From the Abstract to the Practical

Chapter = Apologies and Innuendos

Naruto stepped into the small circle of light made by the setting sun and an old lamp on a post at the back of the ledge. He seemed wary, nervous. Shikamaru watched him for few moments, until Naruto’s eyes distinguished between the shadow of the rock wall and the darker shadow of his body. He moved calmly forward, stopping a few steps outside of the shadow and waited for Naruto to speak first.

“Hey, Shika.” The vision of masculine beauty before him spoke, very self consciously.

“Hey, Naruto.” Shika was amazed at how calm he sounded. He was actually wondering which would be more painful, this confrontation or the fall down the side of the cliff.

Naruto’s head dropped and he raked his fingers through his hair. “I need to talk to you. Got a minute?” He didn’t know how to begin.

“Sure, what would you like to talk about?” Shika was running on autopilot, so it took him a minute to realize what he’d just said. What the hell did I say that for? Gods, I’m a dumb ass!

“Well, I thought we could talk about…..um….well, us.” Naruto took a big breath indicative of one of his rambling sprees and prepared to launch himself into just that.

Shikamaru cut him off. “You mean what I did to you.” he sighed. He couldn’t look at Naruto anymore, couldn’t keep the pain out of his face, so he turned towards the railing, braced his hands, and leaned heavily into it. His head hung between his slumped shoulders.

To Naruto, he looked soo hurt. It’s my fault. I did this. Naruto moved towards him slowly, not wanting to intrude on the moment too much. He hesitated, just outside Shika’s normal comfort zone, unsure what to do next.

Something in the pit of his stomach urged him forward and he invaded Shika’s personal space. He stopped and leaned against the rail. His left shoulder was only inches from Shika’s right one, their hands almost touching. “I’m sorry.”

Shikamaru was stunned. His head whipped up and around. Naruto’s head was down, his chin almost touching his chest. He looked miserable and Shika’s heart ached. “What did you say?”

Naruto looked at him through his lashes. Gods, could you be any more adorable?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I reacted. I was, well. I was startled. You know I don’t handle things well when I’m startled.”

How can he be apologizing to me? How can he think he did anything wrong? Shika hadn’t prepared for this. It was another one of those unforeseen outcomes that seemed to surround Naruto.

Is that why I want him near me so much? Because I can’t predict what he’ll do next? Shika didn’t have time to analyze that thought much. Naruto moved his head and turned the full force of those gorgeous blue eyes on him and he was momentarily washed away by them.

“Listen, it’s me. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have done what I did. You can’t know how much I regret it. What I’d do to take it back.” Shika felt sick. He couldn’t look at him anymore. He turned his head and looked down again. His eyes closed against the vertigo he was feeling.

Naruto’s reaction, as usual was unpredictable. “You regret it!” He hissed. “I came here to apologize for reacting badly and you tell me you regret it, you wish you hadn’t made your feelings known!” He didn’t believe it.

He’d seen Shikamaru stealing glances at him all day. Not all of those glances had held regret. No, most of them had held something that made Naruto’s stomach flip, down in the very depth of his stomach. “Damn it, look at me! Don’t you dare hide behind your hair!”

That last command held a lot of pain and Shika knew it wasn’t all directed at him. When you lose a friend, it hurts. When you lose one because you didn’t understand him, because he kept things from you, well that was somehow worse.

Shika’s head snapped up and he looked Naruto straight in the eyes. “I wasn’t. I wouldn’t. I just couldn’t look at you anymore. It hurts too much.” Naruto had to know that no matter what happened here. He wouldn’t hide things from him. He wouldn’t hurt him like that. Not knowing how much Naruto had already been hurt.

The pain was as clear in Shika’s eyes as he knew it was in his own, for different reasons. “I’m sorry Shika. I know that. It’s just…I came here to tell you that I want to see where this can go. I……can’t stop thinking about you. I…..oh please say something…..help me……..this is so…….difficult.” Naruto didn’t look away. He wanted to, but after yelling at Shika for turning away because it hurt, he couldn’t let his pain make him do the same.

