Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly

 

Reviews from AFF.net

 

Moodysavage: Naruto is 16 but don’t worry, Naruto explains why age doesn’t matter in this chapter :D

 

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Naruto followed Sasuke to the elevator, and then inside. He watched the floors tick by as they descended and snuck a few glances at the raven haired man beside him. His eyes trailed over the long, lean body that was dressed so smartly. Sasuke looked... incredibly sexy like that. The coat fit him perfectly, sitting snugly against his toned body. Licking his lips, the blond stepped out as soon as the doors opened and walked quickly to the parking lot, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He couldn’t entirely blame himself; if there was one person on the planet that thought Sasuke wasn’t sexy as sin, they needed to be admitted to an asylum.



Sasuke started up the car once Naruto was in and safely buckled before pulling out of the parking garage and making his way toward the freeway. He hated the mall that was close to his condo because there was nothing but kids fucking around. He glanced over to Naruto quickly at that thought. He was sure Naruto would have been among them if he had had a normal upbringing. He just seemed like he had that capability in him.



There wasn't much conversation during the twenty minute drive but Sasuke could clearly see the glances Naruto cast his way every now and then. It was starting to unnerve him a bit.



"Why do you keep looking at me?" he asked, not being able to take it any longer. It was almost like people touching him, it was just uncomfortable.



“If I tell you, you’re just going to get all weird again,” Naruto sighed, turning his body towards the passenger side door. He stared out the window and slouched down a bit, crossing his long legs. “But I guess you’re feeling uncomfortable anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.” His stomach fluttered but his lips twitched into a little smirk as he spared another glance at the man beside him. “You look really hot dressed like that... That coat and that scarf... You just look really good,” he shrugged, though a light flush spread across his cheeks.



Sasuke didn't say anything for a moment. He had never really had any compliments from other males so it was a bit new to him. He didn't usually broadcast his sexuality to the world so most who flirted with him were females.



It wasn't as though it was a surprise that Naruto thought he was hot. The kid even said himself that he was gay and in a roundabout way, said he was good looking. Not that Sasuke minded... he knew he was hot, but it was just a bit weird considering their difference in age. They were ten years apart for one...



"Thanks..." He could feel his pale cheeks heat up again and cursed himself for letting the compliment affect him like that. He had already told his brain that it wasn't a big deal...



Naruto hummed contentedly but said nothing else during the ride. He knew it was a risk to say stuff like that to Sasuke, but he hadn’t really had a choice. And the Uchiha had to know he was hot, so he didn’t think it mattered anyway. Was it a good idea to let Sasuke know how he felt though? But, how did he feel? Shaking his head, Naruto climbed out of the car once it was parked and grabbed his backpack, heading towards the entrance.



Looking at all the upscale stores, Sasuke wondered if it really was a good idea to bring Naruto to this mall. Granted it was the mall that he shopped at with all his favorite brand names but... was it right for Naruto? Well, it was too late now.



"So... um... do you want me to go with you or...?" Why did it have to be so awkward? It wasn't that hard to just give the kid his credit card... Wait, what was he thinking?



“Come with me,” Naruto answered immediately. “I’ve never really shopped before. When I was at home... well, my dad would have rather died than spend money on me. If you’re gonna buy me clothes, you might as well have a say in it.” He snickered as he slid his arm through Sasuke’s and tugged him towards the entrance. “You gotta help me, S’uke.”



Following the blonde, Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the nickname but said nothing about it.



XX



After almost three hours, both Naruto and Sasuke were carrying close to six bags each full of clothes and shoes. Naruto had protested at first after the first two bags but the raven wouldn't argue about it. The kid needed more than two outfits so they had continued.



Spending time with Naruto wasn't as bad as Sasuke had thought. It wasn't really as awkward once he got used to being around the teen and it was fairly enjoyable to have company with him.



