A small crack in perfection

A small crack in perfection
By eternalshiva

Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto or any of the characters portrayed by Masashi Kishimoto, nor do I make any monies off this fanfiction.

AN –This... this chapter was really hard to write and to get to flow correctly, if it wasn’t for my beta I think I would have quit this idea all together and killed off my plot bunny that started this. On the plus side, chapter eight is already started!

Thank you Jolly Green for the beta, I appreciate it. Your techno battle is solely yours, without your nerdiness and mine – it wouldn’t be as fun to write and include. You are most assuredly credited for this one!

Chapter 7
Turbulent Repose

Naruto begrudgingly cracked an eye open as the mid-morning sun seeped through the patio window and flooded his room. Groaning in misery, he now knew why Hinata had put in such ugly dark window treatment.

‘That’s gonna go right back up,’ he half mumbled, shifting his weight in the ottoman under the heavy blanket and pulling it closer to him in an attempt to dive back into the bliss of sleep. Only his blanket wasn’t cooperating. He shifted again only to be stopped by a strange... feminine mewl.

He blinked away the remaining sleep from his eyes and his back muscle spasmed painfully as he leaned his head forward to catch a better glimpse of what weighed heavily on him. His sleepy gaze met with a tussled mane of indigo hair. He stiffened in shock as it dawned on him that it was a person, and not a blanket.

‘What?’ He scrambled his memory for a hint as to what had happened. ‘Ok... I still have my clothes on. So does she. So far so good.’ He shifted a little more in an attempt to get the feeling back in his arm while trying hard to ignore the feel of her breasts placed dangerously close to mini-Naruto down south.

‘Oh right...’ he thought. He remembered now; Hinata had broken down in front of him. From what he knew about her persona, she would be severely humiliated if she realized she’d fallen asleep and he’d passed out under her while unknowingly snuggling for several... hours? Minutes? He really wasn’t sure what time it was. He could see the sun still rising in the patio and ignored the cramping in his lower leg as Hinata shifted again with a small and excessively feminine snore; a quiet chuckle escaped him.

Hinata rubbed her cheek into his chest. The feel of something slimy made him pause and he was suddenly aware that his favourite shirt had been abused. His chest felt wet and sticky from her use of it as a handkerchief in her fit. He didn’t want to think about how much snot, tears and drool been caked on it. He wasn’t sure if he should save the shirt or burn it in disgust.

Naruto was not experienced with that many women, unlike Kiba’s vast and lengthy temporary track record, but he knew one thing for sure: crying was not attractive on a woman. It made them runny, sticky and mostly incoherent if Hinata was anything to go by. She had hiccupped apologies between wails for nearly an hour while she quietly worked out her problems.

Well, that was an incorrect description; none of it had been quiet. It had been snorts, hacks and girly sniffles, but he had to admit that it had caused a different reaction in him compared to when Sakura cried. With his ex, he’d always felt uncomfortable; racked with a strange sense of guilt that he wasn’t ready to face or admit to when she turned on the water works. But with Hinata... it had been very different.

Maybe it was the simple fact that Hinata refused to let anything affect her; the constant push on herself to show she wasn’t frail, to demonstrate her strength in character, her pride. The simple fact that the Heiress had so publicly broken down had made him pay more attention to her body language.

Her eyes had reflected so much emotion in the split seconds he had ordered her to look at him. It had tugged at his heart and felt the uncontrollable urge to pull her close to him and soothe that lost, lonely look that ravaged the pale lilac eyes. He had been struck by their beauty, the depth of feeling was endless, unspoken emotion brimming to break out and he wanted to be the one to make it happen.

Naruto had trouble wrapping his head around Hinata’s personas. Maybe Kiba had been right after all – women with memory loss were... ‘Wait, what? Did I just say Kiba was right again?’ He felt a shudder of disgust crawl up his spine. It was rare when the dog owner was correct in anything and Naruto would openly admit to it. This was a secret for the dark ages; he’d kill anyone that ever found out he actually thought highly of the other idiot that made them a pair. He groaned as he finished the thought in his head. That was the final nail in the coffin; he really needed to get his head checked once this project was over and done with.

