Before, Then, Now

For Velutlunas on her birthday, a Shino/Kiba study:

Before, it had been like this: Shino was withdrawn and shy while Kiba was loud...and shy. One watched the other while neither saw how they both watched only themselves.

Shino had been uncertain and shy and deathly quiet because all he could think when he was with others was that they’d never understand. Before, he had been certain that the kikaichuu would be the only constant in his life. Real friends were the ones that stayed with you because you were all that they needed when you were merely you. Shino understood such things.

Shino knew that the pores in his skin were unsightly. So. He covered them. He imagined that the scent of the musky males clung to him. So. He sat alone. He thought nothing of the loneliness; the pain of it didn’t touch him the same as it touched others. He was never alone, after all. He just wished that his life contained more comfort than his bugs. Someone who would not mind the hive. Someone who accepted that he was more than just himself alone. Shino understood the loneliness. He didn’t mind it. Usually.

Kiba had been loud and obnoxious and...terrified because all he could think when he was with others was that they weren’t his pack and they didn’t understand. Before, he had been comfortable pretending to be brash because he couldn’t bring himself to imagine how he could ever break away from his family to build a pack of his own. Your pack is made up of the people whose scent you carry in your blood and everyone else just existed as periphery on your senses. Kiba knew his obligations.

Kiba knew that his manners were not...ordinary. So. He emphasized his lack of them. He believed that people thought he was an animal. So. He behaved like one. He was always aware of the loneliness; the pain of it reverberated in him like in no one else. His pack was his life, after all. He just wished that his pack had someone in it who was just his. Someone not family. Someone who didn’t care that he got scared sometimes or that he wasn’t the best at anything remarkable really. Kiba understood loneliness. He didn’t like it. Ever.

~*~

Then, it had became like thihinohino was withdrawn and quiet while Kiba was withdrawn and loud. Both relied on each other for comfort from the loneliness while neither relied too much on anyone outside themselves.

Shino first thought that having Kiba in his cell group would be a burden. The other boy was painfully obvious in his brash idiocy. Then, he realized that Akamaru was all that kept Kiba from being Shino himself. Had Kiba been raised Aburame, he would have been the twin of himself. Shino came to smell more of the musky scent of Kiba than of his bugs. Then, he found that it was pleasant. Peaceful. Not lonely at all.

Kiba first thought that being in the same cell as Shino was going to be awkward. The other boy always seemed to see too much with his shaded eyes. Then, he realized that Shino’s hive was just another type of pack really. Had Shino grown up as an Inuzuka, he would have been Kiba’s pack-twin. Kiba made sure that Shino carried his scent all the time. Then, he found that it was pleasant. Comforting. Not lonely about family packs at all.

Then, Shino came to realize that Kiba meant more to him than a teammate should. He came to realize through the little tells that he saw every day in Kiba that Kiba might think that he -Shino- meant more too.

The tilt of his head when he leans on my shoulder; seems to make him more vulnerable than it should. He always tilts like that on me. Maybe too far over for just comfort.

Half-remembered conversations about pack hierarchies. Kiba’s voice -low and rumbling-telling him how members of a pack show their respect to the alpha male by showing him their throats. Such a move shows their own vulnerability and makes the leader comfortable enough not to attack to kill. Everyone should know their leader, Kiba had laughed, rubbing his own neck self-consciously. Shino remembered being careful not to ask about the bruises he saw there. Then, Kiba’s father had not been someone he had wanted to know more about.

Then, Kiba had seemed to realize that Shino was more than just a teammate kind of pack mate. Kiba had realized that all along he had wanted nothing more than to make Shino his own kind of pack family.

The way his body seems to fold around mine when we lean on each other after practice; seems to be comfortable covering me with himself. He always smells like me. Maybe too much from just daily touches.

Quiet conversations about kikaichuu traits. Shino’s voice -deep and calm- telling him how the male members of the species carry a heavy odor to attract their female mates. The scent marks the males as virile and ready to mate. It guides the females to them and helps them stand out from the other drones. Every male should try to stand out from the rest, Shino had smiled lightly, a quirk oin lin lips so rarely mobile. Kiba remembered wondering why Shino had always seemed to smell like him, but had been careful not to ask. Then, pointing out how well he could scent the Aburame boy had seemed something too intimate to mention.

