Battle of the sexes

Hi!! I know I should be working on Mr. Right & The Perfect Matches…..but I've been wanting to write a new fic for AGES!!!....*sigh*….I hope you guys like it…


ON WITH THE FIC!!

“Speech”
‘Thoughts’
“Speech/Thoughts or Whisper”
*noise/action *
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In the extravagant Uchiha mansion, on the richest side of town, sat Uchiha Sasuke, on a bar stool, at the counter in his kitchen, squinting at the small, inky-black haze of print, on the newspaper. Attempting to make out the blurry names in the most current obituary. After the tragic murder of half of the Uchiha family, by some crazed maniac, he often found himself looking over the obituary in every newspaper he picked up. Everyone was killed but him, his father and his brother Itachi.

"You really need to get your eyes checked Sasuke-kun."

His girlfriend Sakura(%) murmured, softly in his ear. As right as she was, he cringed and glared.

"Why are you so close to me?" He asked, sourly.

"We're a couple! Of course I'm supposed to be close to you, silly!" Sakura said, attempting to kiss him on the cheek, before he shied away.

"We're only a couple because of my father. Remember that." He said, standing and snatching the paper from the marble topped island in the middle of his kitchen to flee and get away from that bubble gum-haired pester, that claimed to have his love. ....Love? Pah! He loved no one......No one.

He absconded to his secret hide out, in a hidden room, down in the basement, behind a large shelf (!), to look over the newspaper once more.....in peace. He seethed at the thought of that pink-haired bimbo, sleeping in the room right beside his every night. That's right, Next. Door, because she sure as HELL wasn't sleeping in his bed. He couldn't stand her and dreaded the fact that he had to act like he actually cared for it, around his father. Ugh...It was times like these he wished that murderer would have gotten to him in time. He sat down at a dimly lit, wooden desk and opened the top left drawer, to pluck out a pair of outrageously, unattractive reading glasses, to see the print more distinctly. 'See? Sakura knows nothing. I've already gotten my eyes checked.' He blinked. '......Five years ago.' He sighed and made a mental note to go and visit the optometrist soon. Speaking of which. "Killa Vision Optics, glasses and/or contacts guaranteed to enhance your vision twenty times..." Sasuke mumbled the newspaper add aloud. "Tch......Might as well get this over with." Sasuke said, digging in his pocket for his cell phone and dialing the phone number the add provided, looking at the name.

"Killa Vision Optics, this is Naruto speaking, how may I help you?"

'Mmm deep voice....Wait...Naruto?....Why does that name sound so familiar?' Sasuke asked himself, quickly answering. "Umm, yes, I'd like to speak tooo, Kabuto." Sasuke said, glancing at the name to make sure he pronounced it correctly.

'Damn, this fool sounds hot!...No! No! No! I have to keep my big mouth shut! Lost my last job over my flirtatious, flapping trap!' Naruto thought and replied. "Ohh I'm sorry, you just missed him for the evening. Can I take a message?"

"Yes, my name is Sasuke Uchiha and I'd like to make an appointment."

'God DAMN this guy sounds sexxyyyy......Ahh what they don't know, won't hurt 'em.' Naruto reasoned with himself. "What kind of appointment?" Naruto asked, in his sexiest bedroom voice.

Sasuke's body heated and he coughed to clear his throat, incase his voice faltered, letting this Naruto know he was getting to him.

"I *cough* I want to get my eyes examined, to get a new pair of glasses." Sasuke choked out.

"What do your eyes look like, Sas-keh? I bet they're extremely sexy, huh?" Naruto drawled out the word 'extremely' and managed to use his number one bedroom voice effortlessly, throughout the whole conversation.

Sasuke was baffled! He didn't know whether to go along with Naruto's shameless flirting, or to put this idiot in his place. He's an Uchiha, so he opted for the latter.

"I highly doubt that last line of yours is on that little white script card in front of you, Keep in mind that If I was offended, I could've easily had you sued. But I need some glasses, so I'll be dropping by tomorrow for my eye exam. Give me a call, I'm sure you guys have caller ID. If you don't have room in the schedule, make some.....Oh and by the way? My eyes, are the sexiest you'll ever see." Sasuke was used to getting his way, so he wasn't worried about not being on that appointment list tomorrow.

While the dial tone buzzed in his ear, Naruto sat stunned in his chair, until he finally registered the robotic voice of the operator.

"We're sorry your call has been disconnected. Please hang up a-"

Naruto did just that, his face contorting into a grin, writing Sasuke's name down in his clientele calendar, for tomorrow. As he was writing, he glanced over at the 'little white script card' Sasuke mentioned and chuckled. He looked down at the calendar once more, where he wrote Sasuke's name and thought. "This is going to be interesting."

