The World Was All Before Him

The World Was All Before Him

- SuishouTenshi

Act IV, Scene I: Dumb Swans, Chattering Pies

Cultural obligation entailed that, best shinobi of the village or not, there were a certain number of people that he must respect. Sarutobi-sama was the most obvious one, and the Sandaime’s former teammates-turned-council-members made up the other group to which he had no choice but obey.

But obedience didn’t mean he was going to act like a sheep following the herder’s lute, particularly if the already ridiculous orders he received on a weekly basis suddenly began to intrude into his personal life.

Laid out in neat rows on the Hokage desk before him were pictures of so called “suitable” candidates for the title of Hokage’s wife. All daughters or sisters of rich lords, all young and beautiful (probably very fertile too), all quite suitable indeed... much like his last wife was.

And look how that marriage turned out.

Yondaime put on a straight face and gathered the pictures into a thick pile. He nodded to the two elder councilors and said, “I will think very carefully about it.”

The elders weren’t convinced, and Yondaime took that as a personal insult to his acting skills. “We do hope you’ll do more than merely ‘think’, Minato-kun. As Hokage, you are the symbolic head of a family which we call Konoha. As such, it is your responsibility to show the villagers, our allies, and even our enemies that you are capable of leading your own family. Moreover, Naruto-kun needs a proper mother, one that is an actual woman is preferred.”

Yondaime heard the words but didn’t react. If he told himself to focus on the way that the two elders seemed to speak in unison, he could find just enough hilarity in the situation to distract himself from their cutting criticisms.

“Of course, Homura-sama, Koharu-sama, I understand.” Yondaime had no doubt that the two had most likely consulted with Sarutobi-sama about this plot, and the mere fact that Sarutobi-sama was nowhere in sight told Minato all he needed to know about the former Hokage’s stand on this debacle.

And by the honor of the First, as long as Sarutobi-sama was on Minato’s side, he was confident that he wouldn’t get into any trouble if the two elders’ words were conveniently forgotten as soon as they left his office.

The old stiffs roamed him over with their eyes, seemingly satisfied for the time being.

“By the way,” they added as a reluctant afterthought, “good job on the peace treaty with Cloud. Their elders just sent word that delegates will arrive four days before New Year’s Day to finalize the treaty.” Without waiting for a reply, they disappeared into thin air. Minato slumped into his seat.

It was a good thing that Homura and Koharu didn’t see the invitation letter sticking out from Minato’s robes. Otherwise, they probably would have spent another hour impounding into him the importance of inter-village relationships, all the while ignoring the fact that Minato now needed to write a formal apology letter to the Hyuuga clan head for not being able to attend the Hyuuga heiress’ fourth birthday celebration, which just so happened to fall on the same day.

When he later packed up to leave, Minato vindictively swept all of the pictures of his potential fiancés into his bag. If nothing else, Naruto could always use more targets for kunai practice.


***

“Darling, I’m home!” Yondaime yelled with a dramatic flair as he changed into indoor slippers at the entrance way. Giggles echoed throughout the mansion in response as tiny feet patted toward him.

“Papa!”

A ball of yellow and orange rocketed into his arms, forcing the Hokage to drop his bag and scoop up his precious treasure. Naruto squirmed and bounced in his arms, as restless as ever.

“Papa, today, today, today, ya know, Sasu-chan falleded...”

“Fell,” Yondaime corrected as he carried his blathering son into the house.

“...into the bath, and, and I helped Mikoto-bachan dried ’im up. And I laughed at ’im, and Sasu-chan cried.”

Yondaime couldn’t hold back the snort of laughter in time. “Again?” he mumbled under his breath. Even at four, Uchiha Sasuke was perpetually the leaky faucet he was when Naruto and he first met. While the little prince had no trouble putting up a brave front in front of strangers, in the private company of his family, however, he’d easily crumble and run for his mother’s arms.

“Yeah! And I laughed at ’im ’cause he wouldn’t stop crying, and he cried more and more and more and so Mikoto-bachan took ’im home.” Naruto beamed, as if making his best friend break down for the fifth time in a week was an accomplishment worth noting.

Yondaime froze. “What? Mikoto-bachan left you alone?” That couldn’t be right. The woman was too cunning and too careful to risk exposing Naruto to any kind of danger.

“Oh yeah. Kaka-niichan’s back!”

His frown stretched into a grin. Uchiha Mikoto knew that the only people allowed to take care of Naruto aside from herself were Sandaime and Kakashi. Kakashi, on the other hand, had been gone for the past month, and Minato could cast aside his feelings of obligation as Hokage for a few moments to feel proud and touched that the first thing Kakashi did was to see Naruto, instead of going to give in his mission’s report.

