Are You There, God? It's Me, Naruto

A/N: okay, i've been working on this one-shot for about a month now, and it has become the longest one-shot i've ever written, including individual chapters for my multi fics. this mofo is 22 1/2 pages long, so if you still want to read it, get a butt donut and some coffee.

i wanted to post this instead of new chapters of my other fics because i haven't written those yet, and i feel bad 'cause i'm throwing a weekend long super bowl party, and won't be able to give them any thought. so i offer you this monster of a one-shot.

the title - interesting that you ask. i wanted to name it that for the humor value, but the story is less than humorous. but i did tie the title in with the story.

enjoy!!

*EDIT*: i got a... well, i don't know what kind of review it is, but the person told me to get a better title and gave me a link to a picture of the novel "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." now, i'm not mad, they are entitled to their opinion, but seriously. where the hell else would i have gotten the damn title? *rolls eyes*

italics: emphasis or remembered speech previously spoken in the story
"italics": remembered speech not in the actual story
'words': inner thought
'italics': kyuubi


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Are You There, God? It's Me, Naruto
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“Brat! It’s been so long!”

Tsunade stood from behind her desk, and though she knew she shouldn’t show any kind of favor amongst her shinobi, she walked around it and enveloped the blonde ninja before it in a tight hug. She felt the long-absent shinobi return the embrace wholeheartedly, and then she released him.

“Alright, sit down and report.”

Naruto let out a bark of laughter. “Since when have you been this work-oriented when I’m around, Tsunade-baa-chan?”

“Things change in two years, Naruto.” There was a sudden solemnity about the air that was dissipated with a tired smile from Tsunade. “What news do you have?”

“Well, it took a long time, but every single Sound base we could locate has been destroyed, along with Orochimaru’s forbidden scrolls. I know you would have liked them sealed in the vault, but it was unavoidable.”

“I understand. I’m just so grateful that this is all finally over.”

“Yeah.” Tsunade watched as a sad smile graced Naruto’s golden face. She thought he may have been recalling everything that had happened in the years since his chuunin exam, and it hurt her to know that in all those years, and even before those, the sunny and wonderful boy before her didn’t have many good memories and experiences to show for them.

“Since, I’m assuming, you’ve placed your written report with the records office, why don’t you go home and rest?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I already dismissed my team, told them I’d take care of this. But I’m beat. I’ll just stop by the hospital and head home.”

“Naruto…”

“I bet Sakura will be surprised to see me. Two years is an awful long time to be gone.”

“Naruto…”

“And Sasuke-teme-”

“Naruto!”

The blonde turned to stare at her. Tsunade didn’t know if she could tell him the news. It had been hard enough on the boy when he’d brought the Uchiha home two years ago, but what she had to tell him now might pale in comparison.

“What is it, Tsunade-baa-chan?”

“The Uchiha… woke up.” There was silence between them as Naruto stood still, staring blankly at the wall behind her. Then his features lit up in the brightest smile she’d ever seen from the kid.

“Sasuke’s awake! When? When did he wake up? Where is he? Can I see him?”

“Naruto, calm down.” His smile dimmed at the tone of her words, and she tried to continue carefully. “You may see him, but I have to warn you. Something’s still wrong with him.”

“What do you mean?”

“He woke up about a year ago. He was disconnected from the real world for so long that we thought his inactivity and lack of response to things around him were just effects of his confusion. The last thing he’d remember would be Oto.”

“But?”

“But as time went on, there was no change. He doesn’t speak, and he doesn’t fight. We found this out when Inuzuka got a little angry that Sasuke wasn’t answering his questions.”

“What happened?” Naruto’s eyes were wide in horrified curiosity.

“We sent Sasuke back into the village to gauge his mental and social state, and he ran into Kiba. Inuzuka asked him some friendly questions that the Uchiha didn’t respond to, and in anger, Kiba threw a kunai at him, fully expecting it to be dodged or even caught and returned. It ended up striking the Uchiha in the solar plexus, and we had to rush him to emergency surgery. Naruto, something’s wrong!”

Tsunade was at her wit’s end with the Uchiha. He responded to nothing, and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why this was happening. He was like a finely crafted doll, and nothing more.

“We’ve had everyone on this. The Hyuuga clan can’t find anything wrong or unusual about his chakra, and nothing Ibiki does has any effect. Kakashi can’t see anything with his Sharingan, and Ino says that his mind is there and active, it’s just ‘not on duty,’ as she put it.”

“Baa-chan…”

“I don’t know what else to say, Naruto. Just that, the Sasuke you know is no more. He’s been stripped of his shinobi status, to be reinstated once we’ve figured out what’s going on and upon completion of a thorough investigation and loyalty exercise. Until then, he is a civilian. We had ANBU on him for about six months, but he hardly leaves the mansion. And we had more pressing matters to attend to, so for six months he’s been on his own and has yet to do anything.”

“I’m going to see him.”

As much as Tsunade wanted to just leave it at that, she couldn’t. She wanted him to be fully prepared for what he might come across.

“Naruto,” she called as he turned to leave. He didn’t turn back, but he did tilt his head to show he was listening. Tsunade drew a deep breath. “Naruto, I think he’s broken.”

~*~

‘Broken?’ Naruto stood in the pale light from the moon that came in through his window. He stared blankly at the floor, not moving, barely breathing, sleep and plans to visit friends forgotten. ‘The Sasuke I know would never break.’

The Sasuke you know is no more.

Naruto went over what Tsunade said in his head, trying to work out just what he was supposed to do. She didn’t say Sasuke had amnesia, but if he hasn’t spoken in a whole year, how does anyone know he remembers anything?

‘I mean, knowing Sasuke, he might not remember anything, and he’s just keeping quiet until he does or until he has enough information on the people here to make it seem normal.’

