little hole-in-the-wall place off one of the main streets. They were seated at a booth next to a window that looked out on a garden stuck between two buildings. Their waitress was quick to take their order, leaving the two brothers each stuck in their own thoughts.

Finally, Sasuke worked up the courage to say what was on his mind. “Itachi,” he said.

“Hn?”

Sasuke looked into his older brothers eyes, unable to read his expression. He opened his lips, but suddenly couldn’t think of what to say. What’s the best way to do this? How do you break something like this to someone gently? He closed his mouth, thinking of how Naruto had come over and broke the news to him. Remembering the courage that the blond had had that evening – coming out with no idea what his response would be, and every expectation that the response would be in the negative – gave him courage. “I need to talk to you about something.”

The older raven just nodded. Sasuke wondered if he suspected something – well, granted, this was Itachi, he always suspected something. And it wasn’t like Sasuke shared his feelings or anything like that on a regular basis. For a minute, he just studied his brother. Even if he suspected something, he didn’t seem angry, or really on edge. In fact, he seemed a bit relaxed. Sasuke was suddenly reminded of all the crazy, insane, annoying moments they’d had, and he realized – he wasn’t scared that Itachi would do something crazy in reaction to this news, like blow up in the restaurant or throw him out of the house or something. No, what he was scared of was that he’d lose those moments – those little, annoying moments that were Itachi’s way of showing how much he loved him. Part of him, suddenly, didn’t want to say anything at all, wanted to just blow the whole thing off, act like it was nothing, keep things the way they were, so that he wouldn’t have to risk those moments.

And a part of him was scared to say anything because he was scared that Itachi would only see part of the truth, and wouldn’t understand the whole thing. But, he realized, it all came down to trust. He remembered how Itachi had stood by him through the worst moments of his life – how Itachi had saved him from the worst moment of his life – how Itachi had shown him that family was about doing whatever it takes, because love ties you together. And he couldn’t keep the truth from his brother any more.

He looked down at the table, just so he wouldn’t have to see his brother’s reaction, and said, “Itachi, I’m gay.”

The silence that followed that statement made his heart drop. He clinched his fists under the table, waiting for any sound – any reaction at all – to give him a clue of Itachi’s reaction to the bomb he’d just dropped.

“Hn.”

Sasuke looked up. There was no change in expression. No clue from the voice as to what the reaction was. Just that same, patient expression – no sneer. No look of loathing. No glare. Just black eyes, looking at him as if he hadn’t just said the most terrifying thing he’d ever had to say in his whole life.

“I see.”

Sasuke began to breathe again. He suddenly had the urge to say more. “I’ve known for a while now, actually, but wasn’t sure how to tell you.” The silence from the other side of the table stretched on. Sasuke looked back down at the table top. “I first started figuring it out, um, that spring, a couple years ago. We think, that is, Dr. Morino and I kind of think that’s probably one reason… everything happened.”

Sasuke chanced a look up at his brother, and was surprised to see that Itachi’s expression had softened – just the slightest amount, but it was enough for Sasuke’s heart to slow down.

“I see,” Itachi said. He looked out the window at the garden. “I thought it might be something like that.”

Sasuke started. He thought he’d been so good about hiding everything. But, then again, this was Itachi – Itachi knew everything. Itachi had known, or at least suspected, but – he hadn’t said anything?

And, they’d still had those moments. Sasuke looked down, feeling a warmth inside. Itachi still loved him.

His train of thought was interrupted. “I guess I didn’t want to push you, and I wasn’t sure. I think a part of me didn’t really want it to be true.”

Sasuke looked up quickly, expression suddenly wary.

“Not that – I mean, I want you to be yourself, I want you to be happy. I just – it frightens me, for you, I think.”

Itachi looked at him, looking slightly wistful. “I wish I could protect you from everything out there, everything dangerous. It would’ve killed me, if…”

He looked away again. They both remembered.

Itachi continued, watching people pass on the sidewalk beyond the garden. “Did I ever introduce you to my friend Deidara?”

Sasuke frowned, trying to remember. “I don’t think so.”

“Hn. He was the one who saw you that night, at the party. He called me. He even tried stopping you from going outside, but you shook him off.”

