Hopelessly

renee: Forgive me for making you wait. *bows*

DarkAngelJudas: First as always. He's a completely fucked up bastard, but I love him. ^_^

iixne: Much thanks! Sasuke was positivity venomous when talking about Kakashi's eye after Danzou died, so I ran with that.

Carousel: I'm so glad you enjoy it! I'm going to devote one long chapter to Sasuke's POV on everything, but it will come much later in the story.

Prescripto13, krito1389, -00-night-eyes-00-: ^_^

cynaga: *claps with delight* That's what I wanted!

Pinkyni21: Oh, Sasuke's thoroughly fucked up. He thought he's killed his emotions (trying to hide from any pain they bring), but he's beginning to realize they aren't dead.

qwerty: I believe in the 'possessive Uchiha.' However, he wasn't so much jealous as he was trying to piss Kakashi off. As you will see in this chapter. But yeah, he considers Kakashi 'his.'

Always-Unpredictable, Ikke, Melissa: Thank you!

Sooooo, I accidently cheered Kakashi up early, but then I came up with this little depressing inner monolog, so you must forgive me for the emotional roller coaster. Kakashi is not manic/depressant.

Because you have to have Sasuke and Kakashi fight.

----------

Two weeks of relative peace. Sasuke still summoned him, but not very often and he’d really eased up on him. There was greater control in Sasuke’s moves and sex was a little more routine.

Kakashi went for a walk through the village one night after finishing his work. He transformed into something nondescript, not wanting any attention. That and it helped hide him from his ANBU guards who he finally managed to slip. He was just wondering the streets when he felt a familiar chakra coming from one of the restaurants. He stepped in and looked around. He didn’t see him. But he followed the feeling to another nondescript man sitting in a booth alone just starting to eat his meal.

“May I join you?” Kakashi asked.

The other man’s eyes danced with amusement and nodded. The waitress came over, Kakashi ordered, and the woman left.

“I never thought I’d find you here,” Kakashi said. “You do this often?”

“Third time. Sometimes you just crave restaurant food.”

Sasuke, even transformed, seemed to hide behind the long bangs framing his face. He really didn’t want to be recognized. He’d have a lynch mob after him.

“You’re not going to raise the alarm?” Sasuke took a bite of a pork bun.

“The village was just rebuilt; I’d hate for this entire neighborhood to be destroyed.”

Sasuke chuckled and the waitress brought Kakashi’s order. They ate in silence for a time. Sasuke was comfortable, but Kakashi was acutely aware who he was sitting across from.

“Escaped your guards?” Sasuke asked.

“Yeah. I don’t see the point of them.”

“True. Run away often?”

“No.”

“I guess if you can find me like this, I should be more careful.”

“No one knows your chakra as well as me.”

Sasuke sat back with his chopsticks in hand. His eyes lost focus and he tapped his lips with the chopsticks. “Perhaps.”

“Are you really alone up there?” Kakashi asked, the question still plaguing him since the meeting with the other Kage.

“Not a spider. I think they know.”

“Know?”

“Know that evil lurks there. Even the predators know there is no pray there because another evil drives it away. Would you choose to enter that place?”

Kakashi didn’t answer; Kakashi couldn’t answer it to himself. If he didn’t know that the evil in that fortress was Sasuke he probably wouldn’t enter that fortress unless ordered to do so. But before Sasuke turned on them after killing Madara, Kakashi would have gone anywhere he thought Sasuke was. Would he follow him into hell now? It bothered him he couldn’t say ‘no.’

Sasuke leaned forward and finished his meal then pulled out some money and left a few bills on the table. “See you.” He walked off toward the bathrooms. Kakashi felt the disturbance when he teleported. Kakashi poked at the bills and saw that it was more than enough for both of them. Kakashi finished up and left. He continued his walk.

These streets were completely unfamiliar. He rarely left the tower and it was a different perspective on the ground from his window. He let himself get lost.

Kakashi ended up at the edge of the village. He looked up and had a clear view of the Hokage monument. His eyes first lit on his own masked visage, but quickly slid to the Forth’s. Sensei. Kakashi sat down against the wall of a building and looked up at the carved cliff face.

