A Dream for a Dream

A Dream for a Dream
chapter 7

Despite my attempts to research on demons, I truly had no idea what to expect when I was left alone with Kyuubi. Strangely enough, with all the times I've had to fight for my very life, I have to admit that nothing was ever so frightening to me as the sudden realization that I no longer had the slightest clue what the rest of my existance might have in store. Endless days stretched before me, each one entirely blank in my mind. What an intimidating concept!

I realize that technically one never knows exactly what may happen next, but we are usually aware of our basic needs, certain options that are open to us to go about filling those needs, and what we accept as our general place in the world. Our experience helps us to reason out at least a tentative plan for what to do if this or that should occur.

This was different. My mental 'handbook of universal truths' that had been accumulating since birth, might as well be tossed right out the window. There was no telling what parts of it were still going to apply. I knew how to live as a human, how to survive in that world. As a demon now, I couldn't begin to predict how anything would work, what situations might arise or which action would lead to which consequence. Heck! What actions were even possible? What was I capable of now? Was there anything I might be no longer be capable of? The possibilities were simply beyond my scope.

Kyuubi picked up on my feelings right away and thankfully seemed to understand my position to a certain extent. He swiftly comforted me with a reminder that there was very little that could seriously harm a demon and that he would be right there to protect and guide me while I grew accustomed to my new life. A full blown panic attack was averted but some tension remained for quite awhile.

Aside from all of the 'lifestyle changes', I had to get used to Kyuubi himself, and getting to know him was an interesting adventure all on it's own. He had one of those personalities that refused to be categorized. He was funny but serious. He was caring but intimidating, understanding but easily irritated. He thought rather highly of himself, but then he also thought highly of me.

Days went by, then weeks and even months, and we kept moving, not too quickly but steadily. I had no idea where we were going but Kyuubi seemed quite sure of himself so I didn't actually put too much thought into it. I did begin to wonder when we came to a region with rather irregular, hilly terrain that was heavily forested and looked completely untouched, a chain of mountains rising majestically above the tree-line in the distance. Then he stopped leading in one solid direction and began to meander, trailing about here and there, circling widely and sniffing everything avidly, acting like he was searching for something or maybe just scouting the area.

When I asked, he told me it was a bit of both. Then he smirked at me and said he was making sure there were no possible threats to his 'helpless little mate', just to see me blow up at him I'm sure. He loved to tease me at random moments. Then he would just laugh (Well more of a chuckle really. Kyuubi rarely laughed loudly) and either move on, letting me continue ranting while he pretended to ignore me, though I knew he was listening and drawing an unholy amusement from it. Or he would grab me up suddenly and kiss me until I forgot what I'd been pissed about. Sadistic fox...

I got to know more about him over this time as he helped me to understand more about myself, and slowly, I grew to feel closer, more familiar and comfortable with him. He could be so sweet and I reveled in the affection he gave so freely. It seemed that he never missed an opportunity to touch me, even if it was just a hand on my shoulder. Each night, he would pull me into his arms, keeping me warm and safe. It was like heaven to someone like me, who had never been cuddled before. I'm sure that I'm that type that was just born with an insatiable craving for physical contact, and finally after all these years, that need was being met.

On the other hand, he also had a nasty habit of issuing orders to me that he obviously expected to be followed without question. Well you're damn right I questioned it! I wouldn't just back down and do as I was told without getting my two cents worth in. I could see the irritation very clearly in his eyes every time he was forced to explain his intentions to me. For the most part though, he kept his temper fairly well. It's funny that he never did learn to just ask me politely. At this point I honestly don't believe that he ever will.

Sometimes I wondered if he might have gotten more rough with me, if I weren't carrying his child. ( I know better now.) That thought mostly led to other thoughts about the child itself. I couldn't believe at first that it really existed. There was nothing showing yet and I couldn't feel anything moving inside me, so it was nothing more than an abstract concept. It was hard letting go of old paradigms. I may have known for awhile before all this happened that I was probably not entirely male, but it was a surface kind of knowledge that had never quite sunk in.

