The Pants of Prevelance

Written for Athame on Y!
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Ibiki prided himself on his ability to provoke a particular action or reaction from anyone he had contact with. His job in T&I depended upon this skill and he took a certain sadistic pleasure from its use. He enjoyed honing his skills and when there was no official ‘guests’ of T&I then he practiced on his fellow Konoha ninja – in as nice a way as possible of course, he didn’t want to diminish Konoha’s strength.

Iruka-sensei had caught his eye this time; the man was charming, attractive and possessed a fearsome temper. He also knew just about everyone through his work at the academy and the mission desk. Ibiki enjoyed a challenge and it seemed that Iruka-sensei was going to be the perfect target. But what action did he want to take? Hmm, the choice was so varied. He glanced at his desk in thought and his eye was caught by a certain orange book that the copy-nin had left him last week, along with a snarky comment on his sex life.

He had been feeling rather frustrated lately, and the academy teacher was single, not to mention attractive. But how to get the rather upstanding man into a position where he was offering himself? Ibiki rocked back in his chair ruminating on what he knew about one Umino Iruka, chuunin, pre-genin sensei and mission desk worker. The man was complex, deep with an unassuming façade. He associated with the Kyuubi vessel and the copy-nin of his own volition without expecting any kind of return, not to mention the fact that he happily pulled them up whenever he felt that they had gone too far.

Ok, Ibiki had determined that he was desirable, but how to get him into bed?

His gut feeling told him that the only way to get Iruka’s complete attention was to piss him off. Once he had the other mans attention then he could concentrate on getting into his pants. From his observations the only easy ways to goad the teacher was either to; pull some sort of prank on him, challenge his authority, harm his students, or hand in sub-standard paperwork to the mission desk. Ibiki didn’t go in for pranks and harming students was a little out of hand, he didn’t really have any grounds to challenge Iruka’s authority, which left the sub-standard paperwork.

Stage one: Piss off Iruka-sensei – begin

Ibiki had decided, after much deliberation, that he didn’t want to appear incompetent in front of all of the rest of the mission desk chuunin and had instead decided to engage Iruka’s services to tidy up the filing over at T&I. He had spoken to the Hokage directly to request this ‘mission’. The look on Iruka’s face when he had reported in had been priceless. Suppressed rage practically leaked out at the demeaning mission, any genin could have done the job. Surprisingly though he hadn’t said anything just got to work.

Even more surprisingly Iruka didn’t say anything negative or explosive during the entire three days that it took to completely re-organise T&I’s filing system. He merely knuckled under and ignored all provocation directed his way. Ibiki had several of his subordinates write a report on why they thought that Iruka-sensei did not respond. The main consensus of these reports matched Ibiki’s own idea that Iruka thought that this was a test of some sort, which of course it was in a way.

So onto Plan B, perhaps direct ignorance really was the only way to go, but what to be ignorant in? As the head of T&I he had myriad skills in all necessary areas, Iruka was a bachelor the same as Ibiki and he doubted the other had any new skills in that area to teach him. Ibiki had no need of teaching skills but perhaps something to do with small children? Ibiki had never gotten along with the very young, his visage generally being too scary. How could he use the small children and, more importantly, where could he obtain them?

Interestingly, before he could put Plan B into action, an opportunity came up to work personally with Iruka on an information gathering mission. Ibiki couldn’t pass it up. Normally he didn’t do group assignments, he had always operated better alone, but this was definitely worth it. An indeterminate length mission and the target was a group of children, hence Iruka’s involvement. The mission was simple, easy and gave him plenty of time to ‘get to know’ his future lover.

Iruka did not look at all impressed when he was informed of his task, Ibiki frowned in annoyance, surely Iruka wasn’t that much of a desk ninja that he despised going out into the field? How could anyone be a ninja and not want to go out into the field? He was not surprised when Iruka brought a small collection of house plants to the mission room just before they left with strict instructions for his co-workers to water them. He was well aware that quite a few of the jounin had the other plant-sit for them whilst they were away.