Naruto shook his head at his own thoughts. It sounded ridiculous even to him. And Tsunade hadn’t said anything about Sasuke having brain damage or missing a tongue. What in the world could be wrong? Naruto had spent so long trying to get Sasuke back, and then when he’d finally succeeded, Sasuke had slipped into a coma. Then he’d been sent out on that mission to destroy Oto and its bases across the continent…

Never in his life would Naruto have thought everything would turn out like this, that everything he’d suffered, everything they’d suffered, would be for this. It was all so frustrating, and he hadn’t even seen the Uchiha yet!

Naruto forced himself to calm down, but his anxiety and anger wouldn’t die, and he could feel his deadly chakra trying to burst forth from him. Naruto looked to the window and made a quick decision to expend his pent up emotions in the forest, and he disappeared into the night.

~*~

Sasuke sat in his bedroom, legs tucked under his comforter, back ramrod straight, hands clasped in his lap. His hitai-ate had long since been abandoned, and his bangs fell heavily into his eyes.

He stared off in front of him, not seeing the door or the vanity or the pool of light from the window. He didn’t see anything, not anymore.

He didn’t think, he didn’t speak, and he didn’t move unless absolutely necessary. Sleep was sometimes on that list as well. He still ate, if only to keep himself alive for his last dream and desperate wish to come true.

He wanted to die.

Even in his unresponsive state, Sasuke realized the irony in that. That he’d stay alive so he could die. But he didn’t want to just die. He wanted to be killed.

He wanted a certain someone to kill him, a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed someone.

There was a flicker of familiar chakra, and then that flicker exploded. It triggered something in the Uchiha’s hibernating brain. The clasped hands in his lap gripped tightly, and Sasuke produced his first significant thought in a year.

Naruto…

~*~

When Naruto was finished blowing off steam, the land around him lay in ruin. Trees were toppled and boulders had been ground into fine dust. Kunai and shuriken lay scattered about everywhere and embedded in the trees and rocks that weren’t pulverized. Naruto himself wasn’t much better, as his clones had given him one hell of a fight.

A gentle breeze blew and brought a familiar scent to his nose, his senses heightened since calming the beast within him. His blue eyes widened in shock before he whirled around to face the person behind him.

Uchiha Sasuke stood in the moonlight, his pale skin glowing in the pale beams, his long hair billowing out from the force of the sudden wind. Leaves danced around him in a beautiful ballet, and Naruto’s breath caught in his throat. He focused on Sasuke’s eyes, those black orbs glassy and unresponsive.

“Sasuke…”

The Uchiha twitched slightly, and then he slowly began to move himself forward toward Naruto. The blonde tried to stay calm, but his breathing was becoming labored as his heart pounded relentlessly in his chest.

Sasuke stopped long enough to bend over and pick up a stray kunai. He brought it before him and stared at it without recognition before moving again toward Naruto. The demon vessel wanted to back up so badly, but fear with a hint of curiosity and excitement held him in place.

Then Sasuke was just a mere breath from him, reaching out for his hand. The pale boy’s hand was so very cold, and Naruto had to bite his lip from crying out at its touch. The hand with the kunai moved to his captured hand, and Naruto feared Sasuke was going to hurt him.

But nothing of the sort happened. Naruto felt the hilt of the kunai hit his palm, and he realized Sasuke was handing it to him. His fingers unconsciously wrapped around it, and he stared dumbly as Sasuke guided the weapon upward, to a point on his partially bared chest just shy of the boy’s sternum.

The other pale hand rose to his shoulder, and as Naruto stared into lifeless black eyes, he heard Sasuke whisper, “Koi… kill me.”

~*~

Kakashi’s visible eye widened in shock as the Uchiha’s words drifted to him on the wind. The first thing Sasuke had said in two years was a plea for death. He watched as panic began to etch its way onto Naruto’s face, and the blonde shoved himself forcefully away before disappearing into the night.

The masked jounin watched as the Uchiha merely stood there, eyes supposedly turned in the direction Naruto had fled. The hand that had remained in the air after the shoulder under it had disappeared slowly lowered to hang limply by his side. Then Sasuke lowered his head, turned the way he’d come, and went home.

Kakashi had a strong urge to follow the pale boy and confront him on what he’d just done, but he knew he should report what had happened to the Hokage to see if she could make any sense of it. Making the necessary signs, Kakashi transported himself from his branch to the Hokage Tower.

A light was still on and shining through the crack at the bottom of the door, and if the Hokage was still in there, Kakashi would put money on her being asleep. The ANBU on duty bowed their heads in greeting, and one silently slipped into the office to announce his presence; they knew that when a top-ranked jounin showed up at this hour of the night, it had to be important.

When the guard returned, he held the door open for Kakashi, and the silver-headed ninja waltzed in, hands in pockets and back slightly hunched, the perfect picture of nonchalance. But his visible eye was sharp and serious, and Tsunade immediately tensed once she noticed.

“What’s going on, Kakashi?”

“Naruto was emitting some dangerous chakra, so I followed him to the training grounds.” Tsunade nodded, having felt him release his, no doubt, many frustrations on the innocent landscape. “And to my surprise, Sasuke showed up not long after Naruto’s chakra was nearly spent.”

Tsunade’s eyes widened. Kakashi assumed she was focusing on the fact that Sasuke voluntarily went to see Naruto, much as Kakashi had until he’d heard Sasuke speak.

“And what happened?”

“Sasuke spoke.”

Tsunade nearly tripped in her rush to stand before him. “What did he say?” She looked so hopeful that Sasuke had finally made some progress, that Konoha was on its way to having one its most valuable ninja back. Kakashi almost didn’t want to tell her.

“He asked Naruto to…” he sighed, “… to kill him.”