The idea of actually being pregnant was just hard to accept. It sent my brain into an almost painful tailspin. I came up with all kinds of strange and improbable things to contemplate and worry about. Sometimes I even wished it would just go away and other times I was terrified by the thought of anything happening to it. I had dreams of giving birth and the child dying in my arms, that woke me in tears, and other dreams of somehow hurting or abandoning the poor thing, that likewise had me in tears. I had nightmares about giving birth to a monster and I wondered if there was something wrong with me.

I remember one day when Kyuubi was saying something about the animal attributes of demons and it suddenly struck me that foxes can have four or five kits at a time. My eyes flew open wide as I wondered for the first time, if I should perhaps be worrying about more than one baby! Seeing my expression, Kyuubi frowned at me questioningly and I just blurted out my thoughts in an overly loud and hysterical voice. When he'd finished chuckling at me, he assured me that most types of demons only had one baby at a time. Animals tend to have a higher death rate and very short life spans, making litters necessary for the survival of the species, while demons have all the time in the world, a much greater resilience, and few natural enemies.

It relieved me to hear that there likely wouldn't be more than one, but even one was a stressful thought. Sure I wanted a family, but this had happened so suddenly. I hadn't even been given time to get used to the idea of having a mate, before I was told that there was a baby on the way. Would I be a good parent? What if I failed? I hadn't had any parents of my own, so I had no example to follow. I didn't know if I was ready for this and while a baby in and of it's self was a good thing, it was also scary. Knowing that I would personally be the one bringing it into the world was even scarier.

The good thing about change though, is that new things are always diverting. As long as I was in the middle of discovering something or trying something new, my mind couldn't dwell on worries about parenthood, the familiar life that I had left behind and the mystery that was my future. That kind of thinking was left for the quiet moments that came along as we traveled or when we settled down to rest.

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Kyuubi made himself my teacher and my education was extensive. Nearly everything became a learning experience. So many things had to be explained to me. Things that I knew must be second nature to Kyuubi. I found out quickly, for instance, that demons don't need to eat as often as humans. Kyuubi explained that we simply didn't expend our energy at the same rate and it was replenished in more than one way, so there was less need to intake it physically.

It was really odd for me, not to eat all the time. I used to eat as much as I could get my hands on at one point. I can remember going hungry at times as a child and I had a slight fear of starvation. Now I had no real reason to eat much, but hungry or not, I often felt an unreasonable urge, like I simply couldn't break the habit. It was just one of many things that I had to get used to.

The sheer number of misconceptions that humans had formed about demons was almost overwhelming. Any information that I had come across that wasn't a direct observation of behavioral patterns, was just a bunch of outright lies. They didn't eat humans as a rule, though of course there are always deviants. Some demons were even herbivores. The general demon population wasn't bloodthirsty or destructive either. Actually, like most animals, they rarely attacked without reason. In fact there are a lot more demons out there that humans like to think, and they simply avoid contact with humans whenever possible. With their abilities, it's really pretty easy. If a demon doesn't want to be found or noticed, he usually won't be... Much like a ninja actually... Makes me wonder why they never consider the possibility.

Demons also weren't constrained to one element in their chakra use, as humans believe, though most of them had an affinity for a certain type of attack. Kyuubi himself used fire a lot and was considered a fire demon, but the uses of chakra were limitless and he scoffed at the idea of failing to take advantage of all that was available to him.

It was fun in way and yet extremely frustrating not to know anything. There were lot's of interesting surprises, but I seemed to have essentially lost my independence and that is a difficult thing for anyone to deal with. I asked so many questions, I almost annoyed myself, and I often felt like a child. But he was never patronizing, always allowing me my dignity and keeping his lessons as clear and unassuming as possible. I suppose having already lived as long as he had, it was no wonder that he had more patience with me than the average human would have.

As he went though the day to day routine of living in the way of a demon, he would explain what he did and how and why he did it. If I showed further interest in any subject, he would not hesitate to begin a lengthy lecture on principles and histories and so on, answering any questions I may have had and then some.

Admittedly, I have never been much of a scholar, but I found most of it fascinating and I could listen to his low, throaty voice for hours on end. He had a positively magical voice, both lulling and engaging, that I believe could plant the knowledge firmly into your brain whether you intended to listen to him or not.