“Oh? So Mama Kakashi has been playing with you all afternoon?” Yondaime said loudly, just in case Kakashi was listening from the living room. It had been more than a year since the “Mama” incident, but Yondaime never let Kakashi forget it.

Naruto looked displeased. “Kaka-nii isn’t a Mama! He’s cool! And he don’t have boobies.”

Minato stopped mid-step. He looked onto his corrupted boy and asked incredulously, “Naruto, where did you learn that word?”

“I read it!” Naruto announced with pride. “In Kaka-niichan’s book!”

“Book?” Minato’s right eyelid twitched.

“Un huh, the orange one. It said only girls have boobies. Kaka-nii is a boy, so he don’t have boobies. He got a pe—”

Yondaime covered Naruto’s mouth just in time. “Okay, that’s enough. Now, Papa really wants to talk to Kakashi-niichan. Where is he?”

Naruto directed him to the family den, where Kakashi had apparently passed out on the couch in a tee and a pair of pajama pants he kept in the spare guestroom at Yondaime’s mansion. His hitai-ate was placed carefully on a nearby ottoman, both of his eyes free from obstruction. One naked hand rested on his rising and falling belly, the other dangled over the side of the couch, below it innocently lay a familiar orange-bound book.

Yondaime gently put Naruto down. He was about to go into “Hokage-mode”, and according to Sandaime-sama, “Hokage-mode” never seemed strict enough when he held Naruto in his arms.

“Naru-chan, would you go to your room for a bit?”

Naruto obeyed silently, taking into account the change in Yondaime’s normally carefree tone. As soon as the door shut behind Naruto, Minato kicked the side of the couch.

Kakashi jerked awake. Though his eyes were still bleary and his brain clearly only half-awake, he’d already pulled out a kunai from underneath the couch cushions.

“Where are you aiming that thing, Kakashi?” Yondaime chided. The kunai was a whole foot away from Yondaime’s left arm.

“Sensei...” Kakashi put the kunai down and relaxed. “Welcome back. Sorry I fell asleep. Is Naru-chan okay?”

“Oh, Naruto is fine. And his penis is fine too.”

Kakashi stopped rubbing his eyes. “What?”

Yondaime nudged the book with his foot. “It seems that Naruto learned a few new vocabularies while you were sleeping.”

The blush on Kakashi’s cheeks was so obvious Yondaime could swear it seeped through his facemask. The teen wonder scrambled to retrieve and to stuff the book back into his weapon pouch. Minato could honestly say that he had never seen Kakashi in such a less than graceful state.

“Uh... the guy I was supposed to kill liked Jiraiya-sama’s series... so I’ve heard from the information unit,” Kakashi mumbled as he kept his hands busy with cleaning the mess Naruto left behind. “So, er, I read it to... to understand his mindset. I’m sorry Naru-chan saw it. I’ll teach him not to repeat any of it.”

Anger didn’t stand much of a chance in the face of Kakashi’s obvious embarrassment. It tickled Yondaime to think that Kakashi, who had just come home from a long term search-and-destroy assignment, the scent of blood still fresh on his hands, mortified about being caught reading soft porn. It was a kick in the head, too, to be so blatantly reminded of Kakashi’s age. Yondaime would still write a letter cursing Jiraiya’s head off for corrupting his student, but he could admit to himself that he was somewhat grateful to the old pervert for introducing Kakashi to a world outside of the life of a shinobi.

However inappropriate the method of approach may be...

“How was work?” Kakashi asked as soon as he was able to look Yondaime in the eyes again.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?”

Stiff shoulders shrugged. “No injuries. Target sought out mercenaries for protection. Tracking him took the most effort. It took more than two weeks to follow him into a politically neutral town, another two days for infiltration into his ranks. Cleanup lasted for no more than three days. The live mercenaries were paid off and sent home accordingly. The official report will be on your desk tomorrow morning.”

Yondaime nodded. “Did you find the ninken to be useful during this mission?”

“Extremely,” Kakashi gave a rare smile, “even if Pakkun is the only one mature enough to speak.”

“Excellent. We should have Pakkun registered officially as a Summoned Beast.”

“I did that just before I went on the mission.”

It was then that Yondaime noticed a brand new expression on Kakashi’s covered features. Droopy eyes that would only go into focus during battle gained a sudden look of helplessness. Strong and determined shoulders sagged under invisible weights. And as Minato continued to observe the teen before him, he clearly saw Kakashi’s chest fall and rise in a universally telling sign of a deep and exhausted sigh.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Minato leaned forward to put a hand on Kakashi’s elbow for support.

