I Can't Forgive You

Note: Urm... Yeah

Warnings: Deppressing... But hell, I've seen even more sadder flicks than this one... =/


I Can't Forgive You—

The wind was gentle against his pale features, dancing with his dark black tangled locks of hair. His breath was now coming out in ragged pants— tired sweat trickling down his forehead. He could hear everything so clearly; see everything with a sharpness about that he’d never been able to see with before.


He would memorize everything about this day. Every single aspect of it would be embedded in his brain for the rest of his life— he would smile every time that this dream come true would come to him as a memory. Today, all his dreams were going to become a reality. After today, he would finally be able to enjoy his life to the fullest! He had been waiting all his life for this… So many years, so many nights… And this was it! Everything about it seemed to be so beautiful.


He could honestly say that nothing he had ever done had felt as good as this— nothing that he had ever done in his lifetime had ever given him even an ounce of the pleasure and satisfaction he was receiving from the knowing fact that he had finally defeated his brother!


Sasuke had been waiting for this to happen all of his life. He had been waiting for this moment ever since he was merely a boy… This was it. Everything about it was so unbelievable, so utterly and unexpectedly magical. The forest was freely singing songs of joy! Birds that he usually would scoff at, were singing along in a well rehearsed tune. Leaves were dancing with the wind’s rhythm— daring to enter into his war territory— watching the scene that was unfolding itself in the seemingly gentle night.


He grinned as he stood only a few feet away from his lifetime enemy. The man that had done him damage that he could never even hope to repair. He watched silently, contemplating everything that had just happened. Sasuke was honestly having a hard time believing this… He had never expected it to happen like this. Never in a million years had he thought that their fight would end up with Itachi on the floor, defeated, done for, and crippled— never had he expected his brother to declare him the winner! In all the years that he had tried to defeat the bastard— in all the years in which he had failed to do so— Sasuke had somehow convinced himself that his anaki was undefeatable.

Though he stood here today… He had certainly been proved wrong.



He watched his breathless and sweaty brother lay on the grass silently… Not a sound was coming out of him. His eyes were closed, messy black hair covering his face in shame. Sasuke didn’t understand it. He understood none of it, and he had never been able to. Why had everything turned out like this? Why did his brother have to die like this…? Though he supposed it was better to die by the hands of your kin, than dying by someone who didn’t even occupy a place in your heart. Though he wondered how much space he actually occupied in his brothers heart…

He sighed inwardly. Now was not the time to think about such things. Now was the time to get answers. Thinking and sorting things out would come later, once he had something to go by. Sasuke knew that his head was not clear and in its best condition at the moment. It was too soon. He was still suffering from the shock of defeating his greatest and most powerful enemy… It was still so unbelievable…


Uchiha Sasuke had trained himself all his life for this moment. He had studied and contemplated everything that could possibly happen. Over the years, he had matured; he had grown into a respectable and feared ninja. He had always known that there would be a day when he would look at the fight that he’d have with his brother, and smile at the outcome. He had promised himself that when that moment happened, the moment when he finally would win, he would not let Itachi see him cry or break.

Never would he let his brother see him break like when he was a boy again…


But it seemed that his self appointed task was getting harder and harder by the minute. As he stood there watching his seemingly lifeless brother— questions that should have never been asked, kept jutting him in the head. Thoughts that he hated to acknowledge were flowing easily into his mind. Emotions that he usually had under control were breaking loose…


The young Uchiha flinched when he felt silent tears stream down his cheek. The last time he had cried, it had been because of the man laid before him now… The last time that he had cried, he had promised himself never to do so again…! Yet here he was, showing his hurt, his pain, and all of his weakness, to the man that had been the cause of it all in the first place!



He had half a mind to be angry at himself… He didn’t want to break. Not like this, not before the eyes of the one and only Uchiha Itachi. This was to be their last encounter. His brother could not leave this world thinking that he was still the spoiled, weak, stupid rich boy that he had once been… But it seemed as If though even in this small battle, Itachi would be the victor. For he felt his breath hitch as he tried his hardest to surpass a sob.

Closing his eyes, his mind brought him back to the world in which his brother had been nothing less than perfect in his eyes. Sasuke had willingly placed the bastard on a pedestal, and Itachi had allowed it. He had never once thought that his brother would hurt him in such a way… His anaki had been incapable of such a thing…!


