Atonement

Atonement:


Sasuke stood there with his heart pounding in his chest and his palms sweating with nerves, refusing to show any sign of his distress. Kakashi hadn’t spoken to him since he’d opened the door, only stared at him with that detached, calculating glare that had always infuriated Sasuke as a kid.

He’d purposefully saved Kakashi for last, knowing it was going to be the most difficult, but the question was [i]why[/i]? He’d known when he returned to Konoha that facing the few people he’d actually allowed himself to care for before he left would be difficult. And he’d known that he’d be forced to endure some form of punishment for his betrayal to the village.

He just hadn’t expected those two things to be so intimately connected.

Punishment he’d been prepared for. Torture, house-arrest, D rank missions, various other forms of hellish restitution, he’d mentally prepared himself for all of those things. What he hadn’t been prepared for was to come home and find Naruto the current Hokage. That significantly changed the game.

Naruto had ordered that he be followed by an ANBU guard and that he was only allowed to take D rank missions for a year to ensure that he was really back for the right reasons and that he wasn’t trying to betray the village…[i]again[/i]. All of which was very ordinary and very much expected, the last part of his punishment however was not.

Naruto had told him that the worst part of what he had done was the betrayal- the loss of trust, the hurt, the feeling of helplessness that he caused in the people who cared about him. He’d told Sasuke that he had to atone for that pain, that he had to do something to wipe the slate clean so that they could all start fresh and begin to heal.

It was a rather eye-opening moment for Sasuke. He didn’t know why he expected things to stay the same in Konoha when he himself changed so much in his absence, but he had. Somewhere in his mind he was still thinking of Naruto as the immature, impulsive kid he’d left all those years ago even when he was sitting in front of him dressed in the Hokage’s robes. But in that moment Naruto had grown up to Sasuke, he’d become more than a scared boy using his bravado to get him by.

But then Naruto had gone on to tell Sasuke exactly what his punishment was going to be and Sasuke once again had to reassess his opinion of him. [i]Naruto had grown up into a sadistic bastard.[/i]

To be fair, Naruto had given Sasuke a choice. He could have avoided all of the embarrassment and emotional upheaval if he’d been willing to take his Hokage’s first option for atonement. He could have spent three days in the stocks…naked. The stocks were set up in one of the bars that only admitted [i]chunin[/i] and [i]jounin[/i] and one could be placed in the stocks for various offenses, the severity of the crime determining the length of time spent there.

It was customary for the ninjas who frequented the bar to tease the suffering “prisoner” with lewd jokes and insults as well as occasionally touching them suggestively. It was usually good natured and mostly innocent, but all of them respected the barrier of clothes. Anything covered by clothes was off limits except for a swat or pinch to the ass.

To agree to spend time in the stocks without those clothes for protection was like begging to be raped, especially since a lot of the ninja in the village were not exactly [i]thrilled[/i] with his return to say the least. And Naruto, [i]that rat bastard[/i] knew it. Which meant that Sasuke really had no other option but to take the second choice.

He couldn’t believe he’d actually agreed to let himself be spanked by his former team- Naruto, Sakura…and Kakashi.

Truthfully, the first two really hadn’t been as awkward as he thought. Then again, that was all relative, because he’d thought it was going to be awkward as hell. At least he knew it wasn’t going to be [i]sexual[/i] with either one of them, because seriously when a grown man hears he’s about to be spanked sexual connotations are the only thing the brain seems to wrap around.

But he honestly didn’t have to worry about that from either of them. Despite the fact that Sakura had been quite obvious and insistent about the fact that she had a crush on him when they were younger, and his relationship with Naruto had started to become a little more tense for reasons other than rivalry before he left, they were both involved in other relationships now. Sakura was engaged to Lee and Naruto was in this weird threesome thing that Sasuke just [i]didn’t get[/i] with Neji and Hinata.