Walking toward the escalators, Sasuke shifted the bags a bit so they sat on his arm a bit more comfortably. "It's almost 4pm, I'm sure you're hungry." he said as they stepped onto the large escalator that was taking them down to the fifth floor from the sixth.



“Kinda, yeah,” Naruto admitted, glancing around as he rode the moving staircase. People were glancing at them as they stood on the one going up. Of course, they were all looking at Sasuke but he couldn’t help feeling a little proud because he was with the raven. He couldn’t help smiling softly as a pair of girls openly ogled, giggling and whispering to themselves. But it brought an odd tightness to his chest. His smile disappeared, replaced with a frown. Almost as soon as they’d reached the bottom, he grabbed Sasuke’s wrist and pulled him towards the food court.



Surprised at the hand that grabbed him, Sasuke followed quickly. What was going on? Naruto seemed fine a second ago.



"Hey..." He stopped and had the blonde face him. "What's going on with you?" he asked, it wasn't asked in anger, but genuine concern, something he hadn't really shown until now.



Naruto looked taken aback for a moment, but quickly grew flustered. “Nothing’s going on with me. I just... I didn’t like how those girls...” His cheeks flushed and he averted his gaze. “Never mind, I was just being stupid...” Uncurling his fingers from around Sasuke’s wrist, he whirled around and continued on his way to the food court.



Even more confused, Sasuke just followed. He would let it go for now but he wanted to know what was bothering the teen. He'd ask when they arrived back home.  



The meal was more than a little awkward as both males were thinking way too much about what had just happened. Sasuke figured Naruto was a little jealous that he was getting stares left and right but why would he be jealous? Sasuke wasn't even interested in women...



Naruto ate in silence, filling his stomach as much as he could without making himself sick. He sat there and pondered, confused as to why he’d reacted like that. He knew, without a doubt, that he liked Sasuke in more ways than he should. It wasn’t the age difference that bothered him; he’d been with men twice Sasuke’s age. He just felt he would be... tainting him somehow. Not that there was any chance of the Uchiha feeling the same way. He was being stupid.



“There’s, um... one more thing I need to get,” the blond muttered. “But... I don’t want you to see what it is. I don’t want to take your credit card, so... I don’t know how that’ll work. It’s nothing bad,” he added quickly. “Just... underwear....”



Sasuke came out of his thoughts and nodded, pulling out his wallet and taking out two hundred in cash.



"Here, underwear can get pretty expensive at this mall." He didn't really mind Naruto taking off with two hundred dollars. Even if he did take off with the money, it didn't really make much difference to him. But after finally getting a permanent place to call home and going through all the trouble of shopping for new clothes, he doubted the teen was that stupid.



“Thank you,” Naruto whispered, tucking the money into his pocket. He still felt entirely ashamed at how he’d acted earlier, but he smiled weakly at the raven. “Errr... well, how are we gonna work this? I could easily lose you in here. Do you wanna wait here? Or should I meet you at the car?”



"I'll stay here, I have to send a few emails anyway." he said, placing his laptop bag on the table. Like Naruto's backpack, he never went anywhere without his laptop.



“Okay.” As Naruto grabbed his tray and brushed by Sasuke to throw his garbage out, he let his hand drag across the raven’s shoulder. He made his way through the mall, looking for the type of place he wanted. It wasn’t long before he’d found it. Surprisingly, there weren’t many women in the lingerie store.



Making his way inside, he quickly picked out a pile of different panties - thongs, boyshorts and other types, in laces and sheer material. It took him about an hour to pick everything out, but he managed not to spend all the money. When he returned to Sasuke, he immediately handed over all of the change, tucking the bag inside another so the contents wouldn’t be seen. It wouldn’t do to make the raven even weirder around him.



Taking the money, Sasuke put away his laptop. Naruto had been gone a pretty long time just for underwear, but he wasn't about to say anything.



"Ready to go? I hope you don't mind, but I need to go to the grocery store, we're almost out of food." He did notice the fact that he said 'we're' instead of 'I'm' but he wasn't about to draw attention to it.



