Misbehave

I DO NOT OWN NOR MAKE PROFIT OFF OF MENTIONING OR MAKING SLY REFERENCES TO: Sailor Moon, Bo Burnham’s song My Whole Family thinks I’m Gay, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Pocky, Tough Love, Sharpies, Linkin Park, Dep 7 hair gel, and I’m sorry for making people lose the game. Warnings for allusions of ice placed near or in the genitals during sex.

Ordinarily, I’d wonder if the people running around were high on crack, but I understand their excitement. We’re in the Dealers’ Room. Well, Dealers’ Room 1. Dealers’ Room 2 is for the under-18 crowd. Dealers’ Room 3 is oriented towards kids aged three to ten. Everyone under eighteen must have a parent or guardian with then at all times…I wanted to walk to all the dealers’ rooms over the course of the con, but seeing the signs—oh, this book looks interesting. I look at the price and quickly put the book back down on the table. I saw the door signs for the other dealers’ rooms and didn’t feel like going into a room of screaming children or howling teenagers. So, I walked into a roomful of adults. They’re very loud. Shikamaru and Neji are deciding whether to buy something that’s apparently on the floor. They’re talking with the table dealer (well, what else are the vendors called? …oh. Dealers) about the price. Two hundred and thirty-four dollars. My friends are saying no and the jittery man is trying to haggle. He doesn’t know how stubborn they are. Ten minutes later, his shoulders slump. I walk to another table.

“Well, that dealer’s morning isn’t starting out too well for him,” someone chuckles.
“Morning, what the fuck are you talking about.”
“It’s ten AM…it’s morning.”
“The dealers are assholes. Most of them.”
Wigs and garish makeup. That seems to be a theme. I wonder if the makeup I did yesterday was convincing. I’ve watched Hinata put on makeup, and I was just doing what I’ve seen her do. That guy thought I was a girl, so it must’ve been okay.

Last night, the guys and I hung out with Lee and Naruto. They’re actually pretty cool. Turns out Naruto moved here three years ago and met Lee in their freshman year. We’re all seniors in college, all around twenty years old. Naruto and I are the youngest. Lee is twenty and he says Yuguri is too. Shikamaru and Neji are both twenty-one. We watched a soccer game on the hotel TV in Lee’s and Naruto’s room. Yuguri was MIA, according to Lee. Nobody really cared. We talked during the commercials. Lee’s studying art and child psychology—he’ll graduate with a double major and become an elementary-school art teacher. Yuguri’s majoring in English and trying to figure out a career. Shikamaru smiled at that. He’s lazy and good-natured about it. Still doesn’t know what he’ll do with his pending genius-math degree, but he’s been talking lately of becoming a quantitative analyst. I have no idea what that is and he’s too lazy to tell me. Neji says it’s applying very advanced mathematics to money. Stochastic calculus. Naruto still can’t pronounce the phrase. My understanding is that Shikamaru’s future job might be similar to a stockbroker or something. Neji’s studying nuclear physics and he’s going to try and harness molecules all day…being a nuclear physicist sounds boring and highly dangerous at the same time. Not something I’d want to do.

When I was still in my first two years of college, I changed my mind about what to study three times. Finally, I decided to just focus on and make a career out of the third major I reached: biochemical engineer. I want to go into the industrial biotechnology sector and work with natural fuels. I have to get a Master’s degree before I can really get a job, but I’ve done internships. Maybe that will help.

Like Kiba and Lee, Naruto’s studying psychology. Whereas Kiba is studying animal psychology and Lee child psychology for their careers, Naruto is studying psychology so he can become a rehabilitation specialist. He’s going to work at the state mental hospital helping people, who aren’t taking their meds, to get better. Lee, Naruto and Yuguri go to a different university than my friends and I.

There is a sudden weight on my back and an obnoxiously loud voice in my ear. “WHAT are we looking at here?” Naruto has jumped on my back, placing his hands heavily on my shoulders. I startle in surprise. “Get off me.”
“Well, you’re no fun. And to think, we got so close last night.” His wide, mischievous grin encourages my scowl. “You know, if your girlfriend tells you to back off, you should.” Scratchy, high-pitched nasal voice. Temari—she can’t be here. No, it’s not her. A woman dressed as a character from Sailor Moon—as Sailor Mercury, I think—tries to sneer at Naruto. It looks like she’s pouting. “I’m a guy.” Click, beep, flash. “Then leave your boyfriend alone, mister,” she addresses him. “I’m not gay!” My voice is louder than intended.