"What's gonna' be interesting?" His two closest friends -Suigetsu and Kiba- waited for the answer, setting down the many take out bags of dinner they ordered, on a nearby glass table. Naruto looked up at his two friends and grinned.

"So there'uz this guy on the phone, right?" Naruto said.

Before Naruto could finish, Suigetsu -the one with an oddly attractive, impudent attitude and sharp teeth- groaned, while Kiba -the one with an equally impudent attitude and sharp set of teeth- let out an agonized ' Here we go '. Naruto knew his friends were hot, but their personalities were too much like his own. He needed someone different. Someone his exact opposite. Someone, their Yang to his Yin. But enough of that, back to them being hot. Kiba first. He had spiky brown hair, that shot out in every degree possible, slightly tanned skin, but not tanner than Naruto's, chocolate brown eyes, and two large magenta triangular tattoos on either one of his cheeks. His body was built much like Naruto's, slender but very muscular. Not too muscular, but not wimpy thin. He liked to dress 'laxed. He never really took and exceedingly large amount of pride in the way he looked, so he just wore a pair of shorts and a plain tee. Today he wore a pair of burgundy basket ball shorts, a tight fitting, plain, white tee and some dark grey, black, white and burgundy Adios. Although he likes to go casual, he gave casual a whoooole new, different meaning. He didn't know, just how sexy he looked in his commonly worn, relaxed outfits. And to top it off he had his right eyebrow, top right ear, and bottom left, lip pierced, each with small silver hoops. Suigetsu and Kiba had worked in a piercing and tattoo parlor next door, since they were sixteen. They only worked there so young because Suigetsu's uncle Zabuza Mamochi owned the shop. The two always looked older than they were anyways. Kiba did his own piercing, while he also did both of Suigetsu's earlobes -that he is currently gauging-, his pair of silver snakebites on his bottom lip and his right nostril, that he put a thin silver hoop in. Suigetsu…He had sharp, shark-like, white teeth, silver-green hair, that looked like it was being pressured down by gravity, which fell haphazardly over soft emerald green eyes and shaggily framed his pale, endlessly grinning face. His body was slender, but toned. He normally wore colors to match or complement his hair and eye color, so today, he wore, a one-size-too-big, black pull-over Quicksilver hoody, with a thin, light turquoise stripe across the breast of the sweater, along with some light turquoise shorts -to match the stripe- pulled all the way to the middle of his ass, reaching his lightly, hair-dusted shins, and down far enough, to display the plaid, black and white of his boxers. His hobby was skateboarding and swimming. He wasn't going to wear those funny-looking duck shoes people wore before they were about to engage in any type of water activity.($) So he wore some black DC's to match.

Suigetsu was forever playing with the piercing on his tongue. In fact they all were. The piercing…That's how Naruto met them....and became such good friends. One day Suigetsu and Kiba decided they'd get three, or more piercing anywhere on their bodies, together. That had been the day they'd met Naruto.


It was about 6:30 p.m. Kiba and Suigetsu were the only ones in the parlor just sitting around. Suigetsu looked in the mirror at his and Kiba's reflection and grinned.

"Dude, that would look fucking awesome." Suigetsu said.

"Naw man, your snakebites would look fucking, Sexy. As. Hell." Kiba said, smiling, before they watched a ridiculously handsome blue eyed blond step into the parlor, looking clueless. Kiba licked his lips and looked down lustfully at Suigetsu's mirroring gaze, through the reflection.

"Welcome to Jaws Tattoo parlor. What can we do you for?" Suigetsu asked, swiveling around in the tattooing chair, looking Naruto up and down, suggestively.

Naruto looked over at the pair of boys that looked his age and smiled his infamous heart melting smile, that indeed did melt the heart of the onlookers of said smile. Kiba made some sort of giddy high school girl noise, that only Suigetsu heard.

"Uhh, just turned eighteen today and I'm feelin' adventurous. I also just started working next door, at that boring glasses place, so I wanted to come over here and spice up my life." Naruto said, grinning as he spoke.

"We'll spice up your life alright." Kiba said under his breath, but Naruto heard and let a faint blush, blossom over his cheeks.

"Don't mind this horny mutt." Kiba smirked and rolled his eyes, while Suigetsu stood from the chair and walked over to Naruto, leaning on a nearby counter top, propping his head up on his hand, which was connected to his forearm, which was connected to his elbow, that was connected to the counter top (*). "What's your name?" Suigetsu asked.

"Uhh Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto." Naruto said, shifting his body from leg-to-leg.

"Don't be nervous Na-ru-to." Kiba said, walking forward to stand just a few feet in front of Naruto.

"Ahh.." Naruto said lifting his hand to rub at the back of his neck, nervously.