“Yeah, I’m ready,” Naruto shrugged. As they walked through the mall, he tried so hard to push away the irritated feeling that still plagued him. He knew he’d been jealous, but that didn’t make any sense. Okay, maybe it did, but he still didn’t like it. Once all the bags had been stowed in the car, he buckled himself in and sighed quietly.



Naruto had been less talkative since they left the mall. The trip to the grocery store was quick and they arrived back home around 6pm. Both males brought all the bags up in one go and they finally entered the condo, Sasuke gratefully taking off his shoes at the door and stripping his coat after putting some of the bags down.



“Look, I’m sorry,” Naruto muttered as soon as they’d stepped inside, tugging his coat off roughly. “I know I keep making things awkward between us, but it bothered me. I don’t know why, but the way they were whispering and giggling about you... It just really... bothered me.”



Pausing on his way to the kitchen, Sasuke raised an eyebrow and then sighed. "Why would it bother you? I told you, I'm not even interested in women, especially women like that... I mean, is it because you like me?" He had just thrown the question out there and now just realized what he had asked. God damn it...



“Of course I do!” Naruto blurted out in exasperation, throwing his hands up in the air. He absolutely froze as he realized what he’d just admitted to. “I mean... um... shit!” the blond hissed, his cheeks burning brightly. He whirled around and crossed his arms over his chest, wishing the floor would just open right up and swallow him whole at that moment.



Setting the food on the counter, Sasuke abandoned them for a moment and carefully approached Naruto. He had to be careful about what he said next.



"Naruto... I don't think--"



Naruto didn’t want to hear it. No matter what, he didn’t want to hear those words. His stomach twisted with nerves and he did the first thing he could think of. He stepped forward and placed his hand on Sasuke’s hip, gripping as he leaned up on his toes and pressed his lips to the older man’s.



Completely taken off guard, Sasuke didn't move until he realized what was happening and gently placed his hands on Naruto's shoulders, pushing the blonde away.



"Naruto... please, listen to me. I... I don't know-"



Naruto blinked owlishly, his face awash with incredulity and guilt. He backed off so quickly that he tumbled backwards, his hand raising until he gently fingered his lips. Rejection swept through his body so quickly and fiercely that he couldn’t breathe.



“I- I’m s-so sorry,” he choked out, unable to bring himself to look at Sasuke, afraid of the disgust he would see there. “I- I didn’t- I...” Ashamed as he felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, Naruto scrambled up from the floor and bolted from the apartment, not even bothering to take the elevator. He took the stairs two at a time and burst through the lobby door, a panting mess.



"Shit..." Sasuke muttered, grabbing his coat and throwing on his shoes as he went after the blonde. He hadn't meant for it to sound... however it sounded to Naruto. He had to fix this...



Taking the stairs as well, Sasuke ran out of the building, not caring who was staring at him and caught a glimpse of blonde and went after it. He wasn't very athletic so he couldn't run that fast, not to mention his shoes weren't made for running at all but somehow, he managed to spot the teen.



"Naruto... Naruto, wait!" This couldn't happen. He had just offered this kid a great opportunity and now he was about to lose the chance of actually making a difference in someone's life because of a stupid misunderstanding. Of course he made a difference all the time with his line of work but to be honest, he didn't really feel much of an attachment to those people he helped. He just wanted to make sure they were represented fairly and accurately. But now that he'd had a taste of company and someone who actually wanted to spend time with him not because of his money but because of him... he was about to lose it.



At first Naruto didn’t even hear his name being called out. He was too focused on escaping. His eyes blurred over with tears of humiliation and rejection, and at that moment, he just wanted to die. Not only had he revealed he had feelings for Sasuke, but he’d kissed the man. That was unacceptable. However, as he heard that voice calling out to him, he began to slow. And then he stopped entirely, but refused to turn around and face Sasuke. He knew what was going to be said. He already anticipated the hurt, but after all the Uchiha had done for him, he thought the raven deserved to at least tell him.