She looks me up and down. Yesterday, my lipstick was dark red. I had some trouble putting it on. I was terrified of taking an eye out or something when I was handling the black liquid eyeliner, but I did okay. Today, I was a little more confident but no less petulant. After tomorrow, I’ll never have to do this again. My lipstick is sort of dark pink today, but the eyeliner is the same. I had no idea that this type of shirt would be so smooth but constricting. I feel like it’s going to slip up or down or something, ironically. I’ve never worn a skirt before, either. It’s a short black…thing. Walking around in it feels odd because it’s, well, slippery. It’s a ticklish sensation. I didn’t realize that the skirt was transparent until Neji remarked he was glad I was wearing boxers. The fishnet stockings are something I’m actually used to wearing underneath the boxers—I wear them to Rocky Horror all the time. I wore the stockings under my boxers yesterday too.

The woman’s balance in her stilettos is impeccable. I’ve had help with the planning of all three costumes and the makeup. The makeup is the same for all three days. Yesterday, I wore ankle-length black boots that had only quarter-inch heels. I can walk in those. I can run in those. Damn it, I wear them to Rocky Horror all the time. According to people who have more experience than I do, the clunky death wishes on my feet go wonderfully with my outfit. Costume. I call them clunky death wishes because I can hardly walk in them and am convinced I’ll fall and break my neck. Officially, they’re platform high heels. These ones are studded with silver rhinestones and actually have pretty thick heels. The front parts are really short. So the shoes aren’t as bad as they could be. I still don’t like them.

“The song must be counterproductive.” She walks away as I curse her family. Oh, Itachi had better have those gift cards waiting…After the guys stop teasing me, Lee and Naruto ask about my costume—why am I cross-dressing? Naruto’s eyes are electric blue. Light blue, ice blue, piercing blue, whatever. Startling when one first sees them. “He’s doing a study on psychology and gender,” Neji says. I turn and look at him, wondering why he’s lying. “So he’s challenging people’s expectations of gender,” Yuguri says. “Cool.” Clunk, scrape. “Damn it, I can’t walk in these!”
“You have to lift up your feet, Sasuke. Here, I’ll—”

I fall forward, instinctively putting my hands out to break my fall. At the same time, Rosalind jumps away and Naruto moves to catch me. We crash to the floor. He grunts in pain as I quickly jump off of him. “You okay?” Shikamaru asks him as he helps me up. “I’m fine.” He puts his arm around my waist and I immediately stiffen at the contact. “Relax. I’m helping you walk. We can pretend my character is just escorting yours.” Less than two seconds ago, he fell to the floor with a hundred and seventy pounds on top of him. Now he’s grinning like it didn’t even happen. “Aw, who’s the escort?” Yugri asks, referring to the fact that my character looks like a hooker. As the laughter dies down, Rosalind says, “Now the trick is to just fall backward when you fall, Sasuke.”

Naruto really likes something called Pocky. He buys several boxes of the chocolate kind. “What do you mean, you’ve never tried it? Really, Sasuke?”
“I haven’t. I don’t like sweets.”
Rosalind buys Yuguri a T-shirt with a racy slogan on it.
“C’mon. Just try one.”
“Will it get you to shut up?”
“Yeah, for about two seconds.” Naruto makes a rude hand signal at Neji. “Too bad, Naruto, he’s already spoken for.” Naruto blushes furiously and immediately shouts at Shikamaru, who looks more bored with every insult directed at him.
“Hey, shut up.”
“Yeah, well—Rosalind, give me back the Pocky! Sasuke has to eat one!”
Reluctantly, she does. We walk around the dealers’ room for awhile more.

“Oh hey, people can spar in here.” Rosalind stops to read the sign on one of the many doors as we walk through the Center. The dealers’ room was really loud and crowded. There were so many cool things in there. I’ll go back later tonight. Lee is shouting something about competing, something about strength and youth. He’s even more excitable than Naruto. Mats in the room cover the floor. A large window offers a view of the street. We’re on the second level of the Center, so the window looks into the street. The sun is beginning to dip low.

Naruto shoves a Pocky at me. It resembles a chocolate-covered straight pretzel. American chocolate has wax in it. I look at Naruto. Out of the group, he’s my favorite, for lack of better phrasing. He’s pretty cool to hang around, that’s it. I’m surprised about it. Our temperaments, goals in life, even hair color and eye color are completely different. Turns out the texture of our hands is, too. His are rough and have leftover calluses on them. I plan on eating this thing as fast as possible. I rake the chocolate with my teeth. Naruto leers at me and I finish the sweet quickly. “I’m done.”
“How’d it taste?” The leer is gone, replaced by his usual wide grin.
“Horrible.”