He glanced down to the silent blob curled up under his chin only to realize that he had unknowingly begun to play with a loose strand of her hair while he tried to figure out how to get back to work without disturbing her. He shifted his weight slightly, testing how tightly wound around him she was and found that she was only leaned on him; he could easily slip out from under him if he wished it. With far more trouble than anticipated, he managed to free himself without disturbing her. Careful not to wake her, he tiptoed around the ottoman and found a light blanket on his bed, covered the girl and sought out the abandoned cups of coffee on his precious graph table.

By the feel of the ceramic, the coffee was cold and he wasn’t about to make another pot, leaving just one solution to this little problem. ‘Microwave,’ he thought happily.

He dipped a finger in the black liquid for good measure and tasted it to see which had sugar in it. Not surprisingly, both lacked sugar. He grimaced, but he couldn’t complain considering his host had brought them in with good intentions. He entered the kitchen and placed the mugs on the counter as he thought more on the design he had finally figured out and needed to contact Kiba again to set up the team and materials needed for this.

‘It’s going to be an interesting day.’

* * *

Angry White Boy Polka sprung to life from Kiba’s pocket indicating his boss was calling. He hummed a few seconds before flipping it open, trying not to crack up. He remembered the day he picked that specific ring tone to annoy Naruto and his reaction had been priceless, convincing him to keep it on a permanent basis.

“Yes, my dear,” he piped up, smirking. Naruto rolled his eyes and quietly cursed that stupid song he knew played when he called.

“I got most of the designs figured out in my head. I need you to pick someone we both trust to deal with the Hyuuga as a liaison since I can’t be there and you’ll be busy with our other projects,” he added while sipping the newly reheated coffee. Kiba blew out the air from his cheeks and thought a moment; his brain was groggy from the lack of sleep.

“What about Konohamaru?” he suggested. There was no objection at the other end of the line so he assumed it meant it was a decent idea, but he needed to convince him.

“He’s your apprentice, might as well give him this job. He’d be extra careful considering it would be his first gig alone.” He yawned out the last bit.

“True. I’ll call him then and set up a meeting between him and Hanabi.” He didn’t want to admit it, but Kiba had another great idea. ‘Damn it, at this rate I’m going to have to give him a raise.’

“You’re gonna have to give me a raise if this keeps up, Naruto,” Kiba added without thought. Naruto sputtered at the other end of the line when he swallowed his coffee the wrong way.

“Are you ok?” he asked his boss with genuine concern.

“For fuck’s sake, I told you to stop reading my mind,” Naruto coughed out, hitting his chest to clear out the liquid.

Kiba blinked and shook his head, trying to avoid laughing. “Great minds think alike?” he quoted. Naruto snorted, ignoring him.

“What about Shikamaru? How’s that little problem coming along?” he sipped his coffee again, careful to review the “How to drink for Dummies” manual in his head. Kiba shrugged to no one and looked around the corner from where he was standing. He spotted the pineapple head leaning back casually, lost in thought over the particular issue.

“Well...” he started “Shikamaru has a few ideas on tracking down who’s stupid enough to try and steal our work. He’s in there right now creating some program to crack through the defences? I don’t really know to be honest, you’d have to ask him,” he heard Naruto sigh miserably on the other end of the line.

“This better not be super complicated. I have enough issues to deal with here already,” he moaned out in complaint. Kiba raised a brow and smirked.

“What’d you do now?”

There was a lengthy pause from the blonde and Kiba was a little concerned, “What did you do?” he repeated again.

“Well...”

“I know that ‘well’.” He deadpanned and Naruto grumbled unhappily.

“It’s not necessarily something I did,” he said dejectedly, “I’m just not sure how to deal with Hinata. She’s remembering a lot of things from what I can gather, but I didn’t know being her psychiatrist was part of the contract.” He stared at his cup, his mind playing over all the things that had slipped out of her during her break down. There was a lot of hurt inside of her and he wasn’t sure if he was the right person to deal with it all.