Actually, I had to learn not to make my questions too vague, or it would lead to too many different offshoots of information.

When I first realized that I no longer felt any real discomfort from wind or rain, I found this to be kind of incongruent with the fact that my sense of touch seemed sharper than ever. I asked a question about this and Kyuubi simply said that a heightened tolerance came along with the heightened sensitivity. The sensitivity was meant to aid a demon's instincts but it wouldn't be much of an evolutionary advantage if it caused continuous pain and irritation. It might eventually drive you insane if you were unable to cope with it.

That's when I made the mistake of commenting wonderingly on how demons were such heavily instinctual creatures even though they were capable of logical thought, while humans had allowed that sentience to take complete precedence to the point of dulling their instincts almost entirely. Humans usually assumed that the reason for an animal's reliance on instinct was that they were incapable of complicated thinking.

This overly general question on such a loaded subject sparked an incredibly long lecture on demonic history and development. I won't repeat it all to you of course. That would be another story on it's own. It basically boiled down to him explaining that although demons are an ancient race, their longevity means that there have actually been relatively few new generations and some of the eldest still live. Therefore change is a very slow process among them and old ways have not been forgotten. Humans have bred their instincts out of existence through uncounted generations. They evolve much more quickly and change constantly. The upside is an easy adaptability. The downside is the tendency to throw certain older practices and lessons learned out the window until they are rediscovered, meaning that they are forced to endlessly repeat themselves.

I know I can't even begin to tell you all off my experiences in that first year of my new life as a demon. So much happened, or maybe it just felt that way because everything was so new to me. I suppose a normal demon would have thought it a relatively quiet and uneventful period. I however, found myself exited, fascinated, amazed or awestruck so often, I was almost afraid that it might become my natural state of being.

One of the best parts about becoming a demon was learning to interact with and manipulate the chakra of the world around me. When it came to practical application, Kyuubi found me to be a very eager student. One of those things that I hadn't found in the human documentation of demons, was that their longevity was directly linked to their use of outside chakra. Human chakra circulation is internal. Demons circulate all wild chakra indiscriminately, rather than just pouring their own life energy into everything they do. One of the first things Kyuubi began to teach me was how to draw chakra from all the non-sentient things around me.

I was already doing that unconsciously in a way, drawing it in and expelling it like the air I breathed, which constantly re-energized both myself and everything I came into contact with. He said it was the biggest part of being a demon. The trick was to do it consciously and use it for some specific purpose. I imagine it would have been terribly difficult if I hadn't already been a ninja for most of my previous life. At least I could fully understand the concept.

It was different though, I automatically wanted to do it the way I had been used to. Not that it would hurt me if I did. As I said, the circulation was constant anyway, but I could get so much more power behind my actions if I channeled it the way Kyuubi did. Then once I had accomplished that, I still needed to refine my control. Kyuubi could channel chakra with such delicate precision that he could touch a tiny, budding starflower and make it bloom.

I myself could make it disintegrate, explode, burst into flame... you get the idea. Eventually I made it simply bloom, wilt, wither and die all in a second. Then slower and slower until I could stop it at just the wilting part and finally I managed to make it bloom without hurting it, sometimes. I still can't always control it that well but as Kyuubi says, I now have a looong time to fully master it.

The people of Konoha would be very surprised to realize that the great and terrible demon fox that they hate and fear so much, is capable of creating as well as destroying. I remarked on that and he just smirked at me, shaking his head. I was already well aware of his opinion of the villagers, so I just grinned back and asked him if he thought that the human race might ever be able to use chakra the way that demons did. He said that with the way humans adapted, it was possible that they might be able to start small and eventually develope their bodies to the point where they could handle it, if ninjutsu didn't become yet another lost art first.

I got to have lots of practice with the constructive use of chakra when we came to the end of our journey. I'm certain that the only reason we had moved so slowly in the first place was to give him the opportunity to show and tell me some of the things that I would need to know. (Or possibly to give me something to do for as long as possible so I didn't drive myself crazy, waiting out all those months until the baby was due.)