Whoever is competing with Lee flips him over and slams him down hard on the mat. Naruto frowns. Yuguri tells Rosalind he’s going for a cigarette. She nods. “I’ll stay here.”
“That’s the first time they’ve been separated since meeting one another.” Naruto’s voice is so loud. He puts his arm around my waist again. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here.” Short attention span. Lee’s been fighting for twenty minutes. Persistent. Loud. Clunk-clunk. We trail Yuguri. He offers us cigarettes. I shake my head no. “I don’t smoke,” Naruto informs him haughtily. Yuguri lights a cigarette as the heavy door shuts behind him.

My intestines feel like they’re twisting and sinking down to my feet, as always happens when I’m very nervous. What the hell. Why would I be nervous around Naruto? I like him. I want his number or e-mail so we can stay friends after this. “So when did you move here? You were saying something about that last night.” I hope my voice doesn’t crack. Why am I so nervous? His arm is still around my waist. I’m standing up in the shoes. I have some semblance of balance. “Three years ago. I’m originally from—”
“Oh, that’s not too many states away from here.” I have some semblance of balance but my legs are going to give out. Why? It’s not like I’m getting blown or anything. Hinata absolutely refuses. I blink. Where did THAT come from? “Why’d you move?”

The last time I got a blow-job, I was seventeen and we went into the woods behind my high school. She was the new girl and wanted to show the others she was better than them; that she alone could get me to consent to a sex act. There were no strings attached, she promised me, so I agreed. The other girls hated her from then on. “This city has a much bigger queer scene than my old city.” He rubs the back of his neck with one hand and his other slides to the small of my back. I’m surprised by his admission and hold still, hoping he didn’t realize what he was doing or something. He looks at me again. Those scars are real. “Does it bother you?”
“No.” Your touch does, I think sourly. “Some of my closest friends are—are—”
“Gay.”
“Yeah. Shika and Neji have been together for two years.”
“Cool.”
“How’d you get your scars?”

He shrugs. “With a knife.”
Oh, great. “Are you a self-injurer?” I can’t keep the disdain from my voice.
“No.” I’ve never met someone who’s amused by that question. “I changed schools a lot. My dad is in the military. Was. He recently got out. Anyway, the knowledge I’m gay kept spreading. It made me so different from everybody else. I figured I’d give myself scars so that at the next school, they’d ask about my scars and not who I slept with.”
“You moron.”
He scowls. “So of course Kakashi decides not to be in the military anymore, and I’m at the same school, just with deep scars on my face…Iruka lectured me for a long time and grounded me for a month.”
“You have two dads?”
He stares at me for a few seconds before making the connection. “”Oh! Yeah. They’re pretty untraditional. I mean, we’re Buddhist and speak English pretty rarely and put our shoes by the door, but that’s it. What about your family?”
“We’re traditional. My brother gets all the attention except the pressure to breed. That falls on me.” I grimace.

“They let him stay in the house despite his sexuality? So many of my friends have gotten kicked out!”
“They’d never kick either of us out. They just let their disapproval be known, over Itachi’s boyfriend and my girlfriend, on a very regular basis.”
He frowns. “Is it serious?”
“Wh—oh.” I hesitate.

He has a crush on me. It’s been two days. Is he the type to throw a tantrum upon being rejected? Will he use our developing friendship as a weapon? Or will he just holler at me? Is it serious? I’ve never really thought about what would happen if Hinata and I broke up. She’d take it a lot harder than I would. My intestines never felt like they were twisting and dropping around her. I was never nervous that my voice would crack. It was she who blushed and stammered. I kissed her when I finally felt like it. Then, we started dating. I was happy when she finally let me sleep with her. Neither of us were virgins. “It’s…not like I want to spend the rest of my life with her,” I admit, looking at Naruto’s feet. His sneakers are beginning to wear out. “And there’s stuff missing, so…no, it’s not serious.” There’s stuff missing. That frequently leads to cheating. Cold dread seeps through my body as my mind starts spazzing. My intestines never twisted and I never worried about my voice cracking…Naruto. Oh, no. No-no-no-this can’t—“Sasuke?”

Once, during foreplay, Hinata ran her fingers gently down the middle of my spine to the base of it. Goose flesh broke along my skin and even parts of my chest, but I was very focused on my subsequent erection. I don’t fall backward or forward, really. My knees can’t exactly support me with all my nervousness. I just fall. Naruto catches me and in the process of not letting me hit the ground, one hand presses hard against my abs. The other zooms up my shirt, from the base of my spine to the middle of it. I wish he had just let me fall and crack my head on the floor. My eyes are closed and my face is hot with embarrassment. It doesn’t matter what direction the hand goes; my brain fires signals when my spine is touched. And I have a crush on Naruto.