“You’re so fucking dumb,” Kiba interjected. Naruto frowned and snorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, you better get in her pants soon or I will. She just needs a good dicking.” Naruto blinked and Kiba gave himself another point.

“You’re so crass,” he grumbled, “and that doesn’t count towards that board!” The blonde pinched the bridge of his nose in disbelief. Kiba snorted and disagreed quite adamantly.

“Totally counts. I bet you’re pinching the bridge of your nose.” He pointed towards the wall, imagining Naruto in front of him. The blonde refused to admit anything.

“No, you’re completely wrong,” he lied. “That’s not really the advice I’m looking for.” The snort of disbelief irritated him; he was perfectly aware that Kiba was making fun of him.

“You know better than asking me for advice. Last time I checked, I didn’t have tits and my hair wasn’t pink.” Kiba looked away from Shikamaru and smirked as Naruto busted out laughing.

“You’re lucky Sakura didn’t hear you say that.”

“Pfft. She doesn’t scare me; I never fucked her so she has no pussy control over me,” he casually added before he noticed Shikamaru crack his knuckles and bend over his laptop. “Maybe you should just ask her, be a bit more assertive on why she’s being so double-agent.”

“Just ask?”

“Yeah, like: Hey I noticed you’re bi-polar, wanna tell me what’s up?” Naruto cracked up. Kiba made it sound easy.

“I don’t think that’s going to work.” Kiba shrugged again.

“Never know ‘till you try. I gotta go boss, Shikamaru’s about to get this show on the road and I want to see.” He flipped the phone off before Naruto could even say good-bye.


* * *

Shikamaru had spent the entire morning breaking through the walls of security layering the network of White Serpent Inc., the parent company of his new client’s old IT company. To his dismay, the development had been at a snail’s pace, but he had to take extra care and use more measures than necessary. Alerting whoever had set up the sophisticated blockades was not an option at this point if he wanted to solve this mystery.

The lazy technician paused momentarily in his endeavors to lean back in his chair and stretched, relieving the tension that had accumulated in his shoulders. He heard Kiba talking to Naruto on the phone, giving some sort of half-arsed update that made him cringe. Dumbing this part down to his new boss was going to be difficult and a complete pain in the ass. Pushing the upcoming and unavoidable report away, he turned his gaze back to the monitor and started to pick apart what he hoped was the last layer of security.

"Troublesome..." he mumbled as he ran into another blockage. Shikamaru had seen and created many unique firewall or security algorithm in his day, but this one took the cake. It was unbelievably robust in its entirety and he shook his head, acknowledging that his unseen opponent was worthy. Usually, once you broke through the first layer of security, getting through any following layers was simply a matter of following the same pattern used to break the first.

Not this one. It was like a force screen; nothing in or out without its say-so.

He narrowed his eyes in thought, chewing on the straw from his forgotten pop. He realized earlier that the trouble he was having wasn't in breaking the walls down, it was the fact that he had to constantly change the way he approached each successive layer of their network. It was almost like it had been created by multiple programmers; not just one.

Shikamaru furrowed his brow and his fingers froze above the keys of his laptop. 'That's it!' he thought as he slapped his forehead. He finished breaking though the current layer before minimizing the screen and bringing up the source code he'd been copying as he went along. He then brought up a blank command prompt and got started.

* * *

Naruto settled once more at his table, hot coffee in hand, and picked up his pencil. He looked over the draft and made a few changes, settled on the dimensions and began to list the items he would need for the base of his sketch to work. He really needed to observe how the light moved in that room to really make this design perfect. He leaned back into his chair and stared out the window, failing to see the lump on the ottoman stir awake.

Hinata blinked. She was aware that she was not in her room and that there was a strange smelling blanket over her to block out the light of the sun. The distinctive sound of a pencil scratching told her that she was indeed in Naruto’s room and everything she thought was a nightmare had really happened. She had broken down miserably in front of him and cried. Her face felt rough, puffy and her hair was sticking to skin. How was she going to get out of here with her pride still intact and inflict a severe memory loss on Naruto to avoid this?

