Damaetas

His stomach was still sore, the stitches red and tender. Naruto held his arms up while Jiraiya changed the bandage; "This isn't something I'm gonna do for you every day," Jiraiya said under his breath. His tone was smooth and patient; the real reproach, when he stepped back to survey the wrapping, was in his eyes.

"Thanks," Naruto said, reaching for his shirt and pulling it over his head, tugging it gently over the bandage. "Is my jacket clean?"

"The lady of this establishment has it waiting." Jiraiya leaned his hip against the couch and took out his pipe, slipping it between his lips, filling it with a pinch, and lighting it. The next moment, a cloud of smoke spilled out to wrap like a halo around his head. Lifting his eyebrows, he offered it to Naruto, who took a puff.

"Ugh. What are you smoking, dirt?"

"Herbs," Jiraiya said with dignity. "They speed the healing process, actually. You should smoke some more tonight."

"No thanks." His forehead protector had been laid out with his clothes; Naruto lifted it on two fingers, carefully, and sat looking at it for a moment before tying it around his forehead. The familiar weight was soothing, somehow; it welcomed him back to the real world.

Jiraiya was acting dumb, he thought with a small sigh, like he always did. They'd been skirting around everything since he'd woken up, and Jiraiya was perfectly polite in a way he'd never been to Naruto, even clipping his words into a precise, distant tone. They hadn't talked about what had happened. They hadn't talked about what they were going to do. Naruto had tried it - asking angrily why Jiraiya had brought the kids along with him, when they were supposed to be safely back in Konoha - and Jiraiya had just stared him down, never replying.

"Your sandals are by the door," Jiraiya said, "with your pack."

"Yeah," Naruto said, absently. "Okay."

His genin were practically shaking in their feet, they were so eager to get home. They looked at Naruto funny, now, in the same way the villagers did, like they weren't sure what he was going to do. Kaiki, in particular, had a weird air about him; one that, absurdly, reminded Naruto of Kakashi-sensei and how he used to get whenever Naruto had been an ass. When he had gotten scared on missions, say, or hadn't tried his best, or was rude to the clients. Kakashi-sensei had been the first person to ever expect something different from him - even Iruka-sensei had always acted like he didn't expect Naruto to ever grow up and make something out of himself - and the look he got when Naruto was stupid, it could have made a dog cower. He wasn't mad, or even disappointed, really. His look just said, I figured you'd act this way, but I hoped you wouldn't. Kaiki looked like he felt that way.

Naruto wasn't really bothered by it. He'd spent his whole life having people who were expecting, even *counting* on him to mess up. Eventually he'd learned not to care; to do what he wanted, the way he wanted, because that was the only way he was going to get anywhere.

He couldn't help himself. He reached for Jiraiya's pipe, plucking it out of his hands; took a hard drag, and said around the plume of sweet-smelling smoke, "I'm going after Orochimaru."

Jiraiya raised his eyebrows. He didn't take the pipe back. "Hmm," he said.

"Can you take my genin back to Konoha for me? Hinata...." Naruto paused, closing his mouth around the truth, and said instead, "Hinata said she'd train them for me while I was gone."

"That won't be necessary."

Naruto stilled, pipe halfway to his lips. "What do you mean?"

Jiraiya reached inside his overcoat and pulled out a stained and frayed piece of paper. He turned it, letting Naruto see the unmistakable handwriting curving wildly across its front. "The Hokage has ordered you back to Konoha," said Jiraiya, in that clipped, unfamiliar tone. "She forbids you to go after Orochimaru. Another team will be sent out to do what you couldn't."

"What the fuck?" Naruto snatched the letter out of his hand and scanned it. Unbelievably, Tsunade's directions were exactly as Jiraiya had said. "But... she's sent out teams before... they've all been killed. It's not going to be any different this time!"

