Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly

Reviews from AFF.net

 

Smint45: Sasuke tends to be the Knight a lot throughout this story XD

 

Golden Kitsune: Glad you decided to stick with it! XD

 

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Sasuke stood at the counter for a moment just thinking. Naruto had been sexually abused since he was six years old... That piece of information crushed him more than he let on. He knew how something like that could affect a child and now he saw firsthand the consequences of it. He knew he'd have to talk to Naruto about it sometime soon but for now, he'd let Naruto think that he didn't hear him. They'd had enough emotional ups and downs for one day.



Finally getting to it, the raven began to put everything in its proper place, keeping out what he would need for dinner. He had already told himself that he'd be cooking at home a lot more for Naruto's benefit. Having home cooked meals was not only healthier but it also gave the opportunity for the two to spend more time together, knowing that Naruto would most likely want to pitch in somehow.



Naruto tucked away all of his panties in the top drawer of the dresser along with new socks. He set his new pair of sneakers on the floor beside it and then started on his backpack. He set his notebooks on the desk, giving him a place to draw if he felt like it. He also pulled a big, stuffed frog plushie from his bag and set it on the bed. It was the last thing he had from his mother. At least, it was the only thing that had survived his father’s rampage, following her death. He cherished it above all else. Petting its head, he padded into the kitchen to see what Sasuke was planning to make. Grabbing a cola from the fridge, he hopped up so he was sitting on the granite counter top.



Seeing the blonde still in his pants, Sasuke smiled just a little. Naruto could have easily changed out of them.



"You can keep those pants if you want; I have no use for them." He began to cut up some beef into thick strips on a cutting board setting each cut piece neatly in a pile off to the side. Even when he was cooking he was very precise and methodical.



“Mm... I was gonna anyway,” Naruto teased, sticking his leg out to poke Sasuke with his toe. He sipped at his cold drink and watched as the raven cut the meat so neatly. It brought a smile to his face. “Can I help? I’ve never really cooked before, but there has to be something I can do without fucking it up,” he grinned.



"You can make the pasta if you want. The directions are on the box." He indicated the box of egg noodles sitting on the counter next to the cutting board.



“I can do that,” Naruto snickered, sliding down from his place on the counter. “Maybe...” He found a pot and filled it with water in the sink before setting it on the stove. As he waited for it to boil, he leaned back against the counter beside Sasuke, just enjoying the companionable silence between them. “So... Have you ever kissed anyone before?” he asked curiously. “Just wondering, ‘cus you said you’ve never really been with anyone.”



Sasuke just shrugged as he continued to slice the meat in front of him. "No one besides my family. I was too immersed in school to really be interested in anything like that. I mean, yeah I had people ask me out but they were mostly women. I usually don't like to tell people that I'm gay, especially now in the kind of job I'm in." Taking out a skillet, Sasuke turned on a burner after setting the cookware on it and threw the meat on it pushing it around a bit with a spatula to spread the pieces out evenly.



“Mm... so I was kinda your first,” Naruto grinned brightly. “Man and I didn’t even give you a good one. You just wait for the next one,” he teased, nudging the raven in the side. The water boiled and he added the pasta in, giving it a quick stir. He felt oddly... giddy. It had been a poor kiss, but he’d still taken Sasuke’s first!



"To be honest, I can't really compare it to anything so in my opinion I can't say until you give me another one." He knew he was teasing a bit but in all fairness, they were trying to make this work without it being awkward so Sasuke figured the best thing to do was not hold himself back.



Naruto’s eyes widened in surprise and he turned to look at Sasuke for a moment, before he laughed. His eyes crinkled in mirth and he slid closer to the raven, pressing right up against him.



“So, you want me to kiss you again, then?” he asked quietly, his timbre low and husky, his lashes lowering seductively. Just to see how the Uchiha would react.



Something in that voice... it was so... Sasuke couldn't even explain it. He turned to Naruto seeing how the blonde's demeanor had changed drastically and it was making his stomach tighten in knots.



"I-if you want too..." He silently cursed as he caught himself stuttering. Naruto probably thought he was pathetic.