“Sasuke?”
No. If I open my eyes or even move, I will go Quasimodo-ringing-in-the-bells, psychotic-break bat-shit insane. You can thank Sakura for introducing me to that particular expression. She says she got it from a TV show. I rarely use the expression. Now, it’s warranted. “Sasuke!” Naruto shakes me roughly. “Are you okay, dude? Did you stop breathing? I can give you CPR—” My eyes fly open. Naruto relaxes. “You had me worried there. C’mon, let’s get you standing. Did you faint? Hey, was it ‘cause you’re—”
“Shut up.” My voice is a crackly whisper as I stand. He does. “I didn’t faint,” I croak. I’m blushing, I have a very intense erection and I feel like I’m about to vomit. Does he notice? How can he not notice?!
He brushes a lock of hair out of my face. My face tingles with the touch of his fingers. I have absolutely no idea what to do. He grabs my hand and presses it hard against his scars. They’re rough, just like his hands. The scars are real. He used a knife. As he did shortly after we met, he drapes his arms around me. There’s no way he can’t not know. Ooh, triple negative. “Tell me if you don’t want this,” he whispers huskily in my ear. “We can’t—we can’t do this in public.” Good going, Sasuke. He pushes the door to the bathroom open. It’s huge and well-lit. My back thuds against the wall.

His lips are chapped. He bites his lip a lot. I can feel the indents. My breathing is harsh. I focus on that instead of the fact that I’m kissing a guy and cheating on my girlfriend. I’m kissing a friend of mine. I’m kissing a guy who uses a lot of tongue. I can’t breathe. He places a hand on the back of my head and keeps kissing me. We break apart and with his other hand, he takes off my shirt. He uses both hands to take off his own shirt. I catch my breath. His chest is broad and flat. He obviously spends a lot of time at the gym. He has a tattoo of a dark blue spiral from his navel down to…beneath his jeans. Scars and a tattoo. His skin is so warm.

Fuck this, I’m past the point of no return. I kiss him roughly. I didn’t go Quasimodo-ringing-in-the-bells, psychotic-break bat-shit insane after all. I’m doing something I want to do over and over again. He starts sucking on my neck, occasionally biting it. I know how to make love bites go away. Do I want this one to? It might be the only validation I have of this. My breathing is so loud. I’m glad the bathroom is completely empty. He kisses me again. I move my hands over his chest as he runs his hands down my back. When I run my fingers tentatively over the top of his tattoo, he calmly hoists my calf over his lower back horizontally and grinds into me. My chest heaves as I pant heavily, loudly. I’m sweating. Naruto is making me sweat. I’m making him sweat. He kisses my throat and I jolt. He returns to my mouth and grinds into me insistently. With one hand, he works to hike my skirt—I’m wearing a skirt, I’m practically having sex with a guy and he’s wearing jeans—up to my waist. His other hand is touching my boxers.

“Stop.” He immediately does, backing away. “Don’t—Naruto! Kiss me again. You have a job to finish!” Before I can inwardly grouse about how that sounded or indulge in the realization that this guy doesn’t need to be told twice, my calf is once again over his back and he’s…doing it…again.

People must be able to hear us out in the hallway now. Am I—am I really trying to say his name? No, no, it’s—well, at least I’m groaning it instead of whining. I feel like my lungs are going to explode and my heart is going to crack my ribcage. Light-headed. Hot. Sweaty. He digs his fingernails hard into my shoulder blades and roughly down my back. My legs do give out as I come, and I really do whisper his name. His knees buckle under my weight. I wonder if he came, too. That felt…I can’t even describe it.

“God,” I mumble, laying down. The floor is cold. I’m lying down on a bathroom floor! “A few seconds ago, you were calling me Naruto, but God’s fine too.” I groan and roll over, burying my face in his neck. It’s normal to want to be close to people after sex, right? Was th—yes. His arms are around me. He’s holding me. How sentimental, the sarcastic remark rings in my head. “Naruto?”
“Huh.”
“Did—anything happen for you?” Great. I come and immediately turn into a newly not-virgin. Oh, I don’t want to think about the parallels.