"It wasn't different with you." Jiraiya reached out and took back the letter and the pipe. "Why should we continue to rely on you to complete the mission?" He slid off the couch and, geta click-clicking across the wood floors, walked toward the exit. He paused in the doorway, a thick cloud of smoke trailing lazily in the space between them as Naruto stood frozen, staring after him. "We're leaving in an hour," Jiraiya said quietly. "Once in Konoha, you'll train your genin team to participate in the chuunin exam. If you leave to hunt Orochimaru, Naruto, you'll be declared a missing-nin - and I will hunt you."

He sucked some of the smoke back into his mouth, tucked the paper into his jacket, and walked away.

Naruto sat back against the couch. Shakily, he reached up to touch his forehead protector, digging his fingernails into its familiar cracks and chinks and the deep lines of the Konoha leaf. Konoha. His home despite what anyone said, even if no one wanted him.

His and Sasuke's home, both. And now that bastard pervert - and that flat-chested bitch who called herself Hokage - they wanted to tell him that as long as he called Konoha home, Sasuke couldn't? And if he tried to take Sasuke back home, to their home, neither of them would be able to call it home anymore?

And then he thought: No, Uzumaki, you idiot. That's not what they're trying to tell you.

They're trying to tell you there is no Sasuke.

And if you weren't a fool, Uzumaki Naruto - if you hadn't always been one - you'd believe them.

But what they didn't understand, what no one understood, was: Konoha was no home without Sakura-chan. Without that crazy Lee, and that always-frowning Neji and sweet Hinata; without Iruka-sensei and his smiles, and Konohamaru with his goggles pushed up over his forehead protector. Without Sasuke, that jerk Sasuke, his first real friend.

The lines of the leaf were cold on his fingers. Naruto pressed his fingers harder, then ducked his head down, rested it against his legs and closed his eyes.

----

The long walk back to Konoha was completely silent, Jiraiya-sama and Naruto-sensei staring at each other with ice in their eyes, Kaiki and Nagi afraid to speak lest one of the two jounin turn around and kill them, and Hikaru probably enjoying the quiet, for once. When they arrived back in Konoha, more dirty and a good deal smarter than when they'd left - Kaiki still had blood under his fingernails that wouldn't wash out, from changing Naruto-sensei's bandages - Naruto-sensei silently turned his back on them and walked away. Jiraiya-sama wasn't much better; told them to go home and then report to Tsunade-sama for a reprimand the next day, then left as well. The teammates looked at each other for a long time; Kaiki felt that, for once, they all understood each other perfectly. They parted ways without ever having spoken a word.

His father screamed, knocked him over the head and banished him to his room, and his mother didn't come up with dinner. He ate some sweets he had stashed under his mattress and went to bed early, to stare up at the ceiling and recall the blood all over Naruto-sensei, the weird blank stare he'd had the last couple of days; the dead whore, the whiteness of Naruto-sensei's skin, the pinched tightness to Jiraiya-sama's mouth that had been friendly and smiling and sardonic a few days earlier.

He didn't understand adults, he decided, and rolled over and tried to fall asleep. But he couldn't, and only managed to doze a little after dawn. When the horn blew that signaled the start of the day, he got up and dressed, mind in a daze - almost better than all the thinking he'd been doing - and splashed his face with cold water. At the breakfast table, his parents ignored him as Jiraiya-sama and Naruto-sensei had ignored each other. Kaiki ate, thanked them for the food, got up and left to go meet his teammates to report to the Hokage.

Nagi looked like he felt: like a zombie, only more brain-dead. By silent agreement, none of them spoke as they made the walk to the Hokage's office. Kaiki couldn't even find it in himself to feel nervous.

Tsunade-sama - who'd always intimidated him, even as a little kid - stared at them over her hooked fingers. She seemed to be searching for the right words, and finally said, quietly, "To say nothing of your disobedience, you could have gotten yourselves killed."

Kaiki looked down at his nails. His teammates weren't speaking, so he ventured, "We're sorry, Hokage-sama."