* * *

Tayuya’s day had started off miserably.

The ex-Hyuuga Corporation tech was greeted earlier that morning with her co-workers, Ukon and Sakon, bitching about how their weekly purge of the Rasengan Landscaping server had been interrupted and how they couldn't re-establish the connection. If that hadn't been bad enough, their boss Kabuto had come down to personally light a fire under their asses to get it back up.

Now she was facing a new problem that was really rubbing her the wrong way. Someone had tried to gain access to their servers a couple of hours afterwards, only to be shut down hard by the complex firewall she and her team had created. She tried to trace the would-be hacker, but it ended up being a wild goose chase when they discovered it was a tele-marketing company out of Indonesia. She seriously doubted they would be trying to hack them.

Her thoughts were interrupted when her large teammate stood up from his computer and started to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going, fatass?" she asked with an irritated sneer. The rotund man glared over his shoulder with his hand lingering lightly on the door.

"Tayuya, you know that women shouldn't use such language," he chastised lightly, knowing full well it wasn’t going to change her opinion on the matter. "I'm just going to the restroom. I think you can handle things here for a few minutes." He opened the door to the darkened room and stepped out.

The red-headed woman snorted derisively and turned back to her computer, thinking on a few good insults to bark back, but couldn’t be bothered when the door clicked loudly behind her.

"Fucking shit bag," she grumbled as she continued her attempts to connect to Rasengan Landscaping's server, but stopped short when a notification popped up and let her know of yet another intrusion. She quickly switched screens to see check the hacker's progress and paled when she saw that they'd already bypassed the majority of the safeguards.

"Fuck!"

* * *

Shikamaru smirked as his worm burrowed right through their firewall like it wasn't even there. After spending close to an hour putting the code together, he'd simply pointed the resultant worm in the direction of the enemy server and sat back to enjoy the show. While he could have spent all day breaking through the layers composing the Firewall From Hell, he instead opted to go the simple route.

He'd been bypassing the damn thing all morning, so he had a very good idea about what the rest of the server's defences were like. Based on his conclusions and various scenarios, he'd devised the perfect plan to take it down.

As he watched, the worm was making its way to the last threshold standing between him and the data he wanted. Being a lazy genius had its perks sometimes.

He idly noticed the other hacker's attempts to stop his code as he prepared a second hard drive to store all the data he could get his hands on once he had access. Turning back to his keyboard, he counted down the few remaining seconds in his head.

'Four... three... two...'

Kiba raised a brow in curiosity as Shikamaru’s laptop seemed to come to life.

* * *

"Damn it to hell! Why me?! If I ever get my hands on this piece of trash…”

Tayuya was sure that this day couldn't get any worse. In less than a minute, a worm had completely destroyed the once assumed unbreakable firewall and was busy tearing through their file systems... and there was nothing she could do about it. It shrugged off everything she'd thrown at it and kept going like it didn't even notice. Albeit it was only a few thousand lines of code, not a sentient being, but still. She just couldn't stop it short of physically disconnecting the main server line. Her eyes widen in understanding. ‘Jesus...’

"That's it!" she exclaimed as she jumped out of her chair and ran through the rows of server towers towards the far end of the room. Slamming against the back wall as she turned the sharp corner, she saw the metal box mounted on the wall where all of the main cables from the server farm ran to. Closing the distance in a flash, she was stopped cold as she realized that she had no idea which cable was the main!

"Fuck it!" Tayuya grabbed the entire bundle of cables and, with a fierce yank, ripped all of the cables from the box. As the box belched out smoke and sparks, she gasped for breath, her brow furrowed in irritation.

"Damn it to hell! Now I've got to explain this shit..."

* * *

"Troublesome..."

Shikamaru had gotten a great deal of data during the short span of time that he'd had access to the system, but he'd have to sort through it all before he could come to any conclusions. He looked over his shoulder and eyed Kiba. He knew the man behind him would understand most of the jargon in his report... but he’d have to work with Kiba to make it simple enough for a certain idiot.