“Yes, Sasuke, you’re very good. Amazing for a first-timer.”
I bury my face in my arms. Even with my weight on top of him, he breathes evenly. “Screw you.”
“I’d love to.” He runs a hand through my hair.
“Stop being so sentimental.”
“Ooh, touchy.”
I stand shakily up. He stands up smoothly. “We should go back.” He looks at me, then down at my—skirt. “With you looking like that?” I look down. There is a slight semen stain that soaked through onto the front. Most of it collected on my boxers… “Wipe it up with your shirt. It’s white. Nobody’ll notice.” I don’t know what else to do. “It’s still on the skirt,” I notice and quickly turn the skirt around. “You just made things worse for yourself.” I blush and turn the skirt sideways. “Fuck.” A moment’s hesitation. “Honestly, this is the least of my worries. Let’s just go find the others.”

They’re still in the sparring room. Naruto’s holding my hand. I’m too spazzed (and tired. Weird combination) to protest. Shikamaru and Neji are the only ones who notice. Neither of them says anything. It’s getting late. The sun has set. The sparring has finished. Did all that really happen? We walk out of the room and down the hall. Naruto’s grip is strong. Lee glances at my neck. Rosalind can’t stop staring. It did.

I don’t really know what going Quasimodo-ringing-in-the-bells, psychotic-break batshit insane is supposed to look like. I wasn’t there with Sakura when she watched the TV show episode containing the phrase. I think I know what it feels like, though. I’m not tired anymore, to say the least.

It’s cold and growing dark outside. I shoot across the street, scaring at least five drivers. So, the light was green and I crossed—ran—on red. So, what? “Zrina!” She jumps, startled. “Are you okay?” I’m dimly aware of Neji hissing, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” and Shikamaru asking me exactly what happened. “I need a spoon and a bag of ice.” I don’t recognize my own voice. She disappears. Shikamaru is looking at me expectantly. How odd. Neji is glaring at me. Not so odd.
“I—Naruto—”
“Oh.” They both understand before I continue whatever I was going to babble. I thank Zrina and sit down with the spoon and ice. She looks warily at me. “I’d ask if you were cooking meth, but you asked for ice…and you don’t seem to have a lighter.”
“I’m not cooking meth,” I assure her, holding the spoon at first against the bag and then in the bag for a few seconds. Gingerly, I press it against my neck. I flinch. Shikamaru smiles. “Dipshit,” I whisper. He laughs. I repeat the bag-spoon-neck process five more times, then hand Zrina the spoon back. “Sasuke, um…you have deep red scratch marks on your back. When you get back to your hotel, you should put the water from the ice on your back.”

“You must’ve had a good time,” Shikamaru drops ice on my back. I grunt in pain. “Put the ice in your beers, not on my back anymore! Leave the marks there!” Neji takes the bag and goes out the door. I sit up. The tube top lays innocently on the bed near me. The TV mumbles. Nobody’s watching it anymore. I turn it off and set the remote on the bedside table. “Sasuke.” Shikamaru is lying calmly on his back, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t want to talk about it, Shika.” He rolls over. “Does that mean it wasn’t consensual?” Neji opens the door. “I consented to everything. That has nothing to do with anything. What’d you do with the ice, Neji?”
“Gave it to Yuguri and Rosalind.”
“And I thought I had kinky sex.”
“That seems like it would be really painful, to have ice placed in the vagina.”
“I don’t need those mental images.”

I rifle through my backpack.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking for my tennis shoes.” They’re there.
“Why?”
“So I’m ready for tomorrow.”
They look at each other. “You’re worried about your shoes? Your new name is Quasimodo.” I mumble something that Temari wouldn’t want Hatsumomo to hear as a loud, insistent knocking meets my ears. “Who the fuck is that?” I grouse, having been interrupted from insulting Neji. “Probably Naruto, here to whisk you away for an evening escape,” is his sarcastic response. I look at the clock. “You—”
“Hey, is Sasuke here?” Naruto’s loud voice is filled with anxiety. I feel like stomping on something. “Yeah, he’s right here.” Preferably Neji’s instep.

“Hi.”
“Hey.”
“The dealers’ room is still open for another two hours. You said you wanted to go back.” Alone. Had I left such an important word out? We’re both still in costume. If I don’t go now, I’ll have to wait for next year. If I go next year. As I walk out the door with Naruto, who is more worried than I am about my balance, Neji tells us to be back before midnight and to be safe. I shut the door heavily.
“Why is he calling you Quasimodo?”
“It’s short for Quasimodo-ringing-in-the-bells, psychotic-break batshit insane.”
Naruto stops walking and I don’t realize it at first. “Sasuke.” Oh. I stop. “Why are you insane?”
“I’m not. I’m just dealing with…this is weird.”
His arm is around my waist again, and he’s grinning like normal. “So don’t think about it.”
“I can walk in these, Naruto. I can run in them, too.”
“Good for you.”
“You don’t need to have your arm around my waist,” I elaborate.
“I want to.”

