I Don't Think You Understand

Writing helps me retain my sanity, yes, but the sheer number of reviews you have left me has me staggering on the cliff leading to blissful chaos! Not only that, BUT PEOPLE ARE REFERRING OTHER PEOPLE TO THIS STORY! Holy mother of space and time! I am overjoyed! By all means, refer people here!

A sad fact is as follows; I don't own Naruto. I will get over this tragedy, but then again, much as the idea pleases me (and may please others), if I did own it, it would eventually turn into a yaoi manga. It's probably just as well that I don't, since if I were the one writing it, I would have died long ago from fatal nosebleeds.

Please, read on!

***||***

Tsunade, Godaime Hokage-sama to her citizens, was a busy woman. She was always working, or avoiding work, or healing patients in the hospital, or treating injuries that required no use of her chakra, or more recently, had been training her second apprectice, Haruno Sakura-chan (which had been a valid reason until the pink-haired girl had had the audacity to become an excellent medico-nin).

Her genjutsu of her younger self was still in effect, but Tsunade herself was nearly sixty years old, an almost unthinkable age for a shinobi to reach, no matter how skilled. She was greatly experienced and knowledgeable in many subjects that ranged from infiltration tactics to planting orchids.

She’d seen and heard a lot.

However, an irate silver-haired man barging into her office, skin around his sole visible eye a startling shade of red, demanding that she put his hands into casts that only a very powerful earth jutsu could break, was not anything she’d ever thought she’d have to expect.

“Kakashi-kun,” she said sternly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, “your hands don’t look injured.”

A blue eye glared at her, skin around it still red. “They aren’t.”
“Then why do you want me to put them into casts?” She replied in puzzlement. She thought it a reasonable question to ask.

He looked as if he’d just been caught in enemy territory. He started looking wildly (for a ninja) at all the possible exits in the room (tough luck for him; the windows and walls are chakra-enhanced not to break), and even speculatively eyed her as if contemplating the idea of forcing her to obey.

He’d better not. I don’t want to have to treat injuries for real right now. “Answer the question, Kakashi-kun,” she said with a sigh, calling up her authority as his superior and doctor. “Is there something wrong?”

Instead of replying, he closed the door after briefly reassuring Shizune that he wasn’t going to do any more crazy things to doors or the Hokage herself. “I swear this has nothing to do with the safety of the village,” he said solemnly, looking at his feet.

Seriously confused now, the deceptively young woman walked over and carefully laid a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?” She asked softly.

He looked into her eyes, then...and suddenly, Tsunade found herself with an armful of shuddering jounin, his head against her shoulder, his body against her. She was far too strong to stagger under Kakashi’s weight, and feeling a slight onset of panic, picked him up and carried him over to the small couch behind her desk.

She carefully rearranged him to sit on her lap, and then wrapped her arms around him. He’s having a breakdown of some sort--have to get him to talk about it...

“I can’t stop,” Kakashi said quietly, cloth-covered lips moving against her partially exposed collarbone. “I can’t stop, and I can’t stop myself from doing it, and then it just happens again.”

“What can’t you stop, Kakashi-kun?” Gods help her, but she was starting to get seriously frightened now...

“Touching myself.”

Tsunade blinked. Blinked again. “...what?”

“I said I can’t stop touching myself,” Kakashi repeated, a little louder this time.

Okay, my age may have caught up with me a bit, but he did repeat it, so...”Where?”

“My...my groin,” Kakashi muttered. “I don’t know why I can’t stop. This hasn’t happened before.”

Tsunade read between the lines. He’s scared...oh. He started having feelings, huh? About damn time they surfaced; I was beginning to wonder if I needed to break a few barriers in his mind pertaining to that.

“It’s okay,” she said soothingly, daring to place a light kiss to the crown of his head. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Kakashi’s head burrowed under her chin, resting on her ample breasts. “Really?”

“Really,” she confirmed, allowing him to use her chest as a pillow. Not like he’s going to try anything, confused as he is right now. “You’ve never...touched yourself like that before, you said. It can be--”

“Addictive,” Kakashi mumbled into her cleavage.

“Yes,” she answered, feeling a little relieved at not having to mention her own reaction to it. I’ve been alone for too long. “It’s like a really good food; once you have it, it’s hard to get enough, but you’ll know when you do.”

“But it’s interfering,” he grumbled. “I can’t do anything when I have a hand constantly down my pants, and they get tired!”

She squinted her eyes shut. I really did not need that mental image, and no, I am not suggesting he bend over and suck on it, even if he is flexible enough...AUGH! That’s even worse!

Eyes still shut, she shook her head a little. “It is hard to control the urge for it,” she said slowly, getting her thoughts away from the entirely too vivid mental image of Kakashi pleasuring himself. “But you have to learn, or else you’ll never find a special person to help you do that.”

“But why do I need a special person to do it when I can do it just fine?”

Bad thoughts, bad bad thoughts... “You want to be alone?”

“...no,” Kakashi admitted slowly. “But the only person I want to be with, like that...I followed him for weeks, and I’m not sure if he’d still want to be near me after that, and I barely only started to figure out why he affects me like this...”

He?! Crap, girl, this is not the time to get a nosebleed... “Only way to know for sure is to tell him.”
“But I did,” Kakashi said simply. “I told him yesterday. Then he pressed against my mouth and whispered in my ear that I was a bad boy.”