Sensei. If you had lived none of this would have happened. You knew the Uchiha as a whole were innocent. Fugaku would have remained loyal and Sasuke could have grown up happy. He and Naruto could have been friends without any baggage, just friends. He might have a girlfriend, be married, even already had a kid by now. Kakashi imagined Sasuke smiling with Sakura on his arm. It tore at his heart, Sasuke smiling happily. Sensei. He felt tears welling up. If only you had lived. Even if it meant I would never have met Sasuke, never cared for Sasuke, it would be worth it for Sasuke to be really happy. Why did you have to die that night? He didn’t spare a thought for Naruto’s happiness at growing up with a father and perhaps a mother. His own happiness didn’t even enter into it; he was only worried about Sasuke. He’d always loved Sasuke. He would slit his own throat if it meant Sasuke could have grown up differently. Sensei. You’d still be Hokage and I could have stayed in the shadows. Sensei, this time it was a plea.

He was suddenly very much aware that people might feel his distress and find him here. He jumped up to the rooftops and ran to the cliff. He sat on the edge over Minato’s face and let his transformation drop. He let himself cry silently. His life was a failure. He failed Obito, failed Rin, failed Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura, failed everyone by not killing Sasuke, and failed his sensei and father by not succeeding at anything important in his life.

He looked out over the village. A flame of hate blossomed in his chest. You want me to hate this village as much as you do, don’t you Sasuke? It’s working.

He suddenly sensed someone behind him. He whirled. Sai was sitting in a high tree, painting.

“How long have you been up there?”

“I just got here. I thought it would be a nice perspective. Did I disturb you?”

“A little.” Kakashi stood and looked at the village again. The hate wasn’t as bright this time. He jumped down to Itachi’s memorial, hopping between the faces. He bowed his head to Itachi then went back to his office and his unhappy ANBU guards.

Sai sketched the edge of the cliff and the village beyond it. He had to draw the image of Kakashi sitting near the edge looking out over the village from memory. He decided to title this picture Hokage.

-----

Kakashi hated paperwork. He hated it when he was a Jounin and he hated it just as much as Hokage. Honestly, he rather Sasuke’s only torture was the rape and kicking his ass during sparing sessions than making him Hokage. Nevertheless he did the work. The bureaucracy had been destroyed along with Konoha so that eliminated a vast quantity of paperwork; people bothered the Hokage only with what was necessary. Nevertheless.

A chunin—what was his name?—came in, bowed, and handed him a thick pile. “The students expected to graduate from the academy. We need the preliminary teams made up by the end of the week.”

“I didn’t even realize classes were being conducted.”

“Iruka-san and many of the other teachers were left here during the war or returned before it ended and continued to teach while the village was being rebuilt.”

“I’ll finish them as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama.”

Alone, Kakashi shifted through the dossiers on the young potential shinobi. He came across one with dark hair, dark eyes, and nearly white skin. He didn’t look like Sasuke really, but he reminded Kakashi of the boy Sasuke had once been. He wanted to throw the file across the room, but resisted. He closed it and restacked the folders. He stood and looked out the window, griping the casement so hard it hurt. He was frustrated; he needed to expend this toxic energy. But what shinobi could hold up against him when all he wanted to go all out?

Sasuke.

That pissed Kakashi off even more. He didn’t want to summon Sasuke unless he needed to. Fuck it. He would just make it perfectly clear he wanted nothing but to spar. He was about to use the scroll to summon the sphere, but he remembered that despite Sasuke normally prompt arrivals so far, he said that it may take hours or days for Sasuke to notice he was being summoned. By then, it would be useless. He mentally swore. But then he remembered the seal on his shoulder. Fuck it; he touched it with chakra on his fingertips.

Kakashi arrived in the throne room where Sasuke was lounging in his throne. Kakashi wondered if that’s all he ever did. What did Sasuke do all day? But he did actually look tired; he did something.

“Being attacked?” Sasuke asked, not bothering to act more awake than he was being roused from a doze.

“No, I just really want to spar. Nothing else.”

Sasuke smirked. “Luckily, I’m not busy at the moment.” Sasuke led him to his training room, completely unconcerned as always about showing his back to his sensei. He was also unconcerned about showing how stiff and tried he was. What did he do alone up here?

Kakashi asked for only taijutsu. Even Sasuke could feel the toxic energy coursing through Kakashi; he agreed. Kakashi replaced his headband with the eye patch Sasuke had given him and passionately attacked. All that stiffness and weariness vanished as Sasuke blocked him.