* * *

Naruto raised a brow as he watched Hinata sit up quite stiffly. She didn’t look at him as she smoothed out her hair and pulled it out of the dried drool on her cheek. It certainly wasn’t very lady-like, but he wasn’t going to say anything.

“Good morning.” He smiled at her. She continued to avoid looking at him and merely nodded in acknowledgement. That irked him a little bit, but he pushed it aside, knowing full well she would be embarrassed considering the situation. He was glad he’d managed to sneak out from under her; he could just imagine what that situation would have brought on.

“Your coffee is still decently warm if you want it,” he said as he pointed to the cup on his table and glanced her way. She was still staring at the floor. “I reheated it a little while ago.” She still wouldn’t look at him.

If he hadn’t been ridiculously exhausted, this wouldn’t have bothered him. He was used to being ignored by other women, but there was something in her aristocrat behaviour that was really rubbing him the wrong way just then.

She was the one who came in his room in the first place and used him as a Kleenex. Never mind the fact that she had also requested him to play psychiatrist. She had no business making him feel like shit for her embarrassment. He sighed.

“You know, I’ll make sure to forget what happened, if you want,” he said casually before turning back towards his drafts. His mood had darkened. He didn’t expect that saying he’d ignored her development in humanity would annoy him so much, but he was irked. She fought every step she was making towards being her old self like a wild-cat, refusing to acknowledge her own identity.

She still ignored him. He fumed quietly. The Silent Treatment was not something he was fond of, nor did she know it was his catalyst in arguments with his friends.

Hinata wanted to answer him, but she’d lost her voice. Her control over her frail emotions was iffy at best; she was feeling discombobulated and wondered if she was still dreaming. He debated ignoring her, just focusing on the drafts like he used to when Sakura pushed the same silent fight with him, but Kiba’s words were still playing in his head.

‘Just ask her.’

Could he really do that? He should really leave it alone; she was obviously very conflicted about whatever she remembered last night, but getting the cold shoulder from her after spending all that time comforting her was not settling well with him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked her. She finally looked up from the floor and focused on his lips, avoiding his eyes. He dipped his head down at a weird angle, trying to catch her eyes, but he discovered she was like some sort of ninja; she completely avoided any contact.

“Hinata?” She still refused to look at him or answer him. He rolled his eyes and turned from her, irritated at her behaviour.

“If you’re just going to ignore me, you can leave.” Like he needed this shit right now, he had better things to do than worry about her Heiress persona. She flinched at his tone of voice; he seemed angry. She didn’t move from her staked claim on the ottoman and bit her lip, wondering if she could still walk out of here like nothing had happened.

She gathered her courage and tried to stand up, but his voice cut her off from her efforts.

“You know,” he was watching her again and she felt the weight of his thoughts in the room “maybe you should tell me what’s on your mind.” She watched him carefully; his words hadn’t quite sunk in. He was positive this wasn’t going to work.

“I noticed that you struggle with letting yourself be your old self.” He glanced away when she narrowed her eyes. This was a touchy subject apparently.

“I do not struggle,” she nearly hissed out. He raised his brows in disbelief.

“I’m pretty sure you struggle quite a bit, considering a few hours ago you were a crying mess.” He pointed at her, thinking he was making a good point, but his jaw clenched when her eyes turned almost cold.

“I would rather we did not discuss my current personal problems,” she said with a tone that clearly told him to fuck the hell off. He saw this as a clear challenge to distinctively get her to speak about it and that’s exactly what he did.

“I think you need to. You’re acting awful bi-polar.” He felt a chill in the room. ‘Ok, that wasn’t the right word,’ he noted as the temperature continued to drop.

“I’m acting how?” She stiffened; her body language was completely different from before and he mentally cringed. He just destroyed the efforts from the last twenty-four hours to bring her out of the Hyuuga shell. The Heiress was back in full force, fighting tooth and nail to keep the throne. He sighed.