The dealers’ room is just as crowded as it was this afternoon. Quite a few more people are drunk or acting so, however. I leaf through a few comic books and pick up another. There are two scowling men on the cover, and the dealer has placed a red sticker near the title. She laughs as I open the book. It’s gay pornography. I drop it immediately. “The red sticker means it’s porn,” she wheezes in between gales of laughter. I glare at her and shuffle to another table. Naruto follows close behind. “Hey—Naruto—before I forget.” He looks over at me, setting down the decal he’d picked up. “I want your phone number and e-mail.” I wonder if he’s ever hurt himself grinning so widely. He produces a Sharpie from one of the many pockets lining the outside of his jeans. There is the sound behind me of paper being quickly torn. The dealer shrugs nonchalantly, trying to hide her grin behind her sleeve. She’s been watching this entire time.

I snatch the thin, worn sheet from her grasp and shove it at Naruto. She ripped the paper from an old, worn spiral-bound notebook. She shoves it into a handbag that lays open at her feet. “You never saw that,” she announces, springing back up. You’re totally not on meth, my mind whispers sarcastically to her. “Here.” He’s not only written his cell phone number and e-mail, but his current home address and landline. I fold the paper and wonder exactly where to put it. Finally, I grab the hem of my shirt and fold inwardly up to my pecs. It stays folded. I unfold it, stuff the note onto the shirt and re-fold the shirt. Now I REALLY look like a slut. The dealer is practically drooling. Naruto asks her if she’ll be here next year. She nods, still ogling me. “See you then.”
“I hope so!” she grins and makes the victory sign with her hand.
“I’ll buy you a new notebook next year,” Naruto informs her. “I’d much rather have a DVD.” Wench. Naruto laughs as I read the T-shirts.

“Does that one come in large?”
“Yeah.”
I have no idea what it says. I just feel like buying something since Shikamaru and Neji said it’s rare to walk out of a con empty-handed. Cash and the shirt change hands. This was an impulse purchase. Hopefully, I won’t regret it.

“It’s freezing,” I hiss, slipping the babydoll shirt over my head. Naruto tries not to laugh. We cross at a green light. When he starts running his hand over the lower part of my spine, I try to break his hand. We stop outside his room. “Naruto, you need to—”
“Talk to me inside,” he interrupts, opening the door and ushering me inside. It’s late. Probably not the best time to tell him in a quiet hotel hallway. He’d wake people up. Lee is sleeping on the bed near the window. “He’d sleep through a minor earthquake,” Naruto jokes. I sit on the edge of Naruto’s bed. Naruto sits in the middle. I’m surprised that he can stay quiet and completely still for longer than five seconds.

“Naruto.” What? ‘Naruto, you make me feel gay. Naruto, you make me feel all warm and stupid. You made me sweat. You’re really cool. I’d like to play soccer with you sometime. You grin too widely. I’m going to miss you after this. You bastard, you made me come in my boxers and on the skirt when we dry-fucked. I won’t be able to sleep well tonight. I’d masturbate to make myself sleep but I’m supposed to think of Hinata when I do. I have a crush on you, I think. I like the feeling of your scars underneath my hands. I don’t know what I am or who to talk to about it. Itachi. Yes. Naruto, you confuse me, you piss me off, and make me think about sex. You make me smile. I can’t stand you sometimes but I can’t stand to be away from you. You’re making me emo.’
“Naruto, stop biting your nails,” I burst out. He pulls his hand away from his mouth. “Sorry, I’m—”
“Nervous,” we say at the same time.
“I don’t do this all the time.”
“Yes, you do,” I notice, looking at the skin around his fingernails. He keeps his fingernails sharp but chews on either side of them. I’ve never seen that before.

“I don’t dry-fuck guys who I know have girlfriends. Especially if they’ve been together awhile.” Is that supposed to make me feel better? “So what does that make me?” Why do I even care? Because he makes me feel. This guy makes me feel. “I don’t know. What do you want it to?” He rubs a hand on the back of his neck and looks past me. “I’m going back home tomorrow to something I don’t like very much and someone who has always felt more strongly for me than vice versa.” I exhale heavily. This is so weird.
“I really want to stay friends.”
“Friends.”
“Damn it, Naruto, I’d rather have you in my condo than some of the people who are there. I think about having—doing stuff to you—and I wish we had more time than this. I can’t shake the feeling that after this, I’ll never see you again.”