Odd-eyes flitted up to meet his. “It’s nothing, Sensei. I’m just remembering what happened when I took Pakkun to the registry.”

Minato grinned. “Didn’t I tell you that ‘Pakkun’ isn’t ferocious enough for Hatake Kakashi’s ninken pack leader?”

“But Naru-chan named him. I wasn’t about to change it. And no, no one looked at me oddly for the name.”

Minato highly doubted that. But then again, he couldn’t argue with Kakashi’s stubbornness. If Naruto named Gamabunta “Ga-chan”, then by the gods, Minato would make Gamabunta answer to that nickname, no matter the cost.

“Okay. Then what’s wrong?”

Kakashi looked reluctant to confide in him all of a sudden, which did nothing more aside from stirring Minato’s curiosity even further. But Minato understood Kakashi’s reserve. Though the world believed him to be a great mentor, the truth was that he spent more time teasing his students than actual teaching. Kakashi was merely weary from personal experience.

“I promise I won’t judge or laugh. Now, was it about Pakkun’s name?”

“I said no.” Kakashi scowled. He shuffled a bit on his bare feet, looking unsure and confused. Finally, he asked, “Sensei, do you recognize a Jounin going by the name of Maito Gai?”

Promise or not, Minato could not control himself as a burst of laughter escaped. “So he finally found you!”

“What?”

“Of course I know who he is! I know every shinobi’s data in our village, if you recall. That’s one of the Hokage’s jobs.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes, as if saying that he never expected Minato to perform the requisite tasks of a typical Hokage. “So he had been looking for me. I bumped into him for the first time at the registry, and he looked like he was meeting an old friend. I don’t know when I became his ‘rival’. But he attacked me without warning. Did you provoke all this, Sensei?”

Kakashi looked incensed, but for once, Minato didn’t have to feel guilty about anything. “Don’t blame me! He came to me asking about you a few months ago as soon as he advanced to Jounin. I thought he was just another one of your avid admirers, but apparently he wanted to challenge you. So he finally found you. Good for him.” Kakashi glared. “And you know, I think I like him. He seemed like a very... passionate young man.”

As much as Kakashi tried to display his displeasure just then, Minato didn’t consider him any scarier than a real scarecrow. In fact, the twitching of Kakashi’s Sharingan eye and the bone-weary slouch of his back informed Minato that perhaps this Maito Gai would actually be the one person on earth Hatake Kakashi would come to fear. Even though it had been quite a while since the young shinobi named Gai approached him, Minato could still picture the green-clad man clearly in his head. The boy possessed all the valuable traits of a top-notch shinobi without those added burdens of bloated pride or damaged psychosis.

Gai had probably given Kakashi the headache of a lifetime when they ran into each other. Minato knew Kakashi well, and he guessed that despite Gai’s tiresome gusto, Kakashi was nonetheless unable to reject his advances. Gai had the dedication and loyalty of a shinobi that Kakashi admired in his peers beyond all else, while his simple enthusiasm for life so reminiscent of Obito pretty much guaranteed him to be the exact type of person that Kakashi was plainly incapable of dealing with.

The light bulb went off in his head so quickly Minato thought his brain was going to get blinded.

“Hatake Kakashi, the village of Konoha has a mission for you. Do you accept?”

The young Jounin was hesitant for only a second at Yondaime’s sudden change in demeanor, quickly making the transition from civilian to soldier. Good natured suspicion and easy camaraderie were replaced by unflinching loyalty and respect.

“Representatives from the Hidden Village of Cloud are coming to Konoha four days before New Year’s. Unfortunately the Hyuuga clan is holding a celebration for their heiress on the same day. I cannot attend both events, so I wish to send you in my place. The Hyuuga should have no reasons to complain if the Hatake Kakashi would grace their compound on such a special day.”

“Yes, Hokage-sama.”

Minato smirked inwardly. “But of course, one person isn’t enough. So Gai-kun will be going with you.”

Kakashi’s expression didn’t change. “Permission to speak freely, Hokage-sama.”

“Permission granted.” Minato didn’t want to think about how many days of silent treatment he was going to get. For now, he was just going to find some enjoyment in making Kakashi twitch.

“I really hate you right now,” he paused, “with all due respect.”

“Aw, don’t say that, you’re going to make Naru-chan cry.”

Both men turned their eyes toward the half-opened door. Naruto stood outside, hiding only half his body behind the doorframe. When the boy realized that he was discovered, he sniffed and padded into the room to stand close to Kakashi.