“What I mean is-“

“Keep your nose out of my business,” she cut him off. That was the last straw for him.

“What?” he said quite sternly, disbelieving of her reaction. She was startled by the way he had suddenly stood up and glared at her. She watched him tower over him and she suddenly felt very small. So she stood up as well, accepting his challenge.

“Stay out of my business,” she repeated, this time with a little more fire behind her words. Something snapped inside him.

“Who was it exactly that came into my room looking for a shoulder to cry on?” he raised his voice above normal and she responded the same way.

“You stole my chair,” she offered in a detached tone.

“Like that explains everything,” he muttered out, stepping around her and began to drag the chair out of his room as he continued to glare at her. Even though they were having a disagreement, she couldn’t help but admire the way his body moved back and forth as he dragged the ottoman a few feet.

“I’ll bring it back, your highness,” he spat out. She flinched again; she hated that title.

“Don’t call me that,” she retorted. Naruto paused and glanced at her, wondering if that was a hint of irritation in her voice, and snorted, wondering if Sakura had been right about her origin in robotics.

“Don’t call you what?” he taunted. She narrowed her eyes and her lips twitched.

“Well, well. What’s this? A hint of irritability? I was starting to think all you could feel was Nothing and Misery.” He flicked the fingers towards her as he named his very short list. Her lips thinned and her fists gathered at her sides.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded. Her voice cracking slightly, but he ignored it; hurt that she had completely disregarded him this morning and returned to whatever this persona was. He was getting pretty sick of the back and forth plays and he wanted to get to know the real girl under all those layers.

“Who knows.” He tried to end the argument there, but he had unknowingly opened a flood gate in Hinata. He turned back to the ottoman and pulled at it once more, looked at the doorway and tried to remember how he got it in here in the first place. She wasn’t done, far from it.

“You don’t know anything about me,” she whispered harshly, her eyes stung with angry tears. He glanced over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes.

“Hard to, you never stay the same long enough for me to figure it out. At least in elementary you were easy to read.” He half mumbled the last part, but he should have really kept it to himself.

He may as well have slapped her with his words. She felt another trickle of memory; fast flashes of him as a young boy far away from her, Sakura’s voice listing off his favourite things, the various touches he’d bestowed on her as a child and how she had cherished each of them. Her heart swelled with the knowledge that she had loved him as a child and she was conflicted once more. Why was she remembering this now?

Her girlish crush was back in full force, but she couldn’t process the haze of want and anger. Tears had begun to fall against her will. Naruto watched her cry again and he cursed to himself; he’d gone too far. He was getting ready to give in and try to comfort her, but she raised her chin up in defiance. He saw a flash of the old Hinata before him, her chi raised before her father as she defended them at the last martial arts competition they had participated in.

“I will not let you belittle me,” she said brokenly. He faltered a little and sighed, leaning his forehead against the back of his hands which were still holding on to the ottoman.

“I’m not... Hinata. Far from it,” he mumbled. She sniffled and it tugged at his heart a little.

“I’m not the girl you remember!” she snapped. He could see the conflict on her face; her eyes were deeply confused as she battled her memories in a do or die fashion. He didn’t know that she was fully aware now of why she loved him so long ago and she was terrified of the fact that she had begun to crush on him again - this time as an adult and in an entirely different light.

She was angry that Ero-Hinata had won and she let out a strange strangled sound of frustration as she wiped at the offending tears. She hadn’t cried in nearly 13 years and for the past week she’d nearly done it every day. She had to get away from him, from them.

“I know you’re not,” he replied, squeezing his eyes shut and pushing back the memory of her as a child. She had loved him back then, but they were miles apart now. There was no way in hell she’d look at him the same way she used to. If only he had known, maybe he would have been able to get her out of her shell then; maybe he could have loved her back.

“I know you don’t want to remember us,” he started, but she let out another frustrated growl, unaware that she was well aware of her past now and she didn’t want it. This was his fault, all his fault!

“Stay out of my life!” she shouted angrily. He was taken by surprise by her outburst and it took a minute to register her demand. He snorted.