So he wasn’t expecting the spankings to be sexual, but he had expected them to be just a little more embarrassing than they had been. He and Naruto had started out by ‘sparing’ with each other; using fists to vent all the anger, confusion and angst they still felt for each other. They hadn’t stopped until they beat each other bloody and they both collapsed to the ground with exhaustion.

They sat there for a while panting for breath and staring at each other, communicating without speaking in that uncanny way they had. And then Naruto reached over and hauled Sasuke across his lap. Two quick stinging slaps were delivered to his backside before he could even register the movement. Naruto had quickly pushed him off his lap and gathered him into a crushing hug.

Tears had been streaming down the Dobe’s face and he pressed his face into Sasuke’s neck. “Don’t ever leave me again, Teme. I can’t go through life without my best friend again.”

Sakura had actually delivered her ‘punishment’ on the street one day. She’d snuck up behind him and smacked him on the ass hard enough to make him stumble a bit. He turned to look at her and she stood there with her hands on her hips and an unreadable expression on her face. “Sasuke Uchiha if you ever hurt Naruto like that again, I’ll hunt you down and spank your ass till it blisters. Do you understand me?”

Sasuke could do nothing but reply affirmatively. Apparently that was the right choice, because her expression softened and for the second time since he returned he was gathered into a hug. Sakura’s voice dropped down to a shaky whisper. “It’s so good to have you home Sasuke.”

And then it was over, both of them had treated him like the last few years had never happened. They remained his friends and insisted on including him in their lives, just as they’d done before he left and Sasuke found their actions to be oddly welcome. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to repair those relationships until he’d actually done it.

So no, the spanking hadn’t been all that awkward, but the feelings that had lingered in the aftermath had been just as awkward as he feared.

Which is why he’d saved Kakashi for last, because at least he knew what the hell he felt for Naruto and Sakura, even if it wasn’t always comfortable. They were his friends plain and simple, even if he would have been loath to admit that before he left. Now though, he would readily admit it, well maybe just to himself. If asked directly about it he would probably let them accuse him of it and he just wouldn’t deny it.

And that was definitely not the case with Kakashi.

Sasuke couldn’t even begin to identify his feelings for his former teacher, and he wasn’t sure that he even wanted to. The relationship between he and Kakashi had always been a little hazy around the edges and Sasuke could never really define where the man fit into his life like he could with Naruto and Sakura. And that was especially true now that he’d returned to Konoha.

Sasuke had all these new feelings about being home that confused and, in all honestly, scared him. And at the top of that list was the fact that he’d begun to notice that Kakashi was an extremely attractive man. Which of course was strange and disturbing on so many levels that Sasuke just couldn’t process all those thoughts and emotions.

All of which explained why Sasuke had saved Kakashi’s ‘punishment’ for last, he was practicing complete and total procrastination and avoidance. Sasuke wasn’t quite sure what the extent of his ‘attraction’ to the older man was, and he really didn’t want to examine it too much and find out. So he definitely didn’t want to be in any situations with him that could even be considered remotely sexual.

[i]Damn Naruto for thinking of this stupid[/i] punishment.

And Kakashi [i]still[/i] hadn’t said a damn word. He’d come over to the other man’s apartment at Kakashi’s request when Sasuke had approached him about getting this damn ‘punishment’ over with. So here he was at the specified time and date and Kakashi was just standing there staring at him and not doing a damn thing.

It was really starting to piss Sasuke off. Why couldn’t the other man just say [i]something[/i] damn it!

Kakashi leveled a hard glare at Sasuke and spoke in an authoritative tone. “Drop your pants Sasuke.”

[i]Okay, maybe something other than that.[/i]

Shock skittered through Sasuke’s system and he had trouble coming up with a coherent response to that. [i]How the hell was he supposed to keep his body from responding to Kakashi if he was naked?[/i] “Wh- What? No. Absolutely not.”

Kakashi’s gaze didn’t waver and his tone kept the hard edge. “This is part of your reinstatement into Konoha is it not? Do you really want me to tell the Hokage that you’re refusing to comply?”