"He is so cute, Suigetsuuu!" Kiba said, pinching one of Naruto's, blush-stained cheeks.

'Is he hitting on me?' Naruto thought.

"Kiba! Hands to yourself!" Suigetsu swatted Kiba's hand off of Naruto's cheek, playfully reprimanding, then looking over at Naruto.

'Suigetsu and Kiba, huh.' Naruto noted.

"I'm still teaching him to roll over." Suigetsu joked.

"Yeah after you taught me to beg." Kiba said, emphasizing 'beg'.

Naruto scratched his neck again, grinning, to where his eyes looked like upside down 'U's'.

"Umm, am I interrupting something here?" Naruto asked, sheepishly and Kiba answered.

"You don't have to be." Kiba said, seductively and Naruto froze. ' He is hitting on me!

"Alright Kiba, that's enough. He's straight. You're probably scaring him." At this, Naruto stopped scratching his neck and Kiba pouted, walking to the tattooing chair, ready to prepare for anything Naruto was getting.

"I'm not straight." Naruto corrected and Suigetsu raised a brow.

"So then you're calling me ugly?" Kiba questioned, joking.

"No, I just expected to come over here and get a few piercing and maybe a tattoo." Naruto said.

"Then you don't think I'm ugly?" Kiba asked.

Suigetsu sighed.

"Kiba, you loser! Come off it!" Suigetsu said, looking over his shoulder annoyed.

"No, I'll answer 'em, Suigetsu, was it?" Naruto said and looked over in time to see Suigetsu give a slow, bemused nod. "I think you're fucking hot, Kiba. I was gonna' keep that to myself, But, good thing you asked, ne?" Naruto said, walking to the chair Kiba was standing behind and took a seat on the edge putting his elbows on his knees and propping his head up on his locked fingers.

"See, Sui? Never give up! I think you're fucking hot too Naruto." Kiba said .in a mater of factly tone, washing his hands and watching Suigetsu shrug his shoulders and pull up a foot stool to sit on, beside Naruto.

"So what'll it be?" Kiba asked.

"Well, like I said, I'm feeling adventurous. I'm thinkin' a black spiral tattoo around my naval, I want my tongue, nipples and belly pierced annnnd throw in a Prince Albert on Jr." Naruto said, pointing at his packaged.....package.

"Mmm, my favorite." Suigetsu purred, closing his eyes.

Naruto smiled.

"One-Two-Three, I get the latter!" Kiba shouted, before Suigetsu could call it.

"Damn!" Suigetsu said. "You always get to do thooosee!" Suigetsu whined.

"Uhh, as flattering as it is having you guys fight over my cock, I wanted to try and catch the bus before eight."

"Public transportation? After a fresh a Prince Albert? Pishhaa!" Kiba waved the comment off. "We'll be more than happy to take you home, sweets!" Kiba said and Suigetsu nodded.

"If you're comfortable, that is." Suigetsu added.

"It might be out of the way." Naruto said.

"Don't sweat it." Suigetsu said.

"Okay. Thanks."

"Alllriiighhtt let's get to the good stuff! What do you want done first?" Kiba bellowed.

"Let's get the pain over and go with the Prince." Naruto said, closing his eyes.

"Myyy pleasure!" Kiba said.

"We have a back room for that, so people walking by, don't just look in and be like 'Hey! Free shoow!'" Suigetsu said the latter in a funny voice and Naruto chuckled.

"Alright." Naruto stood.

Suigetsu started walking towards the back of the parlor and Naruto followed, while Kiba went to flip the ' We're Open' sign, to' We're Closed' and skipped to the back to perform his favorite piercing. They normally closed at 7:30, sexy blond, no pants? Seveenn o' cloock.

"Kaayy, drop those pants sexy!" Kiba chirped and Naruto began to unbutton his blue jeans.

"Annnd the boxers." Suigetsu said, licking his bottom lip.

Naruto pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them, looking down at his slowly rising penis.

'Shit! I can't let them know they turn me on!' Naruto thought to himself, then spoke. "It's just the situation….y'knooww…naked bisexuaalll around to other homosexual guys…Happens alla' time right?" Naruto tried to make an excuse for his…..now fully erect penis. '…..Damn……I tried.' Naruto thought.

Suigetsu and Kiba were frozen in time, staring at the size of Naruto's…thick tan cock.

"W-well, we know he's a natural b-blond." Kiba managed to choke out, trying to lighten the mood and they all chuckled nervously.

"Kay….uhh let's get started shall we?" Kiba asked, turning around to get the antiseptic, and as soon as his back was facing Naruto he mouthed a silent, dramatic, 'OH MYYY GOOOOD' to Suigetsu. Kiba grabbed the necessary items for the piercing and motioned Naruto into the dentist style chair, and eyed Naruto's proudly standing erection. Kiba gulped audibly then got an idea.