Tsunade said nothing for a moment, and then cast her eyes to the floor. “I should have known. I was hoping this wasn’t the case.”

“What do you mean, Hokage-sama?”

“It was clear to me that he was shutting down. No matter how I wished to deny it, I knew he was just barely staying alive, obviously waiting for the return of the one person who deserves to take his life – the one he’d hurt the most, and the only one who deserves above all to take revenge.”

“Naruto…” Kakashi’s eye widened in shock and sadness as the pieces fell into place. Sasuke had been waiting to die.

“I can’t tell him, Kakashi. It’ll hurt Naruto so much to find out. I can’t be the one to do this to him!”

“I’ll do it, Hokage-sama. Leave it to me.”

“Kakashi…”

“Don’t worry. Everyone knows how you love that boy, but I won’t tell anyone about this.”

“No, telling anybody is out of the question until everything blows up. If we mess with it any more than we already are, it would blow up just that much sooner.”

Kakashi made a shallow bow and disappeared from the office.

~*~

Naruto was again standing in his apartment, staring blankly at the moonlit floor. The dead eyes of his best friend and rival wouldn’t leave his head, and the words spoken, a voice even more lifeless than the eyes, ricocheted through his empty heart.

Naruto let out a derisive snort. “Teme,” he whispered. “I wasn’t able to kill you before. What makes you think I can now?”

‘Now, the Uchiha has a reason not to fight back.’

‘What are you talking about, baka no kitsune?’

Before the demon could answer, Naruto’s attention was forced outside as a shadow fell across his hard wood floor. The usually cheerful… quarter-face of his former sensei stared solemnly at him from the window, and Naruto half-heartedly waved the jounin in.

“What brings you around at this time of night, Kakashi-sensei?” His voice was quiet, but it seemed to echo in the eerie silence of the small apartment.

“I overheard your exchange with Sasuke, and I informed the Hokage.”

“Why did you tell baa-chan?” Naruto stared incredulously at his former sensei, not knowing if he should be angry the jounin had spied and told, or anxious to know what the hell was going on.

“Naruto, those were the first words Sasuke has spoken in a year. I felt I had to inform Tsunade.”

“… Aa,” Naruto agreed, reluctantly.

“Naruto, this isn’t going to be easy, what I have to tell you. Would you prefer to sit down?”

Naruto nodded wordlessly and sank down, hoping his couch was somewhere near him so he didn’t land on the floor. He was worried; the way Kakashi was being serious and hadn’t waited until tomorrow to tell him had his stomach flipping in ways it was not specifically designed to do.

“Naruto, Tsunade has had a theory about Sasuke’s behavior that she’s kept from the village. She thinks he’s been waiting for you to return so that you can kill him.”

Naruto jumped up from the couch in anger. “You think?!”

“Calm down, Naruto. Yes, he wants you to kill him, as Tsunade says, because you are the one who most deserves to do so. She believes that all the pain he’s caused you has weighed heavily on his mind, probably in the coma, and for the last year since he’s woken.”

“But-”

“Naruto! He’s… he’s broken beyond repair,” Kakashi choked out. Naruto guessed it was hard on the masked man, to have to admit that his student, the boy he thought was so much like him, was interred in such emotional stigma that nothing could bring him out of it short of death.

“So what would you have me do, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto whispered into the thick silence.

“What?” His sensei sounded confused. Naruto huffed in bitter amusement as he rolled his eyes to stare into his meager kitchen, away from his former sensei.

“I said, ‘what would you have me do?’ What was the point of telling me? Am I supposed to just kill him now?”

“No!”

“Well, if the teme is desperate enough, he’ll just kill himself.”

“He hasn’t yet, and I’m sure he’s… wanted to… for a while now.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t here to say ‘no.’ I am now. At some undetermined number of me saying ‘no,’ he’ll finally get it and do it himself. So, tell me again, what would you have me do?”

Naruto looked at Kakashi then, eyes dulled by pain and hopelessness; bright blue orbs were nothing more than a drab and weary gray in the pale light. The corner of the jounin’s eye was wrinkled, indicated the man was frowning, and it was only now Naruto realized how old the man was getting, whereas he, the little demon boy, had no idea if and when he would die.

“We all just thought that you, of all people, could do something, Naruto.” And Kakashi left through the open window.

“Yeah,” he rejoined to the empty room, “Because I’m the most surprising ninja of Konoha.” His eyes danced with light, but it wasn’t a smile that lit them.

~*~

Iruka woke to frantic banging on his front door. Even though he was a chuunin Academy instructor, and thus the last person they’d call for an urgent mission, Iruka nonetheless crept cautiously from his bed, kunai in hand as he neared the entrance to his home.

“Who is it?” he asked as he carefully placed his hand on the doorknob.

“Iruka-sensei…”

Iruka let out a sigh of relief. It was only Naruto. ‘Wait! Naruto?!’

Iruka flung open the door and wrapped his arms around a stunned blonde. Strong tan arms quickly came up to return the hug, but even through the joy of seeing Naruto after two long years, Iruka felt the slight shivers of the arms around him, knew something was wrong from the way Naruto clung to him. He let go, but when Naruto refused to budge, he replaced his arms about the blonde until he calmed down.

When Naruto’s death grip finally loosened enough for him to pull away, Iruka looked into the tear-streaked face of the strongest, bravest shinobi he’d ever had the privilege of teaching, and he felt his heart break. Though he should have been used to those blue eyes filled with tears, they were accompanied by a pain so great, Iruka had to concentrate on his breathing to keep his own tears in check.

“Would you like some tea, Naruto?” Shaggy blonde hair flew in refusal. “How about some hot chocolate?” Iruka asked this with as warm a smile as he could muster at – Kami-sama – three in the morning, and it only got warmer when he saw the blonde begin to refuse, only to hesitate then accept.