The mission underway Ibiki subtly began testing out Iruka’s capabilities; getting to know his favourite travelling speed, seeing how long he could keep it up without starting to puff and learning his sleeping patterns. Iruka was a very competent chuunin. Knowledgeable in all of the basics and most of the intermediate skills, he also had an uncanny ability to sense whenever Ibiki was thinking of him. Every single time his mind wandered to the academy sensei and how to get into his pants, Iruka would ask him what was up. It was incredibly frustrating.

Their easy camaraderie was disturbed when they set up shop in the town that was their destination. Ibiki was uncomfortable with their arrangements and his discomfit was affecting Iruka. It was quite apparent that Ibiki had not shared such close accommodation with anyone in a very long time. The last few times he had gone on group missions they had either camped or had separate rooms. The two men were bristling like cats in a small cage. Eventually, in an effort to calm them both down Ibiki sent Iruka out to get some food whilst he quickly scouted out the neighbourhood.

Their base for the duration of the mission was a tiny rented apartment in the seedy section of town. It had only a single living space and a shared bathroom, but it was very cheap. It also fit the personas that Ibiki had in mind. He planned on getting a job as hired muscle in one of the dingy bars, whilst Iruka was to find out if any of the local schools needed any assistance. Luckily it was a town that had mandatory schooling for all of their children making it much easier to assess all of them.

Reports had come in about renegade ninja that could be living there undercover with their families. Ibiki planned to use Iruka to find out if any of the children had signs of ninja training. Generally such things had to be coaxed out slowly as the children were often warned not to display any of their knowledge. Hopefully they would open up if Iruka could find work with their school. Children loved to show off to their favourite teacher and Iruka had a definite knack when it came to getting people to love him.

Two weeks later found both ninja gainfully employed and on the hunt. Iruka was definitely not happy though. Eventually he exploded into a fit of rage. His face was red and his chest was heaving, his arms were an entity all of their own as he stabbed them about to demonstrate his points. Ibiki studied his expressions, his intonation and wording, as well as his body language. It presented a pretty picture of a man who was incredibly frustrated and in desperate need of someone like Ibiki to help him relax.

Pretending to look chastened he mentally replayed Iruka’s rant. Filtering through the diatribe Ibiki discerned that the root of the Iruka’s problem seemed to be … him. More particularly with how he conducted himself in their shared living arrangements, Ibiki had thought he was doing rather well actually. Iruka obviously considered otherwise. His parting argument had been a cutting observation that jounin should certainly know how to co-habit; otherwise what was the use of group training and teamwork?

Stage one: Piss off Iruka-sensei – complete

Iruka was still pissed off at him; it oozed from his very pores. The atmosphere in their cramped environment was anything but pleasant and yet Ibiki felt content. If Iruka was still mad at him then it meant that he was still on Iruka’s mind. The chuunin was thinking about him every single time he bristled. It was marvellous. All he had to do now was keep the chuunin’s attention on him and somehow extract pants from the equation.

Stage two: Get into Iruka-sensei’s pants – begin

Ibiki had hit onto a brilliant idea, even if he did have to say so himself. He was going to have Iruka teach him how to co-habit, which had the added bonus of making the teacher associate living together with Ibiki. With a little bit of luck, and a great deal of psychology, Iruka would miss his presence when they returned to Konoha and seek him out of his own volition.

The first step of co-habitation appeared to be designating one person to doing all of the dirty jobs, Ibiki was somehow not surprised that this person was him. Iruka was entitled to a little bit of vindictiveness and overall the dirty jobs around a dingy flat were nothing compared to the dirty jobs around T&I. Luckily for him the tiny living space did not generate a lot of dirt, it meant he could spend more time analysing Iruka and putting his observations into practice.

Iruka was surprisingly complicated. He had layers to his personality, compartments to his emotions and whole wardrobes for his temper. He had also, very obviously, been receiving some sort of training from Kakashi. He recognised several anti-interrogation techniques that were unique to the copy-nin. The fact that Iruka had even realised that he was employing interrogation psychology was impressive. It just made him want the other ninja even more.

Just as Ibiki was getting into the swing of things and living with Iruka was becoming more comfortable, the other man dropped a bombshell. He had extracted the required information. There were four ex-ninja families living in the town and three of them hadn’t taught their children anything, they were attempting to integrate into the civilian society. The fourth was another thing entirely, using their ninja skills to forge themselves a lavish life. Something would have to be done to protect the citizens.