They fought for about half an hour. Then Sasuke kicked high and Kakashi caught his ankle. Sasuke twisted in the air to punch him, which Kakashi also caught. Kakashi blocked the last kick with his arm, never letting go of Sasuke’s other limbs, and Sasuke was upside down, looking into Kakashi’s eyes. It was déjà vu. Sasuke was reaching down as if to take a pair of silver bells. Instead of grabbing the bells, Sasuke grabbed Kakashi’s thigh and used it for leverage to use his free leg free to kick Kakashi in the chest.

Kakashi let him go and they separated. They glared at each other. Kakashi was angry at Sasuke bringing back that memory, but Sasuke looked just as angry at his own actions.

When they came together again, they were far more serious. Kakashi slashed Sasuke’s arm with a kunai and Sasuke retaliated with a kick to his hip and then swept around for a kick to the back. Kakashi rolled to avoid the kick and turned to face Sasuke again. Kakashi managed a punch to the jaw and Sasuke a kick to Kakashi’s ribs, cracking one. Sasuke snaked around him, took his legs out from under him, pulled him back onto him with a kunai to his jugular and a leg wrapped around him to partially restrain him.

“You’re dead. Sensei.”

Kakashi relaxed as a concession and Sasuke released his hold. Kakashi sat up.

“Enough?” Sasuke asked.

“Yeah.”

“Should I send you to the hospital for that rib?”

“My office.” A thought occurred and before he could stop himself, he asked, “What about you? That cut.”

“I can deal with that.”

Kakashi found himself back in his office. A little sweaty, in some pain, but he’d been able to blow off some steam. And Sasuke hadn’t raped him. He asked his new permanent assistant—when he finally returned from an errand—to seek out Shizune to fix his rib.

-----

Dinner with Sakura still felt awkward.

“Iruka is coming to my office tomorrow to help decide the new genin teams,” Kakashi said. “Thought you might want to join us.”

Sakura brightened. “I haven’t seen Iruka-sensei since before . . .” The brightness fled. “Yeah, I’d like to join you.”

-----

It wasn’t time for the graduation exam yet, but Iruka pretty much knew who would make the cut. The three of them tired to balance the teams, sometimes putting friends on the same team since they could work well together and would be more egger to protect each other; in that respect, Iruka’s observations were crucial.

Kakashi was surprised by his own depression. There was that boy again who reminded him of a young Sasuke, then there was a girl who looked even sweeter and more innocent than Sakura looked when he first took her on as a student. Didn’t it ever bother Iruka what kind of life he was preparing these children for? But Konoha needed shinobi, it needed soldiers. Mercenaries. As much as they tried to hide behind allegiance to the Hokage and the Fire Country, they were all really mercenaries.

He remembered how Rin died. They were sent to recover documents. Documents! Pieces of paper! And Rin died for them! She was cut down before Kakashi even realized she was in danger. Sometimes it was a total waste. He hoped the village was paid well for that mission; he never found out.

Kakashi looked down at the stack of files. More lambs to the slaughter. More kids like Rin and Sasuke. And Itachi. It was still a game to these kids. He watched his students change during their one year together, saw them realize what the reality of a shinobi life was. But Sasuke had been raped of his innocence long before when he lost every person in the world he loved.

Kakashi mentally pushed those thoughts away; he didn’t want to sympathize with Sasuke. Not anymore. They both had lost everyone they ever loved.

Iruka stretched when they were finished. “We should go out and get lunch,” he suggested.

“I can’t,” Kakashi sighed. “The two of you go on.”

“Ah, then can I have a minute alone then?” Iruka asked.

“I’ll wait outside.” Sakura left them.

Iruka watched her leave then turned to Kakashi once the door shut. “I can’t say I’m comfortable with your relationship.”

As blunt as ever. Kakashi remembered the man’s objections to Kakashi nominating his students for the chunin exams. Kakashi sighed. “She might have been your student, but she’s of age now.”

“My problem isn’t her age, it’s the fact she was your student as well.”

“I know. There’s nothing that you can say that I haven’t already thought of.” Kakashi started stroking his left wrist with his thumb in a way that drew Iruka’s attention; it was as if he was rubbing at a scar that wasn’t there. “I would rather she choose someone else, but I couldn’t say no. I do love her. But I admit the war and what happened with Sasuke and Naruto is a big reason we’re together. I want her to find someone younger, but I can’t tell her to leave. I’m just waiting for her to leave me. I’m really just an old man now. An old man at thirty.”

Kakashi wasn’t looking at Iruka so he didn’t notice the fact Iruka was looking at Kakashi’s hands, not his masked face. Iruka also noticed the loneliness in his voice.