The blonde stepped into his home and sat on the floor, back to the couch, legs bent between the coffee table and his body. Iruka was suddenly hit with a picture of a small pre-genin in an oversized orange jumpsuit, sitting in the exact same place, his chubby little fist balled up and wiping at tears in his eyes. It soon faded to be replaced with that same boy, only he was a man, and the oversized orange jumpsuit had been exchanged for the black uniform and white vest of ANBU.

Iruka started. ‘Why is Naruto still in uniform?’

He ran to the kitchen and prepared the hot chocolate as quickly as he could. Something was truly troubling his favorite ninja, and Iruka wasn’t going to be able to sleep until he found out what.

With two mugs in hand, Iruka returned to the living room to find Naruto bent over his legs, hiding his face in his knee, arms wrapped tightly around his shin. Iruka set one mug in front of Naruto and took a seat across from him, but Naruto didn’t move. Minutes ticked by, but Iruka knew not to say anything. Force had never been a big motivation for Naruto.

“What am I supposed to do, Iruka-sensei?” he finally heard whispered.

“About what, Naruto?”

“About Sasuke.”

Iruka closed his eyes in dismay. That was not what Naruto needed the day he got back from a long-term and very dangerous mission. “I don’t know what they told you, but-”

“He wants me to kill him!” Naruto’s head shot up, and Iruka could see the fresh tears glistening on those scarred cheeks.

“What?” Iruka asked in confusion, which was quickly replaced by surprise as Naruto flung himself across the small expanse of the coffee table into the chuunin’s lap, spilling hot chocolate on the floor.

“Sasuke… he wants me… to kill hi-him…” Naruto sobbed into his bare chest.

“Oh, Naruto…” Iruka wrapped his arms around the crying boy and held him tightly.

“What am I s-supposed… to do, Iruka-sensei?”

“I’m so sorry, Naruto. I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything you really can do.” Naruto sobbed harder into his chest. “Sasuke has been stretched in too many emotional and mental directions… If anything, we can be there for him, try to help him through this crisis, and pray for his survival.”

Naruto sniffled a few times then mumbled, “Pray to who, Iruka-sensei?”

“Why, to the gods, Naruto; to Kami-sama and the benevolent spirits of the holy realm.”

A bitter laugh escaped the boy, and Iruka leaned back to peer into his face. “I stopped praying to them a long time ago, Iruka-sensei. They don’t listen to little demon boys.”

“Naruto!” The blonde wouldn’t look him in the eye, and Iruka felt a renewed anger at the way the village had treated Naruto when he’d been a child. Iruka thought quickly. Naruto was in a place right now that he needed to get out of. Well, if Naruto didn’t believe in their gods…

“In the West, Naruto, people worship only one god. He is the Creator of all things, in Heaven and on Earth, and He is merciful.” Bloodshot blue eyes reluctantly looked up at him. “They devote themselves to God, believing that He will protect them and guide them away from strife and sin. But not everyone in the West believes God is real.”

“Why not?”

“Because no one knows for sure if He is real or not.”

“Then how can they believe in something that might not be real?”

“It’s called faith, Naruto. People can believe in the unknown because they have faith. And whether you believe in God or Kami or Buddha, it doesn’t matter as long as you have faith. But faith has more than a religious meaning, Naruto. Some people can have faith without being religious at all.”

“Then what do they have faith in, Iruka-sensei?”

“They have faith in themselves, Naruto. They have faith in family, in friends, in justice. Have faith in Sasuke, Naruto, if you can’t have faith in anything else.”

Naruto slowly climbed from his lap and stood looking down at him. He eyed the mess he’d made in his mad dash across the table and sniffled. “I’m sorry about the mess, Iruka-sensei. I’ll clean it up.”

Iruka smiled up at the young man. “It’s fine, Naruto. You go home and rest. You just got home from a two-year mission.”

A faint smile and a murmured ‘thank you’ were directed at him, and Naruto silently moved to the door. Throwing one last look over his shoulder at his former instructor, Naruto left. Iruka frowned at the door for a minute, fearing what would happen to Naruto if something happened to Sasuke, and moved to stand. Once he gained his feet, Iruka nearly fell back to the floor, and he realized the blood had left his legs.

‘Okay, Iruka, never let a twenty-year-old ANBU sit in your lap again.’

~*~

Naruto found himself where he often went in times of need, the expanse of Konoha stretching out under him. He stood at the edge of the cliff, the faces of Konoha’s finest beneath his feet.

The early morning air was chilled, but Naruto didn’t feel it as he gazed blankly out before him. He usually came here to speak his mind, hoping the Hokage of the past could hear him and placate his childhood fears that he’d never make Rokudaime. But now, with something so much bigger, so much more important on the line than his succeeding Tsunade, Naruto felt he didn’t have anything to say to them.

They had all given of their lives for the people they cared for, two of them even giving their lives. And here Naruto stood, unable to save his most precious person.

‘You managed to save him once.’

‘Yet there isn’t a single thing I can do now.’

If anything, we can be there for him, try to help him through this crisis, and pray for his survival.

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes again. Who would he pray to? The gods had forsaken him the moment Yondaime had performed the fateful jutsu. Naruto grunted bitterly.

‘There’s Neji’s ‘fate’ that he spoke so unwaveringly of. Is it now my fate to lose Sasuke?’

In the West, Naruto, people worship only one god.

Naruto grimaced to himself. How could Iruka-sensei expect him to ask another’s god for guidance when he didn’t even believe in his own? He turned his scowling face to the starry sky.

He is the Creator of all things, in Heaven and on Earth, and He is merciful.

One of the larger stars caught his eye, and as Naruto watched, it moved. Unable to believe it, he watched it carefully. It moved again. And again. It seemed to move at a rhythmic pace, not fast or slow, just in a… It was…

‘It’s pulsating.’