“Oh, I do,” Naruto smiled, slowly reaching out to splay his hand on Sasuke’s chest. He thought it was adorable how nervous the Uchiha was. “Just relax...” Pushing himself up onto his toes, Naruto leaned up until their lips were a hairs breadth from each other’s, their breath comingling for a moment. He gave Sasuke a chance to pull away, and when he didn’t, he closed the distance between them. Whereas before it had only been a momentary press of lips, this time he brushed them together in a soft, warm kiss. His eyes slid closed in bliss, but he kept it slow, not wanting to overwhelm Sasuke.



It was amazing how soft those lips were against his own. Sasuke's arms instinctively wrapped around the too thin waist as he let the feelings wash over him. It was simply amazing and it made him feel so... wanted.



The blond hummed softly as those arms wrapped around him, and he slid his own up to thread around Sasuke’s neck. He ran his fingers through the spikes at the back of the raven’s head at the same time that his tongue slid out and slid over the seam of Sasuke’s lips, trying to coax them open. As soon as he had access, he let the slick appendage wander inside. Even though he wanted to speed up, he kept it slow, tantalizingly so. His tongue gently delved inside, touching over perfectly straight teeth and gums, and then over Sasuke’s, inviting him to join in if he should so choose.



Sasuke's heart sped up as he felt Naruto’s tongue slide against his own. He had never gone this far before so everything was new. It wasn't uncomfortable though, it actually felt very pleasant. But he knew that if they wanted it to go further, they'd have to continue later.



Pulling back slowly, he smiled genuinely for the first time, offering his true self to the blonde. "Maybe we should take it one step at a time. Don't get me wrong, it felt incredible but... I just don't want this to go too fast."



“I wasn’t going to go any further than that. I just wanted to give you something to remember,” Naruto snickered, stepping away from the older man. His breath came in short little pants and his cheeks were flushed a pretty shade of pink. But he looked happy. He was happy; he couldn’t remember a time when he had been so... thoroughly content. “You’re right, though... I just... I got a little carried away.” Turning back to the stove, he grabbed the spoon and gave the pasta a quick stir. “I think this is almost done...”



Sasuke tried to slow his breathing a bit as he dumped the cooked meat into a cream sauce he had simmering on a burner behind the skillet and placed the hot skillet in the sink, bringing the sauce pan forward to the front burner, turning off the back one.



"There's a strainer in the cupboard by your right leg for the pasta." He had to admit, even after the kiss, he still felt comfortable around the blonde. Although he did want to explore the kissing a bit further, that could wait for later.



Naruto ducked down and opened the cupboard, searching through it for whatever a strainer was. He rooted around until he came up with what he thought it was, and then set it in the sink. Flipping the burner off, he grabbed the pot and proceeded to dump all of the pasta out, draining it off in the sink. He shook the strainer a bit to get all of the water out.



"When you’re done doing that, just pour it in this pot." Sasuke indicated the pot with the meat, sauce, and mushrooms simmering away. Heading to the refrigerator, Sasuke pulled out two more cans of cola for the both of them and set them on the table before beginning to set the places with plates, forks, and napkins.



“Right,” Naruto murmured, grabbing the strainer and carrying it over to the stove. He poured the noodles into the pot and then stirred everything together. He had to admit that it smelled amazing. “You know, if you keep cooking food like this, you’re going to fatten me right up. I’m not sure I like that,” he chuckled as he poured everything into a big bowl and carried it to the table. “I like being skinny.”



Sasuke smirked before serving up the food on each plate along with some fresh rolls he had taken out of the oven.



"I think you'd be a little better with at least some kind of definition to you." He pushed Naruto's plate closer for emphasis and began to eat after opening his can of soda.



“Mmm... I guess we’ll find out, but if I look like shit I’m holding you responsible, S’uke,” he teased, pointing his fork at the raven. Filling his plate with the delicious looking food, Naruto tucked right in. “God, this is good!” he moaned, stopping between every few bites to drink from his soda.



"Really..? I usually don't cook so... I guess I don't have much practice." He busied himself with his own meal, a bit embarrassed at the compliment.



“Whatever. Don’t forget who you’re cooking for. This is like... a five star meal to me,” Naruto grinned, nudging Sasuke’s foot beneath the table. He ate greedily, his stomach able to handle a bit more now. Besides, once his withdrawals hit, he knew he wouldn’t be able to eat for a few days. He wanted to get it all in before then, because he hadn’t had a hit in a few hours now and it was bound to start soon. He craved so badly to sneak into the bedroom and shoot up. He needed it so badly. “Sasuke... After we finish eating, will you do something for me?”