Opening his heavy eyelids, he was sure he looked pissed; because he sure as hell was! Why shouldn’t he get to cry?! This was to be their last encounter! He had to come out of this a freed man! Free from the burden of revenge, free from the guilt and helplessness— free from the unnatural hate and love that he felt towards his brother…


“I have hated you with every fiber of my being! Everything that I’ve been through was because of you…” The sobs that he had been desperately trying to surpass, were now uncontrolled and coming out freely. “Everything that I have suffered was the effect of that night… The effects of what you did to me! I’ve wanted you dead over and over again ever since I was eight years old!” He watched as Itachi’s bleeding form twitched in pain. His brother’s eyes were closed tightly, resigned to death, accepting fate with a warm welcome.


Sasuke couldn’t help but stare in awe. This was really it. His dream of avenging his family, his clan— it was finally going to happen. He would finally be able to live his life like a normal man. He would no longer have to be looking over his shoulder at all times, he wouldn’t have to train like a mad man, in hope of gaining power. He would finally be able to have a family like all of his friends… He would finally revive his clan.

The nightmare was going to be over…


“Do it, otouto.” Itachi’s eyes snapped opened, piercing into Sasuke’s own black orbs. The silence hugged them as if though it were a heavy blanket wrapped securely around them. And Sasuke didn’t know how to beg his brother for the answers that he knew the older man would be reluctant to give. “Not before you tell me everything I want to know.” He whispered, taking a step closer to his brother; the tears making it hard to see past the blurriness of it all.


Itachi looked passed him, staring intently a seemingly interesting point behind him. Something had obviously captured his brother’s thoughts. He didn’t care though! He could have given a rat’s ass what the bastard’s problem was! If he had to, he would torture Itachi all night long until the man gave him some sort of answers! He sure as hell was not going to kill the man that had ruined his life, without at least knowing why, first!

“Why do you choose to live in the past, Sasuke?” Itachi broke the silence, never once breaking eye contact with the point behind Sasuke that had his undivided attention. “Thanks to what happened in the past, my future has been set to be nothing but misery. Now all that I can hope for are the answers that you have always denied me!” His voice was harsh, the big dose of accusation giving him a thicker accent. He didn’t care if he was going to have to torment Itachi with pain before he killed him. He would do anything as long as he got the answers that he so desperately needed.



Tonight, his nightmare would end…


“Why should I give you the answers you seek? Thanks to you, death will now claim me.” Itachi’s voice was so low, Sasuke was amazed that he had even heard it. He stared at his brother, letting the slow antagonizing minutes pass by— a million thoughts racing through his head. A million questions demanding to be answered… Why wouldn’t Itachi give this one thing to him?!


“Why have you always hated me?” Sasuke whispered, the tears that had been coming down steady till then, racing down in globs. He clenched his eyes shut, trying to get some control over himself. It wouldn’t do if he lost all of his control now… If he did, he wouldn’t have a clear mind, and he didn’t want to regret anything he did later on.


This night had to be perfect…



Walking over to where his brother’s body was laying on the grass, Sasuke kneeled down beside him. The danger was over. Itachi had already announced him the winner. And he seriously doubted that his brother would wrong him in this battle… He knew that his brother had been waiting for this moment as well— the moment when he would finally be worthy of his recognition, of his respect, of his love… The moment when Sasuke would finally prove himself to be the better of the two.

Sighing, Sasuke pushed down his anger and counted to ten as he realized that his brother had completely ignored his question. That was really all he needed now— for his brother to refuse to talk to him completely! The question of why on earth he had even thought to ask such a question in the first place, slapped him upside the head. Honestly, what did he expect the bastard to say? What did he really want Itachi to say? His brother would never lower himself to say those words… He would never apologize.


It was always war though. Always the fighting, the anger, and the hatred between them... He couldn’t even remember what peace felt like anymore. He idly wondered if it felt a bit like what he was feeling right now. At the moment he felt content because he had finally defeated his brother. Nothing had ever been as sweet, yet at the same time bitter, as this victory was. Though he wasn’t sure if he could actually call this feeling peace… He knew that he wouldn’t be completely satisfied until his brother’s heart had completely, once and for all, stopped. But this was ok… At least for a little while…


Sasuke twitched as he felt a warm hand rest on his bruised cheek, a gentle thumb wiping away the falling tears. Resisting the urge to slap away the offending hand, he simply opened his eyes to see concern graced on his brother’s features. “Why do you always think the worst of me, otouto?” Itachi’s hand trailed down to his neck, his pale fingers barely brushing his own pale skin— the gentle caress sending a powerful shiver down Sasuke’s spine. “Because you’ve never given me a reason to think otherwise,” He replied weakly.