Naruto backed away from the cliff’s edge. Had that star always been there? It didn’t seem natural in the geography of the stars, and its pulsating was certainly a new one for the blonde. Naruto shook his head. This didn’t make any sense. The star had always been there, and it wasn’t doing anything that stars couldn’t naturally do. It just wasn’t possible…

It’s called faith, Naruto. People can believe in the unknown because they have faith.

Iruka’s words struck a resonating chord within him, and Naruto sank heavily to his knees.

Pray for his survival.

Naruto’s eyes locked onto the star, and his lips began to move.

“Are you there, God? It’s me, Naruto. You… you don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but you’re all I have left. Kami and his consorts, or whatever the word is – cohorts, maybe – have never paid heed to a little demon boy, and Iruka-sensei said you’re merciful, so I just figured you’d… I don’t know, at least acknowledge me.”

Naruto fell silent, suddenly feeling very foolish for rambling to the night sky. But he had nothing left to lose, so he cleared his throat, blinking back the stinging tears that threatened to escape.

“My friend, Sasuke, he’s in trouble. I don’t know what to do. Kakashi-sensei told me that everyone expects something from me, even this damn demon. But Sasuke wants me to kill him. Do they expect me to kill my best friend? I can’t do that. If I can’t follow him – and I know Kyuubi won’t let me – then I won’t let him go. But I don’t know how to hang on to him. Eventually, he’ll take it upon himself to leave. He’ll… he’ll leave me.”

The tears finally fell down his whiskered cheeks. “God, what am I supposed to do? He… Sasuke, he… he called me ‘koi.’ I don’t know if you know what that is, or if you are okay with it, but that just makes this harder on me. I’ve loved him for so long. That’s why I stubbornly trained and fought to bring him home. Even if he never acknowledged me as more than a friend or a rival, I selfishly wanted him near me. And now, to finally hear him say that, with a plea for death behind it…”

Naruto broke, and all his grief and anguish flowed out with his sobs. The day he was born… His every birthday that followed… His many tries to graduate… His tricking at the hands of Mizuki-sensei… Sasuke saving him from Haku… His abandonment by Kakashi-sensei during the chuunin exams… Losing Sasuke to Orochimaru, over and over again… Sasuke’s coma… Sasuke’s plea…

Everything came pouring back into his mind, the sad times he’d forced himself to forget, ripping free from his crushed heart in gut-wrenching sobs. He hunched over, fisting the soft grass beneath him before bringing one up to slam back down upon the earth.

His sobs gave way to hoarse cries of, “What am I supposed to do?” It became a mantra in sync with his bleeding heart, the volume rising each time until Naruto’s encroaching rage had him rearing up to shout angrily at the sky, “Tell me what to do!”

Nothing but the night wind answered him, and his mind fell blank as exhaustion crept over him. His arms had fallen limp by his sides, and it was with monumental effort that Naruto moved his head to catch sight of them; he couldn’t really feel them. He was going numb.

The moon’s light was bright enough to cast dim shadows on the ground, and Naruto’s eyes caught on the swaying shadows of nearby tree branches. They seemed eerie and sinister, reaching across the ground to grab at Naruto’s own shadow. His desolate mind briefly wondered if Shikamaru’s shadow possession jutsu would allow him to move trees.

Naruto’s idle contemplation suddenly turned serious, and he titled his head a bit, eyebrows furrowing in further thought. His eyes brightened with an idea, the kind he was famous for, somewhat impossible and altogether dangerous, and he was down Hokage Mountain in a flash.

‘I think… I just had… divine inspiration.’

~*~

Sakura stood gathered with the rest of Naruto’s impromptu team outside the Uchiha mansion. Tsunade had requested everyone’s presence just before dawn, and she’d fully explained the Uchiha’s situation.

Even as high up in the hospital as she had come, Sakura had never known that Sasuke was about to lose it, and it saddened her to know it. She’d outgrown her childish crush on the stoic man, but that fact didn’t lessen her concern for her former teammate. And now she was even concerned for Naruto. The blonde had confessed his feelings for their missing compatriot some years back, and it broke her heart to have heard what Sasuke had been waiting for all this time.

So when she’d heard the plan, she immediately volunteered to help. But she’d been surprised by how many others had actually wanted to help as well. Tsunade hadn’t had to order anyone to follow Naruto’s plan.

She stood just outside the mansion, looking on with the others as Naruto walked up to the front door. Hinata, Shikamaru, and Ino stood to her right, and Shikamaru had a surprisingly attentive look to him. He wasn’t staring off into the sky, and he hadn’t once said that it was troublesome. Ino, after having failed to help Sasuke when he’d woken, was standing tensed beside him, determination rolling off her in waves. Hinata seemed calm, only a slight hint of worry in her pale eyes.

To Sakura’s left was Neji, face free of his ANBU captain’s mask and eyes trained to Naruto’s back, as well as Lee. And behind her were Tsunade and Kakashi, and two medic-nin on standby. As she watched Naruto move away from the door to search the windows, Sakura hoped this plan didn’t end in bloodshed.

Nothing moved in the Uchiha district, and the silence nearly echoed. But then Sakura saw Naruto take in a huge lung-full of air, and she physically prepared herself for what she knew was coming.

“Sasuke-teme!” echoed through the morning calm, followed by, “Get your ass out here, bastard, ‘cause I’m about to grant a wish!”

At her side, the only sign that Neji had moved was the slight breeze that pulled at her hair. She knew he was moving into position, and so was Kakashi. Tsunade and her medics backed up a few steps, but Sakura stayed where she was. She didn’t have a specific part in the plan, but she wanted a good view of whatever ending it took. Lee placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder before moving for his place as well.