Looking up from his food, Sasuke nodded. "Sure, what do you need?"



“In my bag, um...” Naruto shifted awkwardly, not really wanting to ask for it. But he’d given his word - and Naruto Uzumaki never went back on his word. Ever. “There’s some stuff I need you to get rid of. Flush it or something... and the needles, um... whatever you have to do. Smash them or something... If you leave it there, I’m going to use it.”



Sasuke nodded stiffly and had to admire Naruto on his control and will power. For someone as addicted as Naruto was, he knew it must have been hard to say something like that.



"Of course..." He didn't know what else to say. But he knew that the withdrawals would probably be hitting the boy that night.



Naruto didn’t say anything else as he ate. He was honestly scared. He’d never been through withdrawals before but he’d seen it... Oh, how he’d seen it, and how he dreaded it. He still didn’t really think he could do it - but what choice did he have? Finishing his food, he carried his dishes into the kitchen to wash them, still lost in his thoughts.



Following suit, Sasuke headed for the sink, rinsing off his own plate before taking it, and Naruto's to the dishwasher and placing them inside before heading back to start on the cookware.



"You want to help me?" he asked the blonde who looked a bit lost just standing in the middle of the kitchen.



“Oh, yeah... I’ll help.” Grateful for the distraction, Naruto went back to the table to gather everything up and carry it into the kitchen. He noticed his hands were beginning to shake as he helped Sasuke wash and load all of the dishes into the dishwasher. The mindless movements did help a little bit.



After the kitchen was clean and orderly once more, Sasuke tried to think of the best way to handle the situation. It would probably be better if he didn't just announce that he was going to get rid of Naruto's drugs but at the same time, he had to do it.



"Why don't you go pick out a movie for us to watch ok?" If he kept Naruto doing things, it would be easier on the kid.



“Sure...” Padding into the living room, Naruto found the shelves beside the TV that housed the movies. He settled on his knees in front of it and began scanning the titles, looking for something that sounded interesting. His index finger trailed over the spines of the cases as he scanned them, picking out a few to read the backs. He ended up choosing a horror movie. He’d always liked those, back when he was actually able to watch them. He busied himself setting it up as he waited for Sasuke.



Making his way into the guest room, Sasuke found Naruto's backpack easily and opened it up, taking out the baggie with the drugs and the needles. Naruto had a lot still and Sasuke wondered what he had to go through to get it.



Heading into the bathroom, Sasuke shut and locked the door, just in case Naruto decided to change his mind and began to pour the capsules of powder into the toilet, making sure it was all dumped out before flushing it. He had no idea what he was going to do with the needles, he couldn't just throw them away, he knew those like Naruto rooted around in the garbage and of course they wouldn't hesitate to take them.



After a few more seconds of thinking, Sasuke decided to keep them in a locked box in his closet. Once he had an opportunity, he'd take them to a needle exchange center.



Naruto wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly what Sasuke was doing. As soon as he heard the bathroom door shut, he stood. He wanted so badly to march over there and beg for just one more hit. One more, and then he would give it up. Just one more... But what would Sasuke think of him then? Sitting back down on the couch, Naruto’s foot bounced against the floor. His body felt jittery and the trembling in his hands became more pronounced. He licked at his dry lips and picked at the material of his pants, anything to distract himself. He didn’t even hear Sasuke approach.



After Sasuke exited his room, he headed into the living room and watched for a moment as Naruto set up the DVD player.



"So, what did you pick?" he asked, not bothering to say anything about what he had just done. He had no doubt Naruto knew what just happened.



“Oh, um... T-This one...” He held up the case so the raven could see but his hands were shaking too much and he fumbled, dropping it to the ground. Flushing, he picked it up again and practically shoved it at Sasuke.



Taking the box, Sasuke grabbed the remote and sat down next to Naruto. He knew the blonde probably didn’t want to be touched at the moment so he stayed as close as he could without being to invasive.



"If you need anything from the kitchen, just go ahead." He said quietly, knowing that Naruto would more than likely want at least water.