He removes the babydoll T-shirt I’m wearing and kisses me. I let him. “Tell me when to stop.” His breath is hot against my ear. I nod. “You—aah—asshole, I just put ice on that to—make it go away.” I was sad a few seconds earlier. Now, it’s like he still has me against the wall. He goes back to the same spot on my neck. I give up. Whatever happens, happens. I just want to have tonight with him. I’m thinking sentimental thoughts. I give up.

I slowly remove the tube top, careful to keep the piece of paper with his contact information inside. I pull his shirt off from him somewhat clumsily. I’ve never done anything with a guy. Before today, anyway. The bedcovers are cool and almost…gritty or something underneath my back. Naruto kisses my throat and moves slowly down to my chest. I remember being self-conscious when I was sixteen about having such a narrow, hairless chest, then so proud at seventeen when a few hairs sprouted and I began working out. My body hasn’t changed much since then. Textured and cheap. The hotel bedcovers are textured and cheap. I move against the bedcovers and close my eyes tightly. No. Bad idea. I open them and look down. Naruto pauses and looks up at me.

He asks permission. I consent, breathing shakily. He pulls off the skirt, my boxers and the fishnet, carefully and one after the other. My heart is beating so fast. I’m breathing too loudly, too heavily, too erratically. Can’t he act the least bit nervous in sympathy? No. I’d get hurt. I’ve done this before, but with him it’s like I’m that type of virgin all over again. He’s obviously done this a lot. Maybe not. He’s very good at this. Why can’t my mind just shut up?

Hot. Wet. I’m going to have fingerprint bruises. I hope they stay. They’re validation. A different type of movement. Then faster. My body arches and falls heavily. Faster. There’s…more of him. Slow down maybe, I want this to last longer. A muffled groan buzzes in my mouth as I grip locks of his hair tightly with one hand. The other grasps a bedpost. “Slower,” I manage. “Slow—I want this to last longer. It’s—” Our eyes meet as he sulkily over-obliges. “Not that much. I just—” The rest of whatever I was going to say disappears and I’m sure people in other rooms can hear, not to mention Lee will wake up. As blood pounds in my ears, I hear Lee snore heavily. Naruto smiles. Okay. My hand shifts in his hair and spots dance in my vision as my head collides with the headboard. I grunt in pain. He’s undeterred.

He’s gay, he’s gay, there’s no way he could have taken all of that semen. He didn’t. Some seeps out. He wipes it with his shirt. When I catch my breath and tell him I should go back, he goes to work again on the hickey. I don’t get a full erection. I’m too tired. I’m too tired to think thoroughly about what happened or comment on the semen stain on his shirt as we dress ten minutes later. His arm is around me, supporting me again. I lean into it and knock on the door. Neji opens it, bare-chested and unquestioning as Naruto follows closely behind me. Shikamaru barely looks over at us. Neji always sleeps wearing an old soccer jersey and Shika—oh. Neji smirks at the look on my face. “Don’t worry, we just finished.”
I mumble something as I disrobe and crawl into my bed. Naruto follows me.

I don’t realize how powerful it feels for him to sleep with his arms around me until I wake up beside him. He wakes up as I stretch silently and smiles lazily, stretching his arms and legs out as well. I want to say something, but I stay silent. “Nice, Sasuke,” he chuckles as I buckle the platform shoes. “What, it’s just jeans and a Linkin Park T-shirt.”
“And shoes women usually wear.”
“I know.”
Neji hands me the bottle of Dep 7 Strong Hold orange styling hair gel and the brown hair dryer.

I comb my hair and sit upside down on the bed, waving the hair dryer. “Why’d you braid your hair, Neji?”
“I wanted to keep Sasuke company.”
“I’m going to break your jaw when I’m done with my hair.”
“Sure thing, princess. Ow! Damn you, Naruto.”
“How sweet. Naruto defending Sasuke.”
“Shika—”
“Hey, are you going to tell Hinata?”
“Yeah, why do you think I left the second hickey on my neck?”
“What a slutty way to go about it.”
“Would it be better if Naruto blew me in front of Sakura? That woman can’t keep her mouth shut.”
“Who’s Sakura?” Naruto wants to know.
“Do you have the hotel key, Shika?” Neji asks. “Yeah.” Lee and Yuguri catch up with us. “Rosalind’s with her original group.”
“Of course, that’s the first thing out of his mouth.”
“You suffering separation anxiety?”
“No,” he insists. “No, he just misses the sex already.”
“Well, I—”
“No, Yuguri, don’t. You’ll just make it worse for yourself,” Shikamaru chuckles.

