Men Shouldn't Wear Make-Up

****A/N-This is just a little plot bunny that has been running around in my head. Let me know what you think!****

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As Naruto watched the girls and pretty boys get into their dresses, put on their wigs, and put on their make-up, one question went through his head. Why? Why had he let Haku talk him into this?

“Twenty minutes until showtime.” A bubbly female stuck her head into the dressing room and held up her ten fingers and then closed her fists, holding up ten fingers again. As if “Twenty minutes” wasn’t explanatory enough.

Haku dipped the little brush into the blush and expertly put it on his cheeks. He examined himself in the mirror and then turned towards Naruto. “How do I look?”

“Perfect.” Naruto took in Haku’s porcelain appearance. He really looked like one of those dolls, perfectly created in some mold. He was wearing a purple silk nightie. It didn’t even cover to mid thigh, and there were long slits on the side that went all the way up to his waist. The bottom was decorated in black lace, as were the straps and the V shaped collar. Haku had his hair pulled up in his typical bun, while leaving enough out to frame his pretty face. His black hair only made his facial features stand out even more.

“You’re not finished yet.” Haku took in Naruto’s appearance. Naruto was wearing a long light blue dress. The sleeves slipped off of his shoulders, and the back of the dress dipped almost all the way down to his beautifully shaped ass. He had on a blonde wig fashioned with long pigtails. Little ringlets fell down around his face.

“I don’t know how to put on make-up.” Naruto shifted in his seat, frustrated at the restricting dress.

Haku grabbed some glittery silver eyeshadow, his black eyeliner, mascara, and his favorite pink glossy lipstick. “Just stay still.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sasuke crossed his arms across his chest, making sure Karin knew exactly how pissed he was to be sitting in the audience of the Maury show. The only comforting fact was it wasn’t one of the typical ‘which one of the hundred guys that I had unprotected sex with could be my baby’s daddy?’ crap.

“Oh good, they’re about to bring the people out.” Karin jumped up so she could see the stage.

“This is the lovely Deidara. Deidara loves art and enjoys crafting clay with those beautiful hands.”

“Oh wow. You got to look at this one, Sasuke. I think it’s a girl.”

Sasuke ignored her.

“If you don’t stand up and participate and keep up your part of the bargain, I won’t keep mine.”

Sasuke grudgingly stood up.

“Well, what do you think?”

Sasuke stared at the posing could-be crossdresser. “It’s a man.”

Karin’s eyes lit up, “That would be hot.”

Sasuke gave Karin a warning glare. “I have no interest in men pretending to be women.”

“Next up we have Haku. Haku loves the rain, and loves the feel of silk against even silkier skin!”

Maury walked around the room with his mic while people shouted almost unanimously that Haku was a girl.

Karin nodded at the calls of the crowd, “Definitely a girl.”

Sasuke snickered.

“What you think you’re an expert on cross-dressers?”

“I’m a better judge than you.”

“Want to make a bet?”

“No.”

“Chicken.”

“…What are the stakes?”

“You have to ask out anyone who you judge wrong.”

“I didn’t think you’d like the idea of me dating.”

“Well, I didn’t. But if your gay than I can at least watch some of my yaoi fantasies come to life.”

Sasuke ignored the comment, “And if I judge them all accurately?”

“I’ll leave you alone.”


“Accepted.”

They both looked back up at the stage, Haku had just stepped off.

“Next is the beautiful Ino, who loves flowers and long walks in the wild.”

“Oh, come on, that’s got to be a boy.” Karin waved a hand in dismissal.

“Wrong again.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Naruto took a deep breath. He told himself he was doing this for the money Maury offered all of his crossdressers, and for Haku. He looked down and checked his silicon bra to make sure it was properly placed. Before he walked on stage.

Immediately he heard people shouting out ‘girl’ or ‘dude.’ He tried to ignore it as he walked across the stage, practicing the walk Haku had taught him.

“Here we have the Naru. Naru enjoys…fighting…in pillow fights.” Maury added on at the end, “And likes noodles.”

Maury walked around the room with the microphone.

“That’s definitely a chick, Maury.”

“It’s a guy!”

“I don’t know, man. I want it to be a girl.”

Maury stepped up to an angry bored looking boy in the back of the audience, “How about you?”

“A girl.” The cold powerful voice stated.

Naruto couldn’t help but look at the person with such an interesting voice, and he felt shivers go down his bare spine when he locked his bright blue eyes with the dark ones of the mysterious stranger.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Fighting and ramen? Naruto you told me you would take those cards seriously.” Haku lectured him as he wiped his make-up off.

Naruto threw the wig on the dresser, happy to have the itchy thing off. “What’s it matter? We get paid either way.”

Haku looked sadly at his reflection, “I’m sorry I made you do this. I just don’t know how else to get so much money in such little time.”

Naruto put a hand on Haku’s shoulder, “We’ll get Zabuza’s bail money, don’t worry.”

Haku gave him a soft smile. “Thanks. But even after this we’ll still need about five hundred dollars.”

“There he is.” A girl said as she walked over to Naruto.

Naruto and Haku both watched as she came over with the hot guy from the audience. She put her arm in Sasuke’s and smiled at the two. “Hello. My name is Karin, and this is Sasuke. Go ahead.” She stepped back.

“Naruto, is it?” Sasuke asked.

Naruto nodded.

“Go on a date with me.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow. He had never been ordered on a date before. And he wasn’t about to just say yes. “Five hundred bucks.”

He saw the startled look Haku gave him.

Sasuke’s eyes flashed, “An expensive whore.”

Naruto shrugged. He wasn’t going to be easily offended. Especially since he had only been half serious.

“Fine. But you’ll wear jeans, and no make-up. Men shouldn’t wear make-up.”

And before Naruto could say another word, Sasuke had his back to him and was walking off, a confused Karin running behind him.

Haku shook his head, “You do realize what you’ve just done, don’t you?”

“Uh, I think I just…did I just…”

“I won’t let you prostitute yourself out to help get my boyfriend out of jail.”

Naruto scratched the back of his head, “Don’t worry about it. He didn’t even mention a place or time or anything. I’ll never see him again.”