“I think I’m going to get some water,” Naruto muttered, standing and walking jerkily towards the kitchen. Once there, he paced back and forth for a minute or two. He couldn’t stand still. He felt almost... itchy. He had no more drugs. They’d been flushed. He felt panicked, and no symptoms had really shown themselves except for the shakiness. Maybe the anxiety counted, too. Pouring himself a glass of water, he downed it and then filled it again. He clutched at his hair and leaned back against the counter, just trying to concentrate on his breathing to calm down. It didn’t seem to be working. Carrying his drink back into the living room, he sat it down on the table and then took his seat next to Sasuke, burying his face in his hands. “I- I don’t know if I can do this. I’m... scared,” he admitted, his voice so small.



Placing a hand tentatively on Naruto's back, Sasuke could feel how badly he was shaking already.



"It's going to be hard Naruto, but I'm here for you, whatever you need..." His hand began to rub slowly against Naruto's back, trying his best to comfort the boy.



Naruto sighed heavily and his eyes slid closed as Sasuke’s hand soothingly rubbed at his back. He concentrated on that, breathing deeply in and out.



“Thank you,” he whispered, sitting back. He tucked himself into the raven’s side and pulled his legs up onto the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. “Can we watch the movie now?” he asked, hoping for a distraction.



Wrapping an arm around Naruto's compact body, Sasuke nodded and pressed 'play' on the remote, the beginning credits rolling. He made sure the lights in the living room were off so as not to irritate Naruto's eyes too much and it was a lot more comfortable that way in general.



Naruto closed his eyes for a moment, just focusing on the feel of Sasuke’s arm around him. He leaned further into the older man, hugging himself more tightly to try and control the way his body was trembling. He rested his chin on his knees, his eyes on the screen as the movie began. He did his best to pay attention, but it was hard. His head was beginning to ache and his stomach was churning. The cravings were intense. His nails absently scratched at the inside of his arm, where he’d always shot up. Long, red marks appeared on his skin, but it was an unconscious gesture. He didn’t even realize he was doing it.



Feeling movement against him, Sasuke looked down and wasn't surprised to see the effects taking over so quickly. Naruto had been very dependent on the drug and even after only a few hours of not having it, he was already showing signs of withdrawals.



Sasuke took Naruto's hand in his gently, preventing the teen from hurting himself anymore, the scratches looked close to bleeding and he was sure Naruto wasn't even aware of what he was doing.



Naruto’s head snapped down as his hand was taken, and he automatically laced their fingers together. For a moment, he thought it was just a cute little gesture, but then his eyes found the long, red scratches on his arm. Frowning, he turned his attention back to the TV, jolting a little every time something popped up on the screen. He felt jumpy and he realized belatedly that he probably shouldn’t have chosen a movie like that. But he was into it, anyway, and it was helping a little bit.



As the time passed Sasuke could tell Naruto was feeling worse and worse. The shaking became more prominent and he could hear Naruto's breathing becoming a bit more labored. It was hard to see the boy suffer like that but it was something that couldn’t really be avoided now.



As the movie ended, Naruto was practically in his lap, clinging to him desperately. Sasuke wasn't really sure what to do at this point, not like there was much he could do.



"Naruto... it's alright; just try to take deep breaths." He rubbed the blonde's back gently but the soothing touch didn't seem to have any effect any longer.



“N-No, it’s not,” Naruto muttered. “People can die from this, S’uke.” His leg jerked in rapid succession and he dragged his shaky fingers through his hair as a few beads of sweat appeared on his brow, dripping down the side of his face. His heart raced in his chest, so quickly that it frightened him. His stomach was cramping and he felt like he was going to be sick at any time. Whimpering, he lay onto his side and buried his face in the crook of Sasuke’s neck. He tried to do as the Uchiha asked; he sucked in deep breaths and exhaled tremulously against the pale skin, his hand reaching up to clutch at his shirt.



Trying to offer as much comfort as he could, Sasuke knew that it wasn't enough. No amount of comfort and soothing words would make the symptoms go away; Naruto would just have to get through them one way or another.



"Do you want to lie down? I can take you into my room if you want." He knew Naruto liked his room, which made sense seeing as how Sasuke was the only one who had shown any kind of compassion toward him so of course the blonde would want to be anywhere the raven was.