“What, Sasuke?” he whispered, hugging his arms tightly around his middle.



Sasuke placed a gentle hand on the slim shoulder but then removed it at seeing the flinch he caused.



"Naruto... I'm not going to hurt you. Please, just come back so we can talk. I'm not angry with you... really." Sasuke walked around the teen so he was now facing Naruto and he hated the hurt and dejection he saw etched onto the tan face.



Naruto turned away again, wanting to hide the tears still trickling sluggishly down his cheeks. He wiped angrily at them and sniffled.



“There’s nothing to talk about,” he muttered in a thick voice, kicking at the ground.



Taking a chance, Sasuke placed both hands on Naruto's shoulders. When the blonde didn't try to shrug them off, Sasuke pulled him a bit closer. "Naruto, look at me..."



Naruto did tense when those strong hands landed on him, but didn’t move otherwise. He let himself be pulled closer, but his body was still stiff. He hesitated for a minute or two before slowly raising his head, meeting those impossibly dark eyes with his own wavering blue.



"Just come back with me. I really feel like we need to get everything out in the open." His voice was calm and he tried to make it as soothing as possible. He really didn’t want Naruto to just give up like that. And at the same time, there was a part of Sasuke that did like the kiss... but he couldn't even begin to think about that when he knew Naruto was so bothered by the whole incident.



Naruto thought about it for a moment before nodding. It wasn’t like he could just leave, anyway. He’d left his backpack and everything he owned in Sasuke’s home and he needed it.



“Okay,” he whispered, turning and heading back towards the building. He said nothing the entire way up, not even once they were back inside. He flopped right onto the couch and crossed his arms over his chest, staring down at the floor.



Sitting down next to the blonde, Sasuke figured he'd be the first to talk, considering how upset Naruto was.



"Look Naruto... I'm not pushing you away because I don't like you... I mean... well... I guess I do like you but... We're almost ten years apart in age..." He wasn't sure how to continue with this. In a way he wanted to be with Naruto, he knew he was attracted to the kid but at the same time he knew Naruto had so much to work out in his life. The teen was anything but stable and despite the fact that Sasuke was willing to help Naruto, he wasn't sure if he could be there as a lover.



“Save it, Sasuke,” Naruto snapped, his fingers tightening around his biceps. “I’ve been fucked by guys twice as old as you. Hell, Orochimaru is fifty-something and I go to him all the time. Don’t even give me bullshit about age. There are more important things than that.” His eyes narrowed as his hurt was masked by anger. It felt better that way. “Why don’t you just tell me the truth, hm? It has nothing to do with age. I’m fucked up. I’m a fucked up kid with a fucked up past. There’s no way I would ever be good enough for you, an Uchiha, right?”



Hurt flashed across Sasuke's face for a split second. He usually never let anything get to him but when Naruto said that... it hurt, a lot. "If that's how you think I feel, then you're fucking stupid. I don't think I'm better than you. If I did, I wouldn't have invited you to stay here. And you’re right... there're more important things to a relationship than age but come on Naruto, I'm a lawyer, and I’ve dealt with sick bastards who fantasize about children on more than one occasion. So yeah, my opinion on the subject may be a bit tainted but I've already told you... I do find you attractive and likable. It's just really confusing me, that's all."



Naruto didn’t understand at all. They were both gay, and if they liked each other... He was even legal age. He didn’t understand what the problem was. He opened his mouth to respond, but really, what was he supposed to say? He finally settled with the last thing he ever wanted to. “Then... just forget it happened, I guess,” he muttered in a low voice. “We’ll just call it a... an accident.”



Sasuke let out a sigh of frustration before he looked away from Naruto. That wasn't what he wanted and he knew it wasn't what Naruto wanted either.