“You’re right, it’s not my place to say anything,” Iruka said. “I’m just worried about her.”

“Ah.” Kakashi threw him his wallet. “I’ll pay for your meal.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama.”

Iruka met Sakura in the corridor and they went to a restaurant, neither comfortable going for ramen while Naruto was out of it.

“How is Naruto?” Iruka asked.

“No change. Whatever Sasuke did to him, it won’t let up. Tsuande may have been able to help him, but I can’t. He’s not brain-dead, just . . . asleep.”

Seeing no other way around it, Iruka just said what he wanted to say without preamble. “Sakura, do you really love Kakashi? I mean really love him?”

She wasn’t as shocked as he thought she’d be. “I do. I had a schoolgirl crush on Sasuke that was more about his appearance than about who he was, but it grew into genuine love as I got to know him. I guess it’s in a woman’s nature to want to fix a guy like Sasuke. I wanted to make him happy. But maybe I didn’t know enough about him or understand him. But even I could see when he went too far. I may not have been able to kill him, but I knew I had to stop loving him. After what he did after we failed to kill him that day he killed Danzo, I couldn’t love him anymore. I don’t. But I do still feel for him. Just thinking of him breaks my heart. I did truly love him.

“But Kakashi. I’ve always looked up to him and admired him. And he’s risked his life more than once for me. He did something, something he won’t tell me and I’m too scared to ask, something to stop Sasuke from killing me. Maybe it was the stress of the situation, but I started loving him then. I felt I couldn’t find any comfort from anyone but him since Naruto was . . .

“A lot of people look at me with pity or consider me to be broken because of Sasuke. Kakashi doesn’t. Kakashi’s gone through the same pain I have. I could be wrong, but I love him. And . . . I guess I feel that same pull of someone who needs help like with Sasuke. At least I know Kakashi will never do anything to break my heart the way Sasuke did. He won’t leave or betray us.”

“Do you have any doubts?”

“No. I feel safe with him; secure. I think we can even be happy once things settle down for him. Everything’s nearly rebuilt and our military strength had improved. We’re still allied with the other villages and Sasuke isn’t bothering Kakashi as often. Soon, I think, and we can finally live normally again, once his depression lifts. He never wanted to be Hokage. Maybe if Naruto wakes up, then it will be alright.”

“As long as you’re certain you love him.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re more worried about Kakashi than me?”

“Have you noticed him rubbing his wrist?”

“No.”

“I’ve taught a lot of kids. Most kids who enter the academy have parents who are shinobi. That holds true with the orphans, but all orphans who’ve lost both parents end up in the academy no matter what. Even if they have no talent, they at least start and drop out later. Naruto, Sasuke, even Kakashi and I, we’re all orphans who parents were shinobi and died. So many orphans. I’ve seen all types of depression; I’ve seen kids who rub their wrists like that. I could be wrong, but the loneliness I heard and saw in Kakashi-sama . . .

“I voiced my concern over the two of you. He definitely cares about you; he wants what’s best for you and hopes you’ll find someone your own age. But I think it’s not just your well being. He’s isolating himself, isn’t he? How many people come to see him without conducting business?”

“Just Gai-sensei.”

“He doesn’t have any family. I’m worried about him. He must feel terrible about Sasuke. I feel horrible about him too. I guess I could have nurtured him more, like I should have with Naruto. I rectified that with Naruto, but not with Sasuke. Sasuke never really seemed to need it; he was stronger than most and I thought he wanted to be left alone. Even if he did want that, I should have known it wasn’t good for him. All he ever got from me was all too common praise of his skills. I’ve tried to be more attentive to the orphans since then. Just take care of Kakashi. If you didn’t love him, I’d advise you to end it now so that it won’t hurt him more when you leave.”

“I understand. I do love him.”

“As long as you’re sure.” Their conversation lightened up after that.

-----

When Kakashi got home Sakura came up to him and put her arms around his neck. She didn’t kiss him, just hugged him. He was surprised, but understood; he figured Iruka had said something to her. He put his arms around her waist. It really felt good to hold someone and be held.

Then Sakura had to ruin it.

“I’m sorry about Sasuke. If I had just been able to kill him when I had the chance . . .”

He pushed her off. His only visible eye was narrowed. “It was a terrible idea then and it still is. Sasuke was never your responsibility.”