Sasuke nodded. He could vaguely remember some blonde grabbing him, but he had thought it was a woman.

“Deidara is gay.” Itachi paused, remembering. “We went to classes together. He was a transfer student my last year. Before that, he’d gone to a school out in Texas.”

Itachi took a sip of water. “It was while he was there that he figured out he was gay. He’d grown up in a pretty conservative family, but he found that a lot of the friends that he made at college shared his interest in the same sex. The town itself was pretty right-wing, but there was one club at the outskirts of town that was known as the, um, gay bar.”

Their waitress arrived with the food and set it down. Itachi thanked her and waited until she was out of earshot before continuing. “Deidara used to go there a lot. They sometimes got threats, but didn’t ever take them seriously…

“One night, Deidara was there kind of late, after most of the customers were gone. He was helping the bartender clean up when they heard the sound of a pickup outside. Suddenly, someone threw something through their front window. It turned out to be a Molotov cocktail. Deidara was standing closest to the window. When the bomb smashed, some of the glass and fire and oil were splashed up onto the left side of his face and his left arm. The bartender was able to put out the fire and pull him out the back exit before the building burned down. The fire department, it seemed, was running slow that night.

“The police never determined who started the fire. Deidara recovered. But he still has scars. He normally wears his hair down over that side of his face to hide the scars. He transferred the next semester.”

Itachi looked at his little brother. “I’m not telling you this to scare you; I just want you to understand why it scares me. People can be really really stupid. And stupid people can be really really dangerous.”

Sasuke nodded. He wasn’t really hungry for breakfast anymore.

Itachi shrugged. “You’re going to be going off to college in a few weeks, and I won’t be able to be there to make sure everything’s ok. I know you’ll have friends there – I know Naruto will be there –“

Sasuke looked down.

“Naruto is more than just a friend, isn’t he?” Itachi said softly.

Sasuke nodded. “I-“

“Hn.” The older raven looked down at his hands. “That’s another thing, too.”

Sasuke looked up at him.

“Naruto is – well. Be careful with him.”

“What?”

“He’s not as strong as he looks,” Itachi said. “I mean, I know he’s strong, but – you do realize you’re probably the person he’s closest to in the world, right? I mean, I know he has Tsunade and Kakashi, but I don’t think their family is – well. I don’t know. But I remember how things were, right after you disappeared. And I’ve watched you guys grow up. Just – be careful. Another person’s heart is a big responsibility.”

Sasuke nodded solemnly. He knew on some level exactly what Itachi meant. It sobered him a bit. He hadn’t really thought about things that way. He was used to Naruto being the strong one, but he remembered the look of vulnerability on the blond’s face the night before. It had made him want - well, alot of things, last night - but it also made him feel very protective. He didn’t want anyone to hurt his blond. Especially himself. He wondered if this would make things more complex, but it felt like it was part of the same feeling, this love he had. It was good.

“Oh, by the way, Sasuke.”

Sasuke looked up. Itachi was almost done with his breakfast, and gestured absently with his fork. “If you could do me a favor,” Itachi continued, “and not make out on our living room floor without giving me some sort of warning, I’d appreciate it. I love you and all, but there are just some things an older brother does not want to see a younger brother doing to his best friend.”

Sasuke blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. And found himself speechless.

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Review Responses!

xkuramaxhieix - sorry if the story is turning out to not be to your taste!

Prism0467 - thanks! I like the relationship between K&I, they're fun :) I especially like who this incarnation of Itachi has turned into, though it makes it really hard trying to come up with a potential partner for him - if I ever decide to give him one!

jordash00 - thanks much :) Its almost like the plot and relationship flow from who these characters are; forcing it to be something it's not wouldn't be natural. They do both have issues - and not all of them will be wrapped up, even at the end of this story (though I have sequalish things in mind), but thats what makes them even better :)

Ony-chan - hehe :) yeah, the aftermath is different. One of my alltime-favorite stories (that I can't find anywhere, cry) has a similar aftermath of the first time they have sex, and it really got me thinking about the range of responses people have to intimacy, especially if they have prior issues. I really really really can't stress enough how much I appreciate your typo assistance and constructive criticism - I've been lazy about getting a beta, and at some point would really love to go over all of this with a fine toothed comb.