Anger bloomed in the younger man’s chest and he grabbed on to it like a lifeline. Anger he understood, anger he could deal with, it was that [i]other[/i] bundle of feelings he was currently experiencing that he wanted to avoid. Sasuke grimaced with distaste that he even had to have this conversation, but pressed forward hoping to have this whole situation over with as soon as possible. “The deal was I had to let you…[i]spank[/i] me. Not that I had to do it naked.”

Kakashi smirked, even thought it lost some of the effect being covered by the mask. “Not naked, just bare-assed.”

A sinfully dark eyebrow arched in response to that pearl of negotiating genius. “I fail to see the distinction.”

“You wouldn’t.” Kakashi let out a tired sigh before continuing. “The point of this is for the punishment to fit the crime. For you to understand that running away from us was stupid and childish and immature. And that if you’re going to act like a child, you’re going to be punished like a child.”

Sasuke ignored the slight twinge of pain Kakashi’s words caused, he’d gotten [i]very[/i] good at doing that over the years. Instead he focused on his arrogance and his disdain and wrapped them around himself like a shield. He was an Uchiha, and Uchiha’s didn’t submit to having their bare asses spanked without a fight damnit! Even if the thought did send a shamefully large amount of blood to pool in their groins. “This I understand, but I’m still not connecting that to taking off my clothes.”

Kakashi nodded sagely like Sasuke had just revealed the meaning of life to him. “I’m trying to embarrass you.”

Sasuke snorted derisively. [i]Well, duh.[/i] And just why did that idea sound so deliciously naughty. “Oh is that all?”

Smiling beneath his mask again, Kakashi’s lone visible eye twinkled in amusement. “Well, that and to wound your pride. That seems to be the only way to get through to you.”

Smirking in a manner that most would consider hazardous to their personal health, yet didn’t seem to affect Kakashi in the slightest, Sasuke allowed his condescension to show clearly. He tried hard to focus on winning their verbal sparring match and not the way that his heart beat faster with an intoxicating mix of fear and excitement at the notion of being punished by Kakashi. “So you think I’ll feel sufficiently punished if you embarrass me enough?”

Kakashi leveled another hard stare at Sasuke. “No, I think you might begin to understand how much you hurt us- all of us- when you left.”

Pain, and no small amount of guilt, sliced through Sasuke with unprecedented precision and Sasuke wasn’t sure how to react to it. The quick little burst of arousal he’d been feeling died a painful death. “I- I didn’t, that is- That was never my intention. I tried to keep from making connections with all of you.”

Sasuke didn’t think it was possible, but Kakashi’s tone and expression became even more icy. “But you failed.”

Sasuke hung his head and a wave of shame and worthlessness washed all other thoughts from his mind. It seemed everywhere he went his inadequacies kept piling up. [i]Would he ever be able to prove himself?[/i] “Yes. I failed, at a lot of things.”

The harsh expression Kakashi was wearing softened minimally. “At least you understand that much.”

Sasuke’s head tipped up and he looked at his former teacher from under the fall of his bangs, unable to make eye contact completely. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Kakashi let out another tired sigh and shook his head. “Nothing. Maybe you’ll get it one day.”

Sasuke felt the shame and uncertainty, and just a little fear twist in his gut hardening and coalescing into something sharp and angry. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Kakashi’s face hardened again. “I said nothing. Now drop your pants so we can get this over with.”

A scowl twisted Sasuke’s features. “Fine, but if I take my pants off, you tell me what the hell you’re talking about.” He didn’t know why this was so important to him, but he supposed it was giving him something to focus on other than his embarrassment. Although it wasn’t until after the words left his mouth that he realized he’d just agreed to take his damn pants off.

Kakashi nodded slightly. “Sure, now take ‘em off.”