“No... Wanna stay here,” Naruto muttered, curling himself up further around Sasuke. He was quiet for a long time, and seemed to be getting on alright. Focusing on his breathing helped for a while, as did closing his eyes. But when he gulped down some of his water, his stomach suddenly lurched. Eyes snapping open, the blond bolted from the couch and skidded into the bathroom, dropping to his knees in front of the toilet. Hunching over, he retched violently into the bowl, clutching the porcelain as though his life depended on it.



Standing up, Sasuke went into the kitchen to refill the cup with more water, bringing it to the bathroom and setting it next to the blonde who was kneeling on the floor. He sat on the edge of the tub his hand rubbing Naruto's back once more and his fingers occasionally stroking the blonde locks. He really didn’t think talking would make anything better so he just stayed quiet, staying with the silent comfort for the time being.



“Oh, god,” Naruto groaned between waves. His knuckles turned white with the force of his grip and it just kept coming, his stomach emptying itself of the delicious supper they’d made. His stomach was still cramping horribly and he was sweating profusely, his blond fringe plastered to his forehead. When there was nothing left to come up, he collapsed on the floor in a whimpering pile, curling up in the fetal position.  “I’m gonna die,” he whimpered. “I’m so gonna die.”



Sitting on the floor, Sasuke gathered Naruto in his arms and held the boy close. "You're not going to die, you're doing a great job... just hang on a little bit longer " He wasn't sure if Naruto could keep any more water down but he knew that it was important for the blonde to stay hydrated. "Can you try to drink some water for me? It's ok if you can't keep it down, but at least try."



“Okay, but I’m just going to throw it up,” Naruto grumbled, but took the glass in hand anyway.  He swallowed some of it and grimaced at the taste left in his mouth from throwing up. He forced himself to drink a little more, and a few moments later he was bent over the toilet again, puking it up.



“N-No... more... water...” he groaned sickly, crawling his way across the floor when he’d finished trying to clean himself up a little. He rinsed his mouth out and splashed water over his face before starting to drag himself weakly towards the bedroom.



Helping Naruto up, Sasuke practically carried the blonde to his room, laying him down on top of the neatly made bed. The teen was already starting to sweat profusely and he quickly grabbed a towel and began to gently wipe the sweat from Naruto's face.



Time passed by in a blur. Naruto laid there on the bed, curled up in a little ball of agony. Sasuke’s comforting words could not penetrate the haze that he’d fallen into. His body fell further and further into despair as the night wore on. The tremors grew so bad that his teeth chattered as he shook, and sweat absolutely covered his fevered body. His muscles were constantly cramping, his nose running and eyes watering, his nausea so bad that he dry-heaved every few minutes, since his stomach was completely empty now. Sleep was impossible.



“S-Sas...uke...” the blond panted around 5am, his hand slowly moving across the bed until his shaky fingers found some part of the raven. He couldn’t even tell where he was touching. “L-Let me go out... P-Please... I- I can’t take it. I gotta get some more,” he whimpered, his voice rife with panic, almost delirious with it. “Please... I- I have to... I can’t...”



Letting Naruto move closer, Sasuke felt the beginnings of tears stinging his eyes. The past few hours were the most horrible he had ever had to witness and he knew it was a thousand times worse for Naruto.



"I can't let you go out Naruto... you're doing such a great job, it won't be that much longer the worst is almost over." His arms went around Naruto's slim frame. He knew he wasn’t telling the complete truth. The symptoms of withdrawals could last for days, even weeks... But it was possible for them to end sooner.



“B-But I can’t t-take it... I can’t...” Naruto whined and shifted over so he could lay his head in Sasuke’s lap. Tears welled up in his eyes and dripped down his cheeks. He turned his face against the raven’s stomach and wept, clinging weakly to him. His breathing grew ragged quickly, and it wasn’t long before he was panting for breath. As he gasped and struggled to suck in enough air, his heart-rate skyrocketed, and his arms tightened in a death-grip around Sasuke’s waist.



"Shit..." Sasuke muttered, laying Naruto out flat on the bed.



"Come on Naruto, try and take a deep breath." He heard the wheeze as Naruto tried to do as told but the grip on him became tighter and the gasps became constant.



His mind racing, he grabbed the phone and quickly dialed the only number he could think of, keeping an eye on Naruto in case he stopped breathing all together.

TBC