Sakura, along with Shikamaru and Ino, tensed slightly when the door to the mansion slowly creaked open. Hinata gasped quietly, but she didn’t move. Sasuke calmly stepped outside, his pale body wrapped in a white yukata. He was barefoot, apparently not caring as he walked along the rough concrete towards Naruto. The blonde wasn’t smiling, but his body was relaxed, his stance deceptively nonchalant.

“Hey there, teme. Why didn’t you answer the door when I knocked?”

Sasuke didn’t answer, and Sakura felt a pang of anxiety when he didn’t even acknowledge the passive observers off to the side. He just stood facing Naruto, neither one faltering in the other’s gaze.

Sakura saw the small twitch in Naruto’s wrist – the signal to begin. Shikamaru put his hands together and performed the signs for his possession jutsu. A thin shadow raced out from his own to catch both Naruto and Sasuke’s shadows. Not even a hint of surprise showed on the Uchiha’s face, and Sakura recalled Naruto saying that it wouldn’t.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, bastard. You want me to kill you. But you know what I want? I want to see some kind of emotion cross your face. I want to know that you’re actually still alive before I grant that wish. Show me something, Sasuke.”

Nothing happened, and Sakura desperately sought for some way to help. Then Naruto’s pre-dawn words came back to her.

“The only emotions that have ever really crossed his face are irritation and anger.”

‘What would make Sasuke angry? Oh, I’ve never angered him before! I’ve only ever…’

Sakura’s eyes widened. She looked to Naruto and Sasuke in their stalemate once more, the slight tension in Naruto’s shoulders the only sign that he was starting to become angry. With only a trace amount of hesitation, Sakura quietly cleared her throat to better reach the high pitch of her youth.

With a big breath, Sakura opened her mouth and hollered, “Sasuke-kuuuuuuuuuuun!”

Ino whirled to slap her, but a quiet “Gotcha, Uchiha” stopped her, and Sakura looked upon the face of a smirking Naruto. A wink of his eye, and a green blur shot out from the trees close by. Then Lee was by her side, and Sakura, along with everyone else, looked upon the form of an armed Uchiha, weapons holster strapped to his right leg.

“Let’s go about granting that wish, ne, teme?”

Next to her, Shikamaru reached for a kunai in his weapons holster on his right leg, and Sakura watched as Naruto and Sasuke were forced to do the same. Shikamaru’s right arm came up and pointed the kunai before him. Her two teammates shadowed the movement, their kunai aimed for each other’s heart.

“If I kill you, Sasuke, you kill me. It’s a fair trade. It’ll be an instant death for both of us, and even Kyuubi can’t save me in this situation.” Naruto’s voice suddenly hardened with immeasurable sadness. “If you go, koi, I go with you. You won’t leave me behind again.”

Sakura tore her eyes away from the scene at movement to her side. Ino’s hands were ready on the first sign of her jutsu, and Hinata’s hand was placed lightly upon her arm. The girl’s pale eyes were immersed in the Byakugan, silently watching for her cue.

“Here we go, Sasuke. Let’s kick each other’s ass in the afterlife.”

Shikamaru brought his arm back, and Sakura turned her eyes nervously back to the two trapped in the shadow possession. They were both ready for the strike, and she dared not close her eyes despite her great desire to do so.

Shikamaru’s arm was coming forward, compelling Naruto and Sasuke to mirror it. Then Sakura heard what she’d feared she’d never hear again.

“D-dobe…”

Time slowed down, and it seemed as if Sakura could take in every aspect of the situation at once. The kunai were only centimeters from their targets. Hinata squeezed Ino’s arm. Shikamaru released his jutsu. Ino flew through her signs, and her body collapsed into Hinata’s waiting arms.

And Sakura held her breath.

~*~

Naruto was starting to think his plan would actually work. Currently, Sasuke’s body was standing motionless before him, and Kakashi and Neji were cautiously inching their way nearer.

He’d had Ino use her mind transfer jutsu, but the girl had trained it over the years to where she could walk the realms of the mind. Right now, she was probably in the process of wrangling that spark of anger into submission. It was the key to bringing his teme back.

“Is everything going to plan, Naruto?” Naruto looked over at Kakashi and grinned sheepishly.

“Well, I don’t know. Ino’s doing her thing in there, but if for some reason he starts going crazy, be prepared to subdue him.”

Hinata gasped suddenly, and all eyes turned to see Ino coming back to herself. Naruto reacted quickly and caught Sasuke as he slumped forward.

“Son of a bitch! He kicked me out!”

Naruto looked down at the unconscious Uchiha in his arms and smiled sweetly. That famous Uchiha anger would spark the fire to live. And whether or not Sasuke ever forgave him for this, Naruto would make sure that fire never went out again.

“Alright, Naruto, hand him over.” Naruto nodded and gave Sasuke over to Tsunade’s medics. “I have to hand it to you, brat, you did well. But we’ve tried to get him to react for a year…”

“Well, some thanks go to Sakura. I bet she hasn’t done that fangirl squeal in a while.” He looked over at her and saw her blush, Ino jabbing her in the side with an elbow. “Nice job, by the way.”

“Naruto, what you did was careless.” He turned his head to see Neji had finally reached his side. “What if the Uchiha hadn’t cared if he killed you? He’s tried it before.” Naruto winced at the memory, but the apologetic look in Neji’s eyes calmed the remembered pain some.

“If he hadn’t cared, Neji, then we would have been together in death.” Naruto stared blankly at everyone then moved to follow the path the medics had taken with Sasuke.

~ 4 months later ~

Sasuke was sitting in front of Tsunade’s desk, waiting patiently as she read his many medical evaluations. It had been four long months of therapy, psychiatrists dissecting his brain trying to find why he’d wanted to die, why he’d wanted Naruto to do it.