NO! I AM A MEDICO-NIN! I REFUSE TO BLEED OUT MY NOSTRILS! She adjusted their position until he was looking up at her. “He likes you,” she said clearly. “He kissed you, so he likes you.”

There was a pause as Kakashi mulled this over. Then--

“THAT’S what that was?!” Leaping away from her arms, he looked at her with his eye wide open. “Is that was a kiss means? That someone likes you?”
“It can mean that--” She began.

“Oh! What I’ve read about makes sense now! This is why people kiss!” Kakashi was so busy exulting that he didn’t even hear Tsunade attempt to speak. “Now I know! Now I know!”

He picked her up, swung her around, and hugged her enthusiastically before teleporting out of her office.

Straightening up, she blew her bangs out of her face. “Huh,” she said. “Well, good luck to whoever it is who got his interest.”

Whoever he is, he’s sure as hell going to need it.

***||***

“Kissing means someone likes you,” Kakashi muttered, his eye on his clasped hands. They were resting on the table, surrounded by very sharp kunai. He’d made himself a trap that would be very difficult to get out of without serious injury, even if someone knew how to escape it. Anything to stop this constant touching of my penis! I have to break this addiction!

“Iruka kissed me, so logically, from what Tsunade-sama said, he must like me,” Kakashi continued. “In any case, he agreed to go to dinner with me that night, so he can’t hate me. I have not been attacked by him, threatened by him or seriously injured by him since then, so I at least have that.”

This feels really weird. Thoughts of the chuunin now made him extremely confused instead of curious, though the curiosity was still there. When dark brown eyes, brown-with-honey hair and that charismatic face appeared in his mind, something in his chest swelled up and grew, making him feel like he was choking...but in a good way. It wasn’t the only thing he felt, though, and that in itself was confusing.

The choking-but-okay feeling was there, but in addition to that, something about the man made him feel really self-conscious and really uninhibited at the same time. He wanted to touch him, but the want to touch wasn’t as powerful as the strange knowledge of needing the other man to touch him as well. Then there was the matter of his penis...

Thankfully, Kakashi had had the idea of going to review his Icha books for reasons as to why the damn thing kept standing up, and the insights were helpful, though it had taken him a minute to connect his penis to the slang words used for it in the book.

The Icha books make more sense to me now. Apparently, if the author of the books was to be believed (and Kakashi had no reason to believe that the author wasn’t writing out of anything less than surety), his penis (more commonly referred to as “dick” or “cock” in the book) getting hard signified that he was aroused. It helped that the author constantly had the man with a hard penis with the lovely, equally-aroused-but-not-visually heroine.

Anatomy books also helped to explain the reasons for a hard penis; hard penises (or it it penisi?) were milked by the vagina to release semen, which caused pregnancy in women, and that apparently only a penis that was hard could ‘ejaculate’ the semen into the woman.

While the thought of Iruka inspired his penis (I probably should start referring to it as a “cock” or “dick;” I don’t think I like the sound of “penis” as much) to get hard, it also made it...well, twitchy. It was almost as if it wanted to stand up, but didn’t...until Kakashi thought about the kiss.

Kakashi tried not to think about the kiss. His hands had started to cramp after the fourth time he'd remembered.

Presuming I have all my facts in order...okay. I’m attracted to Iruka, and he makes me feel things. Things I haven’t felt before, or if I have, I’ve forgotten then, which is unlikely. Thinking of him makes me feel good and nervous at the same time. My...dick does get hard when I think of him, but it gets twitchy more often, unless I’m thinking about the way he moves, or his smile, or his kiss...

It hardened. “Shit,” he muttered. “Damn thing’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

He had learned, earlier, that physical pain made his soften again, so he deliberately banged his knee against the chair. He winced at the impact, but felt free enough to think again.

When it gets twitchy, it doesn’t stand up all the way, but when I start thinking about other things about him, it does. However, if a penis is meant to be put into a woman, where would two men put it?

Clearly, he had questions, and since he didn’t think he wanted to let any more people in on the turmoil he was in, he decided to bring his questions to the one man he knew would answer him. Surely Umino Iruka would know what to do; surely the man who liked him, and who he liked, would help.

Staring at his hands, he swallowed a bit. Now that I have a plan of action..how the hell am I going to get my hands away from the table?

***||***

I've always thought of Tsunade as a sort of mother figure to some of the older folk in the village (though she is Naruto's sister in every other sense), so Kakashi going to her just made sense. In a lot of ways, Tsunade is the ultimate form of Sakura; beautiful, smart, and confident. She feels like a person who genuinely listens to what people say to her, and would know a little about each of her underlings. Hell, if she's got her hands buried in their guts half the time, it'd probably be a good thing if she at least knew what previous physical issues they have before she has her hands in there.

I remember puberty. I really didn't like it; I didn't like feeling so wildly out of control of myself, so helpless to a handsome face and my own body. For someone like Kakashi, normally so controlled and intelligent even if he doesn't always show it...losing control like that would be as horrifying as it was pleasurable. Though I am female, I have a certain understanding about how guys go through puberty, and indeed, a lot of it is spent with hands down their pants.

In addition to going through a late puberty, Kakashi now has to deal with the issues concerning same sex pairings. Wow. What the hell am I getting myself into?

Your reviews have had a wonderful effect on me thus far; will you prolong the happiness?