There was no real need for me to take it easy, at least not so early on in the pregnancy. However, the first time that I felt the strange sensation of something moving independently inside me, the leisurely stroll we had been taking around the area instantly became more focussed and he swiftly seemed to find what he was looking for. 'Just the right spot', he'd said. At first I wasn't sure what he was talking about though it certainly it was a lovely place. It was a grove of ancient trees in a hollow dip halfway up a large gradually inclined hill. The plot of land was alive and green, with a lovely scent to it and had a wonderful view while being relatively sheltered, and there was also a cold, clean spring in sight that fed into a small stream a little further off.

Kyuubi got right to work with visible enthusiasm. The slight sense of urgency that rolled off of him made me smile, remembering his reaction that night when I'd told him about feeling the baby move.

His golden eyes had lit up with intense interest and a little hint of excitement as he pulled me close and stroked a gentle hand over my stomach. He knew that he wouldn't be able to feel the movement from the outside yet but he slid down to his knees and laid his ear against my middle, a smile spreading over his face as his extremely sharp hearing picked up the faint second heartbeat that was faster than my own. He had listened intently for a long moment before turning to press soft kisses over every inch of my still flat abdomen, making me weak with pleasure and a lazy contentment. The next thing I knew were his lips on mine, swallowing my pleasured moans as he plunged into me. He made love to me for what seemed like a lifetime, until the vision of the countless stars in the sky melded into the multitude of sparks behind my eyelids.

I shook myself out of my pleasant memory to find that he had already cleared the area around the little grove of any troublesome rocks, brambles and other discomforts or possible hazards. That was when he began the real work. If you could call it that. I almost want to call it art.

Walking up to one of the ancient trees, he laid his hands upon the huge trunk and, with chakra alone, began to slowly bend it to his will. I stood and watched, wondering what he could be doing until the gradual change became noticeable. He explained the method to me as he moved on to the next tree. Then he had me try it as well directing me all the way through and warning me to take it slow so I wouldn't 'traumatize' the tree.

"Old trees are very set in their ways," he said. "We don't want to damage them in any way, and we also want to make sure that it still looks natural."

"What exactly is 'it'?" I asked curiously.

"You'll figure it out soon enough. In the meantime, you can take advantage of the training this provides. Now I want you to move that one in this way." He waved his hand in an arc to illustrate and continued to instruct me. Going through all the biggest trees first. The process was slow and seemingly quite random, and by the end of the first day, I still couldn't see enough of a clear change to show me what we were trying to achieve. I kept at it though. There was something calming about the act and I was pleased when Kyuubi would tell me I was getting better.

We moved on to the smaller trees and Kyuubi seemed to select them carefully, leaving the ones on the outskirts of the grove alone. These trees were easier, though there were more of them and when we had gotten about halfway through them, I began to realize what was happening, They were coming together, bending and leaning in toward one another and they began to resemble walls. Kyuubi had begun to coax certain branches into growing longer and twisting just so, intertwining them together in places to strengthen those walls and create a ceiling.

I grinned excitedly and told him that I understood now and he smiled back and asked me how it felt to be helping to make our new home. Right at that moment, after all this time immersed in his company, months of uncertainty and hoping and learning and letting go...in that moment I was sure I loved him. I knew there would still be moments of doubt to come. Unavoidable moments of pain, of fear, resentment, exasperation and anger, but what are moments in the grand scheme of things, especially for a demon?

I happily worked alongside my mate, painstakingly shaping the rooms of our home. It was nothing like the little apartment I had left behind, or any of the inns I had stopped in on various missions. It was distinctly inhuman and it was beautiful. There weren't all that many rooms really and non of them had doors. There were a couple of sleeping areas with low, dense ceilings that blocked the light and trapped the heat. The other rooms were large and airy with high loosely woven cathedral ceilings that let in a dapple of sunlight here and there, with a few open spots where big shafts of light came through to illuminate everything. The walls were quite loose too, allowing for open windows and letting a bit of a breeze sift through. One of these rooms was left wide and mainly empty. I assumed it was meant as a living room of sorts. The other had a large central pit for a fire. Aside from that, there was something like a courtyard that was completely open air and that made up the entire basis of our home in the hollow.