With extreme reluctance and a warring sense of inevitability, Sasuke brought his hands to the zipper of his pants. He undid them swiftly, and pushed them down his lean hips, revealing the fact that he wore no underwear. He looked over at Kakashi and crossed his arms over his chest.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Sasuke, thankfully the visible one so that Sasuke could clearly see his amusement at the younger man’s expense. The silver-haired man could be so considerate with his over-exaggerated facial expressions, especially when he was trying to get under your skin.

When Kakashi continued to stand there, Sasuke let a cruel smirk twist his features and decided to try and turn the tables on his former team leader. Sasuke’s personal motto had always been ‘when in doubt, insult or ignore.’ “You going to stand there staring at me all day? Or are we going to do this?”

Kakashi’s blue-gray eye darkened and all sense that he was teasing drained from his face. “Eventually, but I’m not done staring yet.”

He fought valiantly, but Sasuke could still feel the tell-tale blush steal over his cheeks and that as much as Kakashi’s words made his scowl deepen. “Well could you hurry it the fuck up then? It’s cold in here. I think I can feel my nuts trying to shrivel up and crawl into my body.”

Kakashi positively leered at him. “They might be trying, but they haven’t yet.”

Sasuke decided that it would be far safer to just ignore the extreme discomfort he felt at the thought of this whole thing becoming sexual between them rather than acknowledge it. Of course the thought of one adult spanking another was laced with sexual undertones, but his experiences with Naruto and Sakura proved that it could just be a mildly uncomfortable, horridly embarrassing ordeal yet one that definitely lacked the vague impression of a sexual situation.

If he could just keep pretending that he wasn’t thinking about this situation in a sexual way, then there was no need for Kakashi to know about his silly little attraction to the older man. There was no reason for him to embarrass himself by [i]responding[/i] to this situation, because it wasn’t going to be stimulating. Other than the fact that he was sans pants, this was just like his punishment from Naruto or Sakura. [i]Yeah right.[/i] But he was going to keep telling himself that until he believed it.

The younger man glared hard at Kakashi and willed him to move along with things. Unfortunately what he forgot about Kakashi was the man’s uncanny ability to make any situation uncomfortable and vaguely sexual, he supposed reading that much [i]Icha Icha[/i] did that for a person.

Kakashi uttered a grunt of some sort and then moved to go and sit in the lone chair around his kitchen table. “Come here.”

With feet like lead weights, Sasuke moved over to stand beside Kakashi. He had the fleeting thought that maybe he should have spent three days in the stocks, sure he might have been raped but it would probably have been less humiliating than this. [i]Control your breathing.[/i] That was his focus; that was the only thing he could think about safely.

Kakashi looked up at him and smirked. “You know the drill. Over my knee.”

Fighting down the urge to punch the smug-looking older man in the jaw, Sasuke complied. Stiffly, he bent at the waist and positioned himself over Kakashi’s knees so that his ass was easily accessible for his [i]punishment[/i].

Kakashi wasted no time in starting the task, once Sasuke had finally settled himself. He pressed one hand to the middle of Sasuke’s back in a touch that was half restraint, half support and then brought his hand down repeatedly for a series of stinging slaps scattered across Sasuke’s firm backside.

Loud cracking noises echoed throughout the room, and it was like thunder and lightning. A few seconds after the harsh sound, fire would explode across the exposed skin of Sasuke’s backside. The vulnerable position, the inherent feeling of submission and the knowledge that this was [i]Kakashi[/i] doing this to him blended with the pain to become something deliciously addictive.

It was like some adolescent ‘punish me sensei, I’ve been a bad boy’ fantasy. Apparently Sasuke was a bit kinkier than he thought, because the idea was really turning him on.

Sasuke bit his lip to keep from moaning at the pleasure of it. It was so embarrassing to be getting off on this, on the humiliation and the pain of it. He hadn’t felt this way with Naruto or Sakura, but then again he didn’t find either of them attractive either.

Kakashi let the strikes build slowly in intensity until he was striking hard enough to drive the breath out of Sasuke with every blow, working the younger man’s body masterfully.