He’d never told them why, preferring to keep that information to himself. But after they finally realized that he wasn’t about to jump off the deep end, that he was back to being the cold and feared Uchiha he’d used to be, they released him. Tsunade was now just making sure that she didn’t find anything that they might have overlooked.

“Welcome back, Uchiha,” Tsunade said with a smile as she lowered the scroll. “Your shinobi status won’t be reinstated until after an evaluation of your skills and loyalty, which is to take place in a few weeks. Until then, I will have you under guard.”

“I understand, but I haven’t used my skills in two years, Tsunade-sama.”

“I’ve taken that into consideration. You may train with anyone you wish, but only under the careful watch of Kakashi and your guard. Your guard is also under orders to move in with you for the duration of your probation.”

“And who is my guard?”

“Who do you think, teme?”

Sasuke turned in his chair to take in the blonde that had just entered the office. Either Sasuke was extremely rusty or Naruto had learned a few things, because he hadn’t felt the man’s chakra signature. Then Naruto’s statement finally caught up to him, and his heart started racing.

Naruto was going to be near him.

Yes, the blonde ANBU captain had visited him often in the hospital, mostly after visiting hours with strict orders from Tsunade not to get him riled up. But Naruto had also received many missions in those four months, since he was ANBU.

Sasuke recalled that day long ago when he and Naruto had been stuck in Shikamaru’s jutsu, and he remembered the pain in those impossibly blue eyes as they’d been poised to kill each other. It almost eerily mirrored a day long, long ago in their childhood, and Sasuke closed his eyes on the memory.

“Can’t you even knock, brat? No, I don’t want to hear it. Just get both your asses out of my office.”

Sasuke stood and bowed before moving out the door, Naruto following on his heels. They walked to the Uchiha district in silence. People stopped to stare at him, and, to his inner chagrin, smiled at him when he glared. They were obviously happy to have him back to normal as well.

The door to his mansion was soon before him, and he unlocked it and entered. Naruto followed. The first things he noticed were the many boxes that decorated his home, and he turned a questioning eye to his blonde shadow.

“Baa-chan told you I was moving in, ne?”

“Hn.”

“Tch. ‘Hn’ to you too, teme.” Naruto grinned at him and stepped around him to go further into the house. “I’ll just get these unpacked now. If you want to go out for food later, just let me know, okay?”

Without waiting for a response, Naruto picked up two boxes – one placed on his shoulder, the other against his hip – and started up the stairs. Sasuke watched as he disappeared on the second landing and idly wondered where Naruto was going to put all his things.

He wanted so badly to talk to Naruto, to ask him so many questions, but he didn’t know where to begin. He’d opted to stay in for dinner, so now they were sitting in his living room, a fire crackling in the hearth. He took a deep breath and decided to just get it over with.

“I’m sorry, Naruto.”

The blonde started and looked at him wide-eyed. “What for?”

“I’m sorry I asked that of you.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and he turned his head away from the other man to stare into the fire. He felt, rather than saw, Naruto move from his chair across the room to sit next to him on the settee. Tan fingers clasped his chin and turned his head to look into bright blue eyes.

“You want me to forgive you?”

“You don’t have to forgive me, Naruto. I meant it. But I want you to know that now I am sorry for doing it.”

“Why did you ask, Sasuke?”

There was the question so many doctors at the hospital would pay to know the answer to. Sasuke almost smirked, because the only person he’d ever tell if asked was the one who just had.

“When I woke up from that coma, angry but relieved blue eyes weren’t the first things I saw.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Naruto whispered the question, not really angry.

“I figured a long time ago, Naruto, that the only way I would make it out of all that happened alive would be because of you. And when I woke up to find you gone from Konoha… I thought it was because you had given up on me. And I knew if you hated me, it would make it easier for you to kill me.”

“So you were afraid?”

Sasuke wanted to avert his eyes, turn away from the burning intensity in Naruto’s own. But those tan fingers tightened on his chin, and he quietly admitted what he never had before. “So very afraid.”

“Alright, teme, listen up. I will never leave you. I can’t leave you. I love you.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened. “You what?”

“I do. And, sometimes, it’s beyond me why, but that fact will never change. I would do anything for you.”

“Then why didn’t you kill me?”

“Except that. Unless I’m hit in a very specific spot, to a very specific degree, I can’t be killed, thanks to this damn fox. So as long as I live, you live. Got it?”

“But you did say you would grant my wish that day, and then you sicced Ino on me.” Sasuke’s eyebrows drew down in a slight scowl.

Naruto chuckled, the husky sound making Sasuke shiver. “No, I said I was there to grant a wish, not your wish. I granted my wish, to have you back.”

Sasuke wanted to say something to that, anything. But his mind had gone numb for some reason, and his lips were frozen in a displeased line. He noted the second Naruto’s gentle smile became a bit forced, and he wanted to curse himself as six times a fool.

Naruto’s smile became nervous and he patted Sasuke on the knee after releasing his chin. “Well, I guess I’ll be going to bed. We’ll start calisthenics in the morning to work you back up to fighting level. Oh, and ero-sennin gave Kakashi-sensei the latest Icha Icha volume, so it might just be you and me. Goodnight.”

Sasuke watched Naruto disappear, feeling extremely exhausted himself, but he stayed on the settee and watched the fire die.

~*~

Naruto lay on his back, hands beneath his head as he stared at the ceiling. His blankets only came to his waist, leaving his naked torso exposed to the chilly air.

He felt depressingly satisfied. He’d told himself he’d reveal his feelings to the Uchiha, whatever his reaction, but he hadn’t expected to do it so soon after Sasuke had been released from the hospital. Damn that teme, making him say things when he didn’t want to!