He waited silently for his brother to talk to him. He knew that his brother would not say anything unless he really wanted to. Sasuke’s best chance at getting some answers was to go by Itachi’s pace… He would have to wait for his brother to open up on his own— and in the meanwhile, he would accept the comfort that the bastard was trying to provide with his simple caresses. It wasn’t as if though his older brother could actually hurt him anymore anyways, at least not physically. And after today, his brother would be gone forever… Yes, Sasuke would let the night’s events unfold naturally— if Itachi wanted to show some sort affection towards him, then he would allow it. For the sake of it being the last time they would ever speak to each other again…


“You want to know why I’ve always hated you.” It was more of a statement than a question, and Sasuke could do nothing more than nod his head in response. He almost whined in protest when his brother let his hand drop, allowing it to rest on the grass on which he laid. Closing his eyes, his brother creased his eyebrows as if though he were concentrating on something quite difficult. “Yes,” Sasuke managed to whisper gently, almost desperately— hoping against hope that his anaki would bring his attention back on him and finally answer his questions.


Black eyes met a threatening Sharingan. And at the sight, Sasuke couldn’t help but look to the side, and into the dark grey forest. Anywhere but that heated gaze that promised nothing but torment and hate. “Very well little brother… I shall tell you why I have always hated you,” The older Uchiha cooed in a soft melodocious voice— Sasuke could feel those dangerous eyes burning a hole into his side, watching his every movement.



Why the hell was he so nervous all of a sudden?!



“I hated you with all of my strength, because you, little brother, stood for everything I have ever despised: Weakness. I hated you because no matter what I tried to do, you were always there, in my way, suffocating me with your ignorant innocence. The thought of killing you crossed my mind every single day when we were living together because your stench always polluted my body with the sickness of nausea! But most of all, Sasuke, I wanted to hurt you more than anything else in this world, because no matter how many times I tried to do it, I was never able to kill you.” Itachi paused, his hand once again moving towards Sasuke’s face, resting on the younger mans chin, forcing him to turn— their eyes once again meeting. “I hate you with all of my being, because no matter how much it burns to admit it… I love you, Sasuke.” The words were softly spoken, and Sasuke was surprised that he didn’t hear any resentment attached to them. Instead, he heard a sort of contentment… As if though saying those words brought Itachi a sort of peace and happiness that he had been trying to find for a very long time…

But even after his brother had confessed such a thing, Sasuke could not bring himself to believe it. If Itachi was telling the truth, then why the hell did he do what he did? Why had he killed their whole entire clan?! Why had he left him alive to suffer the loneliness that the evil deed had brought into his life?! Why give him nothing but misery?!



Did Itachi even know what the word love stood for?!

“I did it because I hated the Uchiha Clan,” Itachi stated, as if though he had been reading his thoughts all along. Sasuke’s eyes widened a bit at the confession… He’d known it all his life. Itachi’s actions had been the result of some sort of hate. But to hear him say it like that, after he had made the claim of loving him…

It was disgusting.


“I hated them with a passion, and I always will. I am not sorry for what I did Sasuke, and if you expect me to apologize, then I will be disappointing you once again, otouto.” Itachi’s mad Sharingan watched him carefully. As if though he were trying to memorize every single reaction that came out of him…

Sasuke felt a knot build in the pit of his stomach.


“Why did you hate them? Why?!” He closed his eyes as old memories played themselves graphically for him. “Mother LOVED you!! FATHER RESPECTED YOU!! Why?!!!” The memories of his once happy family stung. He could still remember the smile on his mother’s face as she cooked for him his favorite meals. He could remember the way his father gleamed with pride while talking to him about the ways of their clan.



He hadn’t felt so alone then…

“You’re right, mother did love me. She was weak. And father did not respect me otouto. He feared me… There is a difference,” Itachi said sternly, never once taking his eyes off of Sasuke.



“SO YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM?!?” The younger Uchiha shouted, his face showing nothing but hurt and anger— his tone showing that he found absolutely no logic in the way his brother thought.


“Yes,” Itachi stated simply, earning himself a death glare from the youngest Uchiha. Sighing, Itachi looked at Sasuke with a look that spoke of nothing but annoyance, and if he had felt up to it, Sasuke would have hit his brother on the head… “There are so many things you will never understand about me, Sasuke. Please do not try to figure everything out… I myself do not know some of the answers that you seek… I hated father, so I killed him. It is as simple as that. Mother tried to get in the way, so I killed her too. I knew that the rest of the clan would try to kill me after that… So I figured that killing those useless and pathetic puppets would not only save me trouble in the future, but it would do Konoha a grand favor.” His words had absolutely no emotion, and Sasuke’s eyes widened into wide circles at the audacity that his brother had. It was completely insane and unbelievable! He made it sound as if though he had killed chickens instead of people!