A quick immolation jutsu and the evidence vanished along with the traitorous ninja, the execution site pristine once more. Iruka was clearly struggling with his emotions but he angrily shrugged off Ibiki’s offer of support and snarled viciously that he should mind his own business. Ibiki forgave him his lack of knowledge, keeping Iruka focused on him was his business. A quick swim to remove dirt and grime and they were on their way back to Konoha.

Ibiki niggled at Iruka during their entire trip back, trying to regain his attention for longer than a few minutes at a time. Iruka responded as expected each time but soon reverted to his introspection. As the village appeared in the distance Ibiki felt the unaccustomed feeling of failure. Iruka had perked up immediately upon sight of their home and begun an animated monologue on what he thought each of his friends was going to think of the souvenirs that he had purchased.

After reporting to the Hokage Ibiki walked with Iruka to his apartment, using the old excuse that it was on his way, Iruka had nodded amiably enough and begun walking. When they arrived at his doorstep Iruka looked up at him, all wide-eyed innocence, grinned, and planted a kiss on his cheek. Ibiki was dumbfounded. Iruka had merely smirked and handed him a paper package, tied up with string, then shut the door in his face.

Shrugging to himself, Ibiki strolled slowly the rest of the way to his apartment. He collected his mail, disabled his traps and shoved the door open. Inside he dropped his pack to the floor, moved to the couch, and opened his unexpected gift. Inside was a pair of worn black slacks. There was a small note attached, that read, in Iruka’s careful handwriting, ‘Ibiki, now you can get into my pants in the comfort of your own home, Iruka’. Ibiki drew back in shock, had he been that obvious?

Stage two: Get into Iruka-sensei’s pants - technically complete

He decided on the route of cation, he needed to evaluate everything that he had learned during the mission. One, surprisingly lonely, week later he was ready to act. He showered and shaved, dressed carefully, ate, and then made his way to the academy sensei’s apartment. His firm knock was answered by a relaxed Iruka, casually dressed and holding a half-eaten rice ball. Ibiki found himself smiling warmly in response to the happy grin as he was invited in. He toed off his boots and hung his coat on the rack beside the door as Iruka prepared him a cup of tea.

Ibiki found himself relaxing in the company of the animated academy sensei who was happily relating the horror stories his substitute had told. His eyes followed Iruka’s movements, unconsciously analysing his motion and speech patterns for stress. Surprisingly, the longer he looked the less stressed Iruka appeared. He hoped that it was his presence that had the teacher so relaxed, he glanced up to meet soft eyes and a warm hand laid itself across his own scarred hand.

Stage two: Get into Iruka-sensei’s pants - complete

Ibiki sighed lustily at the sight of Iruka completely naked. His eyes drank in the view greedily as his arms reached out, wanting to touch. Iruka tut-tutted and motioned him back onto the bed. He pouted but did as he was told. He was glad that he had when Iruka crawled up his, equally naked, body and sat across his hips, wriggling to get comfortable. Ibiki had never, ever, been passive during sex but Iruka had insisted that if wanted to get laid then he would lie there like a good little ANBU.

His mind boggled at the things that Iruka did to him; gentle little touches and caresses, soft kisses and warm licks. His body was screaming at him to shove the teacher to the ground and posses him but his mind wanted to see where this was going. The sheer pleasure of Iruka sliding down onto his erection, the expression on his face, were nearly enough to shatter Ibiki’s self control. His hands slid up straining thighs to grasp at muscled hips, grinding up into the tight heat as he did so.

To Iruka sex was obviously something to be savoured, drawn out, and relished. His movements were slow and seductive, graceful in his lust. Ibiki was a prisoner to his expressions however; they reflected the heat of his desire. His mouth opened in a silent gasp as he drew himself up and his eyes closing in bliss as he impaled himself. It was beautiful to watch. Just when Ibiki thought that he wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore Iruka came. His body clenched around Ibiki, pushing him over the edge, and they writhed together.

Waking up entwined with another being was good, knowing that being was yours alone was better, knowing that being owned you in return was wonderful. Ibiki ruminated on how a simple desire for something to do, something to keep his mind sharp, with a little sexual frustration thrown into the mix, could end up being the best thing that had ever happened to him.