“Kaka-niichan,” Naruto clung to Kakashi’s thigh with one hand, his other was grabbing on to the strap of the bag Minato left at the entrance way, “do you really hate Papa?”

“I didn’t even sense him,” Kakashi murmured worriedly.

“Don’t think too much of it, you’re just too used to him.”

“Kaka-nii?” Naruto rubbed his clammy paw on Kakashi’s pajama pants to get his attention.

Not a hint of irritation remained in Kakashi once Naruto appeared at his side. He crouched down to speak to Naruto face to face. “No, of course not,” said Kakashi. He put both hands on Naruto’s face and pushed the boy’s cheeks upwards. “Smile, Naru-chan.”

Naruto batted Kakashi’s hands away. “No, liar! Kaka-nii’s a liar!”

Kakashi sighed, and Minato had to stifle a chuckle. He had forgotten for a second that there was another person on earth Kakashi would perpetually be helpless against.

“I would never lie to Naru-chan,” Kakashi said with as much earnestness as he could gather.

“Really?” Minato could see that his son was about to turn on the waterworks. He was so proud of his little boy!

“Of course.”

“You don’t hate Papa?”

Kakashi bit his bottom lip but eventually said what Naruto wanted to hear, “No, I don’t hate Sensei.”

“So you like ’im lots?”

It was Minato’s turn to bite his lip. Kakashi struggled for a few seconds, but he really had no defense against Naruto’s persistence and cuteness in general. “Yes.”

“No, Kaka-nii, you have to say it! Kaka-nii’s book said when you’re doin’ things, you should say them out loud, ’cause that’s a...” Naruto’s pause as he thought about the correct terminology wasn’t long enough for either Kakashi or Minato to react in time, “...a turn on!”

For the first time in Minato’s life, he saw the immovable Kakashi literally curl up into himself out of embarrassment. Hands that had been resting on Naruto’s shoulders went up to cover his eyes and forehead, his tall and proud stature sank into a completely squat, making him even shorter than the four-year-old standing before him.

Erasing Naruto’s newfound knowledge would have to be pushed back a few hours. Minato wanted to enjoy this for as long as he can.

“Kaka-niichan?” Naruto poked the man, not understanding why Kakashi reacted so badly.

“Yes?” Kakashi mumbled from behind his knees.

“Aren’t ya gonna say it?”

“Oh god.” Kakashi inhaled deeply and finally looked up. “I think it’s time for me to go home.”

“You’re not gonna say it?!” Naruto was outraged.

Kakashi instantly wavered.

“Yeah, Kakashi, you’re not gonna say it to me?” Minato added unnecessarily.

This time, Kakashi didn’t even turn around to glare, but Minato could still see the blush that had reached even the back of the young man’s neck.

“Kaka-nii?” Naruto crooked his head, rendering Kakashi’s willpower useless with each blink of those innocent blue eyes.

It took a lot of Kakashi’s determination as a genius shinobi, and even then, he looked as if he would rather be stabbed by a katana for three days straight as he mumbled the words, “I like Sensei.”

The smirk faded from Minato’s face. He blinked once, twice.

He never thought it would be such a strange feeling to hear those three words grouped together. Usually, it was “I like Naru-chan,” “I like free food,” or “I hate it when Sensei teases me.” A foreign tingle danced upon the tips of Minato’s ears, making them burn, and somehow, Minato knew that the sensation would not go away for a very long time.

Naruto jumped and broke out in giggles with the bipolarity of a toddler, utterly unaware of the damage he’d just done. Kakashi was still curled up on the floor, his stubborn back made it known that he didn’t want to see Yondaime just yet.

As for Minato, he instinctively felt it was perhaps a good thing that Kakashi didn’t look at him. He didn’t know what to do just then, and he wouldn’t know how to react if Kakashi was unfazed by all of this.

A pesky voice prickled his head, nagging at him in Jiraiya-sensei’s tone that something significant was happening. He shut the voice out with practiced ease.

He had a shinobi’s determination too, damn it, and he was currently determined to push this to the very subconscious of his mind and not think about it again, ever. He categorized the last half hour along with some nasty memories of his war experience and buried it into the deep unknown of a shinobi’s brain. Now all he had to do was sprinkle of a bit of rushed distraction on top, and he would certainly never be reminded of that moment again.

And the best form of distraction came in the shape of his maniacally hopping progeny.

“Hey, Naru-chan! Why do you have Papa’s bag, huh?”

Naruto pouted. “I was looking for ramen. But Papa only has ugly pictures of girls. Papa, why do you have ugly pictures of girls?”

Minato’s laugh made his own ears hurt. “Well,” he picked Naruto up, “Homura-jiji and Koharu-baba wanted Papa to find a Mama for Naru-chan.”