‘At least it’s over, and I know how he feels. I knew he wouldn’t say anything, but he didn’t show any kind of reaction at all.’

‘The Uchiha has never been good with words or actions, that’s true.’

Naruto snorted silently and rolled his eyes, only to catch sight of Sasuke next to his bed. His eyes widened, and he shot up in bed, heedless of his state of undress.

“Holy shit, Sasuke! You scared the shit out of me! What are you doing in here?” Naruto finally took in Sasuke’s whole body, and he was only wearing a pair of boxers.

Sasuke reached out and threaded his fingers through Naruto’s shaggy hair before climbing into the bed with him. Naruto gasped as the Uchiha straddled his thighs and tenderly brought their lips together.

Naruto moaned into the soft lips on his, giving the man on top of him a chance to slip his tongue into his mouth. He sucked on the slick muscle, and Naruto smiled when Sasuke moaned. But… what the hell was going on?

Naruto gently pushed Sasuke away, nipping lightly at his bottom lip to show he wasn’t angry. “Sasuke, why are you doing this?”

He scowled. “I… me, too… Tch, just let me do this, dobe.”

Sasuke leaned back and ripped the blanket away from Naruto’s lower body. Then he scooted as close as he could and claimed Naruto’s lips again. A mewl of protest was cut off as Sasuke ground down into Naruto.

“Gods, Sasuke! Are you sure?”

His answer was Sasuke reaching down beneath his boxers to grasp his half-hard cock and pumping in a slow rhythm more than likely used to drive him insane. Despite that, his hands came up to glide over Sasuke’s pale sides, and Naruto leaned forward to kiss the expanse of a chest that didn’t look as if it hadn’t been toned for two years.

His lips passed over a pink nipple, and the pale man’s quiet gasp and slight falter in rhythm had Naruto grinning and returning to it to lave his tongue along it and its twin. Sasuke arched into him, and his hand retreated from his boxers to grab his shoulder. Naruto tightened his hold on Sasuke’s sides and moved him onto his back. Sasuke looked up at him questioningly.

“If you’re dead set on doing this tonight, we only have an hour or two before dawn and our calisthenics. I guess we can get you warmed-up early.”

Naruto grinned lasciviously before stripping Sasuke of his boxers. His manly pride stood at attention, blushed a beautiful dark color with a small pearl of pre-cum ready to slide down its length. Naruto wanted to taste it, so he dipped his head down and ran his tongue along the head.

Sasuke cried out, and Naruto smirked down at him. He bent down and took the Uchiha’s entire length into his mouth, holding down Sasuke’s hips when the man bucked up in surprise. Pale fingers found their way to his hair and tightened against his skull, encouraging him to move faster.

Naruto’s left hand ghosted down Sasuke’s side and outer thigh to return up the inner thigh, fingers stopping to play with the Uchiha’s balls before slipping lower to tease the stretch of skin behind them.

As Naruto continued to work Sasuke over with his mouth, his fingers dipped between the globes of his lover’s ass, and he reared back in surprise. He brought his fingers close to his face to see what was on them in the insufficient light.

“Did you stretch yourself?” he asked incredulously.

“A shinobi is always prepared, dobe.”

Naruto snorted. “This puts a whole new perspective on the phrase.” Naruto gave his fingers one last look before smiling seductively at the pale man beneath him. “But it’s sexy as hell. You have to let me watch next time.” His eyebrows waggled up and down, and he laughed as Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Just get on with it, dobe.”

Naruto just smiled. It was a good thing he understood Sasuke-speak. He leaned back to strip off his boxers, hissing as the material dragged across his very engorged cock. Then he wondered what he would use on his own length, because regardless of Sasuke preparing himself, Naruto was still dry.

And the problem was solved in a very pleasing way, as Sasuke bucked up and swallowed him whole. Naruto bit his tongue to keep his scream in check, and he fell forward above Sasuke’s working mouth, trembling arms holding his shaking frame.

Sasuke’s hands traveled over his well-defined chest, and then Naruto was being thrown onto his back, a very sexy Sasuke straddling him. The Uchiha lifted himself and slowly came down on Naruto’s erection. Naruto could see how much Sasuke was trying not to concentrate on the pain, and then he was fully immersed in his tight heat.

Sasuke was still for a moment, and then Naruto’s breath was taken away as he lifted up slowly, until just the tip of Naruto was still encased within him, and then violently rammed back down.

Naruto’s scream from earlier erupted from deep within his chest, and his hands scrambled to Sasuke’s hips to help the dark-haired man ride him all the faster and harder. All thoughts of a gentle and tender first time together were long gone.

On one of Sasuke’s frantic ascents, Naruto pulled his hips a bit to change the angle, and Sasuke screamed as he descended hard and fast, Naruto’s cock striking his sensitive prostate.

Their pace turned even more frantic, and they neared their peaks together. Naruto thrust one last time, and Sasuke shot his load onto Naruto’s chest with a hoarse scream, the blonde joining in when the raven’s inner walls squeezed him mercilessly, milking him for everything he had.

They collapsed on the bed, sweat and cum mixing between their bodies. And though it was sticky and cooling fast, Naruto thought it was the best feeling in the world, because he was feeling it with Sasuke, the man he loved. And now he knew Sasuke loved him as well.

‘How do you figure that one?’

‘This was the reaction I was hoping for. Maybe not to this extent, though it was very pleasing.’

Naruto wrapped a dozing Sasuke in his arms and kissed damp locks of raven hair.

‘You’re happy. Maybe the Uchiha is good with actions after all.’

Naruto rolled his eyes and turned his head to the window to watch the first streaks of day break across the horizon. It was going to be a good day. And as long as he kept Sasuke by his side, it would be a good life.


~owari~


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now i wish you all a wonderful weekend. review, cheer for the colts this sunday, and as always, thank you for reading!