"Mm hm." Tsunade-sama didn't look impressed. "Are you, now."

Nagi said, in a small voice, "We just wanted to find Naruto-sensei."

Her lips thinned. "I see."

"We won't do anything like this again," said Hikaru, and Kaiki and Nagi nodded.

Tsunade-sama turned in her seat, looking at something on the wall behind her. Kaiki frowned, moved a little so he could see it: a calendar, with the date Naruto-sensei had left circled in thick red ink. "I hope," she said, "your instructor doesn't do anything like it again. It's time to - Well. You don't need to hear these things." She sighed and dug a fingernail into her temple. "Kaiki, Hikaru, Nagi - I know you want to become strong, but you must trust your instructor to do what's best for you. Moreover, running after a jounin on a dangerous whim could have endangered him as well as you. And that isn't the spirit of Konoha."

"But," Hikaru said quietly, "we wanted to help, too."

At that, Tsunade smiled ever so slightly. "That's very good. That's what makes Konoha strong - we all want to protect and help each other. But you also must develop the sense of when you will be a help or a hindrance. In this case, I'm sure you can figure out which you were."

"Will Naruto-sensei still be our instructor?" Nagi asked. "Or... is he mad at us?"

"Regardless of personal feelings, he will continue training you. Don't worry about that." She hadn't answered his last question.

Kaiki hesitated, then said, "Will he leaving to find Orochimaru again?"

Her whole face narrowed, eyes darkening. Kaiki wished fiercely he knew what was going through these people's heads - he hated not knowing, not being on the inside. Not being trusted. "He will not," Tsunade-sama said. She unfolded her hands and set them on the table, drumming her nails across the wood top. "I'm sure you realize by now the magnitude of what you did. I don't need to lecture you any further. You can go now."

At the door, Kaiki turned around one last time. The Hokage was staring off into space, still running her nails across the table in a fast, sharp, nervous rhythm. She didn't notice that he was still there.

Kaiki shut the door behind him quietly.

----

Naruto dipped his hands into the sink and splashed a handful of water onto his face, wincing at the cold, and then dribbled another into his hair. He didn't feel like showering, and his hair was still a bit sweaty from tossing and turning last night. He reached for a towel and tossed it around his shoulders as he walked back into the kitchen, where a steaming bowl of ramen and a black cup of coffee awaited him.

"Thanks," he said, drudging up a grin. "Wow, this smells great."

"Eat up," Sakura said briskly, sliding a spoon to him as he dropped into his chair. "Your wounds are still healing, you need lots of food."

"I'm not really hungry," Naruto said. Sakura's eyes narrowed, and he laughed and dipped his spoon into the bowl. He touched it to his lips, gingerly, then slurped it into his mouth; swallowed, and let out a long sigh. "Mmmmm. That's really good, Sakura-chan."

Sakura smiled, turning her attention to her own breakfast. They ate, comfortably loudly, stealing food from each other: Naruto swiped half of her banana, and Sakura took a few bites of his ramen. "I have to admit," she said, "for a fast meal, this stuff isn't too bad. Really though, Naruto, you shouldn't eat this *all the time* - no wonder you're so short."

"Sakura-chan." Naruto gave her a frown. "That's not very nice."

"It's true. You still look fifteen, sometimes." Sakura's smile faded as she turned her spoon in her bowl absently, lifting it to her mouth and then dropping it. "Except for your eyes," she murmured.

"Ehh?" Naruto closed them into slits and said, grinning, "You know, most people tell me how beautiful my eyes are - even the old hag likes them."

She didn't take the bait; instead, she smoothly changed the topic. "So, do you think your genin will be ready to take the chuunin exam?"

Naruto shrugged, slurped down some more ramen and coffee. "Beats me. They're not too bad. Did I tell you Hikaru managed to learn the first stage of the Rasengan?"

"No. That is pretty good. Most people can't manage the Rasengan at all."

"Except for me," Naruto beamed.

