Growing together, growing apart

Ok, this chapter brings us current with my postings on FF. I want to thank all the reviewers. Seriously, you guys are wonderful and have helped me break out of my writer's block on this story. I'm almost done with Chapter 9 and will post it as soon as I can.

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"Sasuke!" Naruto yelled as he threw himself in between the sword wielding Iwa-nin and his lover.

As blood trickled from between his lips, he grinned at the wide-eyed man. Before the other could think beyond the orange clad idiot who had thrown himself on his blade, Naruto grabbed the front of the man's jacket and pulled him forward. This action caused the sword within him to move, slicing further through his body. Naruto, however, didn't notice the damange done to himself as he was only focused on his opponent. As soon as the man was within reach and without hesitation, he slashed the Iwa-nin's throat with his kunai. It all happened so fast, there was almost no thought at all.

With the lifeblood flowing from the man, it was obvious he was already dead. Naruto released him and quickly realized that he had nothing, no energy, to keep himself upright. As Naruto fell to the ground, quickly losing consciousness, he distantly heard an incomprehensible shout. He thought it might have been his name, but he wasn't sure.

'Well, that could have gone better', he thought to himself as he lay on the ground. Naruto could feel the blood coursing from his wound and the Kyuubi's energy already being sent to heal the potentially fatal injury. This was worse than when he had been penetrated by Sasuke's chidori; that at least cauterized the surrounding area. In this case, he was practically gutted. But he was unaware of the extent of the damage done to him, he just knew that he was going to be out for some time while he healed. It didn't really occur to him that he might not wake up.

As his energy continued to drain, he became less aware of the fight going on around him. He inwardly grimaced, 'more like a slaughter', he noted as he heard the screams of men becoming familiar with a chidori. Sasuke's anger and killing intent was palpable to Naruto and he felt almost drowned by it.

Naruto didn't know how much time had passed before Sakura was by his side, working to assist the demon chakra in healing him. He could hear Kakashi restraining Sasuke, telling him not to kill all of the enemy shinobi. He couldn't see his lover, but he tried to call out to him and help call him down. He wanted to assure Sasuke that he was fine and not to worry. However, he was surprised when no sound emerged from his mouth beyond bloody chokes.

"It's ok Naruto, you're going to be fine, just fine, don't worry." Sakura kept up the mantra, over and over again, as she poured healing chakra into the blond. 'Why are you crying, Sakura-chan?' was his last thought before he was surrounded by darkness.

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Sasuke stood at the window of a hotel room looking out into the sunrise over a moderately sized town from the third floor of the building. Behind him lay Naruto, in only his boxers under the sheets, in one of the two beds in the room. They had been there since the previous evening.

Kakashi and Sakura went ahead yesterday to finish escorting their client to his hometown. They were to stay the night there and should be back to rendevous with Sasuke and Naruto by mid afternoon. They weren't concerned of any further problems hindering the completion of the escort mission.

Takamura and the surviving Iwa-nin had provided enough information to make it obvious that the only attacks that would cause concern would only occur if Sasuke was around. That and, though Naruto was no longer in danger of dying from his wounds, he was still unconscious and needed the rest while his body recuperated.

Sasuke looked down at his hands; he had killed 4 men the previous day. When he had felt Naruto's blood hit his face and seen his friend fall, he had been so enraged. He almost found it hard to believe just how much he lost himself to the bloodlust. It was not a feeling he was ever expecting to experience again after Itachi.

It's not that he had never killed before obviously, but it was so rare. Orochimaru used to taunt him for his refusal to kill when sparring against shinobi of the snake's choosing. Many times he was instructed by his former sensei to shed his 'kindness', though he never saw it as kindness. He just didn't believe in senseless killing; it was pointless to him, almost a sign of weakness.

Sasuke killed Orochimaru for survival.

He killed Itachi for revenge, justice, and closure.

He was willing to kill people for a mission if need be.

Those men yesterday, he had killed them out of anger and fear. Fear of losing Naruto. He had killed them for Naruto. That thought frightened him, but what truly terrified him was that Naruto could have died for him.

This went beyond the friendship he had told himself was all there was. Before, despite how close he and Naruto were, it was always friends first...the sex was just a bonus, a way to give each other what they both sought and found in the other. Now, he realized that it wasn't that simple. Their sex and intimacy had led to this.

'What are we?'

They were friends, but if he was honest with himself, lovers was a more accurate term.