Sasuke felt his dick go rock hard beneath him and press against Kakashi’s firm thigh. Shame sliced through him. It was one thing to find the situation a little exciting, it was quite another to find himself ass up, spread across his former teacher’s lap, diamond hard and desperate enough to start humping the muscular thigh beneath him. [i]This was so fucking wrong, on so many levels.[/i] And damned if that thought didn’t make him even harder.

Now the mission shifted away from trying not to be aroused by the situation, because obviously that was a complete failure, and his main concern became not letting Kakashi know about it. But that might be another failure, before it even began, because there was no way Kakashi wasn’t going to feel it.

After several electric minutes, Kakashi finally began to slow down. He let the intensity wind down and delivered a few softer, almost teasing strikes to Sasuke’s abused flesh.

Shivering at the feel of those last few slaps to his freshly reddened bottom, Sasuke laid there a little dazed and slightly panicking. A few seconds ago, Sasuke would have sworn the worst case scenario for this was Kakashi feeling the erection pressing into his thigh. Now he realized that he’d been wrong. The worst case scenario was having to get up and letting Kakashi [i]see[/i] his erection. That and having to face him and see the disgust on his face when he realized that Sasuke was getting off on this.

He lay there gasping for breath, feeling his muscles clench and unclench in his dread and all the while his erection throbbed hot and heavy between his legs and he ached for release. Suddenly he didn’t care if Kakashi saw or not, didn’t care if he knew or not, he just needed to get the fuck away from him [i]right now.[/i] He twisted and strained and tried to get up and get away from those strong thighs and that calloused hand that brought a delicious combination of pain and pleasure.

Kakashi applied more pressure to the middle of Sasuke’s back, becoming as rigid as steel and refused to let him up. “We’re not done yet. You can get up when I say you can get up. I have a few things to say to you first.”

The voice above him was raw and husky and Sasuke had to fight hard not to grind his erection into Kakashi’s leg and hump him shamelessly. His body responded to the authority and dominance in his tone and went limp and pliant under that strong hand.

After a slight pause, Kakashi brought his other hand up and gently ran it over the curve of Sasuke’s ass.

Sasuke flinched when he felt Kakashi’s hand on him again, but it turned into a full body tremor when all the hand did was lightly stroke him. Arousal threatened to sweep through his brain and wash out all the rational thought leaving behind only erotic heat, but Sasuke clung to the feeble straws of resistance and fought to remember that this was wrong, that he shouldn’t be enjoying this.

Kakashi continued to trail his fingertips lightly over Sasuke’s skin in random patterns, seemingly without thought or destination. “I’m not an easy person to get to know. I told myself it was easier not to get attached, not to let people in, because it’s easier to mourn an acquaintance than it is a friend. For years, no one made it inside, no one got to me.”

Sasuke sucked in a breath at Kakashi’s words. Ice swept through his veins and it managed to cool his arousal some. [i]Why was Kakashi telling him this?[/i] He didn’t want to know; he couldn’t keep his distance if he knew.

The gentle motions of Kakashi’s hands continued. “And then three pitiful, stubborn, emotionally-wrecked [i]genin[/i] show up, and all three of you…[i]all fucking three of you[/i], made it past every single defense I had.”

Sasuke stiffened and tried to turn to face Kakashi, but the hand holding him down increased its pressure until he stilled. Leaving Konoha had taken Sasuke’s fragile and unstable emotions and eviscerated them. The emotional pendulum that had been his return , had taken the entrails of his feelings and ripped them into tiny, fleshy chunks. Forcefully confronting his feelings for Kakashi while being turned over his knee and forced to submit was like scooping the bleeding chunks up and dropping them into a blender.

Hearing Kakashi say he’d cared about him before he left was like being forced to drink what came out of the blender- and choking on it. “Ka-Kakashi, I…”

The movement of Kakashi’s hand stopped. “Shut up Sasuke. I’m talking now, and you’re going to fucking listen and not say a damned thing.” His voice was hard and left no room for argument.