“You can’t get rid of me that easy, we have a contract.” He flicked that in her face quite smugly and she stared at him in disbelief. His argument was quite childish, but instead of being able to respond in a mature manner, she gritted her teeth and stuck out her tongue. He laughed at her.

Laughed. She was furious.

Before she could really retort, she was hit with another wave of memories, his smile blinded her from the past. His filthy sticky fingers intertwined with her when he picked her off the ground while they practiced. Her cousin Neji’s snarky comments only refuted by her Naruto. Droves of emotions poured out of nowhere over whelming her, she couldn’t stop it. The voices were loud, the laughter, the tears, the promises. She was spiralling she was -

“...losing control -” she shouted the rest of her thought without meaning to. Naruto recovered from his fit of laughter and raised a brow in confusion. There was something going on that he wasn’t privy to and it became clear once her tears began running freely down her face. There was barely a few seconds between her rage and crying and he was more than just confused, her inner struggle was getting ridiculous and he’d had enough.

Control. He was one to live by the seat of his pants, always looking for the challenge. He’d never settle for the safety of a schedule. Who needed that?

“Who says you have to be in control of everything?” he started, causing her to open her eyes. Her hands attempted to cover her ears, but his voice was too loud. She could still hear him through the flesh. “Why do think you need to control what you feel, or anything at all for that matter?” he shouted, getting tired of the argument. She was worse than Gaara at this point; at least he had a medical problem that made him crazy. She whimpered through the tears, knowing full well he was correct, but her father... her father’s voice was...

He closed the space between them quickly and gripped her shoulder in an attempt to keep her from turning away. She wanted to disappear, wanted to be invisible again. ‘Make... make them stop...’ The voices were jumbled together, screaming, laughing. Crying. The chaos was overwhelming and his voice pierced it, grating on her nerves more than ever. Naruto was having trouble keeping her still; she was struggling hard against him and he could feel the clothes shifting as she slipped away, but she didn’t know he had decided he was going to get through to her if it killed him. She let out a strange mewl as he tightened the grip and she couldn’t quite figure out what it was exactly he wanted her to say, or do.

“Emotions are -” she started. Her mind’s eye could see her father’s own – angry, disappointed and she couldn’t get away from it. He cut her off with a loud and crude snort of disbelief. His fingers tightened again, bringing her back from what ever corner of her mind that had taken her momentary sanity. She could feel them biting into her skin, but it didn’t upset her. In fact, she was grateful since it had dispelled her father’s frightening sneer. It still didn’t excuse the fact that this argument was getting out of control and so, she resumed her struggle and Naruto continued to glare.

She was feeling frantic, crazy and the voices... the voices!

“Emotions are vital to life,” he whispered harshly. His eyes narrowed and they darkened to a deep blue. “I don’t know why you think that smiling is a bad thing, or that crying is a sign of weakness, but the Hinata I knew was never afraid to be herself, regardless of the disappointment she thought she may cause.”

His comparison broke through like a slap across her face. This Hinata, this adult Hinata was nothing compared to her old shameful self. She stopped fighting him and his grip loosened up. She noticed him visibly relax, but his eyes were still hard, still occupying her being. She couldn’t look at his eyes; they were accusing her of something... she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it was something she knew she should be ashamed of. She stared at his mouth and although she could hear his boyish voice whispering to her....

“She was someone I was proud of. She would never let anyone tell her who to be, how to act, how to...” He didn’t quite know how to finish that, but he was sure he’d made his point. Reality and fantasy suddenly stopped merging and his voice fluttered through another barrier without restraint and she was helpless to watch from the sidelines.

Hinata blinked as the last words left his lips. ‘Proud?’ she repeated dumbly. ‘He was... proud of me?’ Naruto let go of her shoulders and sighed, turning away. She’d been silent this entire time and he felt like he was talking to a blank canvas. He was at a loss on what to say next. At every turn he’d slam straight into a wall she’d created, refusing to let him in… to let him help her.