Yes, they were lovers, but what did that mean? Would they always be together? Sasuke didn't like imagining his life without the blond idiot. He liked working with Naruto, who always tried to keep things from getting oppressively serious. Naruto is a good shinobi and one of the few people the young Uchiha believed in.

Sasuke liked sleeping with Naruto. He enjoyed waking up with him, holding him, being held by him. Could that really be permanent? Could they live together? The thought of claiming Naruto as his own, for all the world to know, gave him a feeling of proud pleasure.

'What about children?' That thought brought an ache to his chest. Sasuke did want them. Though he was still a teenager by years, he was experienced enough to know that he craved children. This was not just about carrying on his bloodline, carrying on the Sharingan. He honestly wanted to be a father. Naruto could not provide him heirs. He needed a woman for that and he didn't think that a wife would be ok with him keeping a male lover, or any lover for that matter. Not to mention what that position would do to the blond who Sasuke knew wanted to have children of his own some day as well.

'And what about missions?' Their decisions obviously were affected by their sexual relationship. He didn't believe that what had happened yesterday would have occurred if he and Naruto weren't sleeping together. What had happened years ago in Wave Country didn't count; he knew that Naruto's body didn't just move on it's own. The moron knew what he was doing. Despite the healing power of the Kyuubi, Sasuke intuitively knew that Naruto would have done the same thing, even if it had meant the blond's death.

'I killed for him...and he was willing to die for me.' Sasuke clenched his fists together as he continued to glare out the window with determination. 'I won't allow him to die for me.'

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Naruto blinked his eyes open to a room that he didn't recognize. He could feel that his body was still tired from all the healing it had to go through, but he knew he was fine. He groaned as he remembered the sword sliding and slicing through his body. 'That had hurt' he mentally snorted.

He raised himself to his elbows and observed his surroundings. there were two single beds in the room, one that did not look like it had been touched, two chairs and a small table. He could see the pile of his clothing in one of the chairs. He figured they had been washed as he didn't see any blood on them. His shinobi boots were on the floor near the door next to Sasuke's.

At the thought of the young Uchiha, Naruto turned to the window where his friend still stood facing away from him. The morning sun was illuminating the porcelain skin, contrasting beautifully with the man's dark hair. The young man was fully clothed with the exception of his boots and katana.

He knew that Sasuke was aware that he had woken. He extended his senses out, but couldn't locate Kakashi-sensei or Sakura-chan nearby. He wondered where they and the others were. It was obvious that he had been moved after he lost conciousness; he estimated he had been out for a little less than a full day.

Getting up from the bed, he grabbed his pants and put them on. Walking up behind Sasuke, he slowly wrapped his arms around his lover and placed his chin on the other's shoulder as they both continued looking out on the town that was becoming active with the rising sun.

Naruto was worried; Sasuke seemed so tense, he wasn't relaxing into the blond at all. "Talk to me" he said softly.

Sasuke sighed and removed himself from Naruto's arms then moved to lean against the wall, facing his friend. He looked distracted and his face looked as though he hadn't slept all night.

Naruto felt guilty as he knew that he had worried his friend, but it had seemed like the best idea at the time. Rationally, he was sure Sasuke would have been able to evade the attack. The problem was, he just wasn't willing to risk it.

The raven still hadn't spoken. "Tell me what happened." Naruto tried to stay calm, but he was quickly growing anxious in response to the other's aloofness.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "You mean after you proved how much of an idiot you are?"

"Damnit!" the blond growled. "I'm alright and I won't say I'm sorry because I'm not. I saw you about to be skewered and I wasn't going to allow it."

"So, instead you allowed yourself to be gutted! For awhile there your insides were outside and you looked dead! You would have died if it wasn't for Kyuubi. How can you allow yourself to rely so much on the fox?" Sasuke's eyes had flashed to the sharingan, showing how emotional he was feeling. Taking a deep breath, he lowered his eyes and his voice. "Why couldn't you trust that I can fight my own battles?"

"Is that what this is about? You just always have to be by yourself in a fight. Why can't you allow yourself to have help?"

"No, that isn't how it is. I was the one working with my team. You were the one that had to do things your own way! And in the process, you removed yourself from the fight and left us on our own."

Naruto's eyes widened. He hadn't even thought about that. He had not only left the others to fight on their own, but became a burden because they would also have to worry about protecting him. He was starting to feel bad, but he didn't want to admit that protecting Sasuke had been the wrong move.