Not knowing what to say to that anyway, Sasuke just hung his head and nodded weakly. Tears prickled his eyes, his muscles strained to hold his position, his throat felt tight, and his ass burned from the spanking and [i]still[/i] his erection dug into the muscle of Kakashi’s thigh.

The gentle stroking started up again and became increasingly more intimate as Kakashi’s fingertips moved closer to the cleft of Sasuke’s ass with every stroke. Kakashi let out a soft sigh. “This is so cliché, but when you left, something inside me went with you. I didn’t feel whole again until the day you returned. Which was nice, but it didn’t do anything about the anger.”

Sasuke was suffering, and he was damned well trying to do it silently so he didn’t upset Kakashi, but that was becoming difficult. Between his throbbing arousal, the soothing yet sensual feel of Kakashi’s hands on his skin, and the older man’s cutting words, Sasuke was so confused and horny and embarrassed he was shaking.

Kakashi’s hand stilled, just resting lightly on Sasuke’s bottom. “I was so mad at you, so incredibly enraged. But I’ve worked through most of it, and this little punishment helped me work through the last of it.” The strong fingers resting on Sasuke’s skin seemed unable to remain idle and began their gentle brushes again. “And I feel like this has finally wiped the slate clean for us. I’m done being angry with you. I forgive you.” The hands moving on Sasuke’s rear stopped again. “As long as you don’t leave me again.” And then Kakashi popped him lightly once more.

Sasuke stiffened in shock. [i]Kakashi forgave him?[/i] Ignoring the way his eyes burned and his throat tightened, Sasuke struggled to understand all the complicated feeling that surged through him after hearing that. Of course he felt that he didn’t deserve that forgiveness, Kakashi [i]shouldn’t[/i] forgive him. But there was also so much joy and relief at hearing it, there was no denying how much he [i]wanted[/i] that forgiveness even though he didn’t deserve it.

Kakashi lightened the pressure he was putting on Sasuke’s back once he made his confession. Now that he’d said what he needed to, he wouldn’t force the younger man’s body to remain across his lap. Instead of restraining, the hand joined in the slow exploration of Sasuke’s body stroking up over the muscles in his back through the cloth of his shirt.

Sasuke choked down the embarrassment at feeling Kakashi’s hands slide over his body and knowing the man was staring at his naked ass, funny how that suddenly became relevant again. This was important, he had a chance to repair this broken relationship and perhaps form a real and lasting bond with someone who was important to him. He wouldn’t dare mess it up because of discomfort.

The hand stroking Sasuke’s back drifted lower and lower until it too was stroking the reddened skin of Sasuke’s ass. After a few strokes, Kakashi paused his gentle touches and spread Sasuke’s ass cheeks with his hands.

Excitement fueled embarrassment ripped through Sasuke when Kakashi exposed him that way and despite the fact that it made his cock leak with arousal, he couldn’t let this continue. This had already gone way too far. He opened his mouth preparing to ask Kakashi just what the [i]fuck[/i] he thought he was doing until he felt a broad thumb swipe over his sensitive pucker.

Shameful pleasure exploded through him and the words he’d been about to say melted on his tongue. White hot arousal detonated in his brain and incinerated anything other than desire.

Kakashi made a low humming noise and stroked again over Sasuke’s exposed entrance. “What? No protests?”

The words startled Sasuke back into awareness of the situation and he stiffened in shame. The truth was he didn’t want to protest, even though he felt he should. “I- I…”

Kakashi stroked his finger over Sasuke’s hole again, cutting off the broken response and leaned down closer to Sasuke. “It’s okay to like it.” Kakashi shifted his thigh beneath Sasuke to rub the younger man’s erection lightly for emphasis.

The stroking finger left Sasuke’s backside momentarily, and when it returned it was slick with Kakashi’s spit.

Sasuke shivered in anticipation, he knew what was coming and he knew he should put a stop to this, whatever [i]this[/i] was, he just couldn’t. He wanted it too badly, and if his legs spread a little wider he wasn’t going to admit it.