“You can’t be serious. I know you could forgive anyone almost anything, but come on. I held you there, just held you there, against your will…..and did…..well you and I know what I did. You can’t be serious. Why would you want anything to do with someone like that?” Shame colored every word. It rode thick in the air around them.

Naruto was stunned. He understood why Shika had done what he did, the way he had. Naruto knew himself and knew how he would have reacted had Shika tried more conventional means to communicate his feelings. Naruto would have laughed it off, or worse thought it was a huge joke and told everyone how twisted Shika’s sense of humor was; or maybe something even worse than that.

He moved his left hand over the top of Shika’s right. “Wasn’t it you who said that I’m about as subtle as a hammer to the head…..and the only subtlety I would understand would be a bigger hammer?” Naruto smiled, he’d meant it as a soft joke, but his smile faded when Shika’s head dropped again.

“Gods, I really am an asshole.” It was a whisper, barely a breath from beneath the waterfall of charcoal.

Naruto sighed heavily, resigned to push this forward. “O.K. You’re not getting this. I’ll just come out with it.” Naruto braced himself and was as blunt as only he, or Kiba, could be. “I miss you, when you aren’t around. I’ve been miserable ever since I started avoiding you. I think about you all the time, now. Not just having you around either. I want…well, I want you. And if you make me spell that out to you, I’m gonna get very embarrassed and then I’m prob’ly gonna get pissed.”

He moved his left hand from Shika’s to run it through his own hair. It was a subconscious act borne of frustration. Shika hadn’t moved. His head was still down. His shoulders were still slumped. Naruto noticed that he was shaking a little.

“Naruto, if you’re fucking with me, I think I’d have to kill you.”

Not one of the responses Naruto had expected, but it held promise, so he went with it. “Hmm, ‘fucking with you’? See, here we’re back to me having to spell stuff out for you.” He chuckled, low and deep; memories from earlier in the night coloring the sound. “I am not going to draw you a picture Shika, so wake up.”

Shika’s eyes were HUGE, when he whipped around to face him. Naruto quickly memorized the image. Shika was very cute when shocked. Naruto made a mental note to make sure he got to see that look often.

“What’s the matter? The strategic genius looks a little off balance.” he teased. He knew he was smirking and leering at the same time and he really didn’t care.

Naruto just stood there smirking at him. He seemed so full of himself. The self satisfied smile only seemed to deepen as Shika stood there staring at him in disbelief.

What the fuck! It really was too much to be borne. Shika’s mind snapped into focus. Fine, he wants to tease and throw out innuendo. We’ll just see how far he wants to take this little game, before he chickens out. The smile that spread across Shika’s face was a perfect blend of erotic and malicious intent.

Naruto wasn’t even a foot from him. He took one step and leaned into Naruto. Their faces only inches apart. He could feel his breath ricocheting off of Naruto’s mouth. Naruto shot back about three feet. It happened so fast that even Shika, who’d been sure he’d bolt before it got too far, was a little surprised.

“What’s the matter hot shot? Thought you were gonna draw me pictures.” Shika couldn’t resist a chuckle. His bluff had wiped that superior look right off of Naruto’s face. If only he’d known what had really spooked Naruto.

Shika had smiled at him in an alarming and exhilarating way and moved toward him. Their mouths were almost touching…….and the kyuubi seal, jumped. Well, sort of. Naruto wasn’t sure what had just happened.

Gods, he had been half hard since the alley. Teasing Shika had only made it a little worse. But when Shika had smiled like that and almost kissed him; he’d stiffened more than he’d thought possible. And that was when it had happened.

Naruto took a second to analyze it. He’d felt the fox’s chakra infuse the seal. If he didn’t think about it too much, he’d almost believe the demon had been urging him on. Too weird. Oh great, and now I have to deal with Him looking all pleased with the fact that I just jumped like scared mouse.!

Naruto had a flash of brilliance in that moment. Maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad to let Shika think that he was scared. Maybe, it might even work out so he could get what he’d been craving so much since the last time they’d been alone. Hmm, I really don’t think he’ll see that coming. What could it hurt? Naruto asked himself. Nothin’. He answered.