“But I was so close. I could have spared us all—”

“Spared us? It was Sasuke who killed Madara. Tsunade and the other Kage came to the conclusion that he was in fact immortal. Maybe Naruto and Bee could have killed him, but if they couldn’t take on Sasuke then I doubt it. Sasuke may have actually saved us from Madara. No matter what your opinion of Sasuke and the current state of affairs, he killed Madara, destroyed Akatsuki, and stopped Madara’s Moon’s Eye Plan. And Sasuke wasn’t yours to kill.”

“Then who’s was it? Yours?”

“Yes! I should have hunted him down when he first left. It was only because of Tsunade’s feelings for Naruto, and for you, that she didn’t send all of ANBU after him. That and her hope that she could resurrect the Uchiha clan. Sasuke was a missing-nin, he betrayed the village and joined with our worst enemy at the time.” He took a deep breath. “Stop thinking in ‘what ifs.’  Sasuke’s alive and Madara’s dead; just deal with that. The only person’s life or death I lament is Itachi’s. Sasuke only became this because of Itachi’s death. I wanted that memorial constructed not just because Sasuke demanded it; Itachi really was a hero. Perhaps a little misguided, but a hero to this village.”

Sakura was sorry for her words. Kakashi didn’t apologize for snapping at her because he wasn’t sorry. She could be so inane, so . . . annoying. He left.

He really wanted to love Sakura—he cared for her certainly—but it was getting harder to do so. It was Sasuke. He knew Sasuke was trying to isolate him, make him feel the way Sasuke felt. It was some sick game to him, a punishment, a revenge. Revenge. Sasuke must be pretty good at that by now. Damn it but it was working. Now he regretted ever showing her any affection. He wanted to be alone. Alone with his shame.

He didn’t want to go home at all tonight; he couldn’t look Sakura in the face. The arrogant drama queen. It was the second time she’d said something like that. As if this is all her fault, her problem, ‘pity me!’ She wanted what he’d already learned to covet: self-pity. He knew she was trying to help, trying to take some of the weight from his shoulders, but all that did was show that she, on some level, blamed him too. He went back to his office and shut himself in.

What if Sasuke died now? The shinobi alliance would end. Everything would go back to the way it was more or less. All the villages had lost significant numbers, but Konoha was still weak. Sasuke almost appeared to be protecting his home village. He was also protecting the smaller villages like Ame; no one was allowed to attack what he considered his. The state of the shinobi world suggested that the five great nations and their villages would greatly profit from absorbing the smaller nations. They will go to war again. Kakashi had had enough of war. His missed missions, but he didn’t miss war.

But what about Kakashi? If Sasuke died he would quit as Hokage and go back to being a Jounin. And he would shut them all out: Sakura, Naruto—who was sure to wake up if Sasuke died—Gai, Yamato, all of them. His guilt would not die; he still felt guilt for Obito’s death; none of his guilt would die with Sasuke.

Kakashi thought of his father. Did he feel trapped like this too?

It had been just over one full day since he last saw Sasuke, but he was rubbing his shoulder, tempted to use it and go to him. For what? A fight? No. To talk? About what? To have sex? It would feed his self loathing. He just wanted to get away.

Chakra bleed into the seal and he was reversed summoned to Sasuke’s training room. Sasuke stepped back into a crouch with his sword at the ready, suspecting an attack.

Kakashi put up his hands. “I’m not here to attack you. I can’t go home. I have nowhere else to go.”

He was actually surprised that Sasuke didn’t smile superiorly.

“I was just practicing katas. I find your voluntary visits . . . diverting. Did you just want a billet for the night?”

“Yeah.”

“I disposed of the only other beds in this place after they started to decay. Come on.” Sasuke lead him out.

Sasuke’s silence and insistence on not asking what had happened was aggravating Kakashi. “I had a fight with Sakura.”

“I figured as much. Want to make her jealous?”

“Even if that were the case, I’d make sure she didn’t hear of it.”

“You want to get back at her?”

Kakashi felt so bad already, but he couldn’t take that step, he couldn’t admit he now wanted to have sex with Sasuke. “No. I just want to sleep away from her and not in that office.”

Sasuke stopped. “Then you can find your way then.” And Sasuke turned back to return to the training room.

Kakashi was struck dumb and immobile. Sasuke had expected him to want to have sex. But on the flip side, Sasuke had no intention of raping him. Again. He finally continued on to Sasuke’s room.