"So what should I have done? Leave you to fight on your own when it looked like you were going to be hit in your blind spot?"

"No, you should have used your head, or at least your kunai. You could have distracted him or drawn him to yourself making him your opponent. You were more than strong enough for him in a fight. There were so many ways that the situation could have been handled that didn't include you purposefully being stabbed." Sasuke grimaced as he remembered what had happened. The image of Naruto so injured and bloody haunted his mind. What made it horrible was seeing the 13 year old Naruto, beaten at the Valley of the End, superimposed in his thoughts. He never wanted to see such a thing again.

Naruto was feeling foolish and angry. He was usually pretty good at coming up with surprisingly decent plans in the heat of the moment. However, he knew that what he did the day before, he hadn't been thinking about the mission, the team, or himself. He didn't allow that sword to enter his body with the thought that Kyuubi would heal him. He had simply decided that that blade would not touch Sasuke. An admirable thought for a lover, but as a teammate, it was selfish.

With a shock of realization, he understood that they could not work together on the same team if that was how he'd react. He had to trust Sasuke. He had thought he did, but now realized that though he had faith in Sasuke to protect his back, he didn't trust the raven to keep himself safe. His heart sank as he understood that he had definately just weakened Sasuke's own faith in him.

Sasuke watched as various emotions appeared in swift succession on Naruto's face; shock, understanding, self-doubt, grief, anger, confusion and they kept crossing over each other as the blond sank further into his introspection. Sasuke moved away and sat on the unused bed with his back against the headboard and his knees slightly bent in front of him.

He understood that Naruto had to allow his mind to process all the thoughts bombarding him right now, or he wouldn't be able to resolve it in his mind and move on with the conversation. Sasuke really didn't want to have to say everything again later.

It wasn't long before Naruto sighed and turned to Sasuke, his face calm. He sat at the foot of the bed, not touching his friend, but within reaching distance. "So what happened?" he softly asked again.

With another sigh - they were doing a lot of those - Sasuke met Naruto's eyes brieftly before lowering his to his knees. "When I saw you go down, I was angry, very angry, and I killed 4 of those Iwa-nin before Kakashi distracted me and calmed me down enough to realize what I was doing." Naruto made to move forward in a comforting gesture, but the look in Sasuke's eyes stopped him.

"It seems that I got quite a reputation while I was with Orochimaru. There's a substantial reward for me in the Bingo book, higher than Kakashi's. That's why those shinobi attacked; between Kakashi and I, it would have been a good profit for them. They were just too stupid to realize they didn't stand a chance to collect it." Sasuke didn't bother to point out that he was listed as 'deadly, not dangerous'. An interesting thing, he was known as a dangerous fighter, not a killer.

"There's a price on your head?" Naruto whispered. The concept was hard for him to comprehend on a personal level. Of course he knew that strong shinobi everywhere gained a reputation and there were bounties on them in almost every village. But this was Sasuke! Sure, he can make you homicidal with his constant 'hns' and smirks, but how could strangers be after his blood? Protective inner Naruto was snarling at the thought of anyone threatening his Sasuke; until he realized it was this way of thinking that had caused the trouble the day before.

"What did you think, that you could advance in shinobi ranks and not have people want to kill you? I'm surprised you aren't a bit more famous."

Naruto started to puff out his chest at the compliment. "Considering what a big mouth you have." And just like that, the blond deflated.

"Bastard" he growled, but wasn't offended. He saw the smirk playing on Sasuke's lips and any humor was welcome at this point. "So, what did you do with the others?"

"Bound them up near their dead and Kakashi told them not to be annoying again." Naruto gave a short grin at the thought of Kakashi saying exactly that.

"Think they will listen?"

Sasuke paused as he remembered the sick look on their faces; everyone but Kakashi had been visibly disturbed by the remains Sasuke had left. "Yes, I think we won't be dealing with them anytime soon." He realized just how cold and detached he was making himself so that his own disgust did not become apparent. Unfortunately, Naruto knew him well enough to see that he was bothered by what happened more than he was letting on. Before the blond could open his mouth to question him further, he continued.

"Because you needed rest and I am such a juicy target in this area, it was decided that you and I will stay here, this town was nearby. Kakashi and Sakura were to finish the escort and if there are no problems, then they should be back here by this afternoon."

"Do you know what that guy's deal was?" at Sasuke's inquiring expression, Naruto clarified with a growled "Takamura."

