Good Enough

Title: Good Enough
Author: Xin
Warnings: TEAR JERKER, oneshot, angst, yaoi, possible character death, drugs, GET TISSUES!!!!
Pairing: NaruSasu
Note: This is a song fic featuring “Eleven” by Taking Back Sunday.

Key:
‘Lyrics’
“Talking”

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‘I can remember parking lot nights.
What did they mean to you?
Wrapping my arms around your body.
Protecting and holding you.’

The liquid fire shot through his veins as he depressed the plunger of the syringe. It was his second hit in an hour but he needed to forget. All that swam through his head were images of days spent with HIM; holding him, making love, it was all gone now. In one moment, their love had shattered. That one moment when his lover told him that he was no longer wanted; thrown away like someone’s garbage.

Despite all of this, he still loved Naruto. No matter how much the blond seemed to hurt him; Sasuke would always end up crawling back. He didn’t know why, he just needed to feel the blond next to him at night. Keeping the monsters away.

He had asked his lover, or now his ex-lover, several times if their time together meant nothing to him. His reply was simple, “I can’t be what you want Sasuke.” Those seven words had shattered him to the core and ever since, he has wallowed in his self pity. Forgetting everything nightly with the help of drugs. One day he was going to end it all, he had too. It was just that he was too much of a coward; too attached to life. He needed his life, and yet he had no desire for it.

‘Maybe it wasn’t good enough, but I gave you all I could.
Would he stay awake if you can’t sleep? Cause baby I would.
And baby I could.’

He knew Naruto had someone else already. He also knew who that someone else was; his own flesh and blood. Yes, Naruto had left him for Itachi; which was the proverbial icing on the damn fucking cake. It’s not like they don’t see each other. Naruto had the impression that they could still be friends. Sasuke couldn’t even begin to describe how much that had torn him apart. How could the blond possibly think that Sasuke would want to see his ex-lover with another man; his brother no less. He had gone home that night and drank himself into a stupor; trying his hardest to numb himself of the pain. What was wrong with him? Did he not fit into the standards that Naruto had set for himself? Why all the infatuation over him to just let it die a year later? He would do anything for Naruto. He would wait for him all night, hold him if he couldn’t sleep, be anything he wanted. He needed answers, and he needed them now. With a foggy head, he rose from his seated position on the floor and grabbed his keys. He didn’t know how he was going to drive over there, but he would manage.

On the road, Sasuke swerved heavily as a car honked at him. He stopped the car and let himself catch his breath. His vision was starting to fade in and out. He wasn’t sure if he would even be able to make it to Naruto’s. He hardened his resolve however at the thought of his blond ex-lover. He started the car again and pulled out, not seeing the truck zooming by. All he heard was s the sickening sound of bones breaking and metal twisting before everything went black.

The last thought that went through his head rang loud and clear in his ears, “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

‘And you’re the grim reaper standing down, and letting me feel this way.
With your sweet whispers that never told me you need me this way.
Staying this way.’

A pounding headache accompanied by hums and beeps entered Sasuke’s mind. He didn’t want to open his eyes; he just knew that the light would make a searing path straight to his brain. He felt a hand holding his, and knew immediately that it was Naruto. Why had he come? Why torture him some more? Couldn’t the dobe just leave him the hell alone? He tried to pull his hand away only to have it grabbed with a firmer grip. He felt wetness hit his face and he turned his head away and opened his eyes slowly. Sure enough, pain assaulted his senses and he took a moment to get adjusted to the light. Once a bit more comfortable, he turned to look at his own personal outlet of pain. There he was, the most beautiful man in the world. His blond hair looked exceptionally bright and shiny under the hospital lights. How Sasuke wished he could see those blue eyes that were always filled with so much emotion. Apparently, someone was listening; Naruto looked up at that very moment. Sasuke couldn’t help but feel his own tears running down his cheeks. He tried to say something but his throat was too dry for any sound to come out. He emphasized what he wanted as he placed Naruto’s hand on his throat.

‘If you told me you were happy.
If you told me that you missed me.
Is it something that I can’t see?
It’s something I can’t be.’

When Naruto got the call that Sasuke was in a car accident from the said man’s older brother; his lover, Naruto didn’t waste any time in getting there. He had full knowledge of how much pain he was causing the other, but he didn’t realize how far it had gone. He honestly didn’t think that Sasuke would react the way he did, or feel as betrayed as he had. Now he was riddled with guilt and he prayed that Sasuke was still alive.

He entered the hospital room and immediately broke down. Tears poured from cerulean eyes and he rushed over and gently took the frail and damaged boy’s hand into his. He saw Itachi from across the room, giving him a look of sympathy. No doubt the older raven was going through the same feelings as Naruto.

Naruto jumped in surprise as the hand moved in his grasp and he tightened his hold; looking intently upon the beautiful face that he still loved with all his heart. Yes it was true that he was with Itachi, but that didn’t mean that his love for the younger Uchiha had just dissipated. He loved the both of them equally and it was the hardest decision he ever made picking between the two. He couldn’t say exactly why he had chosen Itachi over Sasuke. Perhaps it was the experience in life the older male had that appealed more to Naruto. He turned as he saw Sasuke’s eyes finally open and he looked deep into the black orbs; seeing nothing but sorrow and pain. He felt so guilty, he wanted to hold the boy and tell him how much he loved him; not that Sasuke would believe him. He felt his hand touch something warm and looked down to see Sasuke letting him know that he couldn’t speak. Naruto nodded and held out a small cup of water and helped Sasuke take a few tiny sips.

‘Maybe it wasn’t good enough, but I gave you all I could.
Would he stay awake if you couldn’t sleep? Cause baby I would.
And baby I could.’

Sasuke cleared his throat after drinking the water and stared at the blond. “Leave.” was the only thing he had to say to Naruto at that moment.

Naruto was taken aback for a second and then grabbed Sasuke’s hand once more as he composed himself. “I can’t leave, I love you Sasuke, please forgive me.” He had made up his mind. Nothing, not even Itachi was worth this. He still loved Sasuke more than anything in this world and he would do anything for him.

Sasuke couldn’t help it; tears streamed down his face as he pulled his hand away from the blond. “You think I’ll just forgive you the moment you say you’re sorry? Fuck you. You have no idea what I’ve gone through, and you probably don’t even give a shit. I’m done Naruto; I love you, don’t’ get me wrong, I always will; but I can’t stand it anymore. I’m letting it go. I’m letting you go.” He turned to look at his brother. He knew the other man was there, he could sense him the moment he woke up. No words left his lips; his brother would understand what he was trying to say. He thought the situation extremely ironic. The two men that had betrayed him were the only ones who came to see him. He couldn’t take it anymore. Everything was just too fucked up for his liking. Screw life, God could have his back; he didn’t want it anymore. He closed his eyes, not really caring if he woke up again or not; he was in too much pain to notice, let alone care.

As his vision faded out for the last time, he could faintly hear what sounded like sobs and a high pitched ringing; both noises stopping after a moment. ‘It must have been my imagination.’ He thought to himself as his mind started to fade; finally going blank after a moment. Finally, he was completely numb.

‘Good Enough’

The End

Ok…I just totally made myself cry writing that. I don’t think I should write death fics anymore.
But anyway, let me know what you thought.
Xin