He got the feeling Sasuke slept closer to the door so he walked over to the other side of the bed, the side he was normally summoned to and he ended up after sex. He took off all his clothes beside his mask and boxers. He touched the headband, wondering if he should keep it. His eye was almost fused shut when he didn’t need it, but still. He did keep that eye patch with him and he used it now.

It felt weird getting into Sasuke’s bed. Usually they just fucked on top of the bedding, but to actually sleep in it . . . And to be here voluntarily . . .

The bed felt different to him. He never really regarded it before. It had always been undeniably comfortable, but he did sort of associate it with sex. Shameful, humiliating, but amazingly satisfying sex. But right now, it actually felt familiar and like home.

But sleep wouldn’t come to him. He stared into the darkness above the bed. He realized something. It was getting late, but Sasuke was wide awake training. He remembered how Sasuke had been wide awake that one day when Kakashi was having a hard time waking up. And Sasuke was NEVER a morning person. He always tried to hide it with indifference or his normal hostility, but he hated waking up. And there were times in the middle of the day when Sasuke looked asleep.

Kakashi was certain this room was underground. Could it be that Sasuke had no idea what time it was? Or that he just didn’t give a shit and woke up whenever? Did he ever even see the sun anymore? From Sasuke’s unnaturally pale skin he thought not; his skin was nearly translucent. Sasuke had really isolated himself.

He turned on his side. They both wanted to isolate themselves. He had no business feeling sorry for Sasuke. Or feeling comradely with him.

Sleep still refused to come.

Angrily, Kakashi turned to Sasuke’s empty side of the bed and buried his face in his pillow and breathed in. Jasmine. Jasmine and . . . Sasuke. The unidentifiable scent unique to Sasuke. His heart clinched.

He turned away and soon fell asleep.

-----

Kakashi slept better than he had in recently memory. He couldn’t remember his dreams, but they weren’t nightmares. He didn’t want to wake up and the complete darkness in the room made him believe it was still early and snuggled deeper into his pillow. He felt a warm comfortable presence behind him. He couldn’t get back to sleep, but he enjoyed just laying there with the knowledge he didn’t have to get up.

Then he heard a small grunt. A male grunt. His eyes—even his Sharingan eye—snapped open. Then he remembered, he was in Sasuke’s bed, not at home. He carefully activated his Sharingan, hoping Sasuke wouldn’t detect it and wake up.

Sasuke was lying on his stomach with his face turned away from Kakashi. He was clutching the pillow, his brow furrowed. A nightmare. So even Sasuke was susceptible to nightmares.

Kakashi shimmied back down into bed. He lay there a full minute in the dark. Sasuke moaned. Kakashi carefully turned over and then put an arm over his former student as if it was something he randomly did in his sleep. Sasuke didn’t wake up and he was quiet after that.

-----

Kakashi woke up on his back to find Sasuke sitting up against the headboard with a plate of food. He was nibbling on a spring roll. Kakashi sat up and Sasuke offered him the plate.

“What time is it?” Kakashi asked.

“Afternoon.”

Kakashi picked up a spring roll. Kakashi pulled down his mask. He wasn’t very self conscious being maskless in front of Sasuke even with the lights on after all that’d been going on between them.

“Regretting getting together with pink-haired one?” Sasuke asked.

“I always sort of regretted it.”

“I know what it feels like to be a replacement. I was a replacement for my brother to my father, a replacement for my clan to Konoha, my body a replacement for Itachi’s for Orochimaru and for his own wasting corpse, a replacement for Kimimaru for Juugo, then again a replacement for my brother in Akatsuki. I will no longer be a replacement.”

“Aren’t you replacing Madara as the villain and the ruler of the world?”

“You’re replacing me in Sakura’s affections. And you’re nothing to everybody else. A puppet Hokage and possibly a traitor to the village you’re supposed to rule. Which one of us is more despicable?”

“I’ve not betrayed Konoha.”

“Haven’t you? I’m sure they think you have. His former sensei, his former captain, his choice for Hokage. They must wonder.” He handed Kakashi the entire plate. “Do you train in the morning? I often do. You can join me or I can send you home.”

Despite Sasuke’s slight taunting, Kakashi really didn’t want to go home. “Yeah, I’ll stay a little longer.”

“Afterward, you can shower and I’ll send you home. I have other things to attend to today.”

That peaked Kakashi’s curiosity.