"Just forget for a moment that you want to make your best impression with me. What do you want to do?" he asked as he looked at Naruto once more, taking a chance and grabbing the tan hand tentatively in his.



Naruto turned his head to stare at their joined hands. He was quiet for a long time before heaving a sigh as well. “I don’t know. All I do know is that you’re different. I’ve been with a lot of guys, Sasuke, and they never meant shit to me. I’ve never really cared about anyone before, but you’re different...”



Facing the blonde on the couch, Sasuke's fingers intertwined with Naruto's. "You're very different as well. Not because of your circumstances... I've just never been very interested in anyone but you sparked something in me that I haven't felt in years..." He wasn't really sure what that was but he knew that it confused the hell out of him and almost felt like he was going through puberty again. At least with the sexual attraction.



The barest of smiles lit Naruto’s face as their fingers laced together and he bit at his bottom lip as his stomach did flip-flops. Hearing that was... amazing. He’d had no idea that Sasuke felt the same, but where did that get them?



“I don’t know what that means,” he admitted. “I- I just think that if we ignore it, we could miss out on something amazing. There’s obviously something there... so, m-maybe we should... I don’t know. Try without trying? It’s been working out okay... so, we could just keep doing what we’re doing without the pressure of actually committing to anything...” He shrugged and lifted his free hand to run his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what else to do besides nothing.”



Sasuke hesitated for a moment before he pulled Naruto toward him and wrapped an arm around the blonde. He knew Naruto hadn't had any kind of positive affection in a long time and he figured it may be the perfect time to give him some. Plus, he was right, they could miss out on something if they let this opportunity pass up.



"We'll just see where it goes." he said quietly, letting Naruto rest his head on his shoulder, liking the closeness and how comfortable it was.



Naruto was surprised, but followed Sasuke’s guidance. The arm was so comforting and the feel of the Uchiha’s body was so warm that he melted against him, his eyes closing softly as his head came to rest on Sasuke’s shoulder. He said nothing for a few moments, just basking in the attention he was receiving.



“Okay,” he finally murmured, keeping a hold of the raven’s hand. “I’m just happy you didn’t blow me off... I really didn’t mean to kiss you in the first place. I guess I don’t really regret it now that you’ve admitted you feel the same...”



"I guess I'm just new to everything that's going on... I mean I've actually, never been in a relationship." The young lawyer felt his pale skin flush again and cursed himself for being able to be embarrassed so easily.



“And, what? You think I have?” Naruto chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I don’t think fucking someone for money counts as a relationship, S’uke. I’m just as new to it as you are. Maybe I have more experience, since I got started when I was like six, but it’s not like that gives me leverage over you or anything.” He suddenly stiffened as he realized what he’d just said. Panic clawed at his heart and he just kept talking in an attempt to cover it up. “W-We’re both new to this, a-and if we take it slow, I- I think it’ll be okay...”



Sasuke didn't say anything, knowing Naruto had let it slip on accident but it didn't quiet his frantic mind. Naruto had had sexual experience since he was six? Which meant...



He let out a slow breath and his grip tightened just a little around Naruto's shoulders.  He figured a change of subject was in order. "I have to put the groceries away. Why don't you put your clothes in the guest room? That can be your room from now on if you want...? I mean, if you'd rather sleep somewhere else that's fine too..."



“Oh, yeah....” Naruto muttered. “I guess I should do that...” Standing, he began collecting all of the bags of clothes. Once he had them all, he retreated into the guest room. He didn’t want to stay there, though. He wanted to keep sleeping in Sasuke’s bed, but maybe that wasn’t a good idea... But, he could always just sneak back into the raven’s room. He figured Sasuke wouldn’t have enough room for all his new clothes, anyway, so they had to go in the guest room. As he mindlessly began packing away all the jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts and other things that had been bought, he hummed quietly to himself. As he worked, the thing he’d let slip escaped his mind and his mood lifted a little.

TBC