"Ah..." Sasuke grit his teeth. He was still angry about all the needless garbage they had put up with for that man. "The two things he was worried about were a contract and Kiri." Seeing the confusion evident on Naruto's face, and before he could interupt, Sasuke continued. "Takamura comes from a small town that was founded several generations ago by a former shinobi and his family. They were set up to be independant from the local daimyo, but that meant they were without his protection as well. The town has become poor and they were slowly being picked away by neighboring villages.

"Takamura is the younger son of the head family in town. His brother, Kiri's father, died a few months ago. To gain control of the leadership, he took Kiri and has been traveling around with her trying to build an alliance and buy himself outside support. Apparently, the girl is the first to show traces of the family's kekkei genkai in the last 40 years. This makes her valuable and he has been trying to arrange a marriage for her. He had managed to broker a deal with a rather strong village between here and Konoha. He hired us to protect the contract and make sure Kiri wasn't taken away from him while he journeyed home. Once he's in his own village, he has enough protection that he won't need us." This was all stated in a cold voice, seemingly indifferent, though anyone who knew him well could see Sasuke wasn't too thrilled about the news he was giving.

Naruto was pissed. To think that that girl was being used in such a way. Nobody should be forced to get married and have children just to pass on possible shinobi abilities.

He looked sharply at Sasuke. Would Sasuke ever be ordered to mate? Would he feel obligated to follow such an order, even if the intended wasn't of his choosing?

Deciding not to think about that, he turned his mind back to Kiri. He was overcome with memories of the rambunctious little girl. She was just so adorable and he had felt a kinship with her; her love for ramen only increased his liking of the child. It made him ill thinking of her pretty much sold to the highest bidder and told to breed. What if she doesn't like her future husband? 'She should have a choice!' he internally growled, unconciously clenching his fingers.

Sasuke noticed this, but chose to ignore it. He understood what Naruto was feeling.

"The contract was signed and the agreement was that she would be trained by her family until she is 13. Then she will move to her new home and by 16 will be married. She will be introduced to several men and will have 3 years to get to know her new village and find a compatible husband. Her uncle didn't want her to be miserable. Apparently, that was one of the reasons he had been traveling for so long; he wanted to find a place that would meet his terms.

"Takamura knew that some of his family would oppose this arrangement and the only real chance they'd have to stop it would be before he made it to his home. That's why he wanted shinobi to escort him. He didn't trust the mission ranking system, he didn't want a bunch of rookie genin protecting him, so he ranked his mission a B instead of the C it really deserved.

"If he had been honest, then we wouldn't have been assigned to him and those Iwa-nin would likely have never bothered with attacking."

"There's got to be something that can be done for Kiri." Although her situation wasn't as bad as it could be, Naruto still didn't like the idea of her having so little choice in what happens in her life.

"Not without starting a war. Arranged marriages happen and her's will provide protection for her whole town, for her family."

"You're ok with this?!"

"What I feel doesn't matter. Your feelings don't either in this case. You can't interfere everytime you don't agree with something happening in someone else's life."

"But-"

"Sometimes..." Sasuke turned his head away, again looking out the window, noticing how much time had passed and how high the sun was now. "sometimes you have to give up what you want to do what's best for your family."

It suddenly became difficult for Naruto to breathe. He found it strange that his heart had decided to take up residence in his throat. When had that happened? He felt all his insecurities begin to overwhelm him and resolutely beat them back.

Sasuke continued looking away, refusing to meet the gaze of the blond staring intensely at him.

"Look at me."

Cool black met tempestuous blue, which narrowed at the blank expression on the Uchiha's face. They continued staring at each other, a world of unspoken dialogue and feelings between them, neither one willing to break the silence. Both knew what was coming, and neither wanted to take the next step. They knew each other, they valued the bond their intimacy had given them. They also knew that they could not continue as they were.

That didn't mean they wanted to accept it.

Sasuke was the first to speak. "You will always be my best friend."

"It doesn't have to end" Naruto said quickly, almost desperately. "I won't be so stupid in a fight again. I won't let myself forget the mission. I-"

"I want children Naruto."

Naruto's words ended in a rush of air. His eyes wide, he looked like he had been punched. This was the one thing Sasuke could say to stop his argument. This was what he had feared. He wasn't what Sasuke needed; he wasn't enough. He was actually feeling jealous of women and their ability to create life. He almost smiled at the thought, never thinking he'd ever for a second regret being born male. What could he do? He couldn't provide them with children and he didn't want to be involved with cheating on any future faceless wife.