Then, Kiba had leaned just so against Shino’s shoulder and Shino had smelled just right and Kiba had tilted just that more and Shino had suddenly leaned in and they had become something different all at once. Thin, lips had met thicker, slightly chapped ones and pressed butterfly light. Shino’s tongue had stroked across Kiba’s lips wetly, seeking to comfort more than mark really. But. Then Kiba had growled and sank his teeth into Shino’s slick lower lip and tasted blood, marking more than comforting. And. They had both moved back to look at someone different yet really just the same to see if it was all real and Kiba had said "sorry" and Shino had shook his head "no" because he wasn’t. Then. They were perfectly together and it was new but had always been there, so maybe it was old. Then. There was just themselves and no loneliness at all.

~*~

Now, it is like this: Shino is embedded to the hilt inside Kiba’s tightness and Kiba is trying to pull Shino closer. They are both trying to merge into one person and neither can remember what Before or Then really felt like since Now is all there is for them.

Shino finds the strength to pull back just a little and winces when Kiba locks down around him, whimpering a little like a young pup as Shino’s large head rubs across his tender prostate. Shino loves the sounds Kiba makes when he’s inside him. He prefers to hear Kiba growl low -demanding more and now and harder- but thinks all the sounds he makes are sexy.

Kiba feels Shino inside him and loves him all the more for being so deep that he thinks Shino’s going to burrow right into the heart of him. He can’t help but whimper when Shino moves for the first time though. No matter how many times they do this, the first time that wide head pulls past his prostate he thinks he’s going to die. Feeling Shino start to pick up the rhythm of them, Kiba growls deep and shifts so his hands can hook hard around Shino’s trim waist thinking all Shino’s movements are perfect.

Shino thrusts in and out of Kiba, deeper and faster with every stroke, loving those rough hands clutching him hard enough to bruise but not careless enough to scratch and draw blood. Bracing his hands around Kiba’s head, he bends the other boy in half and leans over to suck on the neck being offered to him so freely. He loves to claim Kiba as much as Kiba loves to claim him.

Kiba howls as Shino bends him up and in on himself to move in and out of him in earnest, loving the feel of that long, hard body all over him. Feeling the harsh rutting widening him, stretching him to the limit, Kiba is overwhelmed by the sensations of Shino. Now, Kiba thinks it has been too much too fast too Now and he’s coming in harsh waves that seem to pull from his hard abdomen to his balls which are so tight to himself he thinks he can feel them retracting inside while his legs are clenching around Shino and his toes are curling and Now is all there is to them for him.

Shino’s mouth opens in a silent howl of his own when Kiba clenches around him and he manages one more deep thrust before letting Kiba crush his own orgasm from him. Feeling the pulsing of Kiba around his shaft, Shino feels his body release in waves of heat that seem to come from a set of channels that run parallel but separate to the ones the kikaichuu inhabit. Now, it is like all the hive is on fire inside him scuttling quickly along their paths at the same rate as the hot rush of come inside him that leaves him shaking and weak all over and wondering how that much heat can possibly come from such a small opening of himself and Now is all there is for him.

Now, Kiba pants with his mouth open and his eyes closed, holding Shino’s shaking body close to himself with a tight grip of arms and legs. Kiba can smell his scent all over them both and doesn’t wonder why that makes him feel like howling at the moon like a wild thing. Kiba shifts so that Shino’s heart rests over his own -its frantic fluttering regulating with his own slowly- and doesn’t bother to open his eyes. Now, they are close enough for Shino to know that he doesn’t need eyes to sense all that Shino is anyway.

Now, Shino breathes in quick, quiet gasps that shake and quake, feeling Kiba try to hold him together. Shino can smell Kiba all around him and doesn’t wonder why that makes him feel smug like a drone claimed as mate to the queen. Shino feels Kiba move him to align their chests and presses his face into the curve of Kiba’s neck -the rapid staccato beat of Kiba slowing the frenzied flight of himself gradually- and doesn’t bother to remove his lenses. Now, they are close enough for Kiba to know that he doesn’t need eyes to sense all that Kiba is anyway.

Now, they are sticky, content, tired, and entirely themselves. They hold each other close and revel in having found themselves in each other. Now, they are entirely together and never alone.