“Who’s Sakura?” Naruto insists. “A friend of ours.”
“Oh.”
“What?” Yuguri wants to know.
“Nothing.”
“I’m already having post-con letdown.”
“No, don’t say that! It’ll spread like a virus!”
“Fuck it, I lost the game.”
“I lost the game!” the rest of us howl. “Damn you, Rosalind.”

There’s an hour till closing ceremonies and we decide to pool our money to get breakfast at the local 24-hour diner. The coffee tastes good and is comforting. My mind is preoccupied as I eat the food, so much so that I can’t really taste it. I hate to seem so trite, but Hinata’s heart will be broken in a few hours. How will the others react? Have I missed anything over the weekend? The soccer game, but I watched that here. I look over at Naruto. He has good table manners. He talks loud and seems to be enjoying his food. The waitress refills my coffee cup three times over the course of the meal. I finish my breakfast slowly. We all eat slowly. We’re trying to prolong this. We might not see each other after today.

The crowd that gathers in the auditorium for the closing ceremony seems even bigger, but much quieter. Everyone seems subdued, sad. Maybe I’m just projecting. “Okay,” one of the MCs booms into the microphone. “There was a technical glitch in one of the videos on opening day and it’s been fixed. We’ll be playing videos that won awards first—” Cheering. “—and announce the winners, then we get to pretend that this is opening ceremonies, just backwards.” More cheering, some laughter. Behind me are rowdy drunks that can’t shut up, probably the same ones as the first day. Naruto and his group went with Shikamaru, Neji and I to watch some of the animated music videos yesterday. Some of them were really funny. Others were stupid or trite romances. The lights dim as the MC announces the first winner. A group of guys stands up, thanking the audience for bragging rights. Laughter. The video plays. They got third place. The videos aren’t categorized; the top three winners are simply announced at closing ceremonies. Neji told me this as we cast our votes. Second place goes to a pretty girl in a wheelchair whose grin reveals braces. Her video gets a lot of laughter and catcalls. I voted for it. When first place is announced, a woman in a tight black shirt and stained jeans jumps up, her long pink hair whipping over her shoulders. She points at the MC and screams at him about how much she loves him and the audience. Shikamaru and Neji both voted for this video. The lights come back on.

More speeches. More awards. More laughter and cheers. Some bad jokes and sarcastic laughter. Pre-registration is now open for next year, the MCs say, so go sign up. Next year will rock just like this year did, they gloat. They thank everyone for attending. “We hope to see all of you here next year!” Cheering. The drunks behind me are crying. Lee doesn’t drink and he’s crying. The MCs leave the stage.

Just like that, it’s over. “This weekend went really fast,” a woman ahead of us in the surging sea of people remarks. Rosalind is blubbering about how she’ll never see Yuguri again and the sex is so great and he’s such a nice guy and serves in the military and so sexy and waah. Yuguri holds her tightly, closing his eyes and burying his nose in her hair. “We could run away and get married,” he speaks suddenly. Shikamaru and I roll our eyes as Naruto and Lee start shouting, both about different things. Neji is laughing. Rosalind takes a hiccup breath. “Or we could just move in together,” Yuguri suggests. “I like that idea.” I’m surprised any of us can hear her whispering.

The streets are still loud. The drivers still holler as we cross the street. Something has changed. Me. I groan inwardly. Two sexual acts with a guy and I’ve turned all emotional. Clunk, clunk scrape clunk. “Hey baby, we could listen to some Linkin Park together and—”
“You motherfucker, stay the fuck away from my girlfriend!” Naruto hollers. Click, beep, flash. I punch Naruto as Neji puts his camera away. “Don’t say that,” I hiss. “I’m a guy.” We go into our rooms and gather our stuff. Check-out is quick. “Hey Naruto.”

I catch up to him. What do I say? The suitcases are heavy in my arms. I put them, as well as the backpack, on the floor. He watches me. I want to do something, say something. I want to see him again. A lot. Well, my new nickname is Quasimodo (ringing-in-the-bells, psychotic-break batshit insane), I rationalize as I lean forward and kiss him. He puts his arms around me and gets close, putting his tongue in my mouth. He’s gay…
I blush as we separate. “Call me, Sasuke. Promise you’ll call me.”
“If we—get—to do this again,” I mumble, then speak louder, picking up my stuff. “I’ll call you, Naruto.” He turns and walks quickly away, getting into the passenger side of Lee’s car. Yuguri sulks in the back. Shikamaru, Neji and I run for the bus and hastily pay as we enter. It’s over.