Slow and steady pressure was applied to the ring of muscle Kakashi had previously been teasing and the tip of his finger was slowly pushed inside.

Fire burned through Sasuke as Kakashi’s finger slowly burrowed its way inside him. He never imagined that doing this would feel this good. Of course he’d wanted to, but wanting and experiencing are two different things. He’d always known that he was attracted to other males, but it had taken some time to realize that he was really attracted to the dominate, powerful ones. It was quite a startling revelation and there had been so much denial since then, but deep in his subconscious, where fantasies live, he was haunted by the knowledge that he liked men because he wanted to be fucked, to submit.

The finger moving inside him hurt some, but that just made it even better. And that was something entirely unexpected. This little streak of masochism caught him completely by surprise. He figured he’d probably feel ashamed about that and launch himself into a lengthy period of self-loathing and denial once his senses came back to him, but for now he couldn’t do anything but enjoy the bolts of heated desire skittering up his spine.

Kakashi intensified the sensations for him by pinching the abused skin of his freshly spanked ass.

Pain blossomed slowly where Kakashi pinched and Sasuke felt his cock spit out a little fluid in response. The dull throb of his spanked ass blended with the molten pleasure Kakashi’s finger was causing scattering heat and urgency to every nerve ending in his body.

Sasuke was lost in pleasure now as Kakashi carefully worked his finger in and out of him, gently fucking him with his finger. He needed more and he needed it badly. But Sasuke didn’t want slow and careful, he wanted the pain, and he was past caring that he had to submit to get it. In fact he wanted to submit, craved it. As shameful as it was, he wanted to be used. And he really needed Kakashi’s control to slip a bit and be a little rougher with him. Besides the fact that rougher meant more erotic torture, it was damned infuriating to be so desperate and needy and Kakashi was still so calm and collected.

He arched his spine, pushing his ass upward, trying to both force Kakashi’s finger deeper and to encourage the older man to do something more. It was a shamefully wanton display, but if it got him what he wanted, Sasuke was willing to take the blow to his pride.

The movement seemed to snap Kakashi out of whatever trance like state he’d been in, because his body stiffened and he stopped the movement of his hand. Carefully he pulled his finger out of Sasuke.

Sasuke flinched when Kakashi stiffened and pulled away from him. Shock blanketed his mind, followed quickly by desperation. [i]He can’t be stopping now.[/i] Not when Sasuke was so close to giving in completely and trusting Kakashi with his body and his convoluted emotions. He let his body go limp over the other man’s thighs and pressed his erection into his leg in the hope that it would convince Kakashi to continue.

Kakashi gently pushed Sasuke upright and off his lap.

Sasuke allowed himself to crumble to the floor bonelessly. The sting in his hands and knees from hitting the floor sharply barely registered. He was far too focused on getting Kakashi to continue what they’d started. Swallowing the last vestige of his pride, he looked up at Kakashi and murmured in a broken tiny voice. “Please don’t stop. Not yet.”

Kakashi looked down at Sasuke and his face softened. He squatted down next to Sasuke’s kneeling form and cupped Sasuke’s face in his hands. “I have to stop for now, Kitten. There are things you still don’t know, and we can’t continue until you know what you’re getting into.”

Sasuke stiffened and his familiar scowl found its way back to his features. He could feel the warmth and the strength in the hands that cupped his face and he wanted those hands sliding over every inch of his body, owning, dominating, but he had to focus on Kakashi’s words. Kakashi was stopping damint, and he needed to talk him out of it. “What? You’re like into bondage or something kinky like that?”

Kakashi’s eye crinkled in his familiar expression of amusement. “Something like that.” He stood and walked over to a bookshelf on the nearest wall and glanced over the selections before pulling one out and returning to squat next to Sasuke.