Her heart swelled painfully as the memories slowed down, her head ached and the voices started again. ‘Who are these people?’ She wanted out of her head. She was also realising at the same time that she still wanted him; to acknowledge her, to love her. But... wasn’t she broken goods now? Her mind was unstable, her honour questionable, no control... no control!

She knew that no matter how much she tried to deny it now, it didn’t change the fact that she wanted him; now more than ever. It was illogical and something her father would completely disapprove of since Naruto was volatile, unpredictable, outspoken and so bright. He was still mumbling, his added noise was maddening with all the other ones so she decided he needed to shut up. She needed a few minutes of silence so she could process all the memories and emotions flooding her.

“Hinata, I...” He didn’t get the chance to finish as he felt her small trembling hands grab his shoulder. She brought his face level to hers and stared fiercely at him as much as her watery eyes would let her, she didn’t even register his gaze that was filled with confusion. There was no logic to her thoughts. All she could think was ‘Shut up... just shut up.’

She kissed him, hard and fully on the lips. His eyes widened to near painful levels and he briefly struggled against her fingers that were tightly wound up in his shirt collar. The kiss was anything but romantic; it was filled with anger, sadness and regret.

Naruto pushed her away harshly without meaning to. His eyes narrowed in anger at the unwanted invasion. Hinata lost her footing and crumbled to the ground, but he had been so shocked by her advance he didn’t even try to catch her. Her own confused, hurt and angry gaze met his in a challenge he couldn’t decide if he wanted to take.

“What the fuck?” was all he could manage to say in disbelief. The last thing he had expected from her was a kiss. “Wha- ... I-...” he mumbled, speechless at her unusual behaviour and the rape of his face. She noted the charge of emotion fluttering across his beautiful features; his scars darkened under his flush of anger... maybe embarrassment. She didn’t know what he was feeling, but anger was definitely one of them.

‘That’s right...’ she was struck with reality once her memories cleared, ‘I am... no longer the little girl infatuated with... I am... I...’ Memories of her father drilling long, drawled out speeches on how cumbersome emotions were and her lack of discipline.

How he drilled the control of emotion to be perfect, to be without flaw. To not be Hinata, but to be... she frowned at the memory fluttering in of her father’s hard eyes spitting angrily, his mouth gritting out every syllable slowly.

“You are nothing if you are not a Hyuuga! Do not shame us!” he yelled while she fought back tears of loneliness.

That’s right; she was Hyuuga first and foremost.

His blue eyes were icy and his mouth continued to gape like a fish in a silent demand for an explanation she didn’t want to give… couldn’t give. She stood up haphazardly from where she’d fallen, smoothed her tussled hair and brushed her thighs smooth of wrinkles. She glanced at him once more and he noted a strange calmness about her. Her eyes void of that confusion that had plagued her since waking in his room that morning.

“I apologize,” she said, detached of emotion. Naruto blinked at the sudden change in her. There was finality in the way she bowed her head down, cleared the tears from her cheeks, turned tail and walked away.

She could see him as a little boy in the back of her mind. She silently said her goodbyes and pushed the emerging old persona as deeply as she could, wanting to forget everything again blissfully. Her emotional distress was too much to bear; she had to get away from him before she lost all hope of... of what?

‘What is wrong with me?’ she thought fearfully, happy that the voices had finally stopped. She heard Naruto say her name with a strange desperation. Her lips still burned with the stolen kiss, but she’d never acknowledge that to herself, to anyone. She didn’t look back when he called her again, resisting the command he knew made her obey, and walked out of his line of sight into her own room.

The door clicked behind her as she stood in the darkness of her room. She pressed her back against the door and slid down, fresh tears spilled again and her heart ached. It ached so much she thought she was going to die.

She was not worthy of anyone in this state, she was nothing to be proud of. She let the darkness of her heart envelop her in comfort, she heard Naruto swear and the front door of her home slam shut.

She was not worthy of Uzumaki Naruto.


* * *

*snort* Certainly not a first kiss I’ve ever read :P R&R!

Reference:
Weird Al Yankovich – Angry White Boy Polka