They fought for about ten minutes when Sasuke relaxed from an attack posture. “Fuck, I hate it when you’re suicidal. Fighting you is no fun. I never figured you for such a thing. A cowardly deed. Someone who throws away his life, especially when someone else depends on them, is the mostly dishonorable thing even I can image. Like your father.”

Kakashi’s ire was first sparked by Sasuke’s simple observation of his suicidal thoughts. But when Sasuke insulted his father, something snapped within him. He attacked out of pure blind rage. He was so enraged he missed the smirk on Sasuke’s face.

His attack was vicious. Sasuke lost his smirk. It was only now that he realized that he had never truly fought Kakashi. Even when Kakashi tried to kill him after Danzo’s death, that had been a half-hearted attempt. Kakashi was serious this time. Sasuke knew Kakashi would react to teasing about his father, but he didn’t realize how much. Kakashi was really trying to kill him. It was like being attacked by an angry, hungry wolf.

However much rage Kakashi felt, his mind was clear enough to properly attack Sasuke even if he couldn’t think clearly enough to make hand signs initially. He took out a kunai and was suddenly in front of Sasuke. Sasuke was able to dodge, but he was still stabbed in the bicep.

Sasuke couldn’t repress a grunt of pain. He came around and elbowed Kakashi in the chest. The fight was truly vicious and tight until Sasuke was able to grab both of Kakashi’s fists with his and use that leverage to push himself up and kick Kakashi back with both legs, letting go of Kakashi so there was now some distance between them.

Sasuke threw Chidori senbon at him and Kakashi proved why he was known as the copy ninja: having only seen Sasuke’s technique once before this, Kakashi copied it and threw Chidori senbon right back at him. Sasuke smiled grimly; Kakashi was throwing his techniques back at him, but Sasuke was using the ninjutsu Kakashi had taught him.

Sasuke decided to shake things up by sending the Grand Fireball at his former sensei. The room was large and gave Kakashi plenty of room to send his Dragon Water Bullet to counter the fireball.

As the steam created by the contrasting ninjutsu thinned, they both ran at each other, a full powered Chidori flickering around their hands. Both were adept enough to be able to sustain the Chidori with only one hand, not needing the other hand to brace it. Sasuke raised his sword—also charged with Chidori—and Kakashi took out three shuriken. Kakashi threw the shuriken as they ran toward each other. Two shuriken unbalanced Sasuke’s sword and the third nicked his fingers, knocking the sword away, leaving them both weaponless. Or so it seemed. Sasuke grabbed his sheath from his belt.

Sasuke prepared to swing the sheath at Kakashi’s sparking arm to break and divert it, but Kakashi reached up and touched the seal on his arm. He was suddenly much closer and Sasuke had no time to re-aim. Kakashi used his free hand to grab Sasuke’s Chidori charged arm, diverting it from his body. His own Chidori was about to enter Sasuke’s chest, but Sasuke was able to move just enough so that Kakashi’s hand entered right under his shoulder, just above his lung.

Sasuke whacked Kakashi in the head with the sheath, but with the Chidori sparking in his shoulder, his arm was too numb to put much force into the blow. It was enough to knock Kakashi back so that his hand slipped out of Sasuke’s body. Kakashi dropped and punched Sasuke in the diaphragm with some chakra to strengthen the blow. He then twisted, letting go of Sasuke’s arm, and kicked Sasuke’s legs out from under him. Sasuke was able to twist enough to fall backward and not toward the kunai that Kakashi pulled from his pouch.

Sasuke’s arm was numb, but he was still able to make hand signs and released the Fire Phoenix Jutsu at Kakashi. They both leapt away. Sasuke recovered his sword. They both sent a last barge of jutsu and weapons at each other at a distance. They were both hit, Kakashi in the arm and his neck graced, Sasuke was hit in the thigh and arm despite having his sword to block.

Kakashi’s vision cleared as his rage abated. He saw Sasuke slumped on the ground, barely holding himself up by holding onto his sword which was stuck in the concrete floor and holding his wounded shoulder. There wasn’t a lot of blood since the electricity cauterized much of the wound. Sasuke’s eyes faded to black.

“If you’re anything like your father, he deserved the title ‘White Fang.’” Sasuke struggled to breathe, his ribs pressing against his lungs and his diaphragm restricted by Sasuke’s slump. “A draw?”

Judging from his own pain and the way Sasuke looked, he’d say it wasn’t much of a draw; Sasuke was far worse off. But he nodded.

“I didn’t really mean anything . . . against your father. Railed you up. Guess it’s not wise to tease a wolf.” A drop of blood dripped from his lips.