Sasuke tried to reason with what Itachi was telling him, he really did! But no matter how many different ways he tried to explain it to himself, all in favor of his brother, the sin that the bastard had committed was just simply unforgivable… It was completely inexcusable! No, he couldn’t bring himself to feel an ounce of comprehension. He understood nothing— he could never forgive the bastard. His brother had caused his family so much suffering… His father, his mother, their entire damned clan!


Itachi had hurt him so badly…


“Why the fuck didn’t you kill me then?! I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD! Do you know how fucking hard it was for me to keep on living?! DO YOU?! Do you know how much I hated myself?! How much it hurt to stay alive, thinking that I should have died with them all?!” Sasuke completely forgot about his pride, and just decided to cry his heart out. His pride didn’t really matter anymore anyways…



“I can imagine it was difficult, brother. But I knew that you would be fine… Konoha was not about to let their last Sharingan user rot. And as for me not killing you… Trust me Sasuke, I tried.”

Sasuke let a biter laugh escape his lips. He had planned everything about this day so perfectly over the years. He had forgotten to cover the part about it hurting like a bitch once he finally got his answers though. The moment of happiness that he had been feeling not too long ago faded. The satisfaction of seeing Itachi defeated was coming to an end… Had Naruto been right all along? Did revenge really not bring as much contentment and happiness as he thought it would bring? Was that good feeling really only going to be temporary…?

Letting a strangled noise tare at his throat, Sasuke shook his head in frustration. Why the hell did Itachi always have to hurt him? Why did he always do and say things that brought nothing but pain into his life? How could the bastard seriously look him in the eyes and tell him that he loved him? “You’ve broken me beyond repair, anaki…” Sasuke whispered meekly. Not really knowing what to do anymore…


“I am fully aware of what I’ve done to you, Sasuke. But I can not bring myself to be sorry for it, and for that, I guess I am sorry. Honestly Sasuke, I planned on leaving no Uchiha survivors that night… You are only alive today because when the time came for me to kill you, I realized I would rather live a hundred years in the mist of the whole Uchiha clan, than see you dead by my own hands.” The eldest Uchiha closed his eyes, an audible sigh escaping his chapped lips. “I am not a normal human being, otouto. I am going to go to hell… of that, you can be sure. And no matter how much it pains you, this will always be the truth… This will always be your life.” Itachi snapped his eyes open, his Sharingan no longer present. He reached out a warm hand, once again resting it on Sasuke’s purplish cheek— rubbing on it soothingly. “Accept your life brother, and just live. I once told you to hate me… I told you to run, I told you to cling to life and live it to the fullest. Do that Sasuke… Live your life and forget about your past.”



“Why are you telling me this?” Sasuke’s tears had stopped, but the pressure that had suddenly decided to crush his heart, hurt like no other pain he had ever felt before.

“Because you and I both know that you will take no one’s advice but mine. Sasuke… You’re the only one that I did not hate enough to kill. Do not disappoint me little brother. You fought well today; your skill has increased greatly…” The older Uchiha paused, studying Sasuke’s eyes for what felt like an eternity, and when Sasuke thought his brother had decided to just completely stop talking, Itachi continued, “I know my words will eventually bring you contentment, foolish little brother. Perhaps not at the moment… But eventually they will.” And with a smile that made Sasuke’s heart skip a beat, Itachi brought his hand down and entwined it with his own.


Long moments passed by silently. The wind was teasingly tickling their bruised and sore bodies— their sweat drying disgustingly against them. The older Uchiha brought his brother’s hand to his mouth and placed a chaste kiss on the back of it— Sasuke did not even realize that his tears were coming down once again. “I can’t forgive you…” He whispered almost regretfully.


“I would never ask you to,” Itachi squeezed his hand, laying it on top of the pouch in which he carried his combat weapons. Sasuke reached in for a sharp kunai, trying to make the heavy feeling that had out-of-nowhere appeared, go away. Suddenly having an urge to do something that he had never had before, Sasuke leaned over his brother and allowed his lips to brush Itachi’s gently. “Goodbye,” He spoke against his brother’s chapped lips, as he brought the kunai to his brother’s heart, and plunged it in as deep as it could go.


With widened eyes, Sasuke watched as the warm blood flowed from his brother in a strong current. He knew he was shaking now, but he couldn’t stop himself from doing so. He had done it. In a matter of seconds, it would all finally be over…




“You’ll be fine, otouto.” Itachi gasped suddenly, eyes closing at the obvious pain that he was feeling— and then, his body was completely still. It was done. Sasuke had gotten his revenge. His lifetime dream had been fulfilled. He had killed Itachi. He had killed his brother. He had killed the person he had once respected more than anyone else in this world.


He had killed the only man that he would ever be able to love.



---End---


Reveiw, aye?!

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