The younger man finally noticed that Kakashi was hard and straining against the material of his pants, so he wasn’t nearly as unaffected as he pretended to be. Sasuke had no idea what was going on, but he was so far out of his comfort zone, and had no clue what to say, so he just watched Kakashi’s actions with confused curiosity.

Kakashi handed the book to Sasuke and then held his gaze. “Go home. Read this. I’m more than just [i]into[/i] this, it’s the only way I play anymore. If you’re not turned off, and you still want this, come back in a week and we’ll pick up where we left off.” He winked at Sasuke quickly. “Now get dressed.”

Watching as Kakashi stood up and walked away, Sasuke felt his head swim with confusion. There were so many emotions swimming around in his head, he didn’t even pretend to know how to process them all. His hands shook and he held the book tightly in a white knuckled grip.

He pushed himself up on shaking, wobbly legs to walk over and grab his pants. He pulled them on as quickly as he could with one hand. Once he was dressed he exited Kakashi’s apartment as quickly as he could, he didn’t speak to the other man, he didn’t even look at him. He knew it was cowardly, but circumstances being what they were, he’d forgive himself for it later.

He couldn’t make himself look down at the book yet; he just needed to get out of there and put some space between himself and Kakashi so he could breathe normally. He stumbled a few feet down the exterior wall of Kakashi’s apartment and then stopped. He couldn’t go any further, his legs kept threatening to give out, he was wheezing and gasping for breath and his mind was spinning with possibilities and doubt.

He stopped and leaned against the wall and let himself slide down the smooth surface. Sitting huddled against the wall he looked down at the book Kakashi had given him. The first thing he noticed was the picture. On the cover, there was a picture of two men one on his knees bound tightly with bright red rope knotted and looped in intricate patterns. He was sucking the other man’s cock and Sasuke could barely see the tip of a green vibrator where it was inserted in his ass.

The two of them were very striking and the bright colors splashed across the kneeling man’s pale skin was quite beautiful, but the thing that attracted Sasuke’s attention most was the look of total bliss on the bound man’s face. He’d been close to achieving that state when he’d been spread across Kakashi’s lap and he’d been both confused and aroused by it.

After studying the picture he finally glanced up at the title, [i]”Shibari: The Art of Rope Bondage.”[/i] Sasuke thought that all the blood in his body had already been pooling in his dick, but he’d been wrong. Reading the words and realizing what they meant sent a surge of heat throughout his body arousal pulsed with an intensity that would have taken him to his knees had he not already been on the floor.

A soft moan drifted out of slightly parted lips, and Sasuke spread his legs to relieve some of the pressure on his painfully engorged cock. Suddenly something in his brain snapped into place and all his confusion melted away. Now he knew what Kakashi wanted, and he realized that he wanted the same thing himself…[i]badly[/i].

A burst of adrenaline hit him just as hard as the arousal had and he scrambled to his feet. He had to act now, before he over-thought his descision and changed his mind. Before he thought about how painful or awkward this could end up, or how attatched to another person he might get.

He turned and made his way back down the hall and knocked on Kakashi’s door only some ten minutes after he left. After a few minutes, the door opened to reveal a confused and slightly wary looking Kakashi.

The older man lifted a brow at Sasuke’s presence.

Sasuke let a slow, sensual smirk creep over his features and then held up the book he’d been given. “Thanks for the reading material Sensei, but I’ve always been more of a hands on learner. Personally I think I’d look better in black rope rather than red, but I’m not sure what you’ve got on hand.”

Kakashi’s blue-gray eye darkened with every word that came out of Sasuke’s mouth and his expression became more predatory. By the end of Sasuke’s little speech the man looked downright feral. His voice was a harsh growl when he answered. “I’m inclined to agree with you, but I think we might need to try both to be sure.”

Sasuke’s smirk spread into a rather predatory grin of his own and his brow lifted at Kakashi’s suggestion. “Definitely.”

As Kakashi’s breathing hitched and he pushed himself away from the doorframe, Sasuke couldn’t help but feel grateful to his Hokage and his unusual choice of punishment.