A part of him was angry. Wives and families were in the future, so why did they have to stop now? If this was how it was going to end, why did they ever start?

While all the thoughts and emotions played out in his head, he never broke eye contact with his friend, his now former-lover. What went unsaid, though they both knew it, was that if they really had just been friends with sexual benefits, then they wouldn't have to stop it now. The problem was that they were more, and they needed to stop before they got to the point where they only saw each other.

"We'll always be best friends." Naruto affirmed, giving a sad smile to Sasuke. He didn't insult his friend by trying to force a grin and act as though he wasn't hurting. He got up from the bed and went into the bathroom saying that he was going to take a quick shower.

Sasuke let him go and clenched his fists trying to stop the feelings that were building within him. Damnit, Naruto had broken down some of his walls, and he needed those right now. He needed his stoic mask while he got over this. He knew that the dobe was even now working on his own mask to show the world. He knew they'd survive this. They were still just teenagers, they were each other's firsts, of course it would feel bad to demote themselves back to 'just friends', but they'd survive.

Once in the shower, Naruto let the tears flow down his cheeks to be washed away by the warm, clensing water. His chest ached. He was alone again. Though he and Sasuke would always be friends, it was going to hurt for awhile not to be able to find the comfort in the physical presense of the other. He knew there was no way they could hold each other and not have it lead back to sex; they had to remain physically separate. This sucked.

When he got out of the shower, he dried himself off then put on his boxers and pants again. With a towel around his shoulders, he entered the bedroom to find it empty. The loneliness still clawing at him, he sat cross-legged on his bed and started to channel his chakra. He wanted to know where his reserves were and if he was truly all healed up or if he'd need to go easy on the return trip to Konoha. After establishing that yes, he would be fine, he continued as he was, now meditating. Attempting to clear his mind, he just breathed, he tried to release the negative, depressing thoughts, and for a little while, just exist.

Though he wasn't very good at meditating, he managed to stay that way for nearly an hour, until Sasuke returned.

Entering the hotel room, Sasuke observed the blond for a moment before carrying his bag over to the other's. "I got some food to replenish our supplies." He placed some small bundles into Naruto's bag before making his way over to the torn clothes. "Because your shirt and jacket got so damaged, I got you another shirt. It was the only thing orange I could find." He left the folded shirt on top of the other clothes and then went into the bathroom to do his business, leaving his own bag by the door.

Silently, Naruto stood and approached the shirt. Running his fingers over it softly before picking it up and unfolding it to take a good look. He couldn't help but smile and feel appreciative of his raven haired friend. The long sleeved shirt was mostly black, only the collar and sleeves were orange, but he found it perfect. Putting it on just as Sasuke exited the bathroom, he turned with his arms out as though asking how it looked.

"Hn...it works" was all Sasuke said, but Naruto still saw that smirk.

"Thank you" he said, still smiling.

Without thought, Sasuke reached out his hand to cup a whiskered cheek. Naruto's eyes widened and he held his breath. Before that hand met his cheek, they both turned their heads as they felt the presence of their teammates approaching. Sasuke quickly let his arm drop, mentally kicking himself for what he nearly did. Naruto turned to pack his tattered clothes into his bag.

When Kakashi and Sakura knocked and entered the room, both Sasuke and Naruto were ready to go.

"Any problems?" Sasuke asked Kakashi.

"Nope, all went smoothly."

"What about Kiri?"

"Once home, she was immediately given back to her mother. The village was made aware of the arrangements made, and though not all of them are happy, after Takamura's explanations, it seems that it might be accepted with little opposition. Of course, there's several years for things to change, so we don't necessarily know what will happen. Either way, it's out of our hands."

Grunting, Naruto knew there was nothing more to discuss, "So, let's get home then." He went to exit the room when Sasuke spoke, stopping him.

"As you both know, Naruto and I became involved." Kakashi's face remained blank, but Sakura was clearly unsure how to respond to this statement. "I would appreciate it if neither of you shared this knowledge with anyone."

Sakura snorted, "So, you want to continue hiding it from everyone?" Her voice seemed harsh, even to herself.

Before Sasuke could respond, Naruto said in a voice devoid of emotion, his expression so blank, even Sasuke was impressed. "It was just sex Sakura." Opening the door and leaving, he left them with one final statement.

"And now it's over."

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TBC