It was a few weeks after having started when Kyuubi was putting the final touches on the place. He had walled off the courtyard almost impenetrably, so now he was digging a tunnel that ducked under those trees and curved around to come out on the side of the hill. A hidden entrance. That had me grinning, it was such a fox thing to do. Of course he also had to have an emergency back door.

He then moved to the inside and made the little patches of moss grow thicker and spread out to cover most of the general room that would be for lounging and playing and so on, showing me how as he went. Then together, we created a similar but even thicker carpet in the bedrooms, which even crept up the roots and trunks of the trees that made up the walls. The green foliage was encouraged to multiply and fill in any gaps in those rooms and he even had flowers springing up here and there just to make me smile.

The finished product was beautiful and quite comfortable for us. Much too simple and open air for human standards I'm sure, but as we really weren't bothered much by the elements, it was perfect. Kyuubi looked terribly proud of himself as we went out for a walk to do an in-depth survey of our home and the surrounding lands.

"Now you see why I told you this was the perfect spot," he said as we stood at the bottom of the great hill, looking up. "You can't even tell there's a dip there from this far away. Yet from up there we can see everything. Nothing can come through this land without our notice. It's nicely sheltered form the worst of the wind while it lets in the sun. There is clean water running within our wall, the game is plentiful and there is no sign of any demons or humans remotely nearby. The trees are thick and strong enough to offer a great deal of protection. Most demons would balk at the idea of harming such ancient trees anyway, and that's if they could find the place. It's perfectly camouflaged. I left enough of the outer trees alone that it doesn't look like there is anything there but normal forest."

"Yeah yeah, I hear you. It's perfect an all that," I teased, waving him off dismissively.

"You brat," he growled. I could see the little glint of humour in his eye though and I put on my most innocent face.

"There there now. You did a 'wonderful' job 'Kyuu-chan!" I said patronizingly as I gave him a pat on the head. He growled louder and tackled me to the ground. It might have scared a normal person but with as many times as I'd been tackled for real, I could easily tell how careful he was being. When he had finished mauling me, we picked ourselves up to head back home. Just thinking the word still made me almost giddy.

That was the first night that we curled up together in our own personal nest in our own home, and as we lay there drowsily waiting for sleep to take us, I found myself quietly asking why he had taken such pains to make our home hidden and secure. Was he expecting some danger? Because he himself had admitted that there was no sign of any, and that demons were hard to kill and had few natural enemies.

"You don't need to worry about that Love," he whispered. "It's in my nature to be cautious and I just want the best for my family. I will protect you whether I ever need to or not."

A blush and a sleepy grin spread over my face at these words. I had always protected my village and my own special people, and there had been a certain pleasure, a sense of pride, a feeling of usefulness and belonging that had come along with that but it was really nice to be the one that was cared for and protected for once. As much as I had teased him for his seemingly over the top obsession with safety, I honestly loved it and appreciated the sentiment behind it.

Seeing and feeling how much he wanted this, watching him getting excited and working towards it, made me feel like everything would be alright after all. A baby was a big responsibility and I may not know exactly what I was doing but I wasn't alone. I had Kyuubi and Kyuubi was confidence and power and wisdom, and Kyuubi had chosen me.



AN; So I'm sorry for the wait. The truth is, this style is a bit harder to write in and it seemed to interest less people than anything else I've written. I felt like maybe this had become one of those stories that people read just 'cause they're bored and have nothing better to do. It's kinda easy to get discouraged I guess, when most readers have an unnatural love of Sasuke and would probably much rather that this whole thing was going in a completely different direction. (No, I'm not about to do that.) Anyway, I took some time off from the writing to do some drawing instead. It was a nice change and I feel somewhat refreshed now. I'm ready to get back on it. I even did an illustration for this fic (amongst other things)and I'll probably do at least one more. There just isn't enough KyuuNaru in the world. XD

animelover- You are too cute! No ass-kicking or anything in this one. Next chapter you get to see how Sasuke's doing though. ^^

Oh and if any of you guys want to see the art, it's at http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/user/danget/
The one for this fic is filtered (meaning porn) so you won't be able to see it unless you're signed in. You might have to get a temporary account.