Kakashi sat down. He was worried for Sasuke, but he could see there was nothing truly life threatening. He looked down and thought about what Sasuke had said. His father left his son, but could Kakashi leave a whole village that depended on him? He sighed. He could not follow his father’s path.

Sasuke stretched painfully, but he was better able to breathe. “But it feels good, doesn’t it?” Kakashi looked up at him, confused about what Sasuke was talking about. “Guilt. Self-pity. Rage. You just want to feed it and feel it. It’s a lot like sex. The pleasure builds and builds and it feels so good, but you want to reach the end, an explosion of feeling. Guilt, self-pity, and rage are the same. Eventually they explode in pain, relief, and violence. It’s addictive.”

Kakashi did not break eye contact. “It is,” he admitted.

Kakashi found himself sitting on his bedroom floor. He collapsed more from relief than pain; it was good to be home. Sakura rushed to him and started healing him.

“Are you alright?”

Kakashi laughed. “You should see the other guy.” Sakura had to laugh a little at that. “Is he alright?”

Kakashi sobered too and nodded. “Sasuke will live.”

Sakura healed his wounds. Kakashi wondered who would heal Sasuke’s.

-----

Kakashi was fast asleep, drained by the fight with his former student. Sakura slept beside him. A pair of ANBU guards perched on the roof to protect their Hokage and his lover. The ANBU slumped, leaving the pair unguarded. Kakashi and Sakura did not wake up when a presence entered their bedroom. A sword stuck into the middle of the wooden footboard.

“You sleep awfully soundly for shinobi.”

They both started awake at the sound of the voice. Sasuke.

Sakura turned on the light next to her and that’s when they realized just how injured Sasuke was. He was leaning on his sword. It had been about four hours since their fight and Sasuke looked like he had barely recovered any strength.

“No medical-nin to take care of you?” Kakashi asked. Sasuke glared at him.

Kakashi regarded him. He was in pain. He wasn’t breathing well, possibly with a broken rib and/or a bruised diaphragm. But the most serious wound was the hole in his shoulder.

Kakashi got up and was about to tell Sakura to go ahead and heal him when he noticed Sasuke’s Sharingan was directed at Sakura and she was moving without a word from Kakashi. Sakura moved away from the bed allowing Sasuke to lie down and she got to work healing him.

Kakashi sighed, then asked, “ANBU?”

“Asleep,” Sasuke said.

“I should take advantage of this and kill you,” Kakashi said.

“Sakura would attack you if you tried anything. You wouldn’t want her to feel the guilt of having attacked her lover, do you?”

Kakashi leaned back against the dresser and watched. “She would have healed you.”

“I don’t trust her.”

“Why did you wait so long? You’re in bad shape.”

“Will you shut up?” Sasuke was took several deep breaths.

Kakashi fell silent and watched Sasuke bleed onto their sheets. But he didn’t like the silence. Seeing Sasuke’s control over Sakura brought something else to mind that he never thought to ask Sasuke before.

“What did you do to Naruto?”

“He’ll wake up eventually.”

“What condition will he be in?”

“He’ll be fine. I’m just teaching him a lesson. And keeping him out of the way.”

“Why don’t you just kill him?”

“Then he’ll never learn.”

Sakura finished tending the shoulder wound and stopped all his bleeding. Sasuke got up and rotated his shoulder. He looked at Sakura. “I’ll never be as good as my brother at genjutsu,” Sasuke muttered.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“It was second nature to him for some reason. Maybe because Shisui trained him. I’ve mastered the ninjutsu of the Sharingan, he the genjutsu. What a pair we would have made.” Sasuke vanished and Sakura woke up.

“Sasuke?” She looked down at the bed. Her lack of confusion assured Kakashi that Sasuke let her see what she was being forced to do. She started to cry. Sasuke had been right here and she had touched him, healed him. Kakashi knew she was still in love with him. A replacement indeed. She stared at the blood stain on the bed.

Kakashi came up and embraced her. “Sleep on the sofa tonight,” he told her. “His blood’s probably soaked through. I’ll have the mattress and bedding replaced tomorrow.” He led her out, helped her get settled, and crouched next to her until she was asleep.

Blood, even Sasuke’s, didn’t put him off. He was too tired and sore to consider the floor so he got back into bed. He couldn’t help rolling over and inhaling the scent of Sasuke’s blood before he fell asleep.