Ice

Disclaimer: If no own Naruto… there would be more Gaara if I did… And I don’t own Sarah McLachlan’s song “Ice.”

Before the story, I would like to note that Naruto may seem OOC, but this is what he’s thinking. I would like the reader to keep in mind that sometimes people don’t act like what they’re feeling. Also, this is just something I whipped up this morning. I wanted to try something out. Please don’t flame me for trying something new.


Ice

Winter. I used to love this time of year. The snow was so fresh, the scent was revitalizing and the sight was amazing. But now… Now I’m not so sure if I like the winter.

I’m still the same around people, well… at least most people. I’m still “Konoha’s number one loudest ninja.” Can’t let anyone see what really goes on, that wouldn’t be good. They’d get concerned, and I don’t want that. They’d tell me to stop… and I find that I don’t want that either.

~The ice is thin come on dive in
underneath my lucid skin
the cold is lost, forgotten ~

It starts the same every time. I’ll be at home, waiting, because I know he’ll come. He always comes, and I let him.

He comes through the window, though I don’t really know why, and he wraps his arms around me. I’ll lean back at first, almost hoping this time will be different, but then he starts to get uncomfortable and I lead him away to my bedroom.

He’ll always start by kissing me and pushing me down to lie on the bed. He’ll caress me, and kiss me and I’ll feel as though this is meant to be. He’ll always be cold when we start, he never wears clothes appropriate for the weather, but then again he wouldn’t have any appropriate clothes, he lives in a desert.

~Hours pass days pass time stands still
light gets dark and darkness fills
my secret heart forbidden... ~

Time stops the moment we cross the thresh-hold into my room. Time doesn’t matter in there anyway. But I know that time passes by as the sun starts to set. I don’t like the sun to set when he visits, the darkness reveals all too well what really is going on, and I don’t like to know. I want my fantasy, I want to believe that he wants me; I want to believe that he loves me and that what we’re doing is right instead of wrong.

~I think you worried for me then
the subtle ways that I'd give in but I know
you liked the show ~

That first time… that first time that he showed up at my window, and I let him take advantage of me… I think he might have felt some sort of compassion for my weakness. Some sort of feeling of guilt, or worry must have crossed his mind… I know it. He felt something for the way that I just let him do what he wanted. But then again… he always was a sadist. Even though he might have felt some remnant of worry, he liked to see me that way… he liked to see me obey when I have never been one to do just that.

~Tied down to this bed of shame
you tried to move around the pain but oh
Your soul is anchored~

I know he does this because he wants to get away, get away from all the pain, the anger, the madness. He lets it out on me, and I take it all in stride. I’m the ray of light in his dark and bloody world, and I let him do what he thinks is necessary. He can’t leave my bed, and neither can I. He can’t leave his pain, as much as he tries to, and he can’t leave me.

~The only comfort is the moving of the river
you enter into me, a lie upon your lips ~

It’s violent. It’s always violent, but I take comfort in that it always happens. That he’ll always come back. He always prepares me; even in his violence he knows some gentleness. He always says the same words as he thrust his hips in that first time… “I love you.” We both know it isn’t true. He doesn’t love me, but those words are part of the game, the farce. Even so, I still answer with his name “Gaara.”

~Offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
only a fool's here... ~

I know he’s only using me. I know that I’m only a means to an end. I know that he clings to me, that he needs me, but I also know that he doesn’t love me. But… I love him. Anything he will give me, anything he wants from me… I am his to do with as he pleases, and he knows it. I can’t leave him, and he can’t leave me.

I cry out his name.

I guess I’m only a fool, is what I always think as I lie satiated while he sits and stares out the window.

~I don't like your tragic sighs
as if your god has passed you by well hey fool
that's your deception ~

I don’t like the way that he still feels. I don’t like that he still thinks that there is no one out there for him. I don’t like the way that he thinks that this is what was meant to be. Even though I don’t like it, even though I hate the way he thinks about the world, people… and me, I know that nothing I can say will change what he thinks anymore. I had thought once, that he could change, and he had… but, then he came to me. If what he thinks is what he needs to think, then I’ll let him keep his views.

~Your angels speak with jilted tongues
the serpent's tale has come undone you have no
strength to squander ~

I know what he’s been through! I know that his mind will only think of the ones who will never like you, who fear and hate you. I wish he could have tuned it out, I wish that I could have found him sooner, maybe then I could have saved him. As it is, everything, and everyone has become an enemy. Sure there are people he now trusts, like me, but he keeps them at arms length, lest they show their true colors and lash out at him like everyone else. He can’t risk it.

~The only comfort is the moving of the river
you enter into me, a lie upon your lips~

This time is no different from every other time. We both lose ourselves in the steps of the game. He throws my clothing off and his soon follows. It’s always the same. After that initial kiss he never comes near my lips again. His kisses turn into bites as he moves down my throat, leaving little marks as he goes. At the juncture of neck and shoulder he bites down hard, and I cry out. He sucks at the wound, the bit of blood procured more than enough to keep him coming. His hands trail down my body, caressing and raking his nails at times. I squirm under his attentions. His mouth moves again and latches onto one of my nipples. I cry out his name and arch my back. His hands lift my legs and spread them, moving to rest in between them while bending my knees. He trails a hand up the inside to my thigh and cups my already fully erect member. I moan loudly as he starts to stroke. His other hand is conspicuously missing, but I know what it’s doing, even as his mouth latches onto my neck again. I feel it trail cool gel up to my entrance. Slowly it traces around, and my hips move of their own accord, trying to get that finger within me. Slowly he pushes it in and I hiss out a “yes” as it becomes fully sheathed. He grins up at me and slowly licks his way down my chest. I throw back my head in pleasure. The second his finger moves backwards I feel his mouth on my cock. I scream out in pleasure and we both know that the time for gentleness is ended. I feel his teeth raking up and down my shaft as he pushes in another finger. An unexpected bite causes me to cry out and I feel a third finger added quickly. It’s painful, but I’m used to it. I heal fast, and I won’t feel the pain for long. He sucks hard on the head of my shaft and I grip his hair, silently telling him that if he keeps that up I’m going to cum. His mouth comes off my shaft and his fingers from my hole. I brace myself, and he thrusts in.

“I love you,” he whispers and I cry out his name.

“Gaara…”

~Offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
only a fool's here to stay ~

It’s never slow, and it’s never gentle. He grips my hips so hard that he leaves marks, if only for a little while. Sometimes his nails bite into my skin. But blood is an aphrodisiac to him. He bites onto my neck and I scream it hurts every time he does that. He sucks on my neck, taking in the blood as he pistons into me. I grip his shoulders, and I know neither of us will last long. We never do. I start to shudder as I feel it come closer. My back arches and a heat that bears all the intensity of fire pools in my groin. All it takes is one touch. One touch from him and I’m over the edge and flying away. I scream his name as I cum, and I feel him grunt and cum after a few more thrusts.

He pulls out immediately, and I turn to my side to watch him start to get dressed. He’s not staying again. When it began he staid, but lately he’s been leaving, I feel a pang of hurt in my chest, but I know that this is our agreement, and that I will deal.
It still hurts.

~Only a fool's here to stay~

He doesn’t even look back at me when he leaves the way that he entered. He never looks back, and he never says goodbye, but that’s because we both know he’ll be back.

It doesn’t stop the pain.

~Only a fool's here...~