"Umm…i-it'll be harrrder for me to uhh pierce you….if you're erect so, we have to get rid of this somehow." Kiba said, lying through his frighteningly sharp teeth.

"W-won't it be easier if you pierce it while I'm hard?" Naruto asked. "My brother pierces and that's what he said." (#)Naruto stated.

"Me and him are different!" Kiba yelled nervously, hysterical. "Piercing, is like being an artist.-" Suigetsu rolled his eyes at the pathetically made up excuse."-We all have different ways of…executing things.-" 'We'll give him points for big words.' Suigetsu thought. "-I have to have you, soft. So!"

Naruto let his head fall back onto the dentist-like chair's head rest and sighed.

"I don't feel like beating myse-" Naruto was cut off, by Kiba taking his swollen cock into his mouth.
"Ahh, Shit!" Naruto yelled.
Kiba bobbed his head on Naruto's cock and fondled his balls while he was at it.

Suigetsu looked down at the obvious tent in his pants. Naruto cracked open his eyes to see Suigetsu staring at his unsatisfied erection.

"W-*moan*why don't you come join us, S-s-ssss-Suigetsu?" Naruto hissed out.

Kiba momentarily lifted his hot, wet mouth off of Naruto's leaking cock to instruct Suigetsu.

"I-I'm already lubed up from earlier….you know what to do." Kiba said, lowering his mouth once more. Suigetsu knew exactly what to do. He unbuttoned Kiba's pants and reached for some lube he readily carried in his pocket and pulled down his own pants and boxers, to spread a thin layer on his length and pushed in. Kiba moaned around Naruto's cock, which sent pleasant vibrations up his shaft.

"Oh Shit! Right there! Kibaaaa.." Naruto moaned.

Suigetsu pushed in and out, starting at a slow pace, then began to force his hips forward, slamming into Kiba's prostate-.


"Naruto!" Suigetsu yelled.

"Huh!?" Naruto jumped and sat up straight in his chair, wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth and looked at all the empty containers of food, cluelessly and Suigetsu chuckled.

"We started eating when you got ' The Look'." Suigetsu said.

"Y-yeah." Naruto rubbed the back of his neck. "I was thinking of the day we met." He said with a smirk.

Suigetsu grinned and stood up, walking over to Naruto and sat on him, straddling his lap.

"We can reenact." Suigetsu said playfully.

"Hey, Hey, Hey!" Kiba said yelling. "If you're gonna cheat, make sure I'm in on the action!" Kiba said, and Suigetsu climbed up off Naruto's lap, walking over to his, obviously jealous boyfriend.

"Aww, don't worry puppy, I'll never cheat." Suigetsu said, leaning up and kissing Kiba, and sucking his bottom lip in his mouth to nibble on.

Kiba rebounded his lip out of Suigetsu's mouth and kissed him chastely.

"Better not." Kiba said, walking to throw the trash away, after Suigetsu slapped him on the ass and Naruto rolled his eyes.


Naruto ate a few forkfuls of fried rice and ate a few egg rolls and then smiled.

"So, about this guy on the phone." Suigetsu refreshed the subject and they sat down after the mess was spotless and listened to Naruto finally continue his story.

"He sounded sooooo hot, right? So I hella hit on him-" Kiba groaned. "-and he'll be here, to-marr-o." Naruto sing-songed.

Kiba and Suigetsu let their jaws hang open, before Kiba laughed.

"Watch this guy be. Butt. Ugly! AHAHAHHA!!!!!" Kiba roared.

But Naruto knew better…There's No-Way you have a voice that sexy and not be. Just no way.


TBC


(%) Don't you worry, my little Sakura haters…..that will be handled. Sasusaku = NO!...Hate that bitch.
(!) Can I get a Scooby-Doo?
($) http://www.x-wear.com/cot/assets/product_images/PAAAIAPODDIMCKDFt.jpg
(*) I know there's an easier way to say all that....I just gooottta be the difficult one.
(#) I hella made that up…lmao

Kay so, It's been KILLING me, that I sit around and read all these AWSOME scenarios of how Naruto and Sasuke met or how they fall in loooove blah! & I've been wanting to write a new fic…..a longer one….I'm already betaing & collaborating so I KNOW I won't be updating these long ass chapters like I do for Mr. Right…..not happnin' lmao! But I WILL try….. I be bored outta my mind, not only do i live on AFF but i also live on MSN messenger SO HIT ME UP ring_pahp@hotmail.com!!!!!!! Thanks for reading!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEASE review…& rate : )
JA!