Sakura did smile now, and threw a piece of bread at him. "You know, if you didn't brag about yourself all the time, you'd probably be considered the best jounin in Konoha."

"Nah," said Naruto. "If I didn't brag about myself all the time, people would forget about me."

"I wouldn't. Shikamaru wouldn't. Or Gaara, or Kankurou and Temari or Lee or Neji," Sakura rattled off, raising her eyebrows.

"Maybe they would. I mean," Naruto picked up a noodle and sucked it into his mouth, affording Sakura a nice glimpse of his canines, "if I weren't around to bug everyone, how soon do you think they'd forget me? I mean, c'mon. I'm not someone you tell your grandkids about."

"Yes, you are. Besides, what are you talking about? You're going to be *around* for everyone's grandkids to know." Sakura set down her coffee and leaned forward. "Naruto," she said firmly, "look at me. Hokage-sama has forbidden you to chase after Orochimaru. What are you thinking?"

"Sakura-chan, I'm not thinking about-"

"Don't lie to me."

"Seriously, Sakura-chan." Naruto plucked the last of the banana from her plate and stuffed it into his mouth, but Sakura just kept him pinned with a beady eye, not even rising to the bait. "Come on. Would I lie to you? I swear. I'm not thinking about anything."

Sakura sighed, then lifted herself out of her seat and took their plates to the sink. She turned on the water, and said over the rushing sound, "It's not fair, you know. It's always been like this. You and Sasuke, always up ahead of me, and I've been trying to catch up with you, trying to know what you're thinking... you were alike in more ways than you thought, you know, you and Sasuke."

Naruto slowed down his chewing. He swallowed the lump in his mouth, said, "Sakura-chan, I think *you* were always the one ahead of us."

"I miss Sasuke." The dishes were clean, and Sakura was just running her hands through the water now, over and over. "He was... you and he were... my best friends, you know?"

"Was? Sakura-chan," Naruto forced a smile, trying to take the leaden sound out of his voice, "you mean we're not anymore?"

She turned back around. "I wish you wouldn't act like this. I know Sasuke and you were...."

"And why the hell do you keep using the past tense for him? 'Was,' 'were,'" Naruto mimicked. "It's 'is.' It's not like Sasuke's dead, you know?"

"That's not the way it is anymore! Why do you have to be so stupid?"

"Why not?" Naruto stood up, slammed one fist on the table for emphasis. "What would you know, anyway? You never once tried to go after him!"

She slapped him - and it happened so fast, and her hand was off his cheek so quickly that for a moment Naruto thought he might have been seeing things; then the sting came, the hot fiery burn on his cheek. It didn't hurt, not really, but Sakura still looked horrified. They stood there, staring at each other, Sakura's hands over her mouth and one of Naruto's covering his cheek.

"Oh, Naruto-" Sakura broke down first, lowering her head, knotting her fingers on the table. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but you knew why I didn't go after him, right?"

There was a lump in his throat. Naruto cleared his throat and, when it didn't disappear, spoke around it. "You still could, Sakura-chan."

Sakura shook her head; let go of the table and stepped up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. One of her hands came to rest lightly against the back of his head, settling through his hair. "I can't," she whispered against the cheek she'd hit. "It's too late, Naruto. There is no present tense. Let it go."

Tsunade'd said the same thing, and Jiraiya. Even Kakashi before Sasuke had killed him. Naruto shut his eyes and dropped his face into her shoulder, feeling her tears running down his neck. He stroked Sakura's hair, wrapped his arms around her waist, didn't want to let go ever but knew he would have to. His little girl was gone, she wasn't trying to catch up with them anymore - she was trying to leave them behind.

--

Agacissko: Heh, sorry. It's my bad for not posting how many parts there'd be. :D I'm glad you're glad you were wrong, though, and I hope the real ending will be to your liking.

akuma_river, Multifaced Tune, and Lady Gizarme - thanks for the reviews! Hope you continue enjoying it. Have a great week, all.