“Why?”

He shrugged dramatically, feigning the appropriate amount of confusion and shock. “I have no idea! But what do you think, Naru-chan?” He took out the bundle of pictures from his bag. “Do you think anyone would make a good Mama?”

Naruto squinted really hard as he studied each picture. “Her eyes are weird,” first rejection. “Her hair’s too short,” second rejection. “Her nose is huge! I bet she has a lot of booger.”

And it went on. Half way through the selections, Minato came to the conclusion that his son had the strictest taste in women he had ever known. Even he reluctantly thought that some of the prospects were quite beautiful. Nonetheless, Naruto had something to criticize about each one of them, and it didn’t seem like a “Mama” would be chosen anytime soon.

Gradually, Naruto’s comments had ceased to be interesting. With his guard down, Minato thoughtlessly looked around for Kakashi’s presence out of habit and caught sight of the boy’s profile.

Kakashi was still on the floor, kneeling. The stiffness of his back hadn’t gone away, only now, his eyes were studying the dozens of still faces strewn about the room floor.

As if sensing Yondaime’s eyes on him, Kakashi turned his head. Minato had always thought the Sharingan eye Obito gave Kakashi was more expressive than the boy’s own black one, and now, he could see the hurt of betrayal clearly framed in red.

Minato wasn’t quite sure what or when or even how he had betrayed anyone, but he did recognize the sensation of recently buried memories creeping up on him. His ears tingled, his head pounded, and a thunderous rhythm in his chest screamed in want of something incomprehensible.

- TBC

A/N: What’s really incomprehensible should be this chapter’s title... It’s actually taken from Philip Sidney’s “Astrophil and Stella”, Canto 54, the full quote is “Dumb swans, not chattering pies, do lovers prove; / They love indeed, who quake to say they love.” And before you ask (and I know from experience that some people will), I know pies can’t chatter, and trust me, Sir Philip Sidney also knew pies are inanimate beings, and so they can’t chatter. The “pie” here is Middle English for magpie, a type of bird, okay?

I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do for this chapter, and I’ll try to keep it short. Read the rest of this AN if you’re bored or interested, otherwise, move on to more important things in your lives, please.

1. The title is weird, I’ll admit that. If you’re a literature student and you’re bored, go ahead and come up with an answer as to why I chose this title. It ought to give you an idea how I think (or how odd I really am.)

2. The vote from last chapter mostly called for Iruka or Gaara’s appearance, Gai actually had the least number of votes, but I always knew Gai would come first. However, I do want to introduce him officially in the next chapter along with Neji, so look forward to that!

3. I didn’t plan for a “confession-esque” chapter, it just came out that way. I just really want to get this Yondaime/Kakashi train moving before getting into Naruto’s romances and trials.

4. Nowadays, as I write in English, my head is translating all the dialogues into bad Chinese and Japanese. So as I wrote Kakashi’s “confession”, I was thinking to myself, “Kyaa, kokuhaku! Ara, ‘sensei no koto ga suki da’ to kaitara dou kashira?” This basically translates into a very fan-girlish way of fantasizing a plain “I like Sensei” as a serious love confession. So for those who understand Japanese, “I like Sensei” is just gonna be “Sensei ga suki da” instead of “Sensei no koto ga suki da”, which could change the significance of this sentence depending on how you interpreted it, because I kinda wanna preserve some of Kakashi’s sternness. (Oh, and then I thought, “Aa, mou ippo agatte, ‘Sensei no koto ga sukidamon!’ to kakitaina!” And my brain kinda melted and I fell into giggles... please don't laugh at me.)

5. I actually wracked my brain thinking of a cool term for beings like Pakkun and Gamabunta. Japanese wiki just called them Kuchiyose Doubutsu, which means animals of the kuchiyose jutsu, so I rolled my eyes and went with Summoned Beasts. If you’ve noticed, I don’t really like to use Japanese in my story. Aside from specified jutsu names, titles, and suffixes, I tend to stay strictly away from all Japanese. So don’t expect to hear even a ‘konnichiwa’ from me (if I've slipped up, tell me and I'll change it). And before you ask why I keep the suffixes, it’s because suffixes in Japanese are very important in determining people’s relationships with each other. (I personally really hate it when I’m reading a perfectly good story and all of a sudden, I see a very macho Sasuke say something like ‘Samui desu ne’. First of all, it’s just ‘samui naa’, since Sasuke does not speak formally to Naruto, ever, and he rarely, if ever, say ‘ne’. And what’s wrong with ‘It’